I can't claim any further benefits because of husbands income, but i dont have access to his money

[Worriedmum029337]

Im sure this is a common situation and I know the government can't really do anything about it or help. But just because you are married does not mean that everyone's finances are shared out.

I have found myself disabled and unable to carry on working. I have been able to claim new style esa which is roughly £350 a month. This is because I've paid enough national insurance for past 2 years but they will only pay me for 12 months. Im halfway through that time and yet to even have to medical assessment which if passed would mean its indefinitely at roughly £550 a month. Ive heard its very hard to pass this assessment tho.
In addition to this I have been awarded pip. Full mobility and lower daily life which is £603 per month. In total I am currently getting £953 roughly per month. I am grateful for this but this does not cover my Outgoings and will also end in 6 months if i dont pass the medical assessment.

I cannot apply for universal credit top up because I am married. My husband earns ok but he keeps all of his money for himself after paying his side of the bills. I don't have access to his money and he won't give me any access. Meaning I am getting in debt by a minimum of 500 a month. My mum has been helping me when she can but cant give me that all the time.

I am thinking about separating from my husband as I would actually be better off financially by a long way!!

Women are always the ones to suffer in these situations. It doesnt matter if your married to millionaire , you may not have access to that money.

Im starting to feel like I am going to have to go back to work regardless even though I am in agony daily and its a degenerative condition

"In sickness and in health. For richer and for poorer."

He's not at all keeping up his end of the bargain. I'd never usually support divorce but, in this case, LTB and take him for half he's worth. Good luck.

Dear God woman, LEAVE him. You will be so much better off, financially and emotionally and mentally. I bet he doesn't lift a finger to do fuck-all around the house either.

File for divorce, and get on the housing list for a little bungalow for yourself.

This reminds me of many years ago - pre 1990s, when quite a number of the men I knew kept their money to themselves, gave their wife/the mother of their children a pittance, and spent HIS money on golf, fishing, cycling, cars, booze, other women, fancy clothes, etc etc. SHE got fuckall barely, but still did absolutely everything around the house, and did all the childcare/grunt work/wifework!

He did nothing, and never lifted a finger to 'help' look after thde children HE helped to create. In the end many of the women ended up getting a job so they would have some money of their own, and didn't have to go cap in hand to him. Many of these marriages have now ended, or they live virtually separate lives. I know you can very likely not work though OP, so I guess this isn't an option for you....

Anyway, to see this still going on (men keeping all the family money) in 2026 in horrendous.

Wishing you well @Worriedmum029337 PLEASE do not stay with this man.

.

Anyone who would see their disabled husband or wife in debt whilst they hoard their money deserves to be divorced. I’m glad the government system is making you wake up to how financially abusive this is.

The problem is not that you can't claim more. The problem is your husband is a prick.

Yup, leave him.

Bills should be proportionate to income in this situation if you don't pool money. So if you earn £1k/ month and he warns £3k/ month, you pay 25%, he pays 75%. Or you agree how much "fun money" you each want and everything else goes to household aims (bills but also savings etc).

Surely marriage is the agreement that all household costs and income are shared. It’s right there in the vows. Anyone not prepared to share is breaking those vows in exactly the same way they would if they had an affair.

Whilst they will initially pursue the person whose name is on the bills, utilities are a joint liability for those living at the property. He might want to be aware that thr person they will pursue is the one most likely to be able to pay and that it will impact his credit score too if in debt and esp if there is a ccj. In the event of divorce debts will be looked at as part of any financial settlement. I would work out your finances and be clear what os affordable. And yes there is a massive imbalance in men leaving when a wife gets a disability compared to women who are more willing to support and become carer.

Your husband is an absolute bastard I’m afraid to say. My DH is now on ESA and is unable to work at all, possibly permanently. His £360 monthly ESA goes into our joint account where all our household expenses and savings come out of, and we each take £250 a month from the same account for personal spending. He spends his on LPs I spend mine on clothes! I would not for one second dream of him having to ask his mother for a loan to pay half our bills! In fact, when his mother died, he chose to split his small inheritance equally between us and insisted it went into our own individual accounts.

Yes, well, you want to work but you are disabled and in pain, ffs. Would he actually rather you literally killed yourself working?

Don't answer that.

Your husband is a dick. LTB

No you haven’t!

You seem to be focusing ob the wrong issue in this situation. The Gov is the issue here, your abusive prick of a husband is.

You are married, you’re meant to be a team and in this thing called life together.

The way he’s treating you is not how you treat someone that you love, respect or even like.

Contact women’s aid and get some help in realising what you’re married to.

What kind of husband stands by while his disabled wife gets into debt? Have you reminded him of his marriage vows?

You are in an untenable position and something will need to change.
PIP is in payment, it is to cover the additional cost of being ill/disabled, it is paid to you.
ESA is being paid because you meet the contribution requirements but is only paid for so long. It is paid to you.
Any other benefits to cover low/no income are based on a household not you as an individual and your household income is too high. DWP, rightly, assume joint finances within a couple.
As the issue is that you husband will not ‘share’ his income with you then you are stuck and need to do something before you use up any savings or get into debt. You really only have two options as you are not fit to return to work. He changes his stance or you become a separate household.
From what you have said he is unlikely to change as he doesn’t seem able to accept that you are unable to work. You should try however as being able to stay just now would at least give you breathing space.
Leaving will bring it’s own challenges as without an income you might not get a mortgage easily but am sure there will be sources of advice.

Do you actually want to stay married, OP? Why won't your husband share his finances with you? Because at the moment, it sounds like financial abuse. If that's the case, then you should leave. It will be hard, but you'll be better off.

Leave him. He's a wanker.

I actually end up paying for more of the day to day things for the kids etc as im the one that's mostly with them

But he pays for big purchases such as appliances ,house maintenance so he thinks that is fair.

Like I say he wants me in full time work as we have another 30 years of working life to go and he doesnt want our joint income to drop.

When I finished work he presumed it would be temporary but I have been so much better being off , I can rest which helps my pain levels massively. I dont want to go back to work

He doesn't pay all the bills. He pays HIS half of the bills. She pays the other half and clearly cannot afford it. She is in debt after paying her half and he has money leftover.

That's not how love works.

I know it's tough and that your husband is not helping, but you can't actually expect the government to pay you more because your husband is a prick. Your claim will obviously be classed as a household claim, they can't look at your individual circumstances. How could you even prove that your husband won't pay for your outgoings?

Husband only pays his side of the bills … I read it that she is still liable for her half

I hope you divorce him and get the rightful support you deserve! What a horrible man. Go on and have a happy, secure life. Sending well wishes for your health.

Why are you paying 50% when your salary is much lower?

No point being married to someone where the result is you end up worse off.

This is financial abuse which is actually a crime. You are considered one unit financially. Speak to women’s aid and the police, it will help you in the divorce to have his abuse recorded. And absolutely divorce him.

So you currently get £953 from the state and once you pass the medical you will get £1153 per month but this is £500 short - so 50% of your household bills are either 1453 pm or 1653 pm.

What do you think should happen?