emmsys angels xxx support for mummies of lost angels xxx

[EisAHandbagaHolic]

hi ladies
well i think its about time we had somewhere where we can all come to reflect on our lost angels and help us to move on towards the future and support eachother through the bumps in the road in the meantime
love and hugs to you all
{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}
xx ei xx

I'm back and I really missed you girls
Villagemum Welcome, sorry you have had to join us and what a terrible journey you are experiencing at the moment, let's keep our fingers crossed that the sonographer was wrong
EI I am so glad the appt went well for you, I know exactly how you feel about whether to be pleased they have found something wrong or not, at least you have a really good chance of getting exactly what you want now which is always a good thing. Really excited for you hun
Sparkly How are you doing lovely?
Mollie waves to everyone else

Hi, I'm afraid I've been really busy and not had chance to read any of the posts over the last few days. Hello to anyone who's joined us, I'm so sorry that you're in this forum...

Just wanted to wish mm good luck for tomorrow. I shall be thinking of you, and hoping that you're okay x

Will try and have a catch up and write a longer post tomorrow.

Lots of love xxx

Monkeysbum So glad you reminded me! Hope you are well x
MM Good luck for tomorrow will keep everything crossed x

I really hate working full time! this week has made me so tired and its only wednesday! i saw my area manager today, first time in 3 weeks and the first thing she said was "i hope your little problem is now sorted, you have had enough time of lately' I had to fight back tears and stop myself walking out and never going back! bitch
villagemum i went to the book store on my break to try to find some information for you, well more to help reassure you but couldnt find anything...i cant believe what is happening to you lately i hope they have it wrong and that everything will turn out good in the end, please get some rest im sure working isnt helping, put your feet up and relax.

mm hello hun, just wanted to wish you good luck for tomorrow x

Hello everyone else, glad you are back mollie!

Barbie What an evil woman well done on not stabbing her or punching her in the face! Take it easy hun, don't expect too much x

thanks moll! i forgot to say she hasnt got kids! if she did im sure she will call them her little problems!

Another joiner, if that's OK .......

Had a scan this morning and instead of an 11 week fetus, we saw a 7 week empty sac.

Feeling absolutely devastated right now and have to wait until Monday to go back in for the op to clean it all out.

Been reading through this thread and good to see there are such lovely supportive ladies out there going through similar things.

Life is so cruel ........

Lix

Welcome lix you are right life is so cruel but let it all out here, that's what we are here for.

barbie what a * bitch, oh how people like that make you so angry. It just shows how small minded and selfish some people can be. Don't you worry about your time off there is absolutely nothing they can do about it. Keep your chin up and don't let people like that bring you down, you have been thru worse than they can throw at you now.

I guess with us this is the calm before the storm, we both know what we are most probably facing tomorrow. The main thing is now we need an answer no more waiting in limbo I don't think we can take anymore. To be honest although I feel calm deep down I am scared, scared of being in that same room and hearing the same news again. It feels as if no good news comes from that room. I know if we get the news we will handle it and move on, no choice, but each time another little piece of your hope is taken away. Anyway thanks for all the messages and thoughts they really are appreciated so much and do help. Will let you know tomorrow the outcome. xxx

Have only got time for a very quick post but wanted to send lots of love of mm this morning. Will be thinking of you.

Also a huge welcome to lix. I saw you on the April antenatal thread. I didn't join but saw you there when I was lurking. Am so very sorry for you loss. xxx

lix - welcome. I'm so very sorry to hear about what has happened to you. I went for a scan at 10 weeks and discovered that my baby had died at 6 weeks, so my heart really goes out to you. The op you are having next week should go smoothly and uneventfully; what happened to me (having to go back for a second one) is very, very unusual so please don't be worried by anything you've read in my posts. The op itself is not painful or difficult (and I can truthfully say this having had two now within two weeks of each other!) and afterwards you should be able to get closure and start healing. Just take care of yourself, get plenty of rest and put yourself first. Thinking of you and do write whenever you feel like it. xx

barbie1 - UNBELIEVABLE, that comment at work! What an awful, sad, stupid woman. Are you OK? I can't tell you how touched I am that you should have tried to do some research for me. You are a very sweet person. I've been driving myself crazy trying to find out information too, but it just makes me more confused - I've now decided just to wait and see what they say tomorrow when I have the scan. I've also now (for the first time in my life) got myself a gynaecologist; feel I need a little help in interpreting all of this. And I'm taking time off work now. It's normal. You can tell that woman at work as much from me! xx

mm - thinking of you all the time today.

