Conflict with DH regarding my inheritance

[Handbaggez]

Good evening all,

my mum passed away and we are about to receive our inheritance from their estate. This will be split equally between me and my two brothers. I get on extremely well with both of my brothers.

I want to forgo my share of the inheritance and have it split between my two brothers. They have both had it harder than I have and neither of them own their own property yet. I have been fortunate to be able to buy my own and we are now mortgage free and fairly comfortable financially.

DH strongly disagrees and says that we have to take our share of the inheritance. He feels that it’s my brother’s responsibility to sort themselves out. I’m disappointed by his attitude and I still really want to help my brother’s out by allowing them to have my share of the inheritance.

WWYD??

I'd remind your husband that under the law, inheritance is not considered a marital asset.

In other words, it's your money, not his and you will do what the fuck you like with it.

That makes no sense, it's now her money and she can do as she sees fit. If she wants to help her brothers that's her right, and she can donate it all to charity or blow it on a vacation or whatever she wants.

You should get a job as a marriage councillor!

It makes perfect sense because the mum was of sound mind (presumably) when she made that decision (if she made a will).

Mum may have been of sound mind and split it equally because we've seen many posts on mumsnet where well to do siblings get upset because the inheritance was not split equally even though their siblings are less well to do.

Yes the fair thing was for mum to split it equally to avoid any resentments and issues, that has nothing to do with what OP chooses to do with the money once she gets it.

Sound mind or not, OP can do whatever she wants with the money once she gets it, it has nothing to do with sound mind or not. As I said she can splurge on an expensive holiday, give it to charity, or give it to her brothers if she thinks they need it more.

Because you inherit money through a will does not mean the person who left the money to you dictates what you do with it.

Speak to a solicitor as you can do a Deed of Variation before the proceeds of the estate are distributed. You could also ask the solicitor to set up a Trust to administer your share.

None of this is any of your husband's business.

Mum may have been of sound mind and split it equally because we've seen many posts on mumsnet where well to do siblings get upset because the inheritance was not split equally even though their siblings are less well to do.

I don’t know and neither do you. I think the best thing in these situations is to take these wishes at face value rather than making assumptions.

So sorry for your loss. While it's a nice idea, they will also be getting their own money which will help them. You could take your share then give them both an extra portion? You will have most bit gifting them extra, DH happy. Xxx

Only in a divorce of a long standing marriage. If she was in need of care and can't pay the fees, it's her money and splitting it would be deliberate deprivation of assets.

If OP is viewing it as her money, and therefore solely her decision what to do with it, why is she discussing it with her husband and why is she posting on here asking for advice?

Wow. So in theory, the guy works his tits off for years and years to provide prosperity. Nice house, aged 60, wants to retire but has 5 years in the mortgage so needs to carry on working. But his wife turns town a quarter of a mil that would allow him to retire? And that is nothing to do with him?

What happens if your circumstances change OP or do you have children who could benefit . I wouldn’t give your inheritance to others id follow the wishes of the deceased .

I would be upset if my DH did this. I’d like to think we’d at least talk about it together and come to a compromise.

Can’t believe we are still slugging this out - the OP’s provided no info and has not returned to the thread. I doubt they will be back now.

Presumably because he knows about it and is now having an opinion on it.

Such fantastic marriage guidance right there.

No it isn't. It's not his money. However hard he worked is totally irrelevant. He is not named as beneficiary in the will.

And the money isn't the OP's yet either as the estate has still to be distributed. The deceased did not leave some of their estate to the OP and OP's DH jointly, it was left solely to the OP, who is absolutely entitled to do with it whatever she pleases. If her DH is as much of an arsehole as the guy in your 'theory', my advice would be to divorce the shithead.

And who's to say that the 'guy' is the only one in the marriage to work his tits off for years and years? He has no right to expect someone else's inheritance to allow him to retire. It does not belong to him. Chances are that if the OP spent years as a stay at home parent looking after HIS dc, she won't have been able to either progress her career anywhere near as well has he has, nor been able to pay into her own pension so she can retire early.

You are entitled to your opinion of course, but you'll get short shrift on here.

Indeed - way to go to create trust and harmony in a marriage - can you imagine responses if this was a bloke posting .

I would compromise and gift them 1/4 each and keep half. Are you secure for your retirement?

Yep, as long as the money is kept separately in er name and not mixed with joint assets it’s hers alone. Splitting it wouldn’t be considered deliberate deprivation of assets for care purposes, unless she had a reasonable expectation that care would be needed at the time the money was given away.

That’s a lot of presumption.

It doesn’t have to be done before distribution. It can be done after. The limit for seed of variation is 2 years from date of death.

Not that I think she should do.

I have no idea what this means. OP is not contesting the will, she is simply saying she is thankful for the inheritance and will like to give it to her brothers, I don't get what sound mind or wishes has to do with it.

The will is legal and fine, OP has every right to do whatever she wants with the money. She can literally set it on fire and burn it of she wants (obviously that's stupid and wasteful) but my point is she can do what she wants with the money.

Mums wishes is the money is split three ways and that's fine and great, done. What they do with it after is their decisions not mum.

Actually I would have divorced my DH if he had come into an inheritance and gifted the money. It would have shown me where I was in the pecking order. That I counted for nothing. That he didn't want to make my life easier, or take me on a wonderful holiday, or even put the money away for a rainy day. I would wonder how he viewed me, if I was just a piece of furniture,not his life partner.

I am very close to my sister. We will both inherit 50/50 from my dad. I know for a fact that if one of us was in a more fortunate position than the other then we would do what you are considering (maybe keep some back for a really nice holiday in memory)

Posters saying why didn’t your mum just leave it to your brothers - I think being left out of your parents will could cause untold hurt, your idea is way better. Even if you don’t forgo all of your inheritance I think it’s a lovely idea to help out your brothers in any way you can.