I can't claim any further benefits because of husbands income, but i dont have access to his money

[Worriedmum029337]

Im sure this is a common situation and I know the government can't really do anything about it or help. But just because you are married does not mean that everyone's finances are shared out.

I have found myself disabled and unable to carry on working. I have been able to claim new style esa which is roughly £350 a month. This is because I've paid enough national insurance for past 2 years but they will only pay me for 12 months. Im halfway through that time and yet to even have to medical assessment which if passed would mean its indefinitely at roughly £550 a month. Ive heard its very hard to pass this assessment tho.
In addition to this I have been awarded pip. Full mobility and lower daily life which is £603 per month. In total I am currently getting £953 roughly per month. I am grateful for this but this does not cover my Outgoings and will also end in 6 months if i dont pass the medical assessment.

I cannot apply for universal credit top up because I am married. My husband earns ok but he keeps all of his money for himself after paying his side of the bills. I don't have access to his money and he won't give me any access. Meaning I am getting in debt by a minimum of 500 a month. My mum has been helping me when she can but cant give me that all the time.

I am thinking about separating from my husband as I would actually be better off financially by a long way!!

Women are always the ones to suffer in these situations. It doesnt matter if your married to millionaire , you may not have access to that money.

Im starting to feel like I am going to have to go back to work regardless even though I am in agony daily and its a degenerative condition

@Worriedmum029337
Think about this: If you were in full health and still working FT, and your DH took ill and his income was down dramatically.... would you step up and cover the household expenses?

I'm pretty certain you would. So why are you tolerating being treated like this? You aren't lazy... you are ill. I'm sure you would go back to work in the future if your were physically capable.

I wouldn't even entertain a conversation with him about how he needs to step up. I'd go straight to womens aid and a solicitor but he isn't showing you any love!

FFS... a normal person would give your neighbour a few bob if you had it and they were ill and you could help. But he won't pay more towards the bills and the children's Costs?

OP you have my full sympathy i also became disabled a few years ago and fully understand the financial shock this can cause.
Firstly is your house bought or rented if its rented and he leaves you will get help with rent and ct.
Secondly no man who loves you would treat you like this i hope you can sort this out .

Despite how you've both previously dealt with money and paying bills, you're his wife and you're either a team and totally there for eachother or not. If my DH couldn't pay for something, I'd see it as my problem as much as his as it would have a knock on effect.

How does he treat you generally? Are you in a good relationship? If so, try talking to him, get him to realise the situation you're in. If you get nowhere, might be worth speaking to somewhere like Citizens Advice (others might be able to come up with other options) and get a feel of how you could move forward, what your rights are as his wife - you're obviously getting benefits which I guess are meant to help support your disability, not just pay the bills. Longterm, if you're not together, you might be able to claim against him as a dependent.

I think the thing is OP when you write 'i have been so much better off, ican rest which helps my pain levels massively. I don't want to go back to work' maybe he isn't thinking you working is a choice you are making? Maybe he isn't understanding the impact of your illness? I guess you passing the medical assessment may help him understand more.

Also bear in mind it's also an adjustment for him too- he will be the only one with a paid job. If you pass the medical you will get £1100 per month - so his income won't be the only source of money into the family. But it will put increased pressure on him as now your joint financial future relies on him being successful in his xareer- whereas this responsibility was jointly shared before.

You pay more for the kids because you’re with them more? There is absolutely no logic behind this. They’re your joint children who you both created and have to take responsibility for. You saying you pay more towards them because you spend more time with them is absolutely baffling logic.

Red flag 🚩 from the start when he wouldn’t share “his” money! Should’ve not married him or divorced quickly!

All those saying " leave him " where on earth do you expect her to go and how ?
She is disabled apparenty.
The poster suggesting she get on " the housing list and get a litle bungalow " HA HA HA !! Thats a ridiculous idea.
The housing list doesnt work like that. There are no houses. She would be making herself intentionally homeless and they wouyld have no obligation to help.
At bes she would be in temporary accomodation for a long time !

I would suggest you just tell him you physically dont have the money. As a PP has said, what is he going to do if you cant produce it ?
Kick you out, no its your house
Stop paying the mortgae and bills, no that would harm him too.
I suggest he either accepts the reality and supports you ( FYI 900 a month in benefits is actually a lot of money ) or you file for divorce and claim half the house. Then you can move and get single persons beneft support from the goverment and your half of the divorce.

You cant just claim more.
Call his bluff, and if he explodes then your marriage is over anyway as he is a cunt.

I'm sorry, he's vile and you need to LTB. You know you'll be better off in the long run, once you're no longer being financially abused.

You need to leave him because if you can’t rely
on the person you married ‘in sickness and in health’ then, what is the point @Worriedmum029337 ? The government thinks he should be helping financially and so dos everyone else.

But WHY is it the government’s responsibility to pay for your poor choice of partner exactly? No one is denying he is withholding funds from you, but you have failed to provide an explanation as to why it is the government’s responsibility to sort it out for you?

It is a reasonable expectation by law that members of the same household support each other financially. You can’t have multiple members of the same household getting the same level of benefits as multiple single people in separate households would. There has to be some level of understanding that you are part of the same household, have shared costs and can share finances. Otherwise you will have situations where people use benefits for betterment.

This!!

This is financial abuse. https://survivingeconomicabuse.org

Pip is for your personal needs.
A marriage is about caring and sharing.
I seriously don't know how you put up with this.
This is classed as abuse too.
Too many women putting up with so much that is just wrong.
Can you go live with your Mum n start divorce proceedings?.( If you get those PIP payments you are more than likely to get the extra ESA).

You can't afford to pay half the bills. Stop doing that.

But yes it sounds as if you need to split from him. Does he know it's on the cards?

You are in a financially abusive marriage-that’s not the fault of the benefits system. You have agency, use it.

You are married, all money is shared. I would tell him this and if no change divorce him. What a horrible abusive man.

What sort of husband is this that doesn't support his wife!

when my husband was unemployed we got no type of support and we had two children. They took MY wage as just over the threshold for him claim.

Also, your current income is my state pension (after 6 year delay, thank you to the government, my husband’s pensions had to fund both of us when I became ill) and that’s it, no top ups.

What happened to ‘for richer for poorer’ ? Did he miss that bit out from his wedding vows? What a total moron!

If you can show UC you're estranged but living under the same roof you can claim it as a single person.

You’re being financially abused and you can claim UC whilst still being married and in the same home - start talking to a domestic abuse charity, and get their support to put in a claim

Read the OP, he pays his side of the bills. Stop being nasty, if you’ve nothing helpful to say then don’t say it.

No he doesn’t “pay the bills” that’s the whole issue!!

Getting into debt by 500 a month is not realistic, so if you really can’t work and he’s not willing to support you then you have no choice but to split up. I don’t think this is the fault of the government and I fully support the policy of using household income to determine benefits, it’s not for the taxpayer to support your husband’s desire for his income not to drop. A marriage is about supporting one another so if he’s not willing to do that then you have no marriage.

How can your husband expect you to work if you are now disabled and cannot work?

You're being financially abused. Your husband is an incredibly selfish man. Please get some advice and leave him.