Am so sad and miserable...

[beakas]

Came out of hospital just over a week ago now after going for a scan at 16 weeks and finding no heart beat. First baby for us, we tried for so long and I just feel like my heart is going to break. Have had days where I think I'm fine but there seem to be pregnant ladies EVERYWHERE! and that just sets me off again...maybe I came back to work too soon, I don't know. Have also been told am being made redundant at end of June. Everyhing is going wrong. Have a fabulous husband who is being great, and lots of support from family but I still feel so alone.I just can't believe it happened so late..thought once I had got the first 12 weeks over with it would all be ok...

Oh CM- thank you. I'm ok, I will be ok, it will take more than my private parts smelling like poo poo to get me down!!

(((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))

Hug back cos you need one 2!!

Thank you!

Really, really hope you're okay - I'm off to bed now, but if you get chance tomorrow to update us then please do, will be worried about you x

ps I like your attitude

Just to let you know for when you do look tomorrow, phoned the ward I was on in the week and they have told me to pop in tomorrow to get some swabs done. The sister on the phone was really nice and said that its best to be safe and just to go anytime tomorrow. yay. If you dont hear from me, thay have admitted me cos I really stink

xx

Glad you rang them, and that's good you can go in any time. Hope it goes okay and that they don't have to admit you. Will be thinking of you - good luck!!!

Hi everyone

mummy2olivia I hope you are ok and they find out what is causing your problem. You are being very brave about it all. Take good care of yourself xxx.

As for me I'm just bleeding at the moment, not huge amounts, just like a period and my stomach is very tender. I've also still got piles from pregnancy which really doesn't help matters. I have another scan on Friday and I guess then they will either say fine, go home and get on with the rest of your life or come back for a D&C. So at the moment I'm just waiting to see if it gets worse or not. I asked my mum and she said that the fact I don't feel pregnant anymore might mean that it has more or less all gone now.

Today it is raining and the mother-in-law has just gone back home so it is now just me, DH and the DSs. The DSs are great for keeping my mind off what has happened though, especially as DS2 isn't very well at the moment with a temperature. They seem to sense that something is wrong with mummy but they didn't know about the baby so to them perhaps I just seem a bit unwell.

I don't know about the rest of you but I really struggle to talk on the phone to anyone about what has happened. I was a real coward and emailed any friends who knew I was pregnant to tell them what happened. A few repled saying they'd phone me but I don't want to talk to anyone about it really. It just sets me off again and I'm just fed up of crying all the time although crying is the only thing that makes me feel any better, if that makes sense.

didn't want to read and run.Just a big hug and hope it will go better.Life is cruel sometimes and I wish you wouldn't have to face this.....

Hi Becky, how are you doing this evening?

I think it's normal to not be able to talk about such a sad event just yet. It took me a while to be able to mention it without breaking down. As I said before in an earlier post I now feel numb and it's much easier to talk about, think it's just the natural process of grieving... You're not a coward for emailing people, it must be some kind of self-preservation mechanism kicking in to save you the heartache of explaining what's happened. I did exactly the same.

How's your ds, hope his temp has come down.

m2o, was thinking about you today, presume you've been admitted you poor thing. I hope they manage to get whatever's wrong sorted out, and that you come home soon. Will be looking forward to hearing from you x

I'm starting back at work tomorrow, and a colleague's who knows about my mc has just phoned to warn me that everyone's been asking questions about where I am. She told me to be prepared for people asking me. I'm absolutely dreading it. Not sure what to say - it's such an enormous thing that's happened that I don't want to just say 'I'm fine', coz I'm not, but the idea of explaining about my mc (and probably getting v upset in the process) is worrying me sick..... What do I do????

Hi everyone,

Wasnt admitted thank god but had an evening at a good friends after being at hospital for a few hours.

Turns out I was right to be concerned, after being told that everything had gone, it hasnt. Dr had a look and I have actually got retained products which were turning black and starting to smell. The Dr removed them manually with forceps (they were still attatched) and has given me 2 weeks of strong antibiotics to treat infection/prevent infection. Apparently my cervix is still open which is a sure sign that there are bits left behind. Feel like I've taken 1 step forward and 2 steps back.

Becky- hope you are ok. I've found my DD a very good distraction too! I've told most people what has happened, but that is just my way of coping. all my work colleagues know and TBH I have found their support really amazing. I actually feel better when I'm talking about it all, its when I'm on my own that I fall to bits.

