Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 26 - tests, treatment and trying again

[bythesea82]

Tea, hugs, a wealth of collective knowledge and lots of hand holding as we try again. This thread moves like lightning so hold on to your hats!
Previous thread here

Thanks for new thread. What a chatty bunch!

Me 36, DH 36.
DD born 2012, some late preg issues but ok otherwise
MC 1 Aug 2014, 13 weeks, ERPC. Testing in fetus and both DH and I all chromasomally normal.
MC2 Nov 2014 7 weeks natural.
MC3 March 2015, ectopic, 6-7 weeks, surgical removal of R tube.

RMC did bloods and scan, two letters this week confirming all looks normal and losses are probably unrelated.

Now in 2ww and feeling crazier about this than ever before. I just can't stop thinking and wondering. Really tempted to test early although I always swore I wouldn't so am trying to hold out to 14dpo. Argh!!!

I'd recommend staying away from daily mail front page today if like me you're worried about age.

Hello everyone. New thread already!

I'm just trying to catch up but wanted to say:

Big, huge, ginormous congratulations cat, beautiful name for a beautiful baby x

tanny please don't ever feel like a failure. You have been through so much and there is no shame whatsoever in speaking to your gp. Pnd affects lots of women in all sorts of situations and is completely out of your control. Please take care and I hope you get the help you need x

cheesy congratulation!

Occupational health have officially said I am 'unfit for operational duties' and I need to be placed in a 'static shift non confrontational role' for at least five months.
Now they just need to find me a job
I felt a bit put out when the nurse said 'there are no standard operating procedures for situations like yours. We only have them for women having ivf'. So out of thousands and thousands of female officers I'm the only one who has hd three miscarriages?!

mrsc don't pay attention. If it's the one I saw it seems like they are talking about ladies a good nine years older than you and it doesn't say it's hopeless just that they have more success with donor eggs and there should be more discussion so women can make an informed choice.

I'm struggling tonight - and I feel very guilty and selfish for saying so

I'm struggling with DP in that his only focus is work at the moment. He's under a huge amount of pressure as he works for a very large venue that is due to open soon (probably outing myself to peeps lurking but hey ho) and he is literally working until midnight every single night and we barely speak because he's working.

I know it's high pressure, short term but I'm so tired I can barely function and I'm trying to be there for DP to help his life be easier. I want to make sure he's looked after but the smell of the kitchen and cooking is making me heave. He doesn't have time to do his work and look after me as well.

He's stressing about dates for scans and worrying about being not being at work. He wouldn't dream of not being at a scan but seeing him stress about it breaks my heart. He's just complained about the unpredictability of a 12 week scan and what day it will be for his diary. I had to explain that a 12 wk scan won't necessarily be at exactly 12 wks. Considering he's in charge of a Multi-million pound project, that took a while to sink in

But I feel like I can barely function at the moment. I actually forgot which way I was supposed to go home today on a roundabout. I could not remember and got really disorientated.

I just want to sleep. I am being selfish but with shoving progesterone up my bum and stabbing myself with a needle ( which has bruised and hurts today ) I am feeling a bit neglected and a bit shit and really scared.

I'm so so sorry for the me me post - there are ladies on this thread that have it much worse than me and are in far more need of support.

DP isn't being an arse, he's really feeling the pressure and me being needy isn't going to be helping. I want to be there for him but I feel so shit

Sorry me post over

Oh Brummie that's so hard for both of you. Have you told him how you're feeling? What about having a big cook up together at the weekend so you effectively have ready meals for through the week? It's so hard when all you need to do is sleep, have you got some friends you could bob round to for some TLC a couple of evenings whilst he's working? Sending you massive hugs, it's tough when you just want to wrapped up and looked after for a change xxx

Brummie I can totally empathise with wanting to be supportive and understanding his situation but at the same time just needing to be looked after! Do you have a close friend nearby who could step in and offer you some tlc while he's so busy? It's really important for you to feel well looked after and supported right now.

