Am so sad and miserable...

[beakas]

Came out of hospital just over a week ago now after going for a scan at 16 weeks and finding no heart beat. First baby for us, we tried for so long and I just feel like my heart is going to break. Have had days where I think I'm fine but there seem to be pregnant ladies EVERYWHERE! and that just sets me off again...maybe I came back to work too soon, I don't know. Have also been told am being made redundant at end of June. Everyhing is going wrong. Have a fabulous husband who is being great, and lots of support from family but I still feel so alone.I just can't believe it happened so late..thought once I had got the first 12 weeks over with it would all be ok...

Yesterday I had the worst day. We went to the hopsital in the morning for the preassessment for Monday. They did a scan but all was still there and had actually got bigger. Everything done for Monday.

DH took me out for lunch afterwards which was nice. Well, that was until it all started to happen naturally (sort of knew something was happening when I was having contraction like pain). Quickly left and went back to car in hope of getting home before anymore. That wasn't going to happen. Thank god we went home one way and not the other as had to call a friend and ask to borrow her bathroom so went there and it really started. It was horrible. When I felt a bit better we quickly headed for home. By the time we got home it was well and truely in full flow. Oh my god, it was awful. I had severe bleeding and clots for 6 hours. Could hardly move and was so faint that I almost collapsed on the toilet more than once. Won't go into anymore detail as it really was just awful.

Still feeling awful now but at least the heaviness has stopped although still very faint and can't walk easily.

I would not wish this on my worst enemy.

Are you writing about my DH? He's the same. He's just been busying himself with work, sorting the house out for moving, planning the move, etc. When I have talked to him about the MC he will talk about it but then when we've finished he'll go off and do something else. It feels like he is helping me get through this rather than we are helping each other. Men are strange creatures.

Southernbelle poor, poor you. I had the exact same sort of experience. It is like a mini-labour I think. I will never forget my MC. Luckily DH was working from home when it happened to me as I also just had to shut myself in the bathroom and get through it while he looked after the DSs. You will have lost a fair bit of blood so take it really easy for the next couple of days. It takes a few days to feel 'normal' again physically. I felt very faint as well and felt really dizzy whenever I stood up. After about 3 days I felt better. .

Southernebelle that sounds awful. Absolutely my worst fear, when I was waiting for the D&C. At least you've got through the worst of it. It's such a pity when you had the op lined up. It must have been very shocking.

Take it easy this weekend, your body should start its recovery process now.

All the best, msdynamo

On the subject of annoying OH's, it's amazing the divorce/separation rate doesn't rocket after an MC. I think if men didn't have sperm to offer us it probably would do!

When I was pg my OH bought me loads of gifts. Since the MC nothing, not even a bunch of flowers. All he said yesterday was 'when are you going to look for a job?. I turned down work when I was pg, rather stupidly, and am facing the rest of the year unemployed at the mo, which is getting me down a bit. So I need treats!!! Lots of them!

southernbelle what a horrible experience that was for you. You really need to rest now and take time to regain your strength as it saps so much energy from us. Be kind to yourself, feet up, chocolate, ice cream good book or magazine to read. You have just had a huge shock. Mine happened in much the same way but luckily I was at home as it came on quite quickly. Like you wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Take care xx

southernbelle so sorry to hear about your MMC and then to have to go through all that trauma and pain. You poor thing. Like some others here, I came over from the Dec thread with a MMC and had an ERPC last week. I cannot imagine how difficult and frightening it must have been for you to go through that. As the others said. Rest up as much as you can. Have you thought about an iron supplement like floridix if you lost a lot of blood? Look after yourself and I hope you get the support you need. xx

Southernbelle- hope you are ok hun. I went through this too. It is just fucking awful, like your body is taking the piss to go through all that to get rid of something you want to desperately keep hold of. hun, you are very brave. ((((((((hugs))))))))) let us all know how you are.

Hope everyone else is good?????

Where is beakas???