Hi ladies I'm new to this thread but had to send big hopes and wishes to mm that everything is going ok today, praying for you and that it will have grown hun... know exactly the state of limbo and all about trying to put on 'the face' when your brain and body are scrambled!

Have had 3 mmc & last one had scans every week, one time it hadnt grown from 1 week to the next, then a few days later it had, and I had spotting for a few weeks so constantly thought I was losing it. Every scan I expected the worst, but it took til week 13 under fetal medicine til no h/b. At that stage nuchal fluid was 7mm & chromosome problem was almost definate, even though 1st prg that had actually grown to scale. My first 2 both mmc at 9 weeks just didnt grow over 6 week scale, so was amazed watching no 3 developing, and then still not work out.

My heart also goes out to village mum, as after no 3 I had an ERPC next day, week later passing clots & scan showed 'retained product' left to manage naturally & wait for next af, had it, presumed all was gone, scan a week later showed still there, so had to have 2nd ERPC 6 weeks after last one. (actually 3rd ERPC in total as had one for mc 2 which was all straightforward - as it can be!) Fingers crossed now body is back on track and thinking about ttc again! Have had blood tests at recurrent mc clinic & scan on monday. Hating all these scans cos reminds me of weekly 'is it still alive' scans I was having.. again mm - heart is with you right now hoping..

Ah ladies it is so crap that so many of know these feelings - emmsy you're a star for this thread (i'm emma too & i think of my 3 angels up there !) I've found massive support through this site, lost no 3 in July (but took til aug cos of 2nd erpc), no 2 in Feb and no 1 last sept. Marking dates is important to me. Last week was hard. 14th sept was a year since lost no 1. 18th sept was no 2 edd. Me and hubby planted 3 plants round 3 trees in the garden, and on 18th we let a helium balloon go with a message attached. It felt nice to mark the day and if anyone wants to pirate the idea i'd be honoured...

Still willing good outcome for mm, and for you all... My post name says my philosophy, and I remain that way for all of you wonderful strong woman.. Thanks for letting me go on and I'll be back on soon to see how you're all doing xxx

Hi everyone, well not good news I'm afraid. The sac has now started to get smaller and mc is now evident. We already knew it would be bad news before we went in and the midwife's words and expressions were clearly to get us ready for this. Booked in for an ERPC on Tuesday if it doesn't happen before that, bloody bank holiday weekend up here in Scotland so Tuesday is the earliest they can do it, why do these things always happen on bank holidays? In a way it's a relief at least we have an answer now, no more limbo. Atm I am actually doing alright, this is the third time we have done this since Dec so I guess we have got used to dealing with the emotions. This time we will definitely be taking time out TTC for at least 6 months I don't think we can take anymore atm. The tears haven't came yet but I know they have to be let out, I think both of us are trying to be strong for each other. I know we both have loads of questions we need answers for but probably won't get. I'll post again later when feeling a bit better.

Sorry it's after such a horrible post but welcome 4everhopeful, maybe I will take your philosophy on board in a few months.

Thanks for all the messages from everyone else you have no idea how much they help.

Oh mm I'm so sorry... xxxx

4everhopeful Welcome to this thread. I'm so sorry for your losses . You'll find lots of support here.
mm I'm so, so sorry to hear your bad news. . I hate it that they're going to leave you so long - they did the same with me and I m/c'd naturally the day before I was booked in for the D&C. Thinking of you [hugs]. xxx

Oh mm poor sweetheart.. My eyes welled up reading your sad news.. Sending you hugs and strength. I came back on specially to see how you got on cos your story really touched me. So sorry its not worked out again. We will get there eventually hon.. xxx

4everhopeful Welcome, and sorry to hear of your experiences, hope we can be of use as a sounding board for any emotions or rants you want to express, and full on support at all times
mm I am so sorry it wasn't happier news, the waiting is over (well after Tuesday) but it doesn't make it any easier, take care of yourself hun, we are here when you need us x

mm I'm so, so sorry . It's terrible that you're having to go through this again. I know how you mean about you doing alright for the moment - with my last mc it didn't start sinking in until after the ERPC, which like yours was a good few days after we found out. It's a very difficult time for you, being in limbo. I hope that Tuesday comes quickly for you. I'm still thinking of you, and of your DH too. How's he holding up?

