Conflict with DH regarding my inheritance

[Handbaggez]

Good evening all,

my mum passed away and we are about to receive our inheritance from their estate. This will be split equally between me and my two brothers. I get on extremely well with both of my brothers.

I want to forgo my share of the inheritance and have it split between my two brothers. They have both had it harder than I have and neither of them own their own property yet. I have been fortunate to be able to buy my own and we are now mortgage free and fairly comfortable financially.

DH strongly disagrees and says that we have to take our share of the inheritance. He feels that it’s my brother’s responsibility to sort themselves out. I’m disappointed by his attitude and I still really want to help my brother’s out by allowing them to have my share of the inheritance.

WWYD??

Inheritance is legally regarded as a joint asset so j don’t agree with the it’s your money posts

Actually it’s not. If op put the money in an account solely in her name , then it’s her money. If it’s put in a joint account, then it becomes family money.

I am team husband. You are a partnership, if you have less money, the couple has less money, it needs to be a joint decision.

Is there compromise - could you gift some money to your DBs?

I would caveat with much more context is needed. How comfortable are you? Have you contributed equally/ more than DH to that? Are you set for life, i.e. both also have great private pensions & other income streams as well as your home? If you are truly loaded, I agree with your position.

That's not true.

Legally what you say is correct but what is morally ok will be different for each couple, depending on their understanding of what is shared financially. I would be so hurt if my DH received an inheritance and invested it just for himself after I've shared my pension lump sum with him and we've had joint finances for 40+ years. For other couples who have kept separate finances it would feel controlling if the husband tried to express an opinion.

I guess your Mum was totally aware of your brothers circumstances when she made the Will. If so, she took this in when making her decision how she wanted it split.

One thing to take into account is if either you or your husband has to give up work, or perhaps he passes away well before you. Can you afford to pay all your other bills from what will be a reduced income and savings for many years to come.

My husband had a stupid accident a month ago, and it's rocked our world and permanently reduced income. He was previously very healthy (extremely low cholesterol, blood pressure good, heart health good) and fairly fit.

It's up to you. Nothing to do with DH, he doesn't have a 'share' in the money.

Indeed, but like a previous poster said, paraphrased: Presumably OP wont come crying to DH when illness or injury prevent her from working and she cannot meet exactly 50% of the bills. Of if she suffers disability, she wont be asking the husband to adapt the house or pay for her care. Also, she wont be expecting a say in how DH spends any inheritance he may receive, or any PCLS from his pension.

My man had a very similar situation after his mum passed a few years ago. He wanted to spilt his share between his 2 siblings. They were (at the time) extremely close. He took his share and planned to gift them his share at Christmas. However, various things happened that showed his siblings in a whole new light. It became blindingly obvious that he would have swam an ocean to help them and they wouldn’t walk through a puddle for him. So what I’m saying is you don’t know what just around the corner and some decisions can’t be taken back

No I'm sure she won't if she's decided to donate her share.

And this is the template for a marriage?

Depends - has your husband always made more money than you, or at least most of the time? If I'd always been the one putting more money into a marriage / property and happily treating everything I earned as "ours" not "mine", and then the other person was, for the first time, in a position to make more of a contribution, and they just went, "nah, don't wanna - sorry darling, what's yours is ours but what's mine is mine". . . I'd be telling them to think again.

DH and I agree to keep our own inheritances. I've had a small one from my Aunty and one from my Mum equally shared between me and my 4 sisters, I gave my 3 DC £1k each, paid £5k towards a car for my youngest sister, then invested the rest of my share into a btl house which I've almost paid off and I shall be leaving it to my 2 dgs's. DH sadly will likely inherit jointly with his brother from his Mum in next year or so. It will be his to do as he pleases with.

I agree. It's up to you.

How do you know this? Op hasn’t said how she and her husband usually manage money. In my relationship all money belongs to both of us, wherever it comes from.

You are mortgage free. Do you have enough money in your retirement accounts and personal investments? If so - then give it to your brothers. If not - put it away in a long term interest account and don’t let your husband touch it so it is not considered a marital asset. You may need it when you get divorced.

She said the inheritance was left to her personally, not her and DH. She can choose to keep for herself, keep and share with DH or donate. He seems to think he has an automatic share.

Can he now do the same with his salary?

I haven't read the whole thread so I haven't seen anything about his salary and whether he has a personal account, a joint account or how they share the cost of bills etc. This is about her inheritance.

Hi @Handbaggez any chance of a bit more context?

How rich are you?

How old are you?

Are your retired or planning to retire?

How much money are you inheriting?

Has DH inherited? If so what did he do with it?

Have you and DH contributed equally in financial terms?

How badly are brothers doing?

Why are brothers doing badly?

How will your forfeit improve their lives materially, and what are the chances they will put it to good use?

Have you done some kind of cashflow modelling with your incomes, expected expenditure, any goals (i.e. a cruise, new car etc) that is stress tested for care needs and inflation etc. and the forfeit would have no material effect on these?

As may posts may have suggested (!) as a starting point I think you are out of order, but answers to these questions will provide the context to give better answers.

As I said previously, in my relationship all money is shared regardless of the source. Any inheritance left to either of us belongs to both of us. Op hasn’t not said how she and her Dh manage finances in their relationship.

We don't actually know that the Mum made a Will. All we know is that the three children got a third each; that could easily have been through intestacy.

In fact, all we know for certain is that OP stands to inherit something undefined and she hasn't bothered to come back to clarify anything else that people are reasonably asking to provide informed suggestions.

If the brothers are in receipt of benefits at all, then they would lose them if they have over a certain amount. It might not make a difference to their quality of life

That would be your choice. OP seems to have taken it as just hers if she's wanting to donate it. Will see what she says when she reappears.

Life isn't fair! But the sharing of inheritance should be! Do you have children? How wonderful to put your share into a trust for your children; as a deposit on their 1st home perhaps? I have 3x children - I could not imagine one being 'favoured' because of their own personal circumstances or life choices - it seems your mother felt the same! Take the inheritance with a glad heart, as was intended. Honour your mothers wishes.