emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels xxx

[EisAHandbagaHolic]

hi ladies
well i think its about time we had somewhere where we can all come to reflect on our lost angels and help us to move on towards the future and support eachother through the bumps in the road in the meantime
love and hugs to you all
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}
xx ei xx

well done Ei sparkly will need this thread when she comes out of hospital!
M/C is such a cruel experience to have to go through and regardless of how far along you get in your pregnancy the pain and suffering is bloody awlful. Lets hope that most girls who visit this thread will get the support that they need and eventually end up having successful pregnancies, and that includes you Mrs Ei xxxx

hello, im newly out of hospital after a mmc at 12 weeks, i had the d&c done (yesterday) on the day of what should of been my 12 week scan so its nice to come home to the support of all of you xxx

Ei You are a star to start this thread. And yes, it is much needed. Have to admit to still getting nasty flashbacks to my m/cs and not wanting to burden everyone with my moaning on the other thread. So nice to know there's somewhere I can off load without upsetting anyone else.

Barbie1 So sorry to hear of your experience. I sometimes think mmc are more cruel as you have no idea that anything is wrong. I hope you can take some time to rest and let yourself get strong again emotionally and mentally. I had a mmc in Nov 07 and a mc in Mar 08 and it took me a while to get my head back together again. When you feel like TTC then pop over to emmsy's TTC thread for some support. In the meantime, feel free to rant, cry or just lurk. But the main thing is that you are kind to yourself. xxxxxxxxxxx

EI Thank you for starting this lovely girl
Barbie So sorry to hear of your loss, you were on the March AN thread with me too, I too had an mm/c, one in Jan 08 and one in Aug 08, the first time was at 9 wks, this time round I had a scan at 7 wks and saw the HB but when we went for our dating scan the baby had died just after the first scan. It is a horrible horrible experience, but as Georgie said feel free to share with us at any time
Georgie Hello lovely, can't believe that in our little group so many of us have had m/c's, we must be such a special group it does bring it back to you when other experience it, but at least in here we can spill our guts and support each other!

In fact that is what I'd like to do today please? I have started letting insensitive comments get to me a little and feeling a little paranoid. I think the last straw was yesterday when a work colleague asked if I'd seen the new research on NK and the use of steroids for recurrent m/c, which was lovely that she had thought of me and I had no problem talking about it. But then she went on to say that in her day women had no idea that they had m/c as they had to miss 2/3 periods before they were confirmed as pg, therefore they just got on with it. I felt like she was saying that I shouldn't test, and then just treat it all like a late AF, although that doesn't work with my history of mm/c! I know what I should have replied to her but I just couldn't be bothered and now I keep thinking that everyone thinks that I am being over-sensitive or over-reacting. I was in tears this morning at work worrying over it. I know sometimes I think that if I had a DC already maybe I would deal better, it might take my mind off it but at the moment it feels like it's all consuming. God I feel better for putting it down.

ahh mollie you are most definitely not being oversensitive some people just dont realise just how much a well meaning comment can sting you should have said in her day they all thought the world was flat so things have changed since then!! {{{{{{hugs to you hun}}}}}}}}}
barbie so sorry about your MMC its just awful i had a (sort of) MMC in 02 as i mc and found out that my baby had died around 12 weeks and i was 14 weeks. this was a few days before i due my '12 week' scan i hope you find alot of support here xx {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}
georgie i have flashbacks of my first mc sometimes too so you are not alone in that i hope you are all ok
xx ei xx

Mollie For what it's worth, I have 2 DD's and I'm still obbsessed with having another baby. I think the problem is when you want something that much, it does tend to take over your life. As much as you don't want it to, because of the nature of getting pg (ie it's a complete crap shoot, and however hard you try you're still not guarnteed a 'win' at the end of the month) it does make it very difficult to just relax and get on with life. And on that note, I'm flippjg fed up of my pg friends telling me to relax and just go with the flow. Grrrrr.

Whatever your situation (kids or no kids), I think that when you suffer a mc it does shake you to your foundations. It makes you question all that you believe in and it makes you question your ability to be a woman. I certainly felt like an utter failure when I had both of mine. And because mc is usually unexplained it's even harder to come to terms with because as humans we need answers to enable us to accept what has happended won't happen again.

Just take comfort in the fact that there are like minded women on here that CAN empathise with your situation and experience. The world has moved on from her day. And thank god it has otherwise we'd have limited contraception, back street abortions and be treated like second class citizins. Big fat raspberry to her. We're in 2008 not 1968.

