Am so sad and miserable...

[beakas]

Came out of hospital just over a week ago now after going for a scan at 16 weeks and finding no heart beat. First baby for us, we tried for so long and I just feel like my heart is going to break. Have had days where I think I'm fine but there seem to be pregnant ladies EVERYWHERE! and that just sets me off again...maybe I came back to work too soon, I don't know. Have also been told am being made redundant at end of June. Everyhing is going wrong. Have a fabulous husband who is being great, and lots of support from family but I still feel so alone.I just can't believe it happened so late..thought once I had got the first 12 weeks over with it would all be ok...

Southernbelle - I think we went through this about the same time (I started to m/c last tuesday and had (already booked) ERPC a week ago today) and I've also had dreadful headaches the last 3 days. Is it our hormones again!? Paracetamol and sleep are the only things helping me. Although I also tried the diet coke, grazia magazine and chocolate remedy (worked briefly)!

Make sure you try and get some rest if you can, and take some time out. It's not been that long.

Thanks for the acupuncture tip msdynamo .

I think you are right mrsmarbar, it is probably the hormones changing again causing the headaches. It did happen at the same time (my mc started on tues too) for us and it is still soon afterwards so hopefully the headaches will go soon. Actually, today has been better. Apart from a really massive one this morning, this afternoon has been better. Probably helped by dd being at preschool and the children I mind being asleep so it was very peaceful!

Being back at work has actually been good for me today and I have enjoyed it alot so that is good. I'm sure when they go home and I relax I will be exhausted mind you

did anyone else put on weight as a result of mopping around due to mc? i've put on 6 pounds, almost half a stone, as ate more than my fair share of cheese and sat on sofa for 2 weeks! its a bummer to shift that weight now! still no AF...been 4 weeks now...itching to start TTC but advised not to until after AF by hospital... xx

Hi EmmaPP. Yes, having lost almost half a stone in the week between the 2 scans to confirm mmc, it's all back on now. The cheese and chocolate has not helped me at all!

Southernbelle - how are the headaches?

hi mrsmarsbar, headaches still coming and going. Thought it was ok this morning until I had the worst one ever and hurt to even move my head or neck. Thankfully it went with a dose of paracetamol plus so feeling ok now!

Now i'm trying to do my accounts which is another headache in itself!!

How are you feeling today?

Hello all, having a bad day today. I told a friend about the mc and it made me feel sad for the rest of the day. Not sure talking about it helps. I am really struggling with sadness and loneliness, even though I'm not alone I feel it. It's strange.

Sorry you are having a bad day msdynamo.

It's a difficult time. I know what you mean about feeling lonely even though you are not alone. For me, I feel alone in my thoughts,if that makes any sense. A lot of things I don't say to dh as I feel he will think I'm dwelling on it too much and being silly (he probably wouldn't think that, but just don't want him to itms - probably not!)

I'm finding talking about it helping me at the moment but we are all different and things affect us in different ways.

Do what is best for you.

Thanks southernbelle, I know that time will help too.

Hi all, am doing alright. Headaches gone, but had a few cramps. Get the feeling some people think I should be getting over it - it's only been a week!

Msdynamo - how's your day been? Any better? I'm finding I can only take one day as it comes. Some days are much much better than others.

Hi Guys

I've just returned from my hen weekend in Cambridge and it was lovely and a real tonic for me but I did get a bit maudlin because the bride's sister announced during the meal in the evening that she was pregnant with her second and due in December. The same month as was going to be due in and she was gushing on about how happy she was and how she was hiding her little bump and it just hit me all over again (I had to go hide in the loos while I recovered my composure). I felt better after that though and just tried to be happy for her. It was another Grrrrr moment though.

Oh becky it's awful when you have to smile and be happy for someone else when you feel that it should be you as well. I had a bit of a bad week last week and really lost it on Wed morn. Had had my hair cut and coloured the day before and the hairdresser who is normally really great cut it a bit short for my liking and the next day when trying to style it myself I just got so upset that dh came upstairs all worried with my crying over and over about hating my hair. Then he said it's not really about the hair is it and I just broke down. It was my mums birthday at the weekend and the town gala and a big family get together and before the mc that was when I had planned on telling all the relatives and now that was not going to happen. Anyway I felt so much better a couple of days later and the family "do" was good. Feeling much more positive this week after releasing my rage. Just praying for AF to show up now and get back to ttc.

Learning the bongos sounds great though!

poppy27 im with you on the waiting for AF thing...it's been over 5 weeks for me now, really want to ttc but cant till AF (dr's said so). i also relate to your moment becky...got a family gathering this sat and was going to announce then, and also my cousin will be there who's same amount pregnant as i would have been, very sad . they all know about mc and been sympathetic etc, but will be hard. it's been 5 weeks for me now and after first 2 weeks i then felt LOADS better, but have now hit a plateau, ie dont feel much better - still dissapointed, bit sad etc. plus i was going to go to new zealand for a year with dh in my maternity year off, to live near my mum out there - so that plan as now had to be postponed too .

My AF arrived today. So that's good news (never thought I'd be happy to have a period!). We are going to start TTC this month.

