Explain Children's TV Shows to me.

[TiggyD]

I work in childcare and need to keep up to date with children's TV shows so I know what the kids are on about. Please could you explain a show each in just one sentence. And please could somebody do Ben 10?!

eg,
Teletubbies:
4 coloured blobs with various antenae prance about life eating toast and custard aided by a possessed hoover.

Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom: Owen from Corrie is king of the fairies. Grandpa Pig is the Wise old Elf. Nanny Plum rocks. That's about it.

The Wiggles

4 old Australian blokes sing songs that make toddlers happy and adults cry. There are puppets. They add nothing. There is a pirate with a large feather that he pretends is a sword. His job is to be so fucking annoying that the 4 old Australian blokes actually seem reasonable.

The Lingo Show. Learn any language as long as it's Welsh.

nina and the neurons

nina dumbs down science for people who really want to learn while wearing waaaaay too much eyeshadow

Doc McStuffins: annoying child mends broken toys.

All Over The Place - bizarre road trip showing slices of life in USA, whilst parents wonder if Ed and Naomi are at it like rabbits off-camera.

Peter Rabbit: the memory of Beatrix Potter is trampled into a steaming pile of shit.

Rhyme Rocket: a rhyming dictionary is used by two people watching their acting career disappear down the toilet. And they take off at slightly different times. Just watch the countdown.

Get Well Soon:

A doctor, who specialises in puppet anatomy, is visited by various unaccompanied child puppets. If asked a question he asks a nurse to answer it. The nurse is unable to do so without the help of several human children who sing about throwing and catching a ball. Viewers start to feel itchy or otherwise ill after watching.

Andy's Wild Adventures - Fatima Whitbread presents Animal Park with a smaller budget.

Ben 10 Alien Force: fifteen-year-old rediscovers alien artifact at the bottom of his sock drawer and recommences battling bad guys without grandfather, road trip or any of the charm of the original series.

big cook little cook

2 jobbing actors who knew the floor manager pretend they know anything about food, one is shrunk (little) and the other is really camp big

the twist in the tale being that little cock cook small is taller than big cook in RL

Am I the only shameless bastard that lets them watch sky rather than cbeebies???

Dora the explorer - a 6 yr old who sings and says 'vanamos' a lot - there is a fox who swipes things.

Sophia the first - disney singing princess muck.

Jake and the neverland pirates - shameless peter pan spin off with singing pirates.

Ben and hollys little kingdom - elves and faries

Balamory: people do very ordinary things in very bright colours.

Nina and the Neurons - grown woman with pigtails over explains 'why bread goes mouldy'.

Ben 10 Ultimate Alien: fifteen-year-old embarks upon a quest to convince the viewer that, actually, Ben 10 Alien Force wasn't too bad, all things considered.

Sofia the First - Disney computer generated animation, stunningly demonstrates lack of understanding what monarchy involves.

Old Jack's Boat - Bernard Cribbens tells lovely stories in his lovely voice while wearing a jumper. Pretty much what he's been doing on BBC children's programming since the year dot.

The Koala Brothers

Animal antics in the outback.

The fight for fair representation of gay partnerships slips through the fingers after The Powers That Be decide this helpful charming couple are brothers not lovers.

Nuzzle and Scratch. Basically they're Alpacas from the Andes with hooves instead of handies.

the chuckle brothers

brothers re-enact old laurel and hardy sketches but wearing yellow slacks and loafers

Slightly off topic, but I can't watch Mike the Knight without hearing a MNers very apt description: "Mike the Knight is an entitled little shit".

I giggle every morning

Ben 10 Omniverse: freakishly animated sixteen-year-old makes you feel wistful for the occasional guest appearances that David McCallum would occasionally make in the previous series, interspersed with flashbacks to his eleven-year-old-self (the sixteen-year-old's eleven-year-old self, not David McCallum's, because that would be too interesting) just to remind you how much more fun the show used to be.