CM- thanks for thinking about me x

CM I don't know what to recommend about talking to people at work. I think you're just going to have to be as brave as you can and face them. They'll probably be really sympathetic and kind and make you cry all over again. I've got the same problem when facing all my mummy friends around here. I'm just glad it is half term this week and I won't see many of them until next week. It just has to be done though.

mummy2olivia poor you. I hope your body recovers itself soon. Take lots of care of yourself if you can.

My DS2 is not better yet. He was really hot and shivery in the night. We gave him nurofen and then in the morning he was bad again so we gave him more. Once he is dosed up he's ok but he's so precious when he's not well, like little lord fontory - nothing is right and nobody can do right!

It's raining again today. DH is home still as it is BH. I'm not looking forward to it being just me and the DSs.

Hi beakas. Will be thinking of you on Tuesday as the 20 week mark is a sad one. Our one consolation was that our baby had only died a couple of days prior to my 16 week scan so if my scan had been a couple of days earlier, everything would have seemed OK and it would have been on Friday that we would have found out. To get to 20 weeks would have been even more painful.

October is going to be tough and we are also taking two weeks holiday. My baby was due two days before my birthday so it is going to be a sad time.

Hello everyone

How are you all doing? Last night I lost more blood and, sorry if this is TMI, bits of tissue, than I have done to date and I could feel it coming out it was quite upsetting. I had cramps as well like early labour pains but I refused to take any pain killers. I know it doesn't make sense but somehow I wanted to feel the pain and suffer but I know that is just silly. It was bearable pain and I'm sure it hadn't been I would have taken something. Then in the middle of the night the roof started leaking and DS2 woke up crying. I just wanted to bury my head in the duvet and for it all to go away! So far today feels like an ordinary day.

I've just been reading back some of the posts earlier on in this thread, and I feel humbled as my situation is nothing compared to what some people who have written their stories here have had to bear. It is sad to read their stories but comforting to see their kind words and reassuring messages about what it feels like to go through this.

I've just had probably the worst afternoon of my life. I think I can safely say that it is more or less mostly over now. I feel dizzy. I'm just glad DH was working from home today as I couldn't have been through what I've just been through alone with the DSs around. I think I'm entering the numb phase. I can't even cry about it now. I just feel really cynical against the world.

Oh Becky you poor thing I hope you're not in too much pain, and that you are resting. Thank goodness for DH... Will be here to talk if you need an ear.
Thinking of you x

Hi everyone
becky, im so sorry .. i hope you will get better over time soon..
do take some paracetamol if you have very bad cramps dont think of it as pain and suffering..and do take a lot of rest.
beakas, glad you enjoyed your holiday
mummy2olivia, hope you getting better soon. hows the recovery doing? i had to go to the epu again last week cos' had very bad cramps and they found some remains in my womb as well but told me to get painkillers cos' theres no infection n today i feel much better and theres no more spotting so i guess its all gone(i hope)
sugr and charliesmum, how are you doing today ?
hope everyone is feeling better..
as u guys might have guessed, i nearly totally forgot abt mumsnet as we just got back yesterday night from a 2-day vacation..spent quite a long time reading all the messages from last week

I'm not in any pain now. I feel strangely light and empty. I spoke to my mum just now and she said the way it happened although traumatic was the best way as it probably means I am nearly finished now and won't need a D&C or anything like that. I just didn't expect it to be like that so 'real' and the bleeding was nothing like I could have anticipated. I thought I'd just bleed for a few weeks and that would be it. My last MC ended via a D&C so this was a shock to me. I'm off to my sister's tomorrow for a couple of days. I need to get away from this house. I feel bad for leaving DH behind though.

Hi nandos, glad you're back! It's good you're feeling better - how are you doing emotionally?

Becky, I hope you have a good break at your sister's and have a bit of time to feel a bit stronger. Don't worry about leaving dh, you need to do whatever it is you feel like doing to get through this, and I'm sure he's capable enough to cope on his own.

m2o, glad you found out what was wrong, but poor you, that's horrible. At least now your body can get on with trying to heal itself. How are you feeling today?

sugr and beakas, hope you're both okay. Must be very difficult if the 20 week point is coming up. I've been torturing myself by lurking on the due dec thread and some of the ladies there are now having their 12 week scans. Lovely to hear them enthusing about it, but makes me so sad for what could have been.

