I can't claim any further benefits because of husbands income, but i dont have access to his money

[Worriedmum029337]

Im sure this is a common situation and I know the government can't really do anything about it or help. But just because you are married does not mean that everyone's finances are shared out.

I have found myself disabled and unable to carry on working. I have been able to claim new style esa which is roughly £350 a month. This is because I've paid enough national insurance for past 2 years but they will only pay me for 12 months. Im halfway through that time and yet to even have to medical assessment which if passed would mean its indefinitely at roughly £550 a month. Ive heard its very hard to pass this assessment tho.
In addition to this I have been awarded pip. Full mobility and lower daily life which is £603 per month. In total I am currently getting £953 roughly per month. I am grateful for this but this does not cover my Outgoings and will also end in 6 months if i dont pass the medical assessment.

I cannot apply for universal credit top up because I am married. My husband earns ok but he keeps all of his money for himself after paying his side of the bills. I don't have access to his money and he won't give me any access. Meaning I am getting in debt by a minimum of 500 a month. My mum has been helping me when she can but cant give me that all the time.

I am thinking about separating from my husband as I would actually be better off financially by a long way!!

Women are always the ones to suffer in these situations. It doesnt matter if your married to millionaire , you may not have access to that money.

Im starting to feel like I am going to have to go back to work regardless even though I am in agony daily and its a degenerative condition

You’re married to a prick. Divorce him.

First reply nails it.

Look after Self Interest as no one else will.

His half of the bills? Is he expecting you to pay for your own personal bills or the mortgage/house/ etc.

If his name is on them and you can’t afford to pay them then you can’t afford to pay them. What would he do if you didn’t? He’s liable too.

He’s a prick and you should divorce him though.

Marriage should be about supporting your loved one. Ensuring they are ok. Looking after each other.

Have you tried to speak to him about it? Although I wouldnt want to be without someone who couldn't see i needed their support.

Not nice

He needs to give you access to money.
To me the point of being married is you share finances but I know not everyone agrees with that though.
If he refuses then personally I would divorce him.
How on earth can someone who is meant to love you deny you money? It's cruel.

So he pays the bills and you get £900+ a month via benefits in ‘personal money’ which doesn’t cover your outgoings?

What are your outgoings? How much does he earn? How much are the bills?

You need to divorce him.

What did your husband say when you told him you’re getting into debt to the tune of £500 a month? Is he happy for you to go back to work despite being in pain?
Leave him. And not just because it’ll mean you’re better off financially.

Your husband is financially abusing you and it’s not normal.

This is financial abuse. Get out.

Hold up. He’s an ‘ok’ earner according to her, and pays all the bills. We don’t know how much he is left with after - if it’s, say, £1,000, would it be fair for him to split it 50:50 with her and she gets her £900 benefits in addition to that? Let’s hear the facts.

You have my full sympathy. Just because you’re dating a man that doesn’t mean he’s going to share his money with you but you’re expected by everyone to give up your income? I was in a similar situation and accused of fraud so you have my sympathy not that it helps much

i really feel for you in this situation.

The government assumes that the income in a marriage is joint, I’m a husband and would agree with that entirely, there isn’t, and shouldn’t be a concept of my money and your money where one is much better off than the other.

I’m sorry, but if your husband is putting you in a place where you are not able to survive financially, it’s abusive.

She said he pays his side of the bills.

presumably they have a 50:50 or similar arrangement and he is paying only his half.

What are your outgoings, do you pay towards the mortgage and bills, who pays for the food, household upkeep? Most people would have a joint account for this, is there a reason he won't give you access to his money.

Op the issue here is your partner is financially abusing you and is forcing you into debt. If you are married then your money is the shared family pot. He cannot expect you to contribute equally when you are not earning equally. So his contribution to the bills should be an equitable percentage based off the difference in your incomes. If he earns 10x more than you he should be paying 10x more percentage of the bills.

If he won't do this then divorce him absolutely. Speak to womens aid about the financial abuse and get as much evidence of proof of his earnings as possible especially if he's self employed.

The benefits system is not the problem here- your husband is.

He only pays half the bills doesn't he? Have I misread?

He's financially abusing you, and you absolutely should divorce him.

Oh right I didn’t catch that bit.

Ideally all money should go into 1 pot, all bills come out, a chunk for savings then split the rest.

Stop paying your half of the bills. Just tell him you can't afford to do so anymore.

OP said he pays his SHARE of the bills, not all of them.

The bills are household bills, not individual bills. So if OP doesn't pay, her DH will have to pay the full amount. I would do this.

I read it as he pays his "share" of the bills.

As someone else said, this is financial abuse.

Go over to the relationships board and look at the links for organisations you can talk to without judgement.