Am so sad and miserable...

[beakas]

Came out of hospital just over a week ago now after going for a scan at 16 weeks and finding no heart beat. First baby for us, we tried for so long and I just feel like my heart is going to break. Have had days where I think I'm fine but there seem to be pregnant ladies EVERYWHERE! and that just sets me off again...maybe I came back to work too soon, I don't know. Have also been told am being made redundant at end of June. Everyhing is going wrong. Have a fabulous husband who is being great, and lots of support from family but I still feel so alone.I just can't believe it happened so late..thought once I had got the first 12 weeks over with it would all be ok...

Morning! How is everyone today?

Went to go and see SATC last night, was brill! Only had 4 sweeties from my bag of pic'n'mix though, so am feeling very disappointed in myself Felt rather emotional driving home, in fact I cried all the way - think I got so into the film that I started to feel things again, whereas for the last few weeks I've just been numb. Felt very sad. Doing okay today though, but I have big puffy eyes. Nice.

EmmaPP, not sure what it is - what's happening today? My AF started last Thursday, but I had spotting for two days before that so was confused then too. Maybe it is AF starting slowly? How long did you bleed for after your mc?

m2o, how are you?

ps m2o reflexology sounds good - glad you're calmer...

pps (brain not in gear yet today ) msdynamo, have been to acupuncturist twice now since mc - one in UK (my normal lady) and one over here (Brussels). He was very interesting and gave me tips about how to increase my energy levels so that next time hopefully things might be okay. Both sessions have helped me loads and I would certainly recommend it as a way of helping your body get through this tough time. Since I went to go and see the guy here I have had more energy than I can remember having for a very, very long time - feel like a different woman!

Have also had a colleague at work do some kind of acupressure on me that helped loads as well. That was to help with the grief, and since she worked her magic I've felt much stronger.

There's a website you could go to to check out acupuncturists near you if you're interested - take a look at this

I think I must be the only one who hasn't seen Sex and the City now .

I find I feel numb most of the time and can get along with life on a nice even keel and then something will set me off (perhaps like you charliesmum after watching SATC) and I'll just cry loads all of a sudden. It's like having PMT all the time. I cried a bit last night but that was the first time this week I think.

charliesmum22 i just rang EPU at hospital who said spotting is totally normal...but that i cant count it as AF and need to wait for AF before TTC :-( boring. we want to move on and get up the spout again! plus condoms are crap!plus ive got DH not drinking until i conceive, so sperm can swim fully - lol! EPU said i dont need a scan (they are sooo tight in Watford about giving out scans, u dont even get a 12 week pregnancy scan here!).
so sorry to hear you had a teary time...i think anything emotional can set us off at this sad time. i heard a remix of Adele's "in my home town" song when i was driving and that made me cry last week!!! the lyrics werent even sad!! just the melody was emotional! But generally im HEAPS HEAPS better. dont really get sad anymore, and i can relate to the feeling numb bit. in fact i worry now that i am too "over it", and am perhaps really blocking it out...who knows.

Morning
becky you are not the only one who hasn't seen SATC now - I've still not been yet and as none of my pals like it!!!! I was going to go alone when DH offered to come (prob so I don't look like a billy no mates)

m2o glad epu put your mind at rest over the bleeding.

Know what you mean about feeling strangely emotional just now. I'm either on the brink of tears or losing the rag over things that don't normally bother me. Bit hyped up today as DS finds out who his new P2 teacher will be and feeling really sad that P1 has gone past so quickly. Last night we got invited to the school for a short talk and a tour of the classrooms by the children. DS was proudly pointing out all the things he has made over the year, the minibeasts they have been studying etc. He was so excited it was lovely and I felt v emotional.

Hi charliesmum, thanks for the info re acupuncturists. It's quite hard to choose from that list, I always prefer word of mouth. I contacted the Zita West clinic about their acupuncture and they charge 120 then 80 per session. Is that normal? Seems very pricey.

