emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels xxx

[EisAHandbagaHolic]

hi ladies
well i think its about time we had somewhere where we can all come to reflect on our lost angels and help us to move on towards the future and support eachother through the bumps in the road in the meantime
love and hugs to you all
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}
xx ei xx

Hi mbm - have just called the EPU and they will scan me at 11:45, DH will be going with me. I almost feel this is a waste of time as I already know the outcome.
As I have said before thank god for mumsnet I am sitting here and I don't feel alone. Thanks

Oh mm I just don't know what to say. I know that awful feeling when you're waiting to hear what you think is inevitable. Thank goodness DH is with you.

I am sending you a and am willing you on to have the strength to get through this xxx

mm have been thinking about you, i m glad you finally have got a scan, im sending you a big hug and lots of positive thoughts for later xx

You are bringing tears to my eyes girls, the support you get from people who don't even know you is so heartwarming, thank you.

Bad few days here. Keep having a go at DP even though he is trying his best. I think the anger supresses the emotions - I didn't actually shed any tears until Wednesday night and I cried for hours, not just about my baby but for all of our losses and lots of other things too. DP was very good for an hour and held me, but then I couldn't help myself and started to find lots of faults with him too and told him everything he had ever done to upset me. As expected, he didn't take this too well and was very hurt. He told me he was trying his best and was hurting too (I could see this but wanted a reaction from him) so I kept on and on. In the end he told me I needed to get over myself and went to sleep in a different bedroom. I asked him to come back to bed and he did. Didn't speak to him before he went to work on Thursday but sent him a text to say we needed to talk. He replied that he was sorry he hadn't been sympathetic enough but that he loved me and wanted me to be well and happy...I feel like I'm so self obsessed and aggressive. We talked a lot last night but were both still very angry so we went to bed and had a cuddle. I'm hoping things will be better tonight.

The anxious dreams keep coming and my skin is the worst it's ever been. Went and did a food shop which made me feel normal again but haven't washed my hair for a few days and am still sat here in my dressing gown.

Despite all of this I'm actually doing ok and carrying on as normal for DD. Think I want to start trying again very soon (knowing that it took 9 months last time!!).

mm My heart goes out to you. I was in the same position just over a week a go so know how you feel. I'm keeping everything crossed for you. xxxxxxx
Bethany Am thinking of you too. Life is so unfair but you will find so much support here. Look after yourself lovely. xxxxxxx

Hello to everyone else. Have only read the last few posts but promise to catch up with you all over the weekend. Lots and lots of love and strength to all AND sorry for such a long post again.

Monkeybumsmum I just read your post and I couldn't agree more. I think the experience of m/c is so traumatic for women...that amazing smugness feeling of finding out you're expecting followed by the emptiness you feel when you know things have gone wrong. It's not just the emotional acceptance but the physical too..knowing that your body has failed you and has expelled something you want more than anything in the world, shattering all the dreams and plans you've made. I don't think men can begin to imagine what this feels like so it's great being able to talk to other women who have felt the same emotions.

And, as I'm feeling actually allowing myself to feel emotional at the moment (I'm usually hard as nails ) I want to say how much I love and value the friendship of the ladies from Emmsy's TTC room. Each one of you has helped me so much on this journey and I don't think I'd be 'coping' without knowing that I'm not alone right now. Thank you all for being there and for caring.

And my final post...I fancied a name change .

Still thinking of you mm xxx

nice new name sparkly! mm will just be going in about now id say, i have everything crossed fro her and whatever the outcome i hope she is back soon...as for me im having a moaning day, nothing is right, the weather is too cold, the tv too loud, the dog is too hairy that kind of thing! quite teary too, i don't know if losing this baby has meant a bigger change in life than one could imagen? for us it mean dh was forced to come home for work early from korea to look after me and then not starting his honours part of his degree course, while nursing me so now instead of him doing his final 3 months at the local college (hence the relocation here) he has been been forced to go back to sea next month (so no bd for me!!) so now there is no need to be n newcastle which means moving home! it also means the house price has dropped so much that selling isn't an option right now, so everything is up in the air....prehapes things just seem worse than they really are, i have been walking around in such a daze for the last 3/4 weeks that i didnt see any of this coming! apart from that im fine, i have been back to decorating, im a dab hand at painting now...anything to take me mind of things.
Hello all you lovely ladies today, hope today is a better one x

ps sparkly hope your hubby speaks to you soon! as for your skin (talking to an expert here!) stress as you know makes it all the more worse, but if you can get yourself a face masque for stressed skin it will help the ph of the skin and give it a helping hand in settling down sooner, dermalogica do a great masque called stress relief masque, expensive but worth it, helps with burns, stings etc too, oh and it last forever! if not pop to the local boots or chemist and the 99p ones are great, look for the self heating one, it cleans and brightens the skin too, just pop in on and have yourself a nice relaxing bath.....um nice! might even get one myself! or even send me your address and ill get a few samples from work for you when im back on monday! x

