Headwreck & Hope. Support for those who are/might be experiencing misscarriage #New Thread

[Adventuregame]

The 'Headwreck and Hope' thread has helped a lot of us who have gone through miscarriage from innitial fears over bleeding and cramps to the procedures and aftermath. A new thread was needed before the old one filled up so here it is. Any questions, worries and hand holding then this is your place. Hoping the ladies on the old thread find this one. stay strong. You will get through this.....

Hello all, hope you're bearing up ok.
Still no change here, bleeding gently but almost constantly, drip drip drip, with tiny clots. Lighter than my lightest period but definitely more than spotting. (is that TMI?!).

Had to work Friday in the end so no opportunity for another scan but will demand one early next week.

Pretty certain I can't still be pregnant - all symptoms gone, feel weirdly fine, not bothered by smells or tiredness etc. Much less bloated than I was too. Also realised my dates can't be wrong as I used those clear blue pregnancy tests that tell you how far you were and my first when said 1-2 weeks when my period was due and 1-2 weeks a week after. I'm resigned to losing the baby now, seems like my body is holding on but will sort myself out this week. Can't decide what to do - was going to let things happen naturally but don't want it to drag on. At least I didn't have a messy work disaster last week, have to count my blessings! One lovely child being the biggest one.

Galaxy, magnums both excellent ideas ladies! And and all round. Hope you all get to rest is weekend and be kind to yourselves. Love x x x

meant to write that the 2nd test said 2-3 weeks a week after the first one! X

sweet for me I got fed up with waiting and having the constant reminder but I know other posters here before wanted to do it naturally and go through the mc as they felt it helped them. I felt like I was a waste of resources having a erpc and should wait but I had done 3 weeks and it was the right decision for me and helped me move on. So whatever feels right to you, there is no right way. Sorry it's dragging on but glad work was ok. Def go and get a scan xxx

Hope everyone had a good weekend. I have my scan tomorrow morning I hope it is all done. Physically I am feeling better with hardly any cramping and just spotting now.

Emotionally I'm feeling run down. Not crying at a every turn any more but feeling down and a bit numb - esp since today's weather was horrid so I didn't really leave the house. Must google the stages of grief as I can't put my finger on where I am at right now. DH is being exceptionally sweet though which I am really trying not to take for granted so am trying my best to pull myself out.

Hope everyone is well

sweet I hope you have good news

Just wanted to send love to all.
Sweet - I hope you get some answers soon. I dont know the right thing to say but I hope a scan will help you on the journey.

Lillian I hope the scan helps. And that you are able to take time and space to let the emotions through rather than suppressing them.
I had a chat with the doctor from epu on friday who basically told me not to try till my next period in case the ' environment' is wrong. They will book me in for an early 6 week scan. So that is good if I am lucky enough to fall again. I am in calm acceptance.mode but the counsellor suggested focusing on my overall stress levels..so exercise dvds and outdoor walks here I come! !

Just wanted to check in with lillian minette and 3under4. I hope you are getting through the days. X

Lillian hope the scan shows its all over for you today. No idea about stages of grief but don't always expect to go forwards - little steps but you'll get there. Thinking of you x
love good news about having an early scan next time. Can I ask why they offered you one? (You don't have to say!) i was hoping they would offer me one this time but the opinion here seems to be two is normal we won't do anything.

Hope minette sweet and 3under are doing ok x

Hi lilliana
It was st thomas epu near where i work. I self referred there when i startes bleedibg. The doctor just said it was to stop me worrying. I dont thinky local hospital would offer it.

t think my local hospital would offer it as my local doctor said they

Sorry typos there. My local doctor phoned me today. V nice but just said there was nothing they would do until 3 miscarriages.

Hope everyone is well today. Had my follow up scan yesterday and was given the all clear. They said to expect some more discharge in the next couple of weeks but from the scan it was mostly clear with nothing of concern left.

On one hand it's a relief to hear my body has handled it naturally - it helps to restore my faith that it can do what it's meant to. On the other I feel quite sad that it really is over and I'm neither miscarrying or pregnant. Just back to how it was.

Took a pregnancy test yesterday and CB said 1-2 Pregnant so the hormone levels are going down. Nurse at EPU suggested to test again in 1-2 weeks. If after 4 weeks I'm still testing positive I'd need to come in again.

to all during this difficult time.

love it's good they will scan you early I think that would help any anxiety you would be feeling.