If it got results it would be worth it though

Everyone else, SATC should cheer you up. But I know what you mean about things setting you off. I was feeling fine today, till a friend phoned me up and asked about my pg. I had to break the news and they were very upset, which set me off. What upsets me more is when people suddenly take the view that I've had a difficult and unlucky life and this is one more sad thing happening. My life hasn't been that bad! I don't want pity and I don't want to be written off as a sad case. Damn it!!! OK, rant over! Sorry about that.

I actually feel quite lucky. I have a great BF and a beautiful home, all happened in the last year. And a cute dog. What more could I want? OK, there could be more, but I'm just saying it's not that bad!!!!

Wow that's expensive msdynamo! Where are you? My lady's in the North West if that's any help? Think she charged £50 for first session and then it's £36 after (i think - i have a crap memory, but it's £30something)

I can relate to the 'it's not that bad' feeling - aren't we lucky to be able to think that. But, a baby would be the icing on the cake...

In many ways I feel very guilty for feeling sad about my MC or for moaning here when I feel upset because I do have two lovely boys (one of which is now a bit less green than he was earlier today!) and for that fact I feel incredibly lucky. And this just makes me hope with all my heart that those of you who haven't yet had children or have one and want another do have successful pregnancies soon . That would be the icing on the cake for me.

Becky that is so sweet of you, it's a lovely thought.

Hi, hope you don't mind me joining in.

Found out today that I'm having a miscarriage. Went to epu and had scan to find that at 12 weeks I was only measuring 8 weeks and there was no heartbeat. Might have to go back to epu on Monday for ERPC (think that's right!)but will see how the rest of the week and weekend goes.

Kind of run out of tears right now. Don't know what I'm thinking about anything. Feeling numb.

All I can think about is how lucky we are to have a beautiful and amazing daughter already.

Who knows what the future holds. For right now I am grateful to have my dh with me and our dd too.

not usually up at this time, but well, can't sleep tonight and hungry to boot so currently catching up on Eastenders and eating marmite sandwichs!

Hi SB, glad you came and found us. I really am so sorry for what's happened

I can't write much as I'm rushing off to work, but I'll come back on when I get back.

I will be thinking of you, try and rest today - have you got someone there with you?

Hi southernbelle I remember you from the Dec 08 thread. You poor thing, my thoughts are with you today. It's just so sad that it's happened to so many of us from December. My DSs really helped me get through the first few days after I started to MC so I hope your DD helps you to. They didn't really know what was happening except that suddenely mummy kept giving them more cuddles than normal.

Hi southernbelle, I'm so sorry to hear your news. it's a terrible disappointment. I just had a mmc at 11 weeks, baby died at 7, so I know what it's like. The next few days will be tough but it does get better with time.

If you are offered the procedure I found it helps, because everything is removed quickly which really helps to deal with the physical and emotional side.

We are here if you want to talk. Thinking of you x

Am booked in for monday and will go in tomorrow for pre-assessment. They said if it happens naturally over the next few days then still go in and they will scan to make sure it's all gone and if not at least I won't lose my slot.

It feels surreal and weird right now. Feel that I should be feeling differently to what I am. Yesterday was hard, today just feels strange. Just want to get on and sort out the house and not talk to anyone in real life about it. Seems easier that way.

Off to do girly things with dd.