I have had my 1st period now!!! Tests are negative!!!! Went out and danced like a loon and got bladdered last night!!!! Please please please listen to me when I say this- it took me and DH 15 months to get our baby,the miscarriage has been long and drawn out- stays in hospital due to blood loss, retained products and infection- BUT you do come out the other side stronger. My big saviour has been TALKING. I tell my friends everything- how I feel, the gory details- sharing the horror has helped me to heal, no doubt. So many people have been through it and just want to help. And now- I feel ready to move on. Close the book and move on. I hope you all feel the same soon- I know it seems a long way off. Only 2 weeks ago I was screaming at DH that I wanted to die with my baby . Grief is an awful thing- I just wanted to let you know that you can and will get over this. All of you. You will never forget but time does heal.

Am going over to the conception thread now- hope to see some of you there one day xxxxx

lots of love everyone- will check in xxxxxx

And thank you- will NEVER EVER forget the support I have recieved on here. Am forever grateful

Good luck mummy2olivia

And now that a few people have moved on to ttc, it leaves us recent MCs to stay and be miserable if we should choose to do so. As this is the aptly named sad and mis thread, I hope you don't mind if I indulge for a mo.

Today I am feeling rather lonely. My OH is away for a few days and I find it really hard to talk to my friends, who have no experience of MC or children. And I don't want to depress them with my feeling sorry for self mood.

Its been two weeks now and although I feel mostly OK, and able to cope, the sense of loss and sadness does return to haunt me on a regular basis

Hi guys

I'm still going to hang around here as well (but will visit the TTC thread too as hopefully soon we'll be ready to TTC!).

msdynamo I'm so sorry you're feeling lonely. I am the same when DH goes away and luckily he hasn't had to yet since the MC. He didn't come home from work until 9pm on Friday night and I found that quite hard. Since my MC I've had this need to be with people as much as possible. I think it's a fear that if I am by myself I'll get upset and I won't be able to handle it.

Thanks for your message becky, it really helped. Being alone is difficult during this time. Today I had to go to the dentist and tell them that I was no longer pg, that was quite hard.

Doing those sort of practical things are horrible, aren't they? I haven't yet returned my NHS free perscriptions card. I don't know why, I just can't bear to do it.

wow! what a relief to read all the msgs and realise we are going thro the same thing. i agree with mumtoolivia about talking to all mates about it - that's really helped. Also, i've spoken over phone to a company called Scottish Care who offer mc counselling which was v. useful if any of you fancy that. southernbelle i too had a natural mc, pain was so bad DH called an ambulance as i couldnt speak and kept vommitting and shaking!! its now 4 weeks and still no sign of AF. Is it 6 weeks from actual mc or 6 weeks from bleeding stopping, before you should go back to clinic? i had period pains last thurs but no AF (could this be infection sign?). rang early pregnancy unit who said that was fine and normal but they werent really listening to what i said! cant/wont move over to conception thread until AF comes. by teh way, which thread there in conception are you all on, i cant see a thread specifically about TTC after MC?

We've been to hospital today and they did scan and it's pretty much all gone. There as a bit of lining left but they think it will go by itself and not to worry unless still bleeding in 2 weeks time. It kind of feels good to know that we can start trying to get back to normal now. My best friend has also been through this so it's been really good to talk to her about it as she's the only one that really knows what I'm talking about in real life!
We have decided that we are going to try and go on a 'dream' holiday, probably to Hawaii if we can. We will then start ttc again after that (won't be going til probably Feb) as I want time for my body to recover as have had 2 mc in 4 months.

Just a very quick one, will try and come back later...

EmmaPP this is the thread that we're on Hope to see you there when you feel ready.

SB, sounds like an excellent idea. You really do need something to look forward to at the moment.

Back later x

Hi - I've been lurking for a couple of weeks but wanted to say thanks.

Had a miscarriage and ERPC last week at 9.5 weeks and through each horrible day, have checked this and the happy thoughts thread and although I wouldn't wish the experience on anyone, it's been so useful to hear your stories and know that I'm not the only one going through it all.

Here's hoping for happy endings for all of us!

Hi mrsmarsbar, I'm so sorry that you've had to go through a miscarriage. It's just awful. This thread has been such a support through the last 6 weeks or so. Don't know what I'd have done without it, and it's lovely to hear that it helps others too.