Well that will teach me for not checking in on you guys yesterday!
First of all hello and welcome to mm1509 & Bethany I am so sorry to hear of your losses.
mm I am keeping everything crossed for you as you will be at the EPU right now, glad to hear you're DP is with you, really hope you get a positive outcome, we are all here for you x
Barbie What an awful time you had on your first outing And as for you're DP's "friend" What a prick! How dare he say that, we all put masks on to face the world in all sorts of situations, and we all deal with things differently, my it's a good job I wasn't there I think I'd have slapped him! Keep your chin up and keep laughing when you feel like it
Bethany With everything you have been through I'm not surprised you are questioning your faith, life is so bloody unfair! I used to go to a spirtualist meeting every week but I've "fallen out" with it all at the moment as I just can't deal with being given hope when I have a message to have it snatched away again and again. I think men find it hard to show their emotions and that they think they should be the strong rock type. It's only after our 2nd m/c that my DH actually showed his true emotions and cried, and personally I found that harder to deal with IYKWIM as I'd never seem him cry like that before, but it has brought us closer together. Oh I've just read that back, I'm not implying you should have another m/c oops! And in my opinion I think you should stay in bed for as long as you want to be and be Duvet Queen
Sparkly Hey hun, like the new name, you have just described what I did to my DH the other weekend, I was vile to him, really agressive and picky and he took it for so long and then erupted, just remember you're body is still full of hormones and they do horrible things to us, so don't beat yourself up about. I think our OH's feel a bit bewildered, I know DH used to wonder who he would come home to "happy wife" "Sad wife" "Evil wife" "crying wife" "angry wife" - it keeps them on their toes
Well I feel a lot better than I did yesterday, I went to counselling and had a very deep and meaningful session, felt emotionally worn out afterwards, but less sad today. I'm off to visit a friend tomorrow and then to Tenby on Sunday so after today I won't be back on until Weds.
I will miss you guys, take care all of you and look after each other (although I'll probably be on again in an hour )
Mollie waves to EI Kate Monkeysbum & TeeHee

Hi everyone - well back from the scan and don't know what to think. Bean has grown since last week but still only measuring 6ish weeks 4mm, I have to be a minimum of 8 +4 by now. No hb again but the midwife cannot make a call as there has been growth. Booked in for a scan on Thursday if the bleeding has not got worse over the weekend. EPU made sure I have all the phone numbers for the local maternity if I need them over the weekend so they are not sounding too optimistic but I guess they are just being thorough.

I don't know if I should be happy or not, at least there has been growth since last week but lets face it we are not where we should be. I just don't know. Bleeding seems to have settled down at the moment but still feeling crampy. I guess we will just have to continue to play the waiting game.

Sparkly - I know from my previous mcs that the best thing you can do is talk to each other about how you are feeling. After my first mc I just kept everything in and didn't deal with things at all well. After the second mc DH and I spoke a lot more about both our fears and feelings and we dealt with that together. It made us take a step back and re-evaluate what we have together and in a sad way we are now stronger than ever. I know this is helping us get through this situation atm. They can never feel the same things we are feeling but until we tell them they can't even begin to understand. And if words are not working at the time then keep the cuddles coming you will both be needing them.

Barbie - Just deal with what you have to day to day and let the rest sort itself out. You go have a chill out time and some much needed pampering in the bath later. Your health and sanity come before everything else for the time being.

Thanks for all the kind thoughts today they have really given me strength knowing that others understand.

mm X-Posts, well it's a difficult one, more of that horrible waiting game, you're in an even more difficult position now. I bet there is part of you that wants to be positive but you also want to protect yourself in case of hurt. I really feel for you, and anytime you need to unload please make sure you come and talk to us, sending you hugs

Thanks mollie you are right I don't know what to allow myself to feel, do I take anything positive from this, I really don't know. The word limbo has never seemed so appropriate as it has for me the last few weeks. I am going to stay off work until after the next scan just in case and at least I don't have the hassles of work to deal with as well.

mm be on here waiting for you for the past few hours, its strange how i dont even know any of you but how you all are such a big part of my life right now. Im sorry you didnt get the news you wanted and how you are still waiting to find out, draw all the strength you need from us to get you through next week

I know barbie it is strange pouring your heart out to people you haven't even met and feeling involved in their lives. I guess we are all intertwined in circumstance and a horrible one at that but the fact that we all have each other for support is a godsend. I am so glad we can all be there for each other.

MM I think staying off work is a good idea, you're going to be all over the place until you know exactly what is happening. You look after yourself x

Thanks mollie I just don't think I could go in and put on the face if you know what I mean. Me being off will get the bongo drums going and probably by the time I go back everyone will know why I have been off but I don't really care anymore. In the big picture it really means very little.

MM I must admit that both times it has been easier to tell work why I am off after my ERPCs, in fact the last time I was so ill with MS that I spent 4 weeks looking like death and half of the office guessed anyway! I've decided next time (I'm always hopeful!) I will just tell everyone as soon as I find out, I can't see the point in keeping it quiet and I think they will need a reason for my terrible behaviour as I will be so stressed and anxious that I will be vile to work and live with! And if the worse happens do not rush back, take some time x

Mollie you are right why do we keep it a big secret? It all comes out in the end anyway. And of course there will be a next time, if we don't think positive we would go insane.

