Am so sad and miserable...

[beakas]

Came out of hospital just over a week ago now after going for a scan at 16 weeks and finding no heart beat. First baby for us, we tried for so long and I just feel like my heart is going to break. Have had days where I think I'm fine but there seem to be pregnant ladies EVERYWHERE! and that just sets me off again...maybe I came back to work too soon, I don't know. Have also been told am being made redundant at end of June. Everyhing is going wrong. Have a fabulous husband who is being great, and lots of support from family but I still feel so alone.I just can't believe it happened so late..thought once I had got the first 12 weeks over with it would all be ok...

Hey Southern Belle. Not sure I can say anything to make you feel better but am thinking of you. Have you got any holidays, night out etc to look forward to?

I'm still a bit up and down too (and the headaches are back - af on the way already?) but I figure my body thought it was pregnant for over 6 weeks from conception, so it's going to take a while to get back to normal. Still, it's a bit pants - that could be the understatement of the year!

Hi! I've been lurking around this thread for a while but hesitated posting as I don't like to think of being sad and miserable IYKWIM. I think it's good though to allow yourself to be down for a while. I just don't want to wallow!

My story is a little long - so won't bore you - but basically trying to conceive dc1 and have had to have 2 ERPCs in the last 10 weeks with the most recent one being Monday just gone. DH is away this evening and I'm just feeling low. Can't really put it into words and I think that's partly cos I'm trying not to think about it. It's getting more and more difficult though and the last few nights I've waited to go to bed until I'm completely dropping off as I don't want to have to lie in bed and think about things.

I know you will all have been through similar and unfortunately mc is all to common. It just doesn't make it any easier to deal with though. I really feel as if I should be able to be getting on with things by now.

Hi ses I can fully appreciate the just wanting to get on feeling but unfortunately the mind sometimes has other ideas. I have had 2 natural mc's since Feb this year and I felt the 1st time I was really pragmatic but after the 2nd I just felt devastated. I was woken every night with vivid nightmares and felt really weepy and I just had to work through my grief. Think I have turned a corner now and am praying that AF is coming as I am soooo moody it must be near! Felt unsure about ttc again but have discussed with DH and have decided to go for it with age and health being a factor (I have RA).

I allowed myself a cry in the morning when DS was at school then I pulled myself together so I wouldn't look teary at hometime. Sometimes a wee cry in the shower was good - all that water to hide it! Rest of the time I just felt like I was going through the motions as I'm sure you do too. I hope you feel better soon. Will be thinking about you.

Thanks Poppy, that's exactly what it is - going through the motions. It's just that sometimes it makes me a bit ratty and emotional at times when I least expect it and can't seem to control it. Not often but I think it's the fact that I know it can happen that scares me. Am back at work on Monday so I guess that will be a milestone to get past. (I did go back a week after first ERPC for about 7 or 8 weeks but have been off again for 2nd one).

hi ses,
just read your post and am very sorry to hear abt your mc. i hope you are feeling better after the erpc..
i have been here last month due to my mc and it really helps discussing with others who also experienced the same thing so dont hesitate to share it with us whenever u feel like it..
poppy..crying in the shower does help and i did that while experiencing a mmc last month.
i am now ttc and just recently been a bit brave to go to the conception room but somehow once a while i go to this miscarriage room to have a chat..the sadness is still there..
i hope when you are ready to ttc both mentally and physically, do come over to the conception thread..
theres always someone to help or give advice..

Hi Ses - know exactly what you mean. Am quite perky by nature but am letting myself be a bit more grumpy/stroppy/weepy as the mood takes me. I've seen your story on a couple of other threads and after 2 ERPCs in 10 weeks you've every right to wallow - or not - depending on how you feel!

Bear in mind the anaesthetic (spelling?) may still be playing a part too. A couple of people have told me they felt awful weeks after having a general and your body's been through a lot.

Have you thought about any alternative therapies? Having seen some of the other threads I've decided to give reflexology a go. Figured that anything that helps me chill out and feel better is worth trying (just don't fancy acupuncture!)

Anyway, don't feel too bad about being sad and miserable with the rest of us!