Hello all. Is it okay to join you all and blurt out everything?

lillian that's a good sign, I had the same outcome on Friday, there is a moment of relief and then I had a feeling of complete sadness, a sort of that's it then, feeling. They gave me loads of leaflets and were very sweet at the EPU but to be honest you guys had got me through the week the leaflets were no good to me a week down the line. Still feeling quiet hollow and mixed feelings as I really want to TTC again but I feel cross with myself as it seems so shallow when I've just miscarried. Head wreck time! Hugs to you all xxx

Same happen to me at about 6 weeks on july 19,2015 so very sad trying to be strong

sirboobalot feel free to share, vent, etc. this thread helped me get through the hardest parts of this whole ordeal.

tee sorry to hear. I got the bad news on 18-Jul and miscarried on 20-Jul. it's been over a week and the physical part is mostly done but it's still very very sad but I'm trying my best to be strong too.

3under4 I am feeling numb too especially since I've past crying all the time. I'm up and down. When I'm up I catch myself and wonder at the fact that I am. But my DH rightly said - I'm allowed to be happy. A very tragic thing has happened to us and we're sad at the loss but we have each other and everything else to be happy about. I'm trying to keep that in mind but sometimes it's hard. I won't forget the little life that almost was and I'll always remember the milestones that would have been.

I'm off on a little break the next couple of weeks so I'm not sure how often I can check in. But I'm thinking of you all and hope all is as well as can be expected. Having your support has been amazing. Love to lilliana, lovehoratio and sweet - hope you get positive news on your scan.

Hi, like you all I didn't want to be here in this thread. I was quite happy on the expecting threads.
I have a ds who is 12, and dd who's 7, getting a dc#3 is not going well, I'd had 2 mmc, then in March I delivered a beautiful boy early at 4 months who died due to patau syndrome. So I was thrilled when I found I was pregnant again in June, I felt this would be a healing rainbow and what happened earlier in the year broke us all. But yesterday I had a 'reassurance' scan which was not reassuring, instead of a 9 week fetus there was a 6 week embryo with no heart beat.
As we are going on holiday in 3 days I can't go back for another scan to confirm what I already know. I was certain of my dates so I know the baby has died.
I'm after any advice, as my previous mmc have been dealt with surgically but I know it's a very real possibility I will miscarry whilst we are away, camping of all things. My dh will be able to take the kids out, so I'll prob have to do this alone at a campsite. I am so scared.

kitty I'm so so sorry for your losses. I'm out atm so will answer properly when I get home but didn't want to leave you unanswered.

Ok so being practical where are you camping and for how long? Do you have to go? It might not happen or if it does its not necessarily going to be horrific physically. My first mc was ok - some cramps that over the counter coped with fine and bleeding like a heavy period. I went to the beach and went to work normally through it (was trying to keep things normal for my DD.) My second was tougher - needed stronger pain killers and sat on the loo bleeding before I ended up having surgery anyway. Hope for best, plan for worst. Take a range of painkillers and some maternity pads. How far from the nearest hospital are you? Would it be possible to postpone or for DH to take the kids and you stay with friends / family to support you if you can't cancel?

How are you? I hope you have good RL support. It is just such a horrible time and im sorry to hear how much you have been through. Feel free to talk / rant / cry on here. We've all been through it and understand what an emotional roller coaster it is as well as having a range of physical experiences. Look after yourself x

Hi Lilliana thank you for your advice.
We'll be in the new forest for 10 nights, then home for one before hubby and I are running a week long scout camp, so this is horrendous timing. Not going really isn't an option.
I am so hoping it is on the easier side of things physically. Emotionally will have to wait till the kids are back at school.
So today I need to pack for holiday, clean the house, finalise a big family meal happening tomorrow which I'm in charge of, wrap hubby's pressies as his birthday is whilst we're away and entertain my children. Hubby is at work today. I therefore now need to ignore that fact I can't be excited by being pregnant any more. I need to ignore the knowledge that my baby is sitting dead in my womb. I need to be 'normal' happy mummy today.
I have one friend and my sil (who's a midwife) know about this baby. I can't tell my family, we've all had a hellish year, loosing my nan, I've lost 2 other babies within the year already, step dad has cancer, my sister is going through a marriage break up, and my mum told me recently she's barely coping with everything. Sorry, that's me ranting!!! Why can't my family be allowed just this little bit of happiness?

