House rules I forgot to make.

[CadleCrap]

Don't comb the soap.

Don't lever the cats' mouths open to make them eat your lunch. They don't like pineapple.

No, their bottoms don't like pineapple either.

Don't hit people with the baby Jesus (from the wooden Nativity scene).

Don't post all glow stick inside the sewing machine.

No lemonade unless Mummy & Daddy are drinking booze.

Glue is not suncream and shouldn't be slathered all over your body, and all your little friends.

Mummy's work laptop must not be mistaken for a wiifit platform. It does not respond well to step aerobics, and neither does the IT manager.

REGOLE DI CASA / HOUSE RULES :

1. don't use mummys lipstick to paint your toes. Don't use mummys nail varnish to paint your lips.

2.Don't fish your poo out the toilet and keep in my best tupperware ' to show daddy later'.

1. don't make playdough pizzas in mummys bed.

1. avoid filling kettle with soil and trying to cook it !

arghhhhhhhh

Do not tell the bus driver you know how babies are made, and that because your mummy has had 3 babies in her tummy her and daddy have done "the sexy" only 3 times :-S

These made my day :D

Don't repeat Mummy's PIN number out loud to the whole street as she types it in at the cash machine

Don't use the whole roll of toilet paper in one go

If you are going to play Anagrams on the train, make sure you are not going through Newark
(I witnessed this rule being broken - the entire carriage was in silent hysterics on hearing "Daddy is there a word "**nker"?)

You can't have tomato ketchup with tomato soup (though mayonnaise is fine)

Do not microwave your little brother's baby monitor.
Pirates only ever wear one eyepatch.

Do not beautifully colour yourself in with Black Permanent Marker and announce proudly "Look, Mummy, Batman" because it will take days to come off and we will get funny looks in the supermarket. (DS)

Do not climb on the chair arm and slide down the standard lamp with cries of "Fireman Sam". (DS)

Your brick trolley does not need to be washed in the washing up bowl - especially when you have washed it several times that week already. (DD)

Do not touch the washing machine - especially do not work out how to release the childproof lock on the washing machine and flood the kitchen. (DD)

Dog bowl is not a potty.

Don't spit yoghurt at your twin sister.

A lot of these are really good! Although worrying of what I might have to put up with.

Please don't torpedo my tampons into the shower whilst I'm in there. Or at all.

Or run around with them in your mouth (thankfully they were out the cupboard and not the bin!)

Please don't drag your cousin round the living room by her top. It's not nice.

Or push her over when she's standing next to the sofa. She's only just learnt to stand and will fall over.

Leave the winding to us. You'll hurt her back.

And stop calling a lot of guys daddy. Half of them look scared!