I hope you've got some really good support and that you give yourself plenty of time. Thinking of you x

msdynamo, how are you feeling today? After reading your post from y'day I just wanted to say that after two weeks you shouldn't be expecting to feel anything other than you do. Two weeks after my mc I was still an absolute mess, just take your time in dealing with this. I'm now 6 weeks on, and yes it has become easier to think about, but at moments is just as upsetting as it was when it first happened. I think we become stronger and (for me anyway) go a bit numb, but the feelings do come to the surface at times. Just know that it does get easier... As for going onto the ttc threads, I feel completely torn. Can't get getting pg again out of my head, but still feel devastated by what happened. Think I will visit both types of threads. Also, I've received so much support on this thread that I feel like I want to give something back to others who are going through a mc. Really don't know how I would've got through it if it wasn't for the people I've 'met' on here.

Thanks charliesmum. DH and DS are fabulous. Wouldn't be getting through it without them.

First day back at work today. msdynamo - I know what you mean about sometimes coping and sometimes not. I think we just have to take each day as it comes (and in my case try not to cry when someone in the office asks how I'm feeling..not knowing why I've been off) .

8southernbelle* Glad you have your friend to talk things over with in rl it really has helped me not to bottle things up this time and pretend I'm ok. The dream holiday sounds a fabby idea, good for mind, body and spirit. It's good to have a goal. We're off to Scarborough in a few weeks with ds and I can't wait to have a break. Just hope there will be some sunshine!!!!!

Hi mrsmarsbar sorry to hear you have been through this awful experience as well. This thread has saved my sanity and made me feel like I am not going through this nightmare alone.

Has been 3 weeks now since mc and think I may have o'vd last week so hopefully now AF won't be too far away. It will be nice to have my cycle back on track and poss think about ttc again.

Hi everyone. It's good to know others are out there and going through similar things, good to know I'm not going mad.

Today I am having some acupuncture, I'm hoping it will help get my body back in tune, so my AF will return.

southernbelle I'm also going on holiday, in two weeks we're going to California so I've got something to look forward to. I think it's a good idea to do something special.

mrsmarsbar its lovely to hear from you and welcome. Sorry to hear about your MC.

Thanks for all your support over the last few days, it has really meant a lot.

Two weeks in California sounds lovely msdynamo! Also hope the acupunture helps you too.

mrsmarsbar, I'm glad this thread has helped you. I know it has helped me at this horrible and difficult time. I hope that you are doing ok.

I hope your cycle gets back on tract soon Poppy27.

I have decided to start my diet today. When I say diet, what I mean is actually new healthy eating regime. I am determined to lose weight and be healthier for when we ttc again. I have also dyed my hair! It needed doing badly but I had stayed away with being pregnant but now I thought what better time to do it! It's not quite the colour I was planning (I guess hormones still all over the place!) but I quite like it and at least it's all one colour now!!

Thank you all. Have been inspired and booked a holiday today too.

Msdynamo, would love to hear how the acupuncture goes. I've looked at Zita West's site - it sounds like it has incredible success rates.

Love the idea of a new hairdo too southernbelle. What colour is it? Having had to take all my nail varnish off for the ERPC last week, as soon as I could, I painted my toenails bright pink!

Hi, just got back from the acupuncture. I went to Daniel Elliot, whose speciality is fertility etc at the London Acupuncture Clinic, after some excellent recommendations from other mumsnetters on here. I was originally booked in at Zita West but it was £120, then £80 each session. It's generally half that everywhere else.

Not that money is an issue if it works!

Am feeling good, and also feel good for taking a positive step.

I think the hair dye thing is a def positive of not being pg. We could post that on the happy thread!

I've got abdominal cramps again this morning. Thought I'd got away with having a really awful time on Friday when I actually miscarried and it would get better, but now it feels like it's starting again. I know it's not, and having pains for a while longer is normal, but it's just damn annoying too.

Also, did anyone else get really really awful headaches afterwards too? Since Friday they have been really bad and take ages to shift, only for another one to appear an hour or so later. I think I might have to go to the doctors if they continue. Someone mentioned it could be low or high blood pressure after what's happened that is causing them. Hoping they will go of their own accord as seen enough of doctors and hospitals for the time being!

Hi Southernbelle, what a bummer to have cramps and headaches. From what I've read on here it is normal, unfortunately. I had a few migraine type headaches for the immediate days afterwards. I don't know what to suggest other than ibuprofen.

Hope you feel better soon.