Hi BeckyBendyLegs, hope you don't mind me joining you here - I've been lurking for a while. I've been really touched by your posts as it seems we're in a similar position. I have DD (5yrs) and DS (2) and had a MMC in Nov07 (at 9weeks) and another MC in March (5wks). Just started trying again and feel very funny about the whole thing - some days scared in case I miscarry again and some days (today!) excited.

Anyway, just wanted to say hello. Great news about AF - it's a relief when it finally happens and you realise your body is getting back to normal. I found it really helped me in being able to move on.

Just noticed you mention Cambridge and I live very near to there - are you in this area too?

Hi Loveverona hello to you too! Your situation does sound very similar to mine. I'm desperate for another one! I'm really nervous about having another MC but have nothing to lose by trying again.

I don't live near Cambridge, in fact I live near Oxford (though we are about to move northwards).

Congrats on AF becky and good luck with ttc! It does seem really odd to be so excited about something I normally dread!

Welcome loveverona sorry to hear of your losses, hope it all goes well for you this time.

I'm getting impatient waiting for AF now although it is just over 4 weeks since mc hopefully it won't be far away.

That's a good way to look at it Becky - nothing to lose - I'd never really looked at it that way. The worry has taken over a bit I think. It's just so strange when you have two textbook, successful pregnancies then go on to have 2 MCs. I still can't really get my head around it. Let's just hope it's 'bad luck' in our cases and that it'll all turn out OK 3rd time lucky.

I'm personally not desperate for another, but would love one, if that makes sense. Although if I had another MC I'd be devastated - my DH and I have pretty much decided to give it one more try and if I MC again to then call it a day. I'm worried about tempting fate by keeping TTC when we already have two healthy DCs. Not sure how much I can put myself through, emotionally and physically. In reality though, if the worst happened, it may of course be very different....!

Hi poppy27. Thanks for your kind words. I have to say I've found a great deal of comfirt and support on these pages, not necessarily posting every time but reading other's stories. I know it's a cliche, but it does make you realise you're not alone.

Fingers crossed for everyone!

That's a good way to look at it Becky - nothing to lose - I'd never really looked at it that way. The worry has taken over a bit I think. It's just so strange when you have two textbook, successful pregnancies then go on to have 2 MCs. I still can't really get my head around it. Let's just hope it's 'bad luck' in our cases and that it'll all turn out OK 3rd time lucky.

I'm personally not desperate for another, but would love one, if that makes sense. Although if I had another MC I'd be devastated - my DH and I have pretty much decided to give it one more try and if I MC again to then call it a day. I'm worried about tempting fate by keeping TTC when we already have two healthy DCs. Not sure how much I can put myself through, emotionally and physically. In reality though, if the worst happened, it may of course be very different....!

Hi poppy27. Thanks for your kind words. I have to say I've found a great deal of comfort and support on these pages, not necessarily posting every time but reading other's stories. I know it's a cliche, but it does make you realise you're not alone.

Fingers crossed for everyone!

Ooops, twice there. And COMFORT!

That's how I look at it. I've had two successful pgs and two MCs. I'm not sure what I would do if I have another MC. It is a real rollercoster each time, the whole early pregnancy thing as well: the tiredness, sickness, etc. Last time I felt more sick than before and what was keeping me going was thinking 'its worth it in the end' and when it turned out to be a MC I just felt so weary as well as sad and bereft. It is very tirying don't you think? My mum advised me not to try again (which in a way made me more determined not to be beaten and to do it all again). She was worried about the effect it would have on me. I told her that the maternal instinct is too strong.

I agree, it is exhausting and with 2 already, it's not going to be easy. But then, as you say, it's so worth it in the end and you know that so it keeps you going. I've been lucky and not suffered too badly with sickness etc, but the tiredness is what does it for me. I'm tired enough as it is at the moment with working from home, house, kids, usual!

Mums will always advise against it I think, because they're generally just worried for us, but with something like this you have to go with what you feel. I know all the reasons not to have a third, but I still want one and that feeling never goes away. I don't want to get a few years down the line (I'm 36) and regret not trying again.

I'm 36 as well (and I work from home - at the moment every spare minute it feels like). Well fingers crossed for everyone on this thread. Who knows what the future holds? I do look at my two DSs (at the moment playing a game about going to Sainsbury's - still in their pyjamas as today is the only day they have all day at home with me so no preschool to rush off to) and count myself lucky to have them. Everytime I read my stars (not often as we don't have a newspaper delivered but whenever I am in a cafe) they always say 'be glad for what you've got'.

Absolutely! Guess I'd better find me a TTC thread... Hope to see you all there.

WARNING: do not listen to the new Coldplay album if you are feeling even remotely down. I went to town this morning to look for a wedding outfit (and was in a relatively happy mood at the time) and on the way I was listening to Coldplay and I started to cry... It all came flooding back to me. I was really annoyed with myself for being so emotional. I shouldn't listen to sad men music!

I'm feeling low today. I've been doing really well and positive etc but today I'm finding just getting through hard(ish). I think it might be because I af has arrived and I guess hormones are still all over the place as it was only 2 weeks ago that I had my mc.

Part of me wants to ttc again right now but we've decided to wait (which I know is for the best).

I don't know what's really going on in my head at the moment tbh!