Poppy I feel unsure about TTC after 1 m/c - can't imagine what's it's like for you after 2

Thanks all.

mrsmarsbar - you could be right about the GA. It also wasn't the best experience on Monday because as I was coming round in recovery, my BP dropped suddenly to 55/25 and I felt like I was going to pass out. Wasn't sue if I was awake enough to get someone's attention but fortunately someone noticed and they quickly gave me some atropine and more fluids. Do you ever feel like drama follows you around???!

I think this evening I just felt worse as, with DH away, there's no one here to stay perky for.

I've had reflexology before and it helped with IBS so may be a good idea again - thanks!

I found I felt much worse when I was left to my own devices. I coped by surrounding myself with people, I begged my mother-in-law to stay longer than she intended after my MC and when she left I went to my sister's just so I wouldn't be alone. But if you feel fed up while your DH is away please feel free to vent with us here! We can give you a cyber hug at least.

I found I felt much worse when I was left to my own devices. I coped by surrounding myself with people, I begged my mother-in-law to stay longer than she intended after my MC and when she left I went to my sister's just so I wouldn't be alone. But if you feel fed up while your DH is away please feel free to vent with us here! We can give you a cyber hug at least.

Durr I seem to be repeating myself. Sorry everyone.

Ses, I too can really appreciate what you're feeling. I've had 2 mcs now - Nov07 and Mar this year - and I thought I was totally fine, but when the due date a couple of weeks ago came, it took me by surprise. I felt quite upset for a few days and couldn't put my finger on it, then realised what it was. So now we're ready to ttc again, but I feel scared it may happen again. We are very luck that we already have 2 dcs, but the sadness and grief is still there and everyone is different and will deal with it in their own way. It's a cliche, but you do need to give yourself time. I think the sadness diminshes, but it never really goes completely - let's face it, MC is a truly sad event.

Good luck to you - MN has been greta for me so I hope it helps you too in some way. x

Thank you for all being so lovely Am feeling better today. Still feeling apprehensive about work on Monday but actually if I allow myself to just go through the motions that day and don't beat myself up for not being at usual pace and focus then it shouldn't be so bad.

MN really is great and I just hope it won't be long before I can be a mum on mumsnet!

Hope everyone else is ok today?

I agree, my two MCs have been two of the saddest events in my life, second to my grandma dying when I was 16. I still get upset about the first one (happened between my two DSs being born) and I think part of the problem with that one was the way the news was relayed to me. It was discovered at my 12 week scan and the sonographer said, I can remember her exact words, 'I have some bad news, I can't detect a heartbeat, I think the baby died very recently judging by its size, I'm very sorry...the best thing is for you to come back on Monday for a D&C'. It was just horrible as I had had no symptoms at all and had been really happy about seeing my baby on screen for the first time. I still think of that baby now and then. My more recent one was a bit less harrowing because I was treated with much more kindness by the sonographer this time. It really makes a huge difference to how you cope with it. But I think you never forget each MC, however many you suffer. I'm very nervous about it happening again but who knows? It could all work out next time around for all of us.

Horrah - my AF has FINALLY arrived yetserday! i know it sounds crazy, but as its taken 6 weeks to come, i was really starting to think it wouldnt, and that id never get back to normal and being able to ttc (feared maybe there was something wrong as it hadnt arrived!). So now im going to go over to conception thread in a few days, but will deffo check in here too as still feel bit sad from time to time. I cant see any ttc after mc threads in conception area, so will start one up, pls speak to me there :-) ses, my first day back at work was 2 weeks after mc. first day was tough,but after that was fine, and a good distraction actually. good luck xxx

I'm sure it will Becky. I think we just need to hang on to that hope and the fact that most women who have mc go on to have perfectly healthy pregnancies

Good luck for Monday ses EmmaPP is right - it's a good distraction. I've been back a fortnight (as long as I had off) and being back definitely helped take my mind off it.

Have had reflexology this weekend too - was fabulous. Felt calmer and more 'up beat' after it. I hope it lasts!!

Thanks Emma and mrsmarsbar - I'm feeling a little bit better about going back tomorrow.

Hope everyone's enjoying their wkend and got some sunshine

which "conception" threads are some of you on...got AF so not TTC yet, but would like to see where you are all at as cant see any specific TTC after MC threads there...