Thanks for all your kind words.

hi southernbelle,
im sorry to hear abt your mc. It must be a big shock for you Hopefully everything will be ok on Monday and try to get lots of rest.
xx hugs xx

southernbelle so sorry, i totally sympathise with how you feel...same happened to me 3 weeks ago (I was on Decemberthread too) . i can promise you that it does get better. hang in there xx

hi southernbelle so sorry for your loss. Try and rest as much as you can and take comfort from your lovely dd. Will be thinking about you on mon , hope it goes ok.
xx

Ahhhhh I am feeling very sad and miserable at the moment. We are in the middle of selling and buying a house and our buyer, who from hereonin will be referred to as 'the money-grabbing witch' is trying to get us to lower the price we've already agreed upon for the house for repairs to the house that came up in the survey. Thing is the amount she is talking about seem huge and some of the things are obvious for a period property like this one. We accepted a much lower price than the asking price and assumed that a certain amount of maintenance were included in her mind given the age of the house. She's asking us to reduce the price by £10k. We don't have £10k lying around to give to her, the money-grabbing witch!!! Oooooh I am so at the moment! Grrrrrr. Definitely a grrrrrr moment. I need a gin and tonic!! Problem is we have some tonic but no gin!

Hi Becky, sorry you're feeling down. Hope you've managed to find some gin? Do you have to reduce the price? She defo sounds like a witch to me!

SouthernBelle, good luck for tomorrow. I went through exactly what you said in your post - I had 3 days of letting things happen naturally and then went in for an ERPC (they scanned me first too). My mc was 5 weeks ago now, and my advice to you would be just to go with however you're feeling. Do whatever you feel like doing to get through this, and gradually, with a bit of time, and a lot of support, the pain will start to ease. It's still not easy, but each day is different - it really is an emotional rollercoaster. We'll be here whenever you need to talk x

Hope everyone else is okay?

We've agreed with the money grabbing witch to reduce the price by £5,000. I didn't find any gin but did find some white wine which had been lingering under the stairs since Christmas and had a glass of that while watching an episode of Desparate Housewives.

How is everyone today? Me and the DSs are up and getting ready for preschool. DS2 wants to do some painting today, after he painted himself green the other day I'm not sure I want to go there again so soon.

Southernbelle I'll be thinking of you this weekend. The last MC I had happened in a very similar way to yours and I found the waiting for the EPRC day very hard. As Charliesmum says it really is an emotional rollercoster, that's a good way to describe it.

becky glad it's all sorted, she had you over a barrel so at least you managed to get it down to half, which is something. And now you can move, which will be nice.

southernbelle hope all went well today at the hospital. I really think the op will help and is the best option under the circumstances.

I had no bleeding for the first time today, and did a pg test and all clear, so on the road to recovery. Just have to wait for AF now and bob's your uncle!

I'm getting a bit impatient waiting for AF... it's three weeks since I had the (natural) miscarriage (and two weeks since I stopped bleeding) and I really just want to try and start conceiving but can't yet until after my first period. Boring. How long did it take everyone else before you got your first period? Last night I had period pains but no bleeding, probably should ring the early pregnancy unit to check that is okay... emotionally I'm pretty much contract back to normal now, don't think about it too much anymore, and in on top of the world and I guess I'm a bit dented by it but not really miserable and sad anymore. DH has thrown himself into redecorating half the house, which is great, but it means he's totally distracted and doesn't really have any time for me and is actually very impatient to be around at the moment as he wants to transform the house overnight and is actually painting even now at this time of night! He's doing it for both of us so I can't really complain, but he is being quite short tempered which is annoying when I'm still a little bit sensitive after what happened. Hey Ho, c'est la vie.

PSI use voice recognition software as I have repetitive Strain Injury so can't type, hence the typos in what I just wrote! I normally check everything I write before sending it didn't that occasion. I meant to say "I am pretty much back on track now and don't think about it too much anymore but I'm not on top of the world"

Hi EmmaPP, feel like we could write a book on men and miscarriage! My bf is similar, he's thrown himself into to work and seems really happy, which I find difficult. He's also been out nearly every night, and accepted invitations to dinner parties and stuff, things I don't feel like doing. And when I say I don't want to go, he goes on his own, which means I'm home alone.

Men handle it so differently. They become super practical, become workaholics, do anything it seems to distract themselves. It really is like they're from a different planet. Its so hard for us at times like this to find empathy, when they show us so little. And they seem to forget what's happened to us.

It's quite a test!