Explain Children's TV Shows to me.

[TiggyD]

I work in childcare and need to keep up to date with children's TV shows so I know what the kids are on about. Please could you explain a show each in just one sentence. And please could somebody do Ben 10?!

eg,
Teletubbies:
4 coloured blobs with various antenae prance about life eating toast and custard aided by a possessed hoover.

Miao Mao

Plasticine cats teach us that Italian budgets for kids' shows aren't high.

Tell me why

Descartes for Deschildren.

Roary the racing car

Peter Kaye voices a mechanic with grapes instead of hair.

Fucking brilliant thread

Tweenies

Annoying preschooler puppets go to daycare. Their parents are probably sahm/sahds who just can't cope with their shit anymore.

Mist, Sheepdog Tales: dogs on a farm on the Devon/Somerset borders talk in a variety of regional accents. Ducks, sheep, chickens and a seal also talk. One of the dogs loathes everyone else. The rest are out to please.

Big Barn Farm: like Mist, but with none of the charm or humour. The piglet will surely develop an eating disorder, as he is constantly being fed to make his mouth look like he is talking. Oddly for a Labrador, he wouldn't respond to the 'constant treats' regime, so they cgi-ed his chops. Freaky!

Wonderpets: real guinea pig who lives in a cartoon hamster cage teams up with a turtle and a duckling to moonlight as animal rescuers. They have a flying boat, a repertoire of songs and an unfailing belief in the power of teamwork.

Zingzillas

Evil is coming - bring musical instruments.

Mr Bloom's Nursery

Mummy's little treat.

piprabbit - my mistake, it is a windmill.

Loving these. This thread deserves to go in Classics.

Fimbles, defunked telly tubbies rip of with stripes.

Shaun the sheep - pure genius, guaranteed to cheer up anyone from 0-101

Peppa Pig

What your breakfast did before it was bacon.

My favourite:
Get Well Soon - 'Embarrassing Bodies' with puppets and songs!

My absolute detested least favourite:
Charley Bear - Some whiney killjoy twat tells tales on his teddy bear.

Zola, love the Fatima Whitbread comment.
Gwedoline, in short then they"re all bastards?!

How did I not know about Owen from Corrie and James Corden (now he is a smug bastard).

Can't offer much to this as have the most wondrous ability to look but not actually watch kids tv. It just doesn't go in (apart from Peppa Pig prob due to repetition like times tables as a kid).

Can I just throw Roary the Racing car in to the mix, how much must that programme cost.. Peter Kay, Murray Walker, Sir Stirling Moss

Special Agent Oso - Useless cunt.

Zingzillas - the hallucinations of a poor sloth at Whipsnade Zoo who has been slipped LSD by visiting school children.

Rhyme Rocket - the BBC's way of demonstrating to license payers that they really are trying to make budget stretch.

Jelly Jam - an animated representation of a nervous breakdown.

Justin's House - Noel's House Party for children

Dennis and Gnasher

Another crushing reminder that things just ain't what they used to be

Sarah and Duck- girl & duck have adventures with talking inanimate objects or tslking knitting done by their neighbour.
Total genius.
Our family favourite!

In the night garden.

Various characters run around the garden doing things such as chasing a ball, chasing a bed, chasing a life.

Iggle piggle: blue, annoying, often drunk and falls over at the first sign if trouble, surgically attached to red blanket.

Upsy daisy: hussy, likes to go round kissing iggle piggle very often. Inflates her skirt to dance and shows off her pants. Has a bed that follows her around. Need I say more?

Makka pakka: an anaemic turd looking character who has OCD with regards to collecting stones and washing things: people's faces, stones etc. He appears very lonely and ostracised from the iggle piggle/upsy daisy stuff.

Pontypines: two adults, eight children living in one room. Mrs pontypine a voyeur who watches everything through binoculars. No control over kids can often find one behind a tree and another in a plant pot.

Tombliboos: three annoying ones who lose their trousers at first sign of trouble, play music really badly and share a bed. Hmmmm.

The wottingers: who?

What is most worrying though is in my just woken up state when I saw what I thought was a children's show of big cock little cock

City of Friends - as crap as it sounds.

Mr Men - ten billion times more shit than you remember it being. Now with jazzy music, proper animation (which surely wasn't the point?) and politically-correct names. And American accents.

Roobarb and Custard - exactly the same as in the 80's. That's better!

Mr Moon - made it to bedtime, thank fuck for that!

Adventure Time: Finn and his dog do LSD and trip big time.

Sparkle, best description yet!

Tweenies: brightly coloured teratomas infiltrate children's daycare centre, and cause nightmares.

Mr Maker: boggle-eyed loon traps small people inside shape costumes then forces them to dance for his pleasure, whilst he mixes glue with paint, and colours in rubbish before it hits the bin.

Timmy Time: wee lamb goes to nursery with his friends, and not much happens, but it does so delightfully.

Pingu: anarchy at the South Pole!

Tree Fu Tom: fuck knows.