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Original poster

I can't claim any further benefits because of husbands income, but i dont have access to his money

356 replies

Worriedmum029337 · 23/01/2026 14:18

Im sure this is a common situation and I know the government can't really do anything about it or help. But just because you are married does not mean that everyone's finances are shared out.

I have found myself disabled and unable to carry on working. I have been able to claim new style esa which is roughly £350 a month. This is because I've paid enough national insurance for past 2 years but they will only pay me for 12 months. Im halfway through that time and yet to even have to medical assessment which if passed would mean its indefinitely at roughly £550 a month. Ive heard its very hard to pass this assessment tho.
In addition to this I have been awarded pip. Full mobility and lower daily life which is £603 per month. In total I am currently getting £953 roughly per month. I am grateful for this but this does not cover my Outgoings and will also end in 6 months if i dont pass the medical assessment.

I cannot apply for universal credit top up because I am married. My husband earns ok but he keeps all of his money for himself after paying his side of the bills. I don't have access to his money and he won't give me any access. Meaning I am getting in debt by a minimum of 500 a month. My mum has been helping me when she can but cant give me that all the time.

I am thinking about separating from my husband as I would actually be better off financially by a long way!!

Women are always the ones to suffer in these situations. It doesnt matter if your married to millionaire , you may not have access to that money.

Im starting to feel like I am going to have to go back to work regardless even though I am in agony daily and its a degenerative condition

OP posts:
REDB99 · 23/01/2026 16:17

So the tax payer needs to fund your selfish husband’s choices? And you’re thinking of getting divorced to get more money from the tax payer instead of ensuring you’re part of an actual marriage? This is not the tax payer’s responsibility - it’s yours.

Viviennemary · 23/01/2026 16:18

WallaceinAnderland · 23/01/2026 14:26

Stop paying your half of the bills. Just tell him you can't afford to do so anymore.

Yes. There is only two choices available. Either stop paying his half or leave.

BeWiseTurtle · 23/01/2026 16:18

I would leave him, I would at least have expected him to put some extra into the pot temporarily whilst you come to terms with your diagnosis and find your baseline.

I don’t think I’d accept my partner deciding never to work again though, can you look for a different job? Less hours, less physical work, wfh etc? I have colleagues who are in pain on a daily basis and they have adjustments made for them to enable them to continue to work. One colleague has adjustments in place that allow them to work 25 hours from home, at any point during the week. Previously they were off work sick on a monthly basis, but now they manage really well.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/01/2026 16:18

You need to divorce, which you suggest. How old are your children, can you care for them by yourself despite your health conditions, do you have family or friends you can speak to?

FeetupTvon · 23/01/2026 16:18

So you’re in debt, whilst your husband keeps his money to himself? That’s not a marriage or a partnership.

RedToothBrush · 23/01/2026 16:19

This is financial abuse.

If you are unable to work he has to fill in the gaps. This is the point of being married.

3luckystars · 23/01/2026 16:19

REDB99 · 23/01/2026 16:17

So the tax payer needs to fund your selfish husband’s choices? And you’re thinking of getting divorced to get more money from the tax payer instead of ensuring you’re part of an actual marriage? This is not the tax payer’s responsibility - it’s yours.

That’s short and unsweet!

I hope the op is realising the same thing now.

NewYearSameYou · 23/01/2026 16:20

See a divorce lawyer. Take your share of the family savings and pensions.

inigomontoyahwillcox · 23/01/2026 16:20

You need to be contributing proportionally to the bills based on your individual income. Your husband is a twat of the highest order.

itsthetea · 23/01/2026 16:21

Divorce him and you get much more it seems

but there seems to be some disconnect - he thinks you can work full time and you think you will
never work again ?

I can understand him being scared and stressed at the thought of a life with a totally disabled dependent and if he thinks work is possible then for him it’s a real nightmare he is living in

LittlePetitePsychopath · 23/01/2026 16:22

So he doesn't agree that you are disabled enough to not work; or he doesn't care. Neither of those suggest that this is a particularly loving relationship...

Have you worked out how much UC you'd be entitled to without him? Your starting calculation would be £1278 a month for you and three kids, a little bit more if your first was born before April 2017. Housing would be added to that but they don't pay mortgages, so if you own, you'd not get more for that - you'd just have more of a work allowance, which won't help if you're not earning.

You won't qualify for childcare support if you're a single parent, even if you get awarded LCWRA - that includes both the 85% back from UC or the funded hours.

Some capital can be disregarded if you're looking to buy within 6 months, but that might be challenging without income, if you'd need a mortgage. If a divorce left you with more than £6k in savings, you'd have a small deduction, tapered up to £16k, when UC would stop entirely. You'd be able to reclaim once it was under £16k, but you'd need to be mindful of deprivation of assets.

Crazydoglady1980 · 23/01/2026 16:23

You need to leave, he is financially abusing you. Your PIP is supposed to pay for things like taxis or equipment that you need so you can meet your daily living needs. The fact he is expecting you to pay for your half of the bills with this is crazy, when it sounds like he could afford to pay more.
can you cut your outgoings at all?

RedToothBrush · 23/01/2026 16:23

REDB99 · 23/01/2026 16:17

So the tax payer needs to fund your selfish husband’s choices? And you’re thinking of getting divorced to get more money from the tax payer instead of ensuring you’re part of an actual marriage? This is not the tax payer’s responsibility - it’s yours.

