Am so sad and miserable...

[beakas]

Came out of hospital just over a week ago now after going for a scan at 16 weeks and finding no heart beat. First baby for us, we tried for so long and I just feel like my heart is going to break. Have had days where I think I'm fine but there seem to be pregnant ladies EVERYWHERE! and that just sets me off again...maybe I came back to work too soon, I don't know. Have also been told am being made redundant at end of June. Everyhing is going wrong. Have a fabulous husband who is being great, and lots of support from family but I still feel so alone.I just can't believe it happened so late..thought once I had got the first 12 weeks over with it would all be ok...

Sugr - glad your appt went okay. What is the blood test for next week - hcg levels?

Re sky - I have a friend who swears by QVC, you know the channel that sells jewellery? Haven't dared visit, but she's got loads of lovely stuff from there, not real but it fools me. Retail therapy, can think of worse things...

ps omg, how on earth did you react after your neighbour said that?

Just wanted to pop by and say hi - hope everyone's well today. x

Hi joanie, how are you? Any news on your SIL? Hope you're okay...

Hi everyone,
sugr.. [shock} must be hard for u to take that comment..
i hope yesterday night was my worst bleeding ever took 3 panadol cos' the pain was too unbearable. and this morn at 5.30 everything(the sac n stuff) were out..
i thought my whole womb is gonna collapse. no kidding
hopefully i dont need to go through this again..really bad experience ..sorry if tmi

nandos, sounds horrific but at least the worst is over now. Make sure you get lots of rest. Hope you're okay (hugs)

Nandos-that must have been horrific for you. Please stay tucked up warm and get lots of rest. Not a bad thing to keep taking regular top ups of painkillers if its helping, but hopefully the physical pain has subsided for you now..think we could all do with a group hug!!
Mummy2O, Charliesmum, how are you guys both feeling today?
Sugr, I am dreading seeing my neighbour. I told her at 12 weeks about the baby and she was so excited. I have gone out of my way to avoid her since, she must have developed a complex. Am hoping the flowers and cards on the windowsill will have given it away, but I guess I will have to be brave sometime and just tell her.

mummy2- meant to say, sorry, don't know how much bleeding to expect, but hope it's calmed down a bit now? Do you fancy going halves on that tenner fron Nandos?!I'll meet you in the 'feminine hygeine' section..

or should that be hygiene? Hmm, that looks better..

Hi beakas, doing okay thanks, but v tired today. All I want to do is sleep! How are you feeling?

Can you not leave a little note for your neighbour? I found it difficult to tell the few people we'd told, so I emailed a couple of people and texted the others. It's not the best way to tell people such sad news but if it saves you breakng down in front of her then maybe it might be easier on you?

Hi everyone- am having a bit of a low day today. Feel absolutely exhausted. Am not eating well though so DH is trying to ram some fruit down me

My bleeding just seems to be trickling away, slightly heavy but nothing as bad as I expected. I hope there isnt worse to come- I'm hoping I've got away lightly. All my pain is on one side and when I checked my scan its where baby has implanted.

Felt really tearful this morning about TTC again- after 15 months of desperation I just dont want to go there again. We had just been to the Drs to ask for help when I found out I was pregnant. DH had a sperm analysis done and that was ok but had given up drink and taken loads of vits when I got preggers. The thought of going back to all that is just depressing. In fact I dont think I want to go back to that and I won't. I think you are best off just not thinking about it.

Feminine hygeine products are my best friend right now- am thinking of doing a TV advert for lady garden wet wipes *smiles and looks bleary eyed at camera 'when I had my miscarriage, these mopped up the clots really well!'

Perhaps not.

Have just re-read that

get away lightly???? Yeah- I had a great miscarriage!! What an idiot. sorry everyone.

m2o, so sorry you're having a down day, but it seems to be quite a rollercoaster ride that we're on at the moment. Don't worry too much about eating - I've hardly eaten anything since the beg of last week.

That's so sad about where the pain is coming from, must make it even more difficult.

I don't know what to say about ttc again. Maybe you shouldn't be thinking about that now, and just deal with what's happening at the moment. It's ever so difficult to contemplate starting again. If it's any consolation (not sure if I mentioned earlier) but with my first miscarriage (after 10 months of trying) we got pregnant again without thinking about it the following month. We were very lucky, and I just hope that something like that happens to you.

If you feel exhausted then sleep as much as you can. You need to help your body get through this...

CM2-good idea ref.putting a note through neighbours door, I will do that. We are going away for a few days next week so I can use the excuse of asking her to keep an eye on the house at the same time, thankyou. I am still guilty of breaking down when talking to people about it most of the time as well. I think it's due to the shock and embarrassment and then sympathy I see on peoples faces.
Mum2Olivia-so sorry you are having a bad day today, we are here for you though if you need to rant/cry etc. My Dads answer was to try and stuff food down me-but DH suggested the odd glass of smoothie (didn't get rid of bloody constipation though!) and the odd piece of toast and marmite. Unfortunately I still seem to have a tummy on me, despite mc, and I had a flat stomach before (wish I could say same for arse) so tight trousers are a constant reminder of what might have been.
Re.TTC- DH had ok ish sperm results, they were lazy buggers though! But the day I found out about being pregnant was the same day I received a letter from hospital referring me to gynae surgery, so I managed to get out of it that time. Suspect when we start to go down the long road of TTC again that I may end up there though, anyway.
I have started taking pre natal vitamins again though. I hadn't bothered taking anything before and I was 8 weeks again before I realised I was pregnant. Despite the fact I cannot contemplate sex at the moment I want to have a good healthy system in place for when we do..just in case..(fingers crossed for us all, girls)
lots of love

I have just been looking up some stuff on nutrition and vitamins on the Marilyn Glenville website, there is a section there about improving sperm and egg health to try and prevent miscarriage. I know I am clutching at straws but it does make me feel a bit more positive that there is stuff we can do. Our main problem TTC is not enough sex- after months of trying not to do it too much to save up sperm on friends advice, the one month we went for it big style I got up the pole!! Apparently not enough sex is the biggest cause of infertility.....amazing.

