Conflict with DH regarding my inheritance

[Handbaggez]

Good evening all,

my mum passed away and we are about to receive our inheritance from their estate. This will be split equally between me and my two brothers. I get on extremely well with both of my brothers.

I want to forgo my share of the inheritance and have it split between my two brothers. They have both had it harder than I have and neither of them own their own property yet. I have been fortunate to be able to buy my own and we are now mortgage free and fairly comfortable financially.

DH strongly disagrees and says that we have to take our share of the inheritance. He feels that it’s my brother’s responsibility to sort themselves out. I’m disappointed by his attitude and I still really want to help my brother’s out by allowing them to have my share of the inheritance.

WWYD??

Completely agree. Your DH is very selfish and greedy.

Literally only a few hours in, not even 24hrs after the OP posted, and already you are moaning about no response from OP 🙄

Sure we all like an update, but some people post to actually gather info, not to have a running conversation….

How old are you?
do you have kids?

how old are your brothers?

If you have children, pass your share onto
them

has your husband inherited from his parents and did you benefit, or does he stand to?

Problem with this thread is that it created more questions than answers!!

Hi OP , I did this with my sister. My mum decided she wanted to pass her father’s inheritance down to my sister and I. It wasn’t life altering money but it sure would have been useful. My mum did go on a bit about how I had bought a house (with mortgage) and my sister had not. She certainly wanted to get a property and an earned a good salary, more than me. I agreed to give her my share. This was 13 years ago she still hasn’t bought a property earns a fantastic salary but the more she has the fancier more exclusive the property needs to be, she’s very particular. And so it’s always out of reach. The money is long gone on designer stuff, holidays and life style. I get on well with my sister , it’s not something I often think about these days but what I intended the money to be used for and honestly I think she thought at the time she would use it towards a deposit, didn’t happen. What I’m trying to say is that you give the money and you accept that your brothers might not make what you consider good decisions with that money. It will no longer be your business and you cannot be bitter about it if that’s the case as it could ruin your relationship and I sure your mum wouldn’t have wanted that.

Certainly has generated a lot of questions. It is the names and labels that have been thrown at the husband here that amaze me. His wife could be chucking away life changing money for all we know and he's a "shithead" and a "money grabber" and "controlling" for expressing some annoyance. In my profession, I am a massive advocate for women, having security, agency and a role in decision making that women have historically been side lined from. But some of the responses here are crazy.

Think about your future retirement. You may want to retire early (50s) with enough to fund a decent lifestyle.

Holidays and new kitchens can come out of income. Invest the money.

It didn’t sound as though she wanted to change her life through money but through kindness to others

some people are much more money oriented than others and it seems OP and her DH are different motivated , have different priorities

it’s not a right or wrong thing really - just different values and desires

Without more context it’s impossible to know

perhaps the brothers are losers who spent half their lives in prison and they have an expectation that their sister will bail them out

maybe her DH has seen the brothers manipulate her time and again

Maybe the brothers resent their sister as they think she feels she is better than them

there are many scenarios where giving the money to the brothers isn’t actually a kindness

It's your money and entirely up to you what you do with it

@Hummingbird10 that makes a terrific soundbite. I suppose the husband, who may or may not have flogged his guts out should postpone retirement with a smile? Or see the chance of financial security evaporate? Going down the "what's mine is mine" road leads to some undesirable outcomes, especially if he is the bigger earner/contributor.

Beware the possibility of tax on gifts over £3000 a year. It might be an idea to invest in eg ISAs and gift 3k annually.
You are very generous, your brothers are fortunate. Keep some to buy something nice to remember your Mum though? She would be proud of you.

I gave mine to one of my sisters. I didn’t need it. I think it’s fine. DH didn’t turn a hair

I’d love to see the replies if this was a man who wanted to give away his inheritance to his siblings snd his wife had no say in the matter.

Yes feckless siblings who are likely to waste /blow the hard earned/hard saved lot

Christ on a bike !

I wish threads where OPs drop and run would just be deleted.

Would your view be the same if your husband inherited a similar amount and decided to give it away?

Please don't. You really don't know what might happen in the future to your immediate family. Life can throw curve balls. You should take it just as your mum wanted. It doesn't stop you helping your brothers out further down the line if needed - but you should definitely take your share and put it somewhere in case you, your husband or your children need it.

I totally agree with your husband. Your mother wants you to share equally,thats what you should do.
Your brothers' lack of responsiblity in their lives is not for you to solve.

This! Or be capped at a certain amount of pages. It's pointless and a waste of time.

So @Handbaggez isn’t coming back ?

fwiw

take the money. Your mum wanted that

if you have kids don’t give any away

if you don’t and really feel strongly then give 25% to both and 50% for your family

you can’t take money back once given

you can always give some more in years to come if again feel that strongly

what age are you and brothers ?

U r fortunate that your mother made equal division fir u all.
U aren't responsible for how your brothers lives turned out so far
I think you should accept your third
U can always gift things to your brothers