Here endth my rant!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh girls I really hope I didn't come across as meaning that it is worse for me as I don't have any LO's already
Thank you for your kind words, make's me realise that maybe I'm not going insane
Group hug x x x

hi molliemooma thought i recognised you from another thread, im sorry about your loss too...I thought it was me thinking that other people seem so insensitive towards me right now, telling me it wasnt really a baby that early on etc etc so im glad im not the only one feeling this way...Im feeling kind of weird today, lost almost...i keep searching the internet for answers but of course knowing that there isnt any. To top it all off we found out today that dh is going back to work (oil company) abroad for 3 and a half months in less then 4 weeks, so trying again wont be happening until at least 4 months down the line i feel everyone will be moving on, having good news and ill still be on here, oh my gosh i have just re read that and it seems like im really selfish, im not and i do hope you have good news soon...i just thought in an ideal world i could try again and have a baby by this time next year, wishful thinking eh? xxx

totally got side tracked with the above post...wasnt going to say any of that at all...what i was going to ask was did any of your hospitals arrange something for your babies? we are being offered a rememberance service in nov and a memory book in the local church....my main concern is that we arent from here and waht happens when we move back home, it will be like ive left him/her behind, its making me sad just thinking about it....any thoughts

Well done ei for starting this thread and the name is lovely. You are a little star!

Not sure I should be here due to my up the duffness, so hope you don't mind me crashing and in fact DP has told me to get out of the m/c threads as it upsets me but I wanted to let all you ladies know that you can rant as much as you want as far as I'm concerned on any thread.

Mollie I had a feeling you were having a hard time. I know it's a horrible cliche but its all going to take time so please don't be hard on yourself. You are definately not being over sensitive. TBH I have pretty much given up talking about my m/c's in most RL situations as people never say the right thing and I end up feeling uncomfortable. I keep it to very close friends and you guys.

Georgie Yes well meaning people make me savage - Relax and drink less coffee - Grrrrr

Which is why this thread is so important.

Barbie You will find much support here and cakes and tea/wine and ladies who will make you laugh and cry all at the same time

Mollie Darling girl, I wasn't implying that you had it worse because you don't have LO. Just trying to say tht I do have 2 DD's and I'm STILL obbsessed with having a baby! Doesn't matter if you have none or 6. If you want a baby, then you want a baby.

Barbie1 I wasn't offered anything after my mmc and ERPC. Just that f7cking awful mc leaflet they throw at you as you leave the hospital because they are too bloody busy to actually spend time with you. As for whether you will be leaving him/her behind. I think you will always carry a little of their spirit with you wherever you are. it's the memories that are important. A wise women once said to me that she 'sees' her m/c'd children as the angles that look over her living children. I just thought this was the most beautiful thing to believe in.

Actually, what do you tihnk to this? I think we should all promise not to worry about what everyone else thinks of our posts. If we're really going to get any benefit out of this thread then we all need to be secure enough to just let it rip. To tell it how we feel it without worrying about how we are going to be perceived by others. We've all been in the same boat. And we've prob all experienced the same emotions. So ladies, let's be brave and really scream and shout about the whole injustice of mc.

TeeHee Come on in anytime you need to. There will always be tissues, tea and sympathy should you need it. Oh and a healthy assortment of disgustingly calore laden cakes. .

barbie with my MCs i was barely offered medical advice so what a lovely gesture to be given a rememberance service etc dont worry about leaving your lost baby behind. everywhere i go i take my babies with me. it doesnt matter where i am i feel as if they are with me (does that make sense?? i know it sounds like a cheese-fest thing to say)
mollie dont feel like you have to apologise for anything you are feeling xx i have been in both camps and the way i felt about my first MC (pre-DD) is different to how i felt after my MCs post-DD. my first i felt like it must be something wrong with me why i couldnt keep my baby alive (i know thats something that you should never say out loud but i think here should be a place where we can all say what we think and how we feel) and with number 2 & 3 i still feel to a degree like it is a problem with me (and it might well be) but i now know that i have been able to carry and give birth to a beautiful baby so my feelings towards my MCs have changed as i can see what i have potentially lost. this in no way means that one loss is any worse or easier to deal with than any other for anybody iyswim but it is just a different experience for each person so its felt in a different way. i hope somewhere in my rambling some sense is hidden in there
teehee you have just as much right as any of us to be here so dont apologise
xx ei xx