We discussed TTC again this morning after I started wailing in the bath and we are gonna give ourselves 2 cycles then start again. It is a real sensitive subject for me cos my DD is not my DH's daughter and although it doesnt bother anyone else, it cuts me up when I see what an EXCELLENT DADDY he is to her.

TTC is prob not the beat thing to think about right now but making a plan in my head has made me feel loads better- I NEED to be a mummy!! This whole thing has just been absolutely devastating. This sounds sick and awful but when I saw all the blood on my always night time this morning I just thought 'I wish I could put it back- it shouldnt be coming out'. made me cry.

Am getting very good at making myself cry!!

Hope you are all ok- I think the note idea for your neighbour is an ace idea, beakas.

Nandos- hope you are ok hun. I have a horrible feeling of dread about something similar happening to me. so sad

How are you feeling Charliesmum??

I think we are all gonna have to stay in touch after this and track eachothers progress!

xxx

Mum2Olivia- I am going to check out Marilyn Glenvilles' website now- thanks for the info. I was thinking yesterday about investigating things a bit more in terms of health and nutrition. The name that keeps cropping up is Zita West. Did any of you take any of her supplements? Or know anyone who did? I know apart from folic acid that it's not a great idea to rely heavily on these supplements and that they are no substitiute for a healthy diet,etc. but I just want to get myself as healthy as possible so that when we TTC next time I feel like I am in tip top order. Does that make any sense? I'm not obese, but not exactly a skinny minny either.
I do think planning is a good idea if it helps you, and after all we just have to concentrate on doing what we feel is best for each of us, individually.
Hope we do all stay in touch too x

P.S- I can't believe how much checking into here each day has helped, so thankyou so much for sticking with me, everyone.x
Oh bugger. Crying again now...

I followed some of Zita wests stuff and got pregnant that month. All she says basically is eat well (just as important for the man as the woman as good sperm health can prevent chromosone defects thus helping to prevent miscarriage) and have lots of sex but she is very convincing. The 1st month that me and DH took supplements she recommended I got pregnant. But some of the Marilyn Glenville advice looks good. She says that vit E has similar effect to aspirin and therefore aids blood flow and helps implantation.

I'm gonna give it a go- anything just to make me feel better and more positive. How long were you TTC for beakas?

It is so important to recover from miscarriage and greive properly but right now being pg is the only way I can think that will make me feel better....

Hi, I'd never heard of either Marilyn Glenville or Zita West. Have just looked at MG's website v quickly and it looks very interesting. I wasn't taking supplements before I got pg either beakas, and I worry that that was what made the difference. Am going to start again tonight with pregnacare...

I agree with you m2o, I just want to be pg again - desperately. I don't even want to wait the recommended month before ttc (but I will). I remember that when I got pg with ds, dh and I were eating the healthiest we had ever eaten, so will start doing that again. Bugger - I love convenience foods

We will definately have to stay in touch - just popped out to the shops and found myself thinking about you all while I was there, v comforting...

Awwwwww- I have just done the school run to get DD and had the shock of my life, actually felt blood pouring out of me. Got home, not too much mess, just lots of blood. Have cleaned myself up and now have my feet up. DD has school disco tonight but have got DHs parents to take her, I darent go in case something comes out. I sounds gross but if the sac etc comes away, I want to be at home with DH.

DH is going to sit and work out a supplement regime for us that is very simple but makes the most of the advice in the miscarriage section on the Marilyn Glenville website. It sounds very convincing but really need to keep it simple otherwise i'll just get bored.

Can I ask a gross question?? As i mentioned I am losing lots of red blood. However I have been having a little look at what I am passing cos am paranoid about the sac coming away. I am passing dry clts, sounds weird but bear with me, small black clumps that are dry and gritty. What the hell is it?? Its like gravel and is seriously freaking me out!!!!!

Thats CLOTS- dry CLOTS!!!

Feel really sorry for you, that's very rough at 16 weeks and your redundancy is a kick when you're down. My dp didn't really understand how sad I was (12 weeks). Tried to put a brave face on but paid for that later. Talk about it to people, it helps and you'll find that a surprising number of people have been through it and can be reassuring.

m2o poor you, make sure you stay with your feet up and rest.

Just had a quick look to see if I can find anything out about dried clots, and anywhere they seem to be mentioned it's about old blood (?) but nobody seems to be that concerned about them. If you're worried then ring your doctor, just to put your mind at rest. Really hope you're okay.

Will have a closer look at those sites for the supplements tonight. Your dh sounds fab, think it would be a miracle if I cud get mine to take supplements. May have to grind some up and lace his (very healthy) food with them

DH is an angel, he is been off all week looking after me.

I fell asleep crying on the sofa this morning. He woke me up by covering my wet face with kisses and telling me how much he loves me. what a sweetie! With him next to me I KNOW I can get through this. Am dreading him going back to work next week.

Can you see why I want him to be a Daddy so much??

I looked it up too and it all seems to be old blood. eww.

He really does sound amazing - you're very lucky to have each other, and I hope with all my heart that he becomes a daddy soon x