Don't feel bad brummie. Just do the bare minimum. That's what ready meals are for (although also like the idea of a big cook up and freeze thing if you can face it). All the other domestic shit can wait until you feel better or until he's working less. It's important you look after yourself and if you're tired the sickness will be a lot worse by the way, so don't feel bad about sloping off to bed very early. I sometimes used to go and have a nap when i got in from work before dinner, which helped. And try not to worry about him. He will work out his own stuff and if you need to change the scan date, there is normally some flexibility to do that once you have a date. I know we're programed to believe we have to eat this amazing diet of healthy fresh cooked meals when pregnant but sometimes that is just not practical. Eat something that's easy that you can stomach and snack on some healthy bits to add in the good stuff. The baby will take what it needs. Hope it gets easier soon x

Hi cat. Massive congratulations on your new arrival.

may im very open about discussing what we've been through. One work colleague when told - after quizzing me about why we did have kids yet - told me she thought it was too personal a thing to be discussing! Well... That's my perogative (can't spell!?) Feel free to judge only when you've been through the same. Pisses me off though how close friends can still be so insensitive. Like my 'best mate' last night quizzing our other friends about when she was thinking of having babies etc in front of me! I wanted to scream - it doesn't work like that!!!!

Tanny I. So sorry you're feeling like you do but I think you're very brave for putting it put there and acknowledging theres a problem. I hop that you get the help and support you need. Absolutely not a failure. To have got through all this and come out the other side is already a massive achievement

brummie sorry you're struggling a bit at the moment but as others have said just do what you can

mrsc I also saw that article. I wasn't impressed!
My stats
Me 34(35 in a couple of weeks :() she 35
Ttc since June 2011
Mmc dec 2012, discovered 12 weeks only measuring 5/6
Mc mar 2014 after iui 5/6 weeks
Mc nov 2014 natural bfp saw heartbeat at 7 discovered 9/10 weeks baby died soon after scan
All nhs tests clear
Coventry done in March all fine. Will follow cov protocol when next pg

Bfn today, due to start ivf as soon as af arrives.

Got through yesterday ok apart from driving home and whole again by atomic kitten came on and I cried -wtf atomic kitten!!

That should be dh not she!!

Thanks for the new thread. You're all far too talkative for me to keep up with! Loving the baby news.
Brummie it's hard. I often feel that my dh prioritises work and he doesn't realise the sacrifice he makes in doing that. I know he doesn't have a choice as he's self-employed but if I'm ov, I need him home for practical reasons! In mc2 I really wanted him home with me after it'd started overnight but we'd just had a week off and he needed to go back to work. My mum ended up coming to a follow-up scan with me (and she lives a 2 hour journey away). I know this is just the reality of life, but you need him more than ever right now. Is there any chance he can be let off the hook slightly at work / delegate / work from home? Perhaps he could explain that it's a tough time for you and he needs to be there for you. I like the idea of a big cook-up. When I've been pg the thought of having to cook a healthy meal when I get home instead of just crawling into bed makes me want to cry.
Some of you were saying about the lack of emotional intelligence in your dps. Mine is better than a lot I think and is more in touch with his emotions, but he still ends up asking 'what's wrong?' when I've only told him half an hour before that I spent the day watching my pg colleague try to keep her nausea at bay. I think it's just his way of wanting to fix things and coming to terms with not being able to. They are pretty useless collectively though.

So I posted the other day about getting a peak fertility smiley (non-flashing) on a clear blue opk. It didn't clear for two days til this morning when I decided to poas again. It says the same again. The instructions all say not to bother testing again once you've had the two day smiley, as presumably it will have passed. Is that normal? Is it possible for me to be at peak fertility for 3 days? I am so confused. Could the test be wrong?

tomcat I use the clear blue ones, the solid smiley always stays for 48hrs but I can't say I've ever then tried again once it's cleared it works on an algorithm so don't know if that might confuse it. However a couple of times I haven't ovd until a day or so after as the smiley just tells you that you are about to ov. So it might've worth to continue to dtd a bit longer. Do you temp so you can confirm ov?

Right - I am now officially between jobs so may well be able to vaguely keep up with the thread. I feel calmer and more relaxed already. If this next job stresses me out and I continue to miscarry I may argue in favour of a year or so off work altogether!