If she's being financially abused then actually she should divorce him even if this means she becomes reliant on the state. That is what the state is for - helping people unable to support themselves.

Her husband is an abusive prick for not doing the in sickness but if the vows.

It makes no sense for the OP to get into debt if he can help her financially. Husbands don't do this if the root cause is disability. If it were gambling or a shopping addiction, fair enough... It's simply financial abuse.

CraverSpud · 23/01/2026 16:24

Startrekkeruniverse · 23/01/2026 14:20

You’re married to a prick. Divorce him.

Couldn't agree more

ScholesPanda · 23/01/2026 16:27

I do think it can take time for someone to adjust to a new reality- if he was imagining financial security as a couple, and now you can't earn and all the pressure is on him, it takes time to get used to that.

However, the reality is he needs to support you or you need to split.

YellowPixie · 23/01/2026 16:28

My husband earns ok but he keeps all of his money for himself after paying his side of the bills. I don't have access to his money and he won't give me any access.

The Benefits system is not there to sort out your dysfunctional relationship.

YourWiseSheep · 23/01/2026 16:31

It sounds like your husband thinks you are well enough to work. Would you be able to work full time?

PardonMe3 · 23/01/2026 16:33

Startrekkeruniverse · 23/01/2026 14:20

You’re married to a prick. Divorce him.

This.

Soontobesingles · 23/01/2026 16:36

Worriedmum029337 · 23/01/2026 14:18

Im sure this is a common situation and I know the government can't really do anything about it or help. But just because you are married does not mean that everyone's finances are shared out.

I have found myself disabled and unable to carry on working. I have been able to claim new style esa which is roughly £350 a month. This is because I've paid enough national insurance for past 2 years but they will only pay me for 12 months. Im halfway through that time and yet to even have to medical assessment which if passed would mean its indefinitely at roughly £550 a month. Ive heard its very hard to pass this assessment tho.
In addition to this I have been awarded pip. Full mobility and lower daily life which is £603 per month. In total I am currently getting £953 roughly per month. I am grateful for this but this does not cover my Outgoings and will also end in 6 months if i dont pass the medical assessment.

I cannot apply for universal credit top up because I am married. My husband earns ok but he keeps all of his money for himself after paying his side of the bills. I don't have access to his money and he won't give me any access. Meaning I am getting in debt by a minimum of 500 a month. My mum has been helping me when she can but cant give me that all the time.

I am thinking about separating from my husband as I would actually be better off financially by a long way!!

Women are always the ones to suffer in these situations. It doesnt matter if your married to millionaire , you may not have access to that money.

Im starting to feel like I am going to have to go back to work regardless even though I am in agony daily and its a degenerative condition

Divorce him and take half. Then he’ll see.

Anyahyacinth · 23/01/2026 16:36

ThrowingDi · 23/01/2026 15:58

But WHY is it the government’s responsibility to pay for your poor choice of partner exactly? No one is denying he is withholding funds from you, but you have failed to provide an explanation as to why it is the government’s responsibility to sort it out for you?

It is a reasonable expectation by law that members of the same household support each other financially. You can’t have multiple members of the same household getting the same level of benefits as multiple single people in separate households would. There has to be some level of understanding that you are part of the same household, have shared costs and can share finances. Otherwise you will have situations where people use benefits for betterment.

This is allied to the ridiculous claim that young people 18-21 need less support because they all have loving families with the financial capacity to support them….it’s ridiculous blithe Victorian nonsense…that harms many. The idea that families are all perfect and supportive should NOT be a presumption of the system and costs society FAR more in the long term..than a properly funded, equitable system of support.

CostOfLoving · 23/01/2026 16:37

@LittlePetitePsychopath
You won't qualify for childcare support if you're a single parent, even if you get awarded LCWRA - that includes both the 85% back from UC or the funded hours.

What?! Why not? Because she's not working? In which case she won't need it. Or is there some mad rule against single parents?

Artsyjojo · 23/01/2026 16:39

REDB99 · 23/01/2026 16:17

So the tax payer needs to fund your selfish husband’s choices? And you’re thinking of getting divorced to get more money from the tax payer instead of ensuring you’re part of an actual marriage? This is not the tax payer’s responsibility - it’s yours.

Wow you are a ray of sunshine 🙄

Anyahyacinth · 23/01/2026 16:40

itsthetea · 23/01/2026 16:21

Divorce him and you get much more it seems

but there seems to be some disconnect - he thinks you can work full time and you think you will
never work again ?

I can understand him being scared and stressed at the thought of a life with a totally disabled dependent and if he thinks work is possible then for him it’s a real nightmare he is living in

A nightmare? It’s a possibility for anyone that they may fall ill…this is normal human life. The husband is being inhuman

CostOfLoving · 23/01/2026 16:40

@Anyahyacinth
The idea that families are all perfect and supportive should NOT be a presumption of the system and costs society FAR more in the long term..than a properly funded, equitable system of support.

It would hardly be equitable to have people struggling alone on the same money as someone who can share rent and bills.

CandiedPrincess · 23/01/2026 16:41

When I finished work he presumed it would be temporary but I have been so much better being off , I can rest which helps my pain levels massively. I dont want to go back to work

But could you work? I'm not saying he's right by the way, just asking the question.