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Original poster

Conflict with DH regarding my inheritance

487 replies

Handbaggez · 13/01/2026 23:26

Good evening all,

my mum passed away and we are about to receive our inheritance from their estate. This will be split equally between me and my two brothers. I get on extremely well with both of my brothers.

I want to forgo my share of the inheritance and have it split between my two brothers. They have both had it harder than I have and neither of them own their own property yet. I have been fortunate to be able to buy my own and we are now mortgage free and fairly comfortable financially.

DH strongly disagrees and says that we have to take our share of the inheritance. He feels that it’s my brother’s responsibility to sort themselves out. I’m disappointed by his attitude and I still really want to help my brother’s out by allowing them to have my share of the inheritance.

WWYD??

OP posts:

StarDolphins · 13/01/2026 23:48

In your position, I’d do the same as you! Or I might give them most of it and keep a bit back. Nothing to do with your DH, it’s from your mum to you so you’ll choose!

saraclara · 13/01/2026 23:50

BendicksAddict · 13/01/2026 23:40

OP not returned, and this could generate a lot of traffic. Is this for real?

It was only 14 minutes since the OP posted, when you typed that!

For goodness sake...

99bottlesofkombucha · 13/01/2026 23:51

we regard inheritances as family money. Can I ask are you comfortably off solely because of your great career and savvy financial management, or has your dh worked hard for it too? If he has, then I’d listen to his viewpoint or your marriage will be damaged.

your brothers may need support and/or bailing out later (financially, I’m not implying they are going to jail), and if you give them your inheritance your dh is unlikely to ever support giving them a penny of your shared funds or other practical support. Id keep the inheritance my mum left me and talk with my dh about perhaps putting some of it aside to support your brothers if needed?

saraclara · 13/01/2026 23:58

Handbaggez · 13/01/2026 23:26

Good evening all,

my mum passed away and we are about to receive our inheritance from their estate. This will be split equally between me and my two brothers. I get on extremely well with both of my brothers.

WWYD??

When he says "sort themselves out" is that an indication that they've not been financially sensible so far? Do they have themselves to blame to a degree, or were their hard times inflicted on them?

I'm in a similar situation. While I'm not wealthy, I have as much as I'll need for the time ahead of me, and my brother, through no fault of his own, is in a very different financial position. As it stands, after my late mum's estate is settled, it's possible that I will come out of it with more than him (it's a very complex situation, so in that sense different from yours). If that happens, I intend to remedy the situation.

If my brother had been careless or stupid with money, I'd be taking advice on how exactly to help, without it being flushed down the toilet.

FruAashild · 14/01/2026 00:02

Take your share as your Mum wanted unless you are many many times richer than them and the amount you are going to inherit is much less than you already have in assets. You don't know what's around the corner. I'd also take some time to look at why you don't think you are as deserving of inheriting as your brothers. What will the impact on your marriage and children of this decision?

FWIW I'd be furious if DH made this kind of decision unilaterally (he didn't, all inheritance on both sides has gone into the family pot), it's potentially the kind of thing that could end a marriage depending on the amounts involved. But whatever the amounts are you need to discuss it with your DH, marriage is at its heart a financial agreement and you should respect that.

Ariela · 14/01/2026 00:06

I would take your inheritance, and stuff it in a longish term saving for a bit of growth.
You can then retain the option to help your brothers out when you are older, if it is required. Or, say you and your DH get made redundant/you need private medical treatment - could be helpful to you?
I suspect that if they've to date not been good at sorting their finances they'd only blow any excess you give them.

Joliefolie · 14/01/2026 00:08

Personally if i were a mortgage-free homeowner and I thought my renting siblings would actually use what would have been my share to secure their futures, then I would do that. If I thought there was a risk they'd use it in a way I/my deceased parent would find irreponsible and unhelpful then I'd keep it in a high savings/investment fund with a view to doing something with it further down the line. That said, if your DH is firmly in line to inherit at least as much as you and can provide some sort of guarantee his inheritance will go into your joint pot, then you need to have a deep talk about it all. Either you are an equal team or you are not. If you are not, then it's up to you what you decide to do with your inheritance, but there's no need to rush into anything.

BdayQ · 14/01/2026 00:10

I did something similar and gave up my parent’s inheritance for family as DH and I were comfortable and would be comfortable in the future. Family needed it more than I, or so I thought…
Not a year later I found out ‘D’H had been unfaithful and we’re going through a divorce, which will leave me very much not comfortable anymore, with a bleak future likely ahead for me sadly.

ILs inheritance in the future will just go to exH and I’ll not see a bean.

patooties · 14/01/2026 00:16

If I was the DH and had been the major earner and or shared inheritances with the OP and financially supported her to work PT or be a SAHM I think I might be feeling a bit transactional and want that money in a family pot to take these pressure off me or to be able to retire sooner.
Too many variables - one of my siblings has decided that ‘we’ (the rest of the siblings) should give any inheritance to one sister - who, for reasons outside of her control, is having a really tough time. I am already giving them money every month and have been for some time (have also been putting money away into savings and ‘treat’ them to holidays etc) . I have not found it necessary to do a grand gesture as I will always see them right. That is what families do I suppose.