Hi Guys,

Hope you don't mind me butting in for a moan, but the title of this thread sums up how I'm feeling at the mo... It'd be lovely to know that I'm not alone, or to hear any of your ideas for dealing with the emotional fall out.

All weekend I've been grumpy and irritable, and DH & I have been niggling each other... all of which is out of character and I find it really distressing.

We saw a really good friend with an 8wk old yesterday evening, and she was mega tired and worried about him sleeping, fretting about cot death etc (she's shattered). Although she was in a pretty bad state I just felt envious of her, which is insane! And also bad that because I'm a non-mum, I didn't even know what to do to reassure her... (any ideas, those with kids?)

It has been 2.5 wks since the miscarriage and even my mum has stopped asking if I'm ok on the phone... I seem fine outwardly (and to be fair I am most of the time) so people assume that I am over it, I think. But I'm not.

It is almost like I'm holding it together during the week for work, and then it hits me at the weekend when I wind down.

grr, I'm so fed up with this!

Oh tntb - you're not alone! I had a m/c almost three weeks ago after a week of waiting for the scan to confirm it (then had a natural m/c, followed by already scheduled ERPC - a great couple of days!) and it was only this w/e that i can finally think, 'actually, am a bit fed up of being fed up'.

So - booked myself in for a haircut, had some reflexology, have seen lots of friends and drunk some fizzy booze (just cava but it's still nice!) in the sunshine! And I think I'm starting to turn a corner. That's not to say I won't be back here tho for a secret moan.

But - I think you can only take it a day at a time. After a busy week at work next week, I might feel very differently. And we have to grieve - and that means different things to different people. Not sure if that's helpful or not, and in the meantime, feel free to come for a moan anytime!

EmmaPP I think there are some m/c avenger threads but not sure...I feel like I need one that says 'TTC, but pretending I'm not really trying' as I want to try and avoid as much pressure as possible next time..when a/f arrives, I might start one .

tnto - you really are not alone - which I'm sure you've seen if you've read the rest of the posts on this thread. It really does feel like it sometimes though, I know. Feel free to offload here. I also have found it difficult with DH as we just haven't really talked about it all as much as maybe I would have liked but then I don't want to drag him down...

mmb - you're right. I think we just need to take a day at a time. I think to begin with I was almost doing an hour at a time.

Emma - I'm on the wagoners ttc thread but I like your suggested title! If you ever get round to starting it, let me know and I'll see you there!

Thanks for the responses... I actually felt better yesterday evening just for offloading anyway!

Like you say Ses, it's hard to talk about it with DH, because I know I'll cry, which upsets both of us, so sometimes it is easier not to bother!

mmb, sounds like you got the full works - natural mc and ERPC, lucky lucky you... Thanks for your ideas... I need a haircut, so I'm def going to book one, always a good perker upper!

I'm torn between wanting to snap myself out of sad moods by distracting myself, and part of me thinking 'it needs to come out somehow, so just let yourself feel sad for a bit'. Balance is hard.

I hope that everyone is feeling on top of things today and enjoying the sunshine.... Ses, if my lurking memory is right, I think it was your 1st day back at work... hope it is going/went ok.

ses - how was it today? If you managed to cry fewer than 3 times you did better than me on my first day back

tntoo I was very lucky! My alternative was to wait a fortnight, have a scan and then have an ERPC if necessary...but for the sake of my sanity, I needed to know it was all over...

Doesn't the sun help make things seem better?!

Hi all!! Well survived first day but have to say I have come home and put my PJs on as feeling a bit low. Scan this morning at EPU was all clear so just need to do a hpt in about a week (I want it to be -ve!!???) and wait for AF now.

Got into work at about midday. Was greeted by a sign at the top of the stairs congratulating another member of staff on the birth of her son and then when I got downstairs there was another sign saying the same with balloons. I guess that didn't help. I did at that point just go back up to my office as I felt the tears come. I guess not all my staff knew what had happened with me though. One of them asked if I'd had a good two weeks holidays!!

Hopefully tomorrow can only get better.....

Sorry, that last post really does sound v sad and miserable. It wasn't that bad really!