Massive Congrats to Cat on your new arrival. So thrilled for you after the journey you've had.

Sebs - thinking of you for tomorrow and hand holding.

Snoopy - unfit for duties? How did that come about? Are you happy with the outcome? If so yay, if not grrr!!

Brummie - please don't compare degrees of awfulness - there will always be someone worse off than you/anyone. If you feel shite and in need of support you feel shite and in need of support. Plus it's no wonder you feel so stressed. In my experience I feel at my absolute worst stress-wise when I'm actually pregnant. Far more so than when I'm TTC (though I appreciate my experience of TTC isn't like everybody's) or waiting to TTC, and I would even go as far to say that I feel more stressed when I'm pregnant than when I'm miscarrying because of the fear of the unknown. Its such a difficult time, not helped by all the drugs and hormones you're on, and the routes they take in to your body (which for some reason I see as an added insult). The others have given good advice which I second - do what you can do and see if there are any short-cuts to reduce the demands on your time and energy. I'm just sending you a massive hug and tea and sympathy that you're having such a tough time.

Kazz - I used to be surprised at how many people are insensitive about things, but I now try and remember they simply don't get it. That said, I literally can not believe someone said that to you AFTER having the nerve to ask. What an idiot.

MrsC - I didn't read the article but heard a discussion about it on the radio. Bearing in mind I didn't read the whole thing, I sort of see where they're coming from. During my 20s I felt that I was supposed to get my career in order before trying for children, and despite being with my long-term partner and now DH since our teens we opted to put getting married, having children off until our careers were sorted, we had a house etc etc. Would the situation be different if we hadn't - you just don't know... However, I can beat myself up about regrets/decisions - not sure what they expect you to do if you don't find 'the one' until later.

Stats wise: 5 MC (3 at 6-7 weeks, 2 at 9-10 weeks). All clear from St Mary's; currently awaiting NK results from Coventry. I am so impatient about getting them - it's only been 10 days and I'm already checking my e-mails hopefully - how long id other people's take to come through. I appreciate they're busy and I'm being ridiculously inpatient!

Just had repeat 48hr bloods done at The John Radcliffe, see what they say tomorrow. Not sure whether to start on the progesterone again or not!

twilight my Coventry results came back in just over 2wks, they did initially say it would be 4-5wks.

Oh I do hope they come back next week. Not sure where the impatience is suddenly coming from. I've never had it re. previous results. Plus I don't have a clear idea that I want it to be high NK cells or not. I just want to know!!!

I'm at a child free wedding tomorrow! :) Some of my friends are highly irritated that hey have to find childcare and 'wee Horace' isn't invited. Woe is you!

GOT - 'sob'

Onestep - can't believe what a mind-fucking situation has been thrown your way with this one. Not sure what to advise re. progesterone. I'd be probably taking it but I don't always think things through carefully enough! I really hop this works out, despite it's unorthodox start.

Thanks all. I appreciate the kind words. Unfortunately because it's for a venue opening - and it's a Multi million pound construction monster - DP is just having to throw himself into it.

So I'm just going to have to suck it up for the moment - it's not forever that I do know. He's been there for me for 3 mc's - I need to be there for him. I agree though about the cooking. I'm making life hard for myself so it's fish fingers, chips and beans tonight

I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself at the moment and plus I can't get DP interested in anything else other than work at the moment - but it's not for much longer and I just need to remind myself of that

Baked beans are one of your five a day so I'm told Brummie! Hope things calm down soon then. How long til it's finished and he can get on with normal life?
Flower I don't temp but wishing I did now. I may have just confused it then and it could be a false result. Last time we conceived I definitely felt an ov pain in my right side and I can't say I've noticed that, but I suppose it could've been when I was asleep?! The truth is I've never needed to really try that hard as we've conceived easily twice, and I thought opks would be easier than temping. But because this will be my 2nd cycle post-mc I am desperate to be pg again and really hope we haven't missed the boat. Even if it's only to get mc3 out of the way so I can qualify for testing. I am constantly thinking 9 months ahead (well, first 6 weeks, then 12 weeks etc.)

onestep wishing you a resolution tomorrow. I'm not sure if good news is possible but I wish you the best possible news in the circumstances

I have resolved myself to hear bad news on the scan tomorrow as I honestly have zero symptoms. Absolutely nothing whatsoever . My main dread is it hanging over my head for another week once the heart beat isn't seen, but I guess worse than that would be nothing seen whatsoever and a suspected ectopic.

