I can't claim any further benefits because of husbands income, but i dont have access to his money

[Worriedmum029337]

Im sure this is a common situation and I know the government can't really do anything about it or help. But just because you are married does not mean that everyone's finances are shared out.

I have found myself disabled and unable to carry on working. I have been able to claim new style esa which is roughly £350 a month. This is because I've paid enough national insurance for past 2 years but they will only pay me for 12 months. Im halfway through that time and yet to even have to medical assessment which if passed would mean its indefinitely at roughly £550 a month. Ive heard its very hard to pass this assessment tho.
In addition to this I have been awarded pip. Full mobility and lower daily life which is £603 per month. In total I am currently getting £953 roughly per month. I am grateful for this but this does not cover my Outgoings and will also end in 6 months if i dont pass the medical assessment.

I cannot apply for universal credit top up because I am married. My husband earns ok but he keeps all of his money for himself after paying his side of the bills. I don't have access to his money and he won't give me any access. Meaning I am getting in debt by a minimum of 500 a month. My mum has been helping me when she can but cant give me that all the time.

I am thinking about separating from my husband as I would actually be better off financially by a long way!!

Women are always the ones to suffer in these situations. It doesnt matter if your married to millionaire , you may not have access to that money.

Im starting to feel like I am going to have to go back to work regardless even though I am in agony daily and its a degenerative condition

But if the bills are in his name then he has to pay if she doesn't. If OP just says I can't pay as I have no money and I'm not going into debt. What's he going to do about it? Threaten divorce? That would be a brilliant idea anyway.

Firstly, he sounds financially abusive, if you are married you should be sharing the pot. Speak to womens aid and make a plan to leave him.

Secondly, what are all your outgoings? Is the whole 900 going just on bills? If so perhaps you need to monitor your electric/ gas/ water ect usage as you are either very heavy users or there is some debt on the bill or you are been overcharged. Sometimes electric and gas companies overcharge on a DDebit to allow the build up of credit - you can phone and reduce this charge. If you are heavy users due to medical equipment, you need to speak to the companies as they have special allowances for people who need medical equipment plugged in in order to maintain quality of life. What other outgoings do you have that can be reduced? Are you servicing debt at high repayment costs. If so speak to step change or CAB about how to consolidate those debts into manageable amounts in line with your income.

Been £500 in debt each month is not sustainable. There needs to be a serious conversation about outgoings here.

Your outgoings are 1.5 a month with your debt, what are you having to pay for and what does he pay for.

LTB

Not a great position to be in. On the plus side you've been awarded PIP though.

You're going to have to sit him down and explain that the situation is untenable and that, very soon, you won't be able to pay your bills and that you have to have a different arrangement. You don't have any choice.

In the meantime look into local housing, speak to CAB and possibly a solicitor - if it comes to it divorce may be one of your very few options..

We pay 50% of the bills each. My income barely covers the bills and nothing else whatsoever.

My husband wants me to work , he doesnt want me not working as I've lost half of my income now .
All the bills are in my name . I was the one that set them all up as I do all of the house admin. Other than council tax which is joint

When he says he's paying his half does this mean he is also:

Paying half of childcare/ children's general costs for school (uniform, school meals, school trips, school shoes, random donation days ect)? Or are these coming out of your pot?

Is his half also covering the cost of clothing and feeding your children (guessing they are joint children)? Does his half of the bills cover the family food shop? Or is the food shop coming out of your pot?

Does his half also cover any activities the children do that cost money?

If these are coming out of your pot then you need to either ask for his half or come up with a joint pot these expenses come out of.

I would hope it's not a common situation in marriages - what happened to for richer for poorer? If someone doesn't want to share they should not get married.

Speak to your husband he can share his money now or you can both share half your assets and liabilities including pensions in a divorce.

It's a very sad situation. I would be mortified to ask my parents to help support me because my husband was a tight selfish arse so my vote is for divorce.

This sort of thing happens when people get married without an agreement that all household finances are shared , leave your husband is the answer . Frankly who would want to be living with someone who won’t support them when they are ill / disabled .

He "wants" you to work when you are ill.
The bills are in your name.
Tell him to leave.
Tosser.

The thing is they’re not dating though. They are not even just in a serious relationship. They are actually married so the system has a reasonable expectation they will support each other.

Taxpayers money shouldn’t be propping up financially abusive husbands or wives to continue as they are.

And it would be a mess if everyone was allowed to just claim their spouse wasn’t giving them money, so they needed benefits calculated as if they were single.

If he is not supporting his wife as he should then the answer is to leave him - and she may be better off financially anyway!

Get out OP. Even if he suddenly becomes a decent person financially I'll bet my last penny that he is abusing you in other ways.

Leave before he really breaks you.

Classic financial abuse. One bill with his name on it - you’re liable for the rest. Does he know you’re spiralling into debt? Have you sat down and discussed finances? I suspect he’s reluctant to do so and holds onto his money apart from his ‘share’ of bills. Having been married to someone who did similar I urge you to get out. You’ll financially be better off and more in control. You will just get deeper and deeper into debt and he sure as sh*t won’t help you. Cut your ties and kick him out.

this arrangement is not part of a healthy marriage. The faster you file for divorce, the less debt you will accumulate.

He is financially abusive and controlling, please see help to separate from him.

She said he pays his side of the bills, not all of the bills, leaving the OP with bills to cover. She is being financially abused and im not sure if you mean to come across as snide, but you do.

It's not a common situation because most husbands wouldn't do this.
I wouldn't stay with a man who treated me like this.

I was once married to a man who refused to contribute and would keep all of his earnings for himself (not even contributing to bills). I didn't have enough to manage on my own but because of his income, I couldn't claim anything.
I split with him and was far better off financially afterwards

Edited for typos

He’s trying to force you back into work by not supporting you.
I’d get rid. He does not have your back. This is not in sickness and in health.

He's financially abusing you and also a disgusting excuse for a husband.

LTB.

I agree with you of course it couldn’t work economically or administratively for everyone to just say their husband isn’t sharing. But I’m just saying I’ve been on the end of this including people making malicious reports and spreading rumours about me apparently commiting fraud.
I remember seeing a woman arrested for fraud because she went on holiday and posted photos online with her children and their father who she’d separated from. My parents divorced but used to do days out together for us kids even post divorce. People in the comments were baying for this woman’s blood like she’d killed someone

He saw your coming. First get his name on bills as well so he’s liable for them esp household one

why would you stay with Someone like this. Who shows you no love or support

LTB.
I’ve been on here for a long time, but this is my first ever LTB.
You’re unable to work but he won’t support you? He expects you to work even though you can’t? It’s not just financial abuse, it’s cruelty. He shows you no love or care.
Please seek professional advice and get away from this selfish, cruel prick of a man.

You'd be better off more than financially. You wouldn't be married to a financially abusive dickhead. Divorce him ASAP.

Someone who loves and respects you would never treat you this way. All the best OP, and I hope for you that means LTB