Queenoftartts · 14/01/2026 00:17

That would be a lovely selfless gesture for your brother's. It's your inheritance so your decision.

Gymnopedie · 14/01/2026 00:18

Hallywally · 13/01/2026 23:33

Nothing to do with your husband- tell him to butt out.

This and similar posts. If a woman wrote that her husband was due an inheritance but wanted to give it all away would that be the response? No, it would be about the family, money for the children. Very few posters would say it's his money and nothing to do with you.

OP when you say you are now financially comfortble, have you contributed at least equally to that comfort or has more of it come from your husband? If he has been paying more then I can see that he would be somewhat resentful and I wouldn't blame him.

OMGitsnotgood · 14/01/2026 00:20

What a lovely thought from you, at a time when you are grieving. So sorry for your loss. I agree with PPs that it’s not your DH’s decision.In your position, I would take the money initially. Then when the time is right, gift some of the money to your siblings in a controlled way. For example when they are ready to buy property, give them some money towards a deposit. Or if they need a car, give some money towards that. If you give tbem your share now, what’s to say they won’t spend it on things that won’t achieve what you are hoping for them. They could blow it all on holidays, designer clothes, and many other things you may not have thought about which you could be enjoying yourself.
Don’t make any rash decisions, bide your time

PickledElectricity · 14/01/2026 00:22

Sorry for your loss

There's a lot of information missing here to give an opinion, but I'd err on the side of respecting your mum's will and not making any decisions regarding what to do with the cash for at least a year.

Branleuse · 14/01/2026 00:31

I don't think you should just give your inheritance away. Your mum wanted you to have it. You're her precious daughter.
Depending on your brothers' circumstances, it might not even be in their best interests, and you don't know what is round the corner.

LancashireButterPie · 14/01/2026 00:31

You sound like a lovely person.
I think it very much depends on how much you would be giving them. If it's say £10k and that difference would top up their savings to afford a house deposit then I absolutely would.
If you are hoping they will have enough to buy outright then no I wouldn't.
The problem is you can't see into the future, what if DB marries a person you don't get on with or they then divorce and walk off with half of the house you helped to buy?
What if DB spends the money on something you disapprove of?
That said, it's not really up to your DH.

Endorewitch · 14/01/2026 00:32

A generous thought. I am sure the mum would trust her judgement. But be aware of inheritance tax etc if you give money away.
To those commenting that the brothers might blow it on expensive cars etc,I am sure the OP knows her brothers well.
My advice is set some up in a trust for your kids if you have them and then give the rest to your brothers.

Rora24 · 14/01/2026 00:33

I think it depends on a few things

-Do you have children? Do your brothers have children? If there are children, perhaps put the money into trusts for your own children and also nieces/nephews. If you don't have children, and never plan to, but do have nieces/nephews, perhaps bypass your brothers and put the money in an account for them to help with future study/house deposits. It could still lessen financial pressure for your brothers if they know there is some money set aside for their children.

-in terms of your husband having a say: who is the higher earner between you? Are you comfortable financially because of his contributions? If so, I can see why your husband might be put out if he's worked hard to be successful, your brothers haven't, then they get a chunk of money handed to them. Not that I want to make assumptions!

ReyRey12 · 14/01/2026 00:33

I have been fortunate to be able to buy my own and we are now mortgage free and fairly comfortable financially.

Fortunate in what way? Have you been lucky or have you had a job that is well paid? Have you paid majority of the house or your husband or 50/50?

If you're a high earner and bought the house then your husband has no say. But if your husband has used his inheritance to pay for the house then I can underysnd him being upset with you giving yours away etc.

RoamingToaster · 14/01/2026 00:40

Are your brothers sensible? Would splitting your third between them actually make much of a difference in what they can do?

OhcantthInkofaname · 14/01/2026 00:51

I would put the inheritance in a bank account solely in your name and sit on it for a year or two. Then decide what you will do with your inheritance.

MustardGlass · 14/01/2026 00:55

Do you have children?
If you do you should put in a trust for them
Does your husband earn and contribute more than you do?
If he does then you giving to your brothers seems like your husband is being taken advantage of.
I would be very unhappy if my husband gave away a large sum of money and I was working hard to make money for our future.

Cornishclio · 14/01/2026 01:01

I think that it is a nice idea and what you do with it depends very much on your financial situation and whether you have children. I think your DH gets a say as it is family money. What does he think you should do with it? If you are comfortable and mortgage free is that because you and DH earn a lot? If you separated would you still be financially secure?.If you have children are they provided for? I would not rush to forego your share tbh.

Gemstonebeach · 14/01/2026 01:06

I don’t know how the legal elements were sorted/what arrangements they have in place for maintenance etc but a friend used her inheritance to buy a house with her sister for her sister to live in, she is a part owner of the property. So she will get the money back one day when the house is sold but her sister has a home now. The sister is childless and I believe her share of the house would go to my friends children if she died.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/01/2026 01:08

OP not come back?

Bones101 · 14/01/2026 01:11

Your mom would want you to help them buy property and give it to them.

Still, a very selfless loving sister.

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