Lots of posts today so I really hope I don't forget anyone as I've been upset reading all of your posts.

Mollie I misread your post and thought your were leaving us for good! Thank goodness it's only til Weds. Glad you had another good session. My DP also wondered what kind of monster he was going to come home to and couldn't really do the right thing for me. I don't think anyone could really.

Sparkly & Bethany On the subject of DP's, we went through a horrible time after my m/c's, it was like we weren't going through it together but just in our own little hellish places. What you are doing is very recognisable to me, you are so hormonal and mixed up and any kind of release is something. No great for your DP but he may just have to put up with it for a bit! In the end I came to realise that he was hurting too but in a different way and I think it's true that they can never really understand and I don't think we ever really understand their response either. Hang in there it will get better. I now think we are closer but it has taken time.

Bethany I am so sorry you are with us and please feel you can stay in bed as long as you want. I learned to love my bed, it felt safe and comfortable and you need to be anywhere that makes you feel better.

MM I think you are right to stay off work and can't believe you have been in already. I agree with you about telling people, although it does mean you'll get some stupid comments there will be some people who will help you. Horrible horrible waiting!

Barbie Bless you it sounds like it's all on your shoulders at the moment. It will sort itself out I'm sure, just take care of yourself. I think the bath idea sounds like a winner.

Sorry for the long post but yours made me want to say something to everyone, please all look after yourselves and keep posting.

hi ladies
MM so sorry you did not get better results at your scan i hope you get better news on thursday and you dont have any more bleeding xx
mollie have a nice weekend
barbie you sound like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders i hope everythin works out for you and you get to settle down where you want to
hi to everyone else i hope everyone is doin ok
im shattered after a hard days work
xx ei xx

Hi ladies,
It's very quiet in here today. My DD is in her dancing class so I'm enjoying a bit of peace (well sort of - DP is jet washing the garden and some pots ready to plant some bulbs).
Am feeling better today. We've decided to take DD to the circus late pm so that should keep us busy. We've also been 'growing' butterflies. We bought a special set and had some tiny, weeny caterpillars sent to us. They grew, made their cacoons and now 4/5 have broken out and we have some gorgeous butterflies.

Barbie Thanks for the skin tips. Will have a little look online now for some products. I could do with treating myself. Sounds like you've got so much going on in your mind at the moment. Try and take it easy. We're here if you need to chat.
Mollie Your mixed wife emotions made me laugh. My dark sense of humour is still developing but I'll get there. Have a fab weekend. Will be thinking of you.
mm How are you feeling today? I'm sorry the scan didn't give an answer and that the horrible waiting continues for you. Am keeping my fingers as tightly crossed as I can and sending you lots and lots of strength. Look after yourself xx
Teehee How are you feeling today? I guess you'll be at your meet up now. I hope you all have/had a lovely time. Am gutted not to be there.
Ei Enjoy your weekend lovely lady .

Hi to everyone else too. [waves]

hello ladies, im feeling soooooo much better today, dh and i had another nice long walk with the dog this morning and enjoyed what is probably going to be the last of the summer sunshine (in fact i think its gone already!) we have made a plan re moving so hopefully things will settle down and work out for the best. I had little sad moment just now realised that i woudnt be a mummy when i was 28, a silly little thing that hubby and i had, i always said i would leave him if i wasnt married and with child by this age! of course i wouldnt but it forced him to get his act together and me a gorgeous rock, lol.....

sparkly hope you enjoy your internet shopping spree, im here if you need recommendations, oh and the butterflies sound lovely...now if only i wasnt so scared of them!

mm hope you are taking it easy this weekend my lovely, thinking of you

mollie hope the weather is kind for you and that you have a fab weekend away

teehee i hope you arent too upset today, and that you also have a good weekend.....

Hello and hugs to everyone i missed...........

Hope you don't mind me joining... I could do with some support. On 5 September I discovered, at 10 wks, that I'd had a mmc (baby had died at 6 wks). I had an ERPC on 11 September. Thought all was going uneventfully and that I was over the worst until I started bleeding heavily again four days ago, accompanied by a temperature. Went back to hospital last night after having been brushed aside by them for three days - my dh finally got on the phone and threatened to make a formal complaint - and was diagnosed with an infection. I'm now on antibiotics.

The whole experience of miscarriage, which has been terrible enough in itself, has been made even worse at every stage by the dismissive attitudes of the hospital. Since dh made a fuss I'm now being scanned next week to rule out the possibility of retained tissue and have a follow-up on Tuesday with the consultant who did the ERPC. But I just can't believe that this may still not be over... Feel very, very down.

Hi villagemum glad you found your way over here in the end, im sure the lovely ladies here will be much help to you, although its a little quiet here today.
hello where are you all?????