Georgie I think that is a fantastic idea, let's just get it all out, it will be like one big counselling session.
We have nice comfy chairs and sofa's, plus the obligatory cakes of course
I like the angel idea, I dabble in spiritualism and their idea is that when you have an m/c usually that same child comes back next time, which is a comforting thought sometimes
Barbie I had shite comments like yours first time round, the head to one side and saying "Just think of it as a bunch of cells, that will make it easier dear" - How about I just punch you in the face dear!!!!
But I have to admit that when a not particularly close friend of mine had an m/c last year I'm sure I was one of those that actually said those horrible words - "isn't it better to lost it now than later on" OMG How insensitive was I! I could cringe when I think about it
TeeHee Makes no difference if you have a little bun in the oven, you have had the same experiences so you can share too chick x

EI X posts
I must admit I do feel like it's all my fault, especially when everyone says well at least you can conceive - oh so it's all my fault then DH can get me up the duff I just can't keep them alive! But when I think logically I know that it isn't really my fault as such, if there is something medically wrong then we'll deal with it (if we can) if it's not then again we'll either keep trying til we can't face it anymore and then kidnap a baby

wow georgie x-posted with you there and it looks like we are on the same page
xx ei xx

mollie x-posted with you there too
i feel that way exactly sometimes so even if its a taboo thing to say we have all probably thought it at some point so why not say it here with our comfy chairs and arse-expanding cream cakes
xx ei xx

Here! Here!

Mollie I know what you mean about feeling it's your fault. I think it's really hard to accept that we may have just been really unlucky and I think you get to the stage where you just think there are more reasons for it not to happen that for it to happen -iykwim? I do think that you can feel more positive again though. I feel so different this time than I did with pg no2 & 3 and I think the only difference is that I am stonger emotionally (that sounds cheesy!)

I think Georgie mentioned on another thread how she had a really hard time even after a few months (is that right GeorgieGirl) and I was the same. It was about 2 months after my 3rd that I went off sick and finally got some help.
That's why I'm so glad that you are getting some councilling now.

Barbie I think it's great you have been offered some support and had nothing like that with my mmc. Some people suggest some kind of memorial like a tree or something but I always think I would kill a plant or if we move, but I have considered doing something creative to remember mine, perhaps something that can go in a frame on a wall and maybe even in a future baby's nursery. I understand your concern about not being in the area but I think it is just an opportunity to say good bye but you will always have your little one with you. I have also written letters to all mine which I have to read back on when I want to be close to them.

After the first m/c we bought a rowan tree, which is the tree of life and planted it in a tub so that we could move it if we wanted too. DH got a similar tree tattooed on his arm (he's such a rough piece!) but that is how he wanted to mark it. This time I feel a little better that I have a scan pic to keep, but I have been thinking about having a discreet tattoo of two stars (I already have 2 discreet ones) to have as a memory, but might chicken out and buy another tree/shrub!
I do feel more positive and more in control this time, but that's not to say that I won't go to pieces a bit further down the line, but the counselling is really helping so I advice anyone and everyone to do it!

iv thought of getting another strategically placed tatoo (i already have 3) to mark my babies maybe some tiny angel wings or stars but i havent decided what or where yet as it needs to be in a place where certain family members wont see or ask questions. (DHs family dont know about my recent MCs and problems as DH didnt want to bother them with it)
xx ei xx

Hello there, would it be okay if I joined you on this lovely thread? Your posts have made me cry.

I was with Mollie and Barbie on the March AN thread, although I didn't post much as I felt too sick. We found out at the 12 week scan a couple of weeks ago that the baby's heart had stopped, even though we had a scan at 8 weeks and all was well. This is my second mc this year - we lost a baby at 8 weeks in May too . I do have a little boy who is 18 months - he gives me a reason to carry on as I know we CAN do it, we just have to keep trying...

Some of the things you've said on here about how you think about your lost babies are just beautiful. Myself, I like to think that they're up there looking down on me, and that one day I'll get to meet them... Mollie I love your idea of having two little star tattoo's - would you mind if I borrowed it when I've plucked up enough courage?

monkeybumsmum of course you are welcome here i am so sorry for your losses i hope you find the support you need here xx
xx ei xx

EI How about this then?

perfect mollie they would never guess
xx ei xx

Monkeysbum Welcome, sorry you have to join us, but really pleased you have found us. Please feel free to share whatever you want, it's an open forum. I feel very honoured that you'd like to have two star tattoo's too
I quite like Rhianna's one on her neck see here

or my idea was to have watershading so that the stars are the negative compared to the watershaded background, I thought that was appropriate but I have been searching the web for an image and can't bloody find it will keep looking though