Oh Kitty rant away it sounds like you need it. Small steps. I actually found working helped as it gave me something else to think about and stopped me wallowing but make sure you give yourself time to grieve too. I also think your body holds on until your ready iyswim - I was bridesmaid for my sister half way through mine (already started bleeding and had been for a week). Not being there was not an option and I wasn't going to make it about me so kept quiet and all was fine. It was only a few days later after the adrenaline left me that I fully mc and I've heard others with similar situations. I would only do essentials though - eg packing obviously but do you really need to clean the house? Can you get the kids to help out? Sorry if this is not helpful! I wish I could make this better for you. Take care x

Hi Lilliana, I just wanted to let you know, just as I was close to passing out yesterday, my one friend who knows my situation knocked on the door. She's an absolute angel, she made me tea and toast (I'm bad at eating and often forget then feel rough) then rallied my kids and hers into a little cleaning/tidying army, then helped me pack and do last minute holiday bits. She even took me into boots to stock up on pain killers and sanitary bits incase. She said she'll be round to do the sympathy thing another day but knew I needed practical help right now.
I can't believe how brave you were going through with your sisters wedding etc whilst mc. Amazing how much inner strength we sometimes have!

I'm so glad you have such a lovely friend. She sounds great. How are you feeling now? Try to take it easy! It's amazing what you can do when you have to!

I'm feeling ok, it's all a bit surreal really. I'm going to try to put it out my mind (hmmm?!!) and enjoy my kids during our holiday. Thank you for your supportive words x

Hi Every one,

Firstly I'd like to say i'm sending my best wishes to you all in these difficult times.

I just wanted to put my story down and ask for the support of others going through what I am going through.

My story is this, I went to the doctors with abdominal pains thinking I'd developed IBS to be told I was pregnant! This I can say was one of the best days of my life so far, my DH and I had just started trying for a family and I was over the moon we had caught on our first attempt.

The cramps where put down to early plantation pains but one morning they got so bad I ended up going to A&E, I had all the tests done and went for an early scan at 6 weeks.
My DH couldn't make it so I went with my mom and I was so happy to see my little baby with a good strong heart beat showing to be 6 weeks as we thought.

On Sunday 26th July I noticed brown DC and I had lost all feelings of being pregnant, I called my midwife and a reassurance scan was booked for the following Thursday, I couldn't go to work, I was sure deep down something was wrong so I booked a private scan on Tuesday, unfortunately the scan showed my baby had died at around 6 weeks and my body had continued to support the pregnancy.

I went to the Thursday scan to have everything confirmed to me again and and to find out what happens next. I decided to have medical management with the help of tablets, I was given one pill and booked in for Saturday to have my miscarriage in hospital with the help of other pills.
Friday afternoon came and so did the pains and the blood, I'd had no pain since my 6 weeks scan. The pains where much worse than period pains and in the end even co-codamol couldn't help me. I miscarried at home Saturday morning.

After spending the night reading this feed on my phone, I knew when I'd passed my baby. It gave me the opportunity to hold what was to be my child and say good bye.

To other women going through this and don't know what to expect, I found the leaflets they hand you don't go into enough detail so you are prepared for whats going to happen.

If you sense something is wrong you know your body so don't be afraid to push to get the answers you need its normal to feel you are going insane with worry, I know I did.
Miscarriage is painful, be prepared for it to be over the normal period pains.
In my case the bleeding was heavy and I passed quite a lot of tissue, but you will know when you have passed the sack.
It's normal to want to look/hold what has passed if that's what you feel you need to do.
It's normal to want to keep or flush away your baby's remains if this is what you feel is right for you.

At the moment I haven't gone a day with out crying my heart out, I hurts so much I cant breath.
I feel guilty for being upset in front of my DH & family, when people ask if I'm OK I say yes, I'm not! I'm grieving for the baby I have lost inside me, i'm grieving for the Baby I have been dreaming about holding in my arms in February.
I have fallen so far from the joy I'd had Just over a week ago I cant deal with it.

Sorry for the long post! I feel if I wright it all down, its not in my head haunting me anymore.

Can any one tell me, will I feel like this forever?
Can I only heal by having another baby?
Has any one else miscarried and gone on to have another baby?

xxxxx

Oh Rach I'm so sorry. It is such a painful thing to go through physically and emotionally. You are not just grieving a foetus but the future you started building and imagining since you found out you were pregnant. I promise everything you are feeling is normal and it will get better. I know how tough it is and I felt that I would never smile again but I did. Time helps but also I needed to talk. DH and I probably talked more during and since our mc than we had in ages. (About real things and not just general shit!) Do not feel guilty about being upset. Your chances of having a normal pregnancy after this are the same as before. It is very common (not helpful I know!) and does not mean there is anything wrong with you. Personally ATM I am giving ttc a break and am spending time on myself and DH and this has helped me to heal but everyone deals with it differently. You are more fertile in the months after pregnancy but make sure you are ready emotionally for another pregnancy. Also most advise waiting for a period so dating the pregnancy is easier and causes less worry. Take time to look after yourself and your DH. Grieve for your baby. Feel free to come and chat here anytime

kitty I hope you're ok today. Been thinking of you x