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Original poster

House rules I forgot to make.

413 replies

CadleCrap · 28/04/2013 09:23

Don't comb the soap. Hmm

OP posts:
Fiderer · 02/05/2013 08:18

Do not walk around watching Hanna Montana videos on my laptop and walk into a door and drop and break my laptop.

Do not use superglue while making your 900th origami creation because you cannot find the bright red stick of glue on the kitchen table because the kitchen table is covered with another 400 origami creations and then with supergluey fingers touch the screen of my Kindle Fire on which you have been watching Hanna Montana videos since the death of my laptop.

Pinkyorkbunny · 02/05/2013 09:37

Never say in earshot of your DCs "this room is not big enough to swing a cat in"

I was only 3 at the time, poor kitten

Still18atheart · 02/05/2013 09:57

Loo roll is only to be usedfor toilet situations. Nothing else

Don't break dads decanter with the whiskey still in and glasses, then blame it on the dog. Saying that he had seen a rabbit, gone berserk and ran into the table as he was so excited

VictorianDaddy · 03/05/2013 11:52

Do not lower the toilet seat when Daddy is mid-wee.

It is mummy who likes to do pelvic floor exercises.

SexyDragonStarlet · 03/05/2013 13:28

Don't put the smallest piece of Lego you can find up your nose and necessitate a trip to A&E
Don't ask me to smell your poo's everytime you do one to see if it's stinkier than the last.
Even if DD is potty training I do not need photos of poos in her potty sent to me when I am out and about (looking at you Mother!)
Don't keep putting your hand down my cleavage!

sandy1969 · 03/05/2013 13:59

If you are a girl, you do not wee like a boy does, standing over the toilet.

Brams · 03/05/2013 14:09

Standing up poo! Grin Bending over sister too! Poor girl. Grin Utterly brilliant!

cressetmama · 03/05/2013 14:25

Do not fire BB guns at screens; that means not at the TV, nor mum's laptop.

Brams · 03/05/2013 14:31

Oh dear, oh dear, I am laughing so much it hurts and both cats have left the house in terror at snorts, honks and squawks.

We had sanitary pads with wings used to "decorate" windows, which was retrievable, but I hadn't noticed the one on the tv screen until too late as I showed visitor into living room. Blush

Classic please!

StealthOfficialCrispTester · 03/05/2013 14:31

Do not flash at the police!

KurriKurri · 03/05/2013 14:43

For my dog

If I choke on a hob nob, do not rush over to me like a bat out of hell and bark hysterically in my face.This is not a recognised first aid procedure.
Learn the Heimlich manoeuvre or leave me alone.

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 03/05/2013 14:45

Do not stick your sisters wand up the end of your penis then stand there swinging it back and forth like some sort of bad taste pendulum.

He is 5 and the penis obsession shows no signs if ending!

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 03/05/2013 14:46

oh and Wee duels are not fun! Why they both decide they need to wee at the same time, with DD sitting down and DS standing up, screaming at each other that " MY WEE DEFEATED YOUR WEE"

DeepRedBetty · 03/05/2013 14:47

Don't put peas up your nose.

Wynrush · 03/05/2013 20:15

Poos are limited to 1 per person when we are getting ready for school/work in the morning. This enables mum to be able to get in the bathroom and actually get washed!

amazingmumof6 · 03/05/2013 20:37

no need to tell me to not eat your willy, I wasn't planning to do so anyway...

do not look at people and say "fat" (even if that is one of the only 5 words you can say at the age of 28 months)

do not put your hands in my top and pull it down to reveal my bra - especially in church.

do not force my eyelids apart in the morning followed by a cheery "Mummy, you are awake!" (actually that is rather sweet...)

amazingmumof6 · 03/05/2013 20:38

do not repeat any swear words, ever.

amazingmumof6 · 03/05/2013 20:44

do not clean the toilet bowl with my tooth brush

sexydragon "Don't ask me to smell your poo's everytime you do one to see if it's stinkier than the last."

can I top this?

do not try to smell your sister's poo every time and then check the texture with your finger when I look away!
and if you menage, do not wipe it on my pillow!

orangeandemons · 03/05/2013 21:07

To dd then age 2.

Please make sure you urinate before trying on Mummy's brand new unworn shoes.

Theyoniwayisnorthwards · 03/05/2013 21:15

Do not lick the seat on the tube
Do not put stickers on your baby brother's head
Do not tell the lady in the que behind us that Mummy does her poo in the toilet

PipkinsPal · 03/05/2013 21:22

So glad I read some of these. Now I know that it is normal for children to lick cars and metal poles that hold up canopies in shopping centres and stick fingers up cat's bums etc because my 2 year old niece does this too.

accordiongirl · 03/05/2013 22:26

No sitting on your sister's imaginary dog

accordiongirl · 03/05/2013 22:31

Do not eat fox poo

educatingarti · 03/05/2013 22:34

Do not keep telling your little sister that you have let her imaginary dog off the lead and now he has run away!

Zigster · 03/05/2013 22:56

Rule 1) When you are first in the bath and your brother is next, do not wee in the bath.
Rule 2) Rule 1 still applies when you have got out of the bath and your brother has got in.