4everhopeful So sorry for you too to read what you've been through. You sound like an incredibly strong lady to be so positive after what's happened to you. I hope they manage to find something out from the tests on Monday that can help you. I love the idea of the helium balloon. We have the due date of our second mc'd baby coming up in December. I think that would be a lovely way to mark it if that's okay with you.

I still haven't had chance to read back through the posts, so apologies... I went back to work on Monday and seem to be running round like a headless chicken most of the time trying to fit everything in.

Am starting to get nervous about the results of our tests that I'm going to get in a few weeks time. Does anyone have any advice about any questions I can ask the doctor when I go? I don't want to be sitting there like a lemon and not ask what I should be. We asked to find out the sex of the most recent lost baby, and I'm getting myself into a state about finding that out too.

Hello to everyone else, and I hope that you're all okay x

mm I'm so sorry, gutted for you and your DH, I was clinging to hope for you. Don't try and make any decisions right now, I thought I coped brilliantly with my 3rd mc but it did hit the month after. Take each day as it comes and get over this terribly sad time first before thinking about a 4th go.

I feel so inadequate with words even though I know how it feels. I'm so sorry for your loss and am sure you and your DH will be strong for each other but allow yourselves time to grieve.

hi ladies
sorry i havent been around much i have been working alot of overtime
MM im so sorry to hear that you have had another MMC take care of yourself
villagemum i hope your scan goes well tomorrow and it turns out the sonographer was totally wrong and all is fine in your tubes
hi to all of our new joiners im so sorry you have all had a reason to join but im glad you have joined as everyone of us on here have been or are going through similar experiences and the support for others whilst needing support ourselves is immense i hope you find the support you need here
xx ei xx

villagemum good luck for your scan today, hope the news is good.

mm1509 so sorry for your outcome, it is never easy, huge hug to you (missEdith)

wave to all other familiar names hope to see you all n happier circumstances soon

Hi sfxmum recognized the name. How are you coping, I am surprisingly doing ok atm. I think we are now just relieved to have an answer and after next week we can begin to move on. Funny out of both of us I felt more confident for your outcome and now look at us both here. We have been here before and will come thru this, let's face it what choice do we have! Like you say hopefully we will all been in happier circumstances soon. Take care and you know where to find me anytime you want to chat. mm xxx

Hello, goodmorning everyone....i read all your messages yesterday but didnt have the strength to write anything, the tears started coming and wouldnt stop, the tears for you, me and all of our angels and broken dreams. Up until now there had been tears of course but nothing like last night, i think everything that had been held in decided to rear its ugly head and come out...i have woken with a stomping headache this morning, a combination of crying myself to sleep and all
the stress of the last month. I think i scared dh who didnt know what the hell had gone on! apart from the headache today i do feel much better, a release almost (as my mum would say, its better out then in!) I think the news from mm and villagemum made me so sad,(on top of feeling so low anyway) i really thought we would have some happy news and i really did have everything crossed but we still have each other so onwards and upwards...
bundles of love and hugs to everyone today x

Hi, thought I'd pop in here as well. Natural miscarriage at 7 weeks after seeing a heartbeat only a few days before. That was nearly two weeks ago, but feels like an eternity.

I hate feeling so calm, rational and philosophical some days, and then suddenly descending into a pit of grief and rage. I'm not sure I should leave my house, I nearly hit someone at a Weight Watchers meeting last night (full story on MC Avengers in the Conception threads if you're really interested).

Also, since I was cutting down my antidepressants due to pregnancy (with a view to stopping completely asap), I've gone right ahead and just stopped (this is day 6 with nothing). It probably sounds like a terrible idea given the MC, but as my permanent job hasn't started yet, and I'm not pregnant anymore (but hope to be again soon), it is possibly the only time I can stop and be able to sit home and just fight through the withdrawal symptoms. I was only taking a 1/4 of the lowest dose tablet when I had the MC. GP said it wouldn't even be having an effect on my depression at that dose. This is a huge deal for me because I've been on this particular med for 7 years, and various other things almost constantly since age 16 (32 now).

The dizziness/lightheadedness are starting to subside now, but I am scared that I don't know myself anymore. How much of what I am feeling is about the MC, and how much is being off ADs? What if I can't cope without them? I really don't want to go back to it because I just want to get pregnant again. Argghhhh.

Hello Ladies, I was hoping against hope that this time would be ok...I'm 8 weeks and started bleeding this morning, 2 previous mc. Feel like I am stuck in an endless reel of film. Except its a weekday - horray so at least I am seeing a Dr today. I never found these pages in previous hours of need and would just like to say thanks, things that you have shared have really helped me.