Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

House rules I forgot to make.

413 replies

CadleCrap · 28/04/2013 09:23

Don't comb the soap. Hmm

OP posts:
TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 06/05/2013 08:47

The dishwasher is not a climbing frame. If you swing on the top tray it will break.

The fire guard is not a climbing frame either. You are only 14 months and I like your neck unbroken, thanks.

Stop tipping the dog's water bowl over! I have to let him drink out of it sometimes or he will get dehydrated.

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs · 07/05/2013 22:20

Further to the earlier rule of Do NOT wash your hair with juice...

Do not 'ceeen' MUMMY'S freshly washed hair with your juice.

Do NOT 'ceeen' the table with juice. It does not make the table clean, it makes it sticky.

Do NOT squirt your fruit squeezer up your trouser legs. Just DON'T!

And don't then squirt your fruit squeezer in your ear. Or your nose.

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs · 07/05/2013 22:22

Also :

Do not pull Mummy towards you for a kiss by her hair. While you might be saying 'aaaaah' because you like kisses, Mummy is saying 'aaaaah' rather louder because it friffing HURTS!!

Shaky · 07/05/2013 22:23

Do NOT stand on snails to make them into slugs Sad

idonthaveone · 07/05/2013 22:33

Don't swallow the ball bearing so we ALL have to go to the hospital you will beep when the nurse puts the wand on your tummy

MrsPoglesWood · 07/05/2013 22:47

Do not take my lovely Lakeland flour sieve round to your mate's to fish the insects out of the hot tub because he forgot to put the cover on overnight. It is not his hot tub. It belongs to his parents. The party is up to him and them. I don't care if your girlfriend doesn't like insects in the hot tub. Please pay for your own insect removal implements.

Shaky · 07/05/2013 22:48

Do NOT put peas up your nose, you are supposed to eat them, not snort them

Zipitydooda · 07/05/2013 23:10

Don't store lego people in the fridge ice dispenser; people don't like them in their drinks

Don't try to tickle your baby brother's willy with your toes whilst in the bath

Don't wipe your snot on the wallpaper

Don't 'accidentally' shoot our neighbour with the hose spray.

Shaky · 07/05/2013 23:45

ARF at Lego people ice cubes, I would love that! ( as long as they have not previously been inserted into child"s nose)

Bogeyface · 08/05/2013 01:26

Note to self: Do not allow your mother to retire to spend time with your father who retired early due to health issues. It was only spending time apart that stopped them killing each other.

mrssprout · 08/05/2013 02:50

Oh the memories .......
Beads do not go in your ear....or your nose
Poo does not belong in the holes in the duplo bricks.......or on the window, carpet, bed, walls, your hair, your face or body
You do not need to cry when I am trying to wash the poo off you at 5am...I need to cry !

TeaMakesItAllPossible · 08/05/2013 14:58

Yesterday's new one .... we don't put potatoes in the toilet

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs · 08/05/2013 18:16

Another new one : Do NOT attempt to eat your fruit squeezer through your eyeball. It will hurt. And do not act as if I am to blame for your eye being sore when you tried to eat your fruit squeezer through it.

MickeyTheShortOne · 09/05/2013 16:55

this thread is hysterical Grin but also quite frightening! the future does not look good for the dog....Confused

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs · 10/05/2013 00:35

Yet another new one :

Don't roll over to lick the sofa whilst you are having your nappy changed. In fact, don't lick the sofa at all.

He is 2y3mo, not 6mo!

amazingmumof6 · 13/05/2013 18:57

teamakesit or sausages. especially at the age of 6 - just WTF????

and a minor one - please don't start planning your birthday party the day after your birthday, I really don't want to hear how you and your friends are thinking of going camping on your own for a weekend just before Christmas - you will be only 7 and I just can't keep telling you for the next 364 days why it is not going to happen.

scarecrow22 · 14/05/2013 19:22

for toddler

kind as you are please do not feed frozen peas to you 2 week old brother

it's nice to want to help those in need. but do not offer the charity shop your baby brother to sell

for my MiL

children who wear nappies are not mature enough to decide they do not want their nappy changed for six hours. Especially when they have pooed nit just once but twice.

if you undermine my parenting by getting a child out of bed before 6am it I'd not acceptable to allow them.to come into my room

NotAnotherPackedLunch · 18/05/2013 19:13

Don't do the splits with no pants on. We don't want to see it all.

Doughnutmaestro · 20/05/2013 20:55

Don't push your willy all the way inside
Don't pull your willy by the foreskin as far as you can
Both make daddy want to cry
Don't sit on the toilet for ages not doing anything then stand and pee in the bath within seconds of getting off!

Bogeyface · 20/05/2013 21:57

Please do not look at the pictures in tesco and then shriek "NOOO!!!!! NO PEPPA!!!!" when I am putting a chicken in the trolley.

Its not Peppa ok? We dont eat Peppa in our house, and even if we did, just dont!

And anyway, Peppa looks nothing like a sillouhette of a pig that you get on pork products, so dont freak me out please!

amazingmumof6 · 21/05/2013 12:15

we do not wash disposable nappies.

do not sneak orange crayons in the tumble dryer. ever. definitely not with white clothes in it.

amazingmumof6 · 21/05/2013 13:16

seriously, never ever ever wash a didposaple nappy! EVER!

I have had to re-wash entire load, but everything is still cover with nappy fibres. on verge of Sad just hoping tumble dryer will get rid of "bearding"

Bogeyface · 21/05/2013 14:00

I did that once amazing I think its a right of passage, we all have to do it at least once in our parenting career :o

Runningonempty222 · 21/05/2013 18:56

You do not need to strip naked to do a pooh everytime and when I point this out (when you are aged 8) and you reply that everyone is unique please don't be offended by my laughter!

amazingmumof6 · 21/05/2013 21:08

bogeyface I'm happy to report that t dryer sorted it. phew