Meant to add, sorry to hear your feeling a bit sad Brummie. Hopefully hubbies project will be resolved soon and you can get him back

Big hugs sebs. I know that feeling of fear just taking over every rational thought but try to stay positive.

Keeping fingers crossed for your results tomorrow onestep.

Hmm. Defo confusing tomcat. I normally have a 3 day surge so that wouldn't be beyond the realms of possibility. I take it there is no chance it could be picking up hcg? Either left over or a new pg?

Thanks again for support ladies.

I've just put a call in to Coventry and have booked an appointment there to be scanned tomorrow at 4:30pm. Just felt I needed a second opinion on this.

Brummie feeling for you. Huge hugs to you.
My husband also had a highly stressful job over a year ago, also dealing with huge million/billion pound budgets, for a complete w of a boss. They called him in to the London office one morning at the end of May last year, for what he thought was a straight forward meeting.
Lady from HR was sat there and they told him he'd made some kind of error with a million pound budget which was a complete and utter b, told him to hand over his phone and laptop there and then and told him to go immediately. He was 1 day inside of working there for a year, no rights to appeal or nothing.
How I didn't jump on the train and smack the smug f I'll never know. Basically since then that boss has pulled the same trick on quite a few other employees. The company is just about operating within the employment law!!
Anyway he was out of work, going to interview after interview, two jobs were offered to him, then the positions were pulled at the last minute etc etc. December last year came round, we were on the brink, no money left in the accounts and finally he was offered a job with a great company who are really looking after him.

All my husband was doing was applying for job after job, day after day, previous to that he was being flown all over Europe for waste of time meetings and jollies, bosses way of wasting company money!!
For two whole years our lives were consumed with nightmare jobs, then unemployment and to add to the mix, my miscarriages.
I don't know how but we came through it, after thinking we were never going to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
We seemed to have got married in May 2013 and since then, have spent two years of our lives in misery!!!

I know its an old wives tale, but we turned the mattress on our bed. Turn your mattress turn your luck! My mum gave us a cutting of her money tree and then my husband got his job! Slowly things began to improve.

Just hang on in there, make things as easy going for yourself and things will eventually blow over, somehow, some way. xxx

immediately turns mattress

I'm turning the mattress as soon as I get home!
That sounds like a horrible time OneStep , as if mc isn't enough. Hope your luck is turning. Hoping for best possible outcome from that scan.
No March I don't think so. I think most likely outcome is that it's a 3 day surge or I confused the poor little test. I've definitely had other symptoms that ov is imminent so I should stop stressing, dtd once more, then embark on the 2ww.

twilight unfortunately the police only have a limited terminology so what it really means is that occupational health agree with my doctor that long shifts (earlies, lates and nights) with limited access to food/ water, highly stressful situations might not be helpful at the moment so I should have some time in an office to recover.
I hope you get your results soon, nothing worse that being in limbo.

brummie sorry to hear you're struggling. If you can only manage fish fingers then so be it. I love fish fingers and the have whole grain ones now! Are you still watching love island? I've run out of real housewives and mob wives so might have to try it haha

onestep and seb I hope you get some answers soon. I think the first couple of weeks are particularly stressful because scans and blood tests could mean one thing or something completely different and we are all so stressed anyway. Thinking of you both x

tomcat I wish I could offer some advice but I've only ever used the cheapie opks.

Onestep that's awful. DP's new venue will be open in September so it's not far off. The construction company are running behind so it's all a bit stressful !

I will be turning the mattress this weekend!

I am loving Love Island it's so bad. The fake Italian twins have gone back to Manchester and two new girls have gone in. One is a glamour model from Birmingham ( she bloody would be wouldn't she ??!!) and it's all kicking off where they keep stealing each others men.

I'm so ashamed of my viewing habits