I can't claim any further benefits because of husbands income, but i dont have access to his money

[Worriedmum029337]

Im sure this is a common situation and I know the government can't really do anything about it or help. But just because you are married does not mean that everyone's finances are shared out.

I have found myself disabled and unable to carry on working. I have been able to claim new style esa which is roughly £350 a month. This is because I've paid enough national insurance for past 2 years but they will only pay me for 12 months. Im halfway through that time and yet to even have to medical assessment which if passed would mean its indefinitely at roughly £550 a month. Ive heard its very hard to pass this assessment tho.
In addition to this I have been awarded pip. Full mobility and lower daily life which is £603 per month. In total I am currently getting £953 roughly per month. I am grateful for this but this does not cover my Outgoings and will also end in 6 months if i dont pass the medical assessment.

I cannot apply for universal credit top up because I am married. My husband earns ok but he keeps all of his money for himself after paying his side of the bills. I don't have access to his money and he won't give me any access. Meaning I am getting in debt by a minimum of 500 a month. My mum has been helping me when she can but cant give me that all the time.

I am thinking about separating from my husband as I would actually be better off financially by a long way!!

Women are always the ones to suffer in these situations. It doesnt matter if your married to millionaire , you may not have access to that money.

Im starting to feel like I am going to have to go back to work regardless even though I am in agony daily and its a degenerative condition

“His share of the bills” needs to increase if your income has decreased.

Also, how selfish of him. Marriage is meant to be a partnership.

You are being finacially abused .
Call women's aid for help.

What sort of abusive cunt wants to make their recently disabled wife work to earn their share of the household bills? He should be supporting you and reassuring you that he can take care of you and your family. That's what decent men do. You should not be getting yourself into debt because he is financially abusive. You need to speak to someone if you can. Woman's Aid if you can get hold of them.

This is abuse op. You need to divorce him for his uncaring attitude, never mind his financial abuse. You’ll be better off financially and mentally. I’m so sorry you are going through this, I can’t believe some people can be so uncaring and selfish to their partners.

Speak to citizens advice or similar

I cant believe you have children with this man and dont have joint finances. That you are recently disabled and he won't share 'his' money with you.
As others have said- have a frank conversation with him about tge 'family finances' remind him that when it comes to divorce everything- including pension savings (and inheritances) is seen as a joint pot. There is no 'yours' and 'mine'.
I also agree with PP that it's not the states job to give you more money because your husband wont support you.
Good luck
Maybe you can transition to Part time work - PIP payments are not affected by working.

Contact women’s aid, this is financial & coercive abuse.

from Google pattern of actions, including intimidation, threats, isolation, and control, used by one person to exert power and control over another, making the victim feel inferior, dependent, and trapped, often within intimate or family relationships, and it's a criminal offense in some places like England and Wales. It involves a range of tactics like controlling finances, monitoring activities, limiting contact, humiliating, threatening harm (including pets, family, or self), and undermining independence, leading to serious distress and fear.

Your situation is nothing to do with your being a woman, it is to do with being in an unequal partnership and there’s nothing the government can do about that. It’s up to you. We used to promise to support each other in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer. If your DP is not prepared to do that when you need him then you will have to ditch him.
You might like to try asking what his expectations would be should he be the one to fall ill but I don’t supposed that will result in any Damascene conversion.

The government is not responsible for the fact you are married to a prick. Why would you want to stay with him if the government increased your benefits. He’s not really a prince among men is he.

You might as well get divorced. You're not really married if money is separate anyway.

This is financial abuse, divorce him. Due you your disability/reduced ability to work you will likely get more than 50% of marital assets (including his savings)

He’s financially abusing you!!! Separate and you can claim UC

Ah but I see you have said " I dont WANT to go back to work "
That is very different to I cant. Can you honestly not do any work at all even with adjustments ? If no then you need to re-assess your relationship.
I would be very sad to be married to a partner that ended up disabled and not able to work. He doesnt HAVE to suppport you although thousands would im sure. It is up to him whether he wishes to support you, but if he's opting out of the marriage now then you need to divorce and you will have to suppport yourself.
How will you do that ?

Would all those talking about taxpayers' money and the disabled OP needing to support herself, she's choosing not to work etc please form an orderly queue over there with the abusive prick H. No wonder he think he can get away with this sort of shit when you see the attitudes on this thread.

For telling someone to be responsible and sort their marriage out before claiming more from the tax payer? Not exactly a ‘sunshine’ topic but if the OP hasn’t had the backbone to ensure the finances are fair in her marriage it’s her responsibility to do that now instead of looking for more from the tax payer.

Oh so cause he won’t pay, we all have to. Sorry divorce him.

She literally said " I dont want to go back to work " and thats fine if she feels that she CANT, but equally he doesnt have to support her.
He has to divorce her and give her what she is entitled too in that case.
No one HAS to support anyone but neither does he have to behave like a prick.
So he either supports her or says, no that doesnt work for me and they divorce.

Financial abuse.

Remember the starting point for finance split in divorce is 50/50 and that is 50% of everything including his pension the house equity and any savings and investments he has in his name, your name or joint names. Even designer watches and clothing is included as well as cars and furniture and anything you both own individually or jointly.

Everything is assessed and valued and a price tag attached to everything. Those price tags are all added up and divided by 2 as a starter.

Do you have children, length of marriage etc are all factors in working out percentages.

There are certain things that individuals can retain under their control and are not part of the “marital assets” eg lottery winnings if they are kept in the winners sole bank or savings account.
However if part or all of the winnings have been used to pay off the mortgage on the marital home, or in any shape or form been used by the spouse of the winner then that amount is considered as part of the marital assets

He will find that keeping his money from you is going to cost him more in the long run

Wouldn’t say anything atm but I would be getting copies/photos of any investments, savings and pension accounts and his wage slips. Then go see a good divorce solicitor for a free 30 minutes to see where you stand financially and explaining the abuse and also call Women’s Aid and explain about the financial abuse. They also have solicitors that could help you.
I would see a few solicitors to get an overall view of the situation
Also if you have been to any of these companies, it is possible that they would then have to refuse to be your dh’s solicitor as it could be perceived as a conflict of interest.

I wouldn’t say a word to him or anyone about divorce (not even your mother) until you have everything in place and want to go full steam ahead

Don’t alert him to hiding any money before you have the proof of the amount in the account. Keep any bits of paper you have scribbled stuff down on (even a solicitors telephone number away from him.

When I lived with my ex I earned twice what he did, so I paid double what he paid on bills. If either of our incomes had changed, we’d have changed the ratio. Surely this is the fairest way to do it? But it sounds to me OP as if your husband doesn’t think you’re as disabled as you say you are, which is a whole different issue.

Why should he support her not to work when she could ?

Nailed it

If he’s ok with these circumstances for you, he’s not much of a partner, sorry

Sorry to hear about your situation, and although many are saying divorce him, it really isnt that easy, if shes struggling with bills how will she afford divorce, costs to find a house and move etc? Unfortunately financial abuse is very common, you aren't alone and it's extremely difficult to prove, which is why those who do it carry on.

Unfortunately benefits stance is it's household money, and I 'think' it's possible to get them to split the payments into both your accounts but I don't think they are that invested in what happens with the money.

I would try and squirrel away what you can with the intention of leaving when it is affordable.

Your husband is a prick. Your only option is to tell him he either pays a proportionate amount of money or you take half his money through divorce. Get your ducks in a row, photocopy any bank statements, information on assets etc and file for divorce. He’s no husband if he wants his disabled wife to be in agony working rather than support you. What happened to in sickness and in health?!

Exactly. His behaviour is despicable. No other word for it really.