I'm having a nightmare of a time - had my first day back on Monday which was an ordeal and a half, everyone was lovely but I did get extremely upset. Then after that, yesterday I was given three months notice from work. Feel like I was just feeling a bit stronger only to be knocked sideways again - can't believe their impeccable timing.....

Hi I hope you don't mind me popping on to this thread but I had been on knickercheckers as I had a mc in feb and began to mc again on the early hours of sun morn. Had spent most of sat afternoon at our local hosp as I had been spotting and checks showed cervix was still closed but later on that night when we returned home I could feel the familiar cramps beginning. I was 8 weeks this time and it has been much worse physically and emotionally than before. We have a nearly 6 yr old ds and have been ttc again for 4 years. Had all kinds of tests and a lap which showed no probs just unexplained sec infertility so when I fell pg in feb it was a huge but wonderful shock. When I lost it I could only cope by thinking about concieving again and now I have mc again I just feel so sad and empty. I had blood clotting tests done nearly 2 months ago by my rheumatology consultant (I have inflammatory arthritis) and my results came back slightly elevated. My local gp told me that this was prob due to my inflam illness so they wouldn't do anything just now but if I lost the 2nd pg I would be referred to the recurrent mc clinic. BUT when I was at hosp on sat with the spotting the doctor who examined me said that if my bleeding stopped over the weekend that she recommended beginning to take 75mg asprin daily during the pg and that she would refer me to a dr in that hosp who had an interest in women with that kind of condition who would prob do further investigations. Sadly my pg ended before that could happen.
I had to go back to hosp for a scan on mon which showed most of the "products" had gone and my womb lining was returning to normal so no need for an op (thank gd). My difficulty this time is that when I was in the toilet on sun morning I felt a dropping sensation (sorry for tmi) and had to fish out object which was very clearly the fetus) then panicked as I didn't know what to do with it so in the end had to get lovely dh to bury it in the garden. Sorry for such a long disjointed ramble it is just hard to know where to turn to.
I've had a very quick read through some of these posts and also just want to say I am so sorry for all of your losses. Mc is such a devastating thing.

poppy, im sorry for your loss..
its difficult for all of us who have been trying to conceive for a long time and then miscarries.
i hope you take a good rest as your body needs it.
its good that you came here to chat and share your experience with us so we can all share our sadness/sorrow together

charliesmum, emotionally i feel better than last wk but occasionally i do feel my tummy and realised its gone dh thinks im only moaning due to the pains,cramps n bleeding last wk and not grieving but at night i do cry silently when i think of it. my dh is mean isnt he?
how r u doing right now?

I am so sorry everyone for everything you are all going through. I am on my second miscarriage at the moment - a missed miscarriage - it stopped growing at 8w 6days and I should be 10w 3 days today. The hospital can't fit me in for an ERPC until next Wednesday so I am booked in for then and still feeling in total limbo. Had another scan this morning which confirmed what they had thought at a scan last week. Finding it all very hard to deal with 2nd time round, especially as it took a whole year to conceive after my first miscarriage, can't bear the thought of having to wait another whole year and then for it all to happen again. Looking forward to it all being over this time so we can start TTC again asap. I can't help thinking how unfair this all is for all of us. Why does the world seem to be full of happy pregnant women wherever I look? My best friend is at exactly the same stage as I was and she is happily pregnant with exactly the same due date. I can't even talk to her about all this - anyone else had a similar experience? Of course I am so thrilled for her, but at the moment finding it all quite hard to deal with - especially as she had only been trying for 1 month and it all came as a bit of a surprise. I feel like such a bad person for feeling so envious, but I am so so sad. Sorry for rambling on, it is very theraputic just letting it all out!! Good luck everyone, my thoughts are with you. Any feedback on ERPC would be gratefully received, very scared - last time I had a natural miscarriage and it was much earlier. Thank you xxx

htheH,
im so sorry you are going through a mc try not to stress too much cos' i know how you are feeling right now. i myself was in the same position as you just 2 wks back, in a limbo till i got discharge n bleeding then went for a scan few days later n found out its all over..
is this your 1st htheh?
i am trying for my 1st and talking abt your bestfriend, i do have a friend who got pregnant when i just miscarried and it was so difficult for me to accept cos' its her 3rd and i keep asking why its so unfair to me..
regarding the erpc, i havent had any of that yet till i have my scan done.
i hope you take care of yourself and do chat with us whenever u want ..

Oh, I am so sorry for all your losses. HtheH - I found it very hard after losing my first baby to be around pregnant people, and when I did pregnant with dd2 I sometimes felt quite guilty - wondered if some poor soul had just lost a baby and looked at my bump and felt sad. My best friend was pregnant at the time - it was hard, but she accepted how I felt, and we're better friends than ever now. It's not bad to feel this way - it's really normal, and it will pass.
Just had my second ERPC on Friday, as I had a molar pregnancy, and the first one didn't get everything (they didn't know it was molar then). It was fine - very quick, straightforward and painless. Make sure you have someone to take care of you the next day - you may feel quite tired and sleepy from the GA. And take a book - the waiting around can be a bit dull!

Nandos - it is my second miscarriage but very different to my first, that one was earlier and I started bleeding and it was all over quite quickly, my body seems to be holding onto this one I havn't had any bleeding or cramps or anything, I still feel totally pregnant it is all very weird. Thank you Habbibu and Nandos for your kind words. Thank god for Mumsnet! This really is the best support. I can't wait to feel back to normal, the disappointment and sadness is unbearable at times. My husband is wonderful, hopefully it won't be long until we can start ttc again, 3rd time lucky?!

its good to know that you have a supportive dh HtheH
im in the stage where im trying to find out when im going to have my 1st period after mc.
some ppl on MN says its between 4-6 wks..im just worried if i become irregular after this or my cycles will be messed up to a point i dont know when my next period will be.

Poppy, I am so very sorry about your mc's, it must be just awful to be going through this again... I was very sad when I read about the foetus, but although it must have been a horrific ordeal to have passed it, maybe the fact that it is in the garden will give you some comfort in the future. Please come back and see us if you need to talk.

nandos, sorry to agree but yes I think it sounds like he's being a little mean. It must be very difficult to try to get through this without as much support as you should be getting. A friend of mine had a mc three years ago, her dh was 'relieved' as he hadn't wanted the baby - I spoke to her about my mc on Monday and she was more upset than I was. She didn't have any support and no-one to talk to, must be so difficult for her. She said she cried every night for a year. Don't let anyone else dictate how you grieve. Your feelings are valid and important, so if maybe dh isn't being as supportive as he could be then it's because a lot of men are just crap. No excuse but it's true...

I'm doing okay i think, thanks for asking. Still numb most of the time which is probably what's helping me through. Going for acupuncture again next week, and am going to take acupuncturist's advice as to when we should start ttc again.

HtheH, I'm so very sorry too for your losses, you must be devastated. I am so sad for you. With regards to the ERPC I had one almost three weeks ago and physically it was fine - don't be scared. By the time I had mine (3 days after I started bleeding) I was so distraught by what had happened that I didn't care what they did to me. However, it is a very simple process and there was very little cramping afterwards. As Habbibu said have someone there the next day - I wasn't too tired but emotionally it was a tough day. Look after yourself, and get lots of rest - do you feel tired now?

ps. hope you do get lucky next time round!

Habbibu, for you too, am so sorry. Hope you're okay after the ERPC's... How are you feeling?

Hi everyone. I've just been lurking but thought I'd post. Had mc in Jan - found out at 12 week scan. I just wanted to say that the thing that has hit me most about all this is how rubbish some people are at knowing what to say etc and how brilliantly supportive others are - and you can never guess who's going to 'get it' and understand, and who won't.

Someone I thought would be amazingly supportive (whose first child died at 10 days old) hasn't even mentioned it to me (apart from initially)- maybe she doesn't see my loss as anything as much as hers. Other people I scarely know (often men) have been wonderful.

One good friend was 9 weeks ahead of me and had her baby a few weeks ago. She has still not said anything to me about my mc even though I brought it up a few times. Now I feel I can't really be bothered with her. I don't really want just 'fair-weather' friends, if you know what I mean.

Just wanted to get this off my chest really as even now, four months later, I am still hurt by how some people responded. I know I need to get over it, and I am, but even so... Anyway, it has made me a LOT more sensitive to other people.