Headwreck & Hope. Support for those who are/might be experiencing misscarriage #New Thread

[Adventuregame]

The 'Headwreck and Hope' thread has helped a lot of us who have gone through miscarriage from innitial fears over bleeding and cramps to the procedures and aftermath. A new thread was needed before the old one filled up so here it is. Any questions, worries and hand holding then this is your place. Hoping the ladies on the old thread find this one. stay strong. You will get through this.....

Oh Fly, that sounds unbearable. I'm so sorry, what a head fuck.

I went to EPU this morning and the worst was confirmed.

At least I'm not in limbo now though and can start to deal with it.

It's not like it is on the TV is it?! Less drama and clutching of stomachs, in my case, and more pedestrian.

And messy.

Thinking of you too Goulash

So sorry TinTin

Thanks Goulash x

Oh tintin, I'm sorry. How are you feeling?

I found out at 11.5 weeks that I'd had a missed miscarriage. That was a week ago and today I went to the EPU to find I've still not actually miscarried, despite daily bleeding. I've opted for a D&C tomorrow morning only because it sounded marginally less crap than the other options (Theres just no 'good' option is there?!) I'm finding talking about it all helps but I think I might have exhausted my partner and family; I'm just repeating myself now! Im so up and down. Some days I feel like I've turned a corner only to suddenly burst into tears again. I also feel really angry, like I did everything 'right' and so it shouldn't have happened to me, which I know is ridiculous as it's something that can't be predicted or prevented. It's my first pregnancy so although it's lovely to know that so many women go on to have babies it's hard to feel confident that I will too. Besides, I still want this baby even if there are more in the future.

I feel like I'm going stir crazy sat around waiting for tomorrow.

Oh ozzie, that's shit. I'm sorry. Do you know when the baby went? What time is it tomorrow? Xx

Fly I check in at 7.15 tomorrow so really early start. Hopefully seen at 9 or 9.30. They didn't date the pregnancy, but I think quite early. I wish I'd miscarried at that point rather than having 6 weeks of planning for a baby that I'd already lost. Maybe it wouldn't change things but it feels like the less time for me to bond with the baby the better. Then at the same time I'm feeling like I don't want tomorrow to happen as then I'll have to let go. Honestly I'm all over the place and I don't even know what I want!

Australia I'm so sorry, it is a truly shit place to be. I'm glad that you are having surgery tomorrow and not having to wait too long, that way at least you avoid the limbo bit and can jump straight into the grieving bit. I'm sorry that you have had a shitty week of waiting to see what happens. Please talk to us here. We're all at various stages of the same crappy journey.

fly did you ask anyone about hCG tests. I'm not sure how useful they would be unless they appear to be dropping in which case they might believe you. If they are low it could just fit with 'their' dates. I must say for me they gave false hope as they were quite high for gestational age. I even convinced myself that I was pregnant with twins but one was ectopic and therefore causing the pain and bleeding. It was all just a red herring. I'm so sorry you are stuck not knowing, I am so frustrated for you.

Thinking of you today Aus

Thank you Goulash. Apart from it all taking 10 hours which was double the time we were expecting, it went smoothly. Glad I picked this option. I've had very little discomfort & for me I think it was the least upsetting. The anaesthetist was amazing, I think as he was male I hadn't anticipated so much sensitivity and compassion. The dr was also great. I had a little cry both before and after and I could see she was tearing up and she made me feel she had all the time in the world to sit with me while I got it out my system. I found out I'd lost the baby in America & they were insensitive, heavy handed, showed no compassion or care and didn't wait to tell me till my partner was with me like I'd repeatedly requested. It left me feeling pretty pessimistic about how I'd be treated but the NHS staff have been fantastic.

Glad it went ok Australia. Glad you were looked after sensitively. Now you can start the physical recovery. For me there was a great relief to have it over (I had my surgery last Friday) and know I wasn't pregnant anymore. It meant I could begin to think about how to move forward.

I'm slightly worried though that I haven't really emotionally processed what has happened and it will all hit me later. I had a traumatic experience when DS was born prematurely and ended up on special care, there were some horrific things that went on. I went into survival mode and focused on the practical things and it all hit me a lot later and I don't think I have really moved past those issues. I am worried I'm doing the same here and will end up having a complete emotional car crash somewhere down the line.

Hope you and fly are both having relaxing weekends and looking after yourselves x

How are you feeling today Australia? Goulash?

I feel like I'm going to be on this thread, in limbo forever.

Hi fly, I'm up and down. Went back to work this week which was good and I felt like I was getting my life back a bit. But I'm so tired and have been getting cramps and increased bleeding. Frustrated that bleeding hasn't stopped yet. I just want my body back.

How are you holding things together?

Not really sure. Working hard (i work with babies so that's peachy). I'm fed up of this horrible, uncomfortable pregnancy which obviously isn't going to go anywhere. I just need to know!

Hi all- big hugs to you and wishing you a speedy physical recovery Australia and Goulash. Fly I'm so sorry you are still hanging on waiting to hear.

I've totally crashed and burned today and have been ordered by my boss to get signed off. This has never happened to me before, I just push on getting through life. But then I've never lost a baby before. I feel so pathetic and a failure but not being stronger but also relieved someone has made the decision for me. I think I need to find a counsellor and stop pretending it's all ok.

Purple sorry that today has been a breaking point for you. Good that the decision has been taken out of your hands. Ask at your GP if they can refer you for counselling. Hope you get the support you need to process your emotions.

I reached my own crisis point today. DH gas been out on call all weekend and Monday is my Mummy day with DS so I have spent 3 days on my own with a 2.5 yo. I just feel physically spent. He weed on me and the sofa this afternoon and I lost it. Crying manically. Just felt so alone and so angry. Like everyone is saying they are sorry but just expecting me to get on with life like nothing has happened. I am also still bleeding (not a lot), but frustrating 11 days later. I am worrying about infection, and also about partial mole. No real reason why just can't put the idea out of my head.

Last night Mum rang me to tell me my sister is having a hard time as her DS is ill. My parents spent the weekend looking after my sister's children while she was away at a wedding. I just feel so resentful that she has had a weekend having fun while I was struggling on my own and my Mum then phoned me to tell me how tough my sister is having it. To be fair my sister's son has been quite ill and the review with the paediatrician is this week so everyone is understandably worried, but I just don't have the emotional capacity to cope. And I wish my parents could just give me some support too. I hate that I feel like this.

I hate that my baby is gone. I hate that I don't have a nice little bump. I hate that I will end up with an age gap larger than I'd like. I hate that I have spent the last couple of months throwing my guts up for nothing. I hate that I have been a grumpy and tired Mum to DS but don't get to give him a sibling to justify it.

Sorry for the pity party, just feeling so sad today.

Goulash I'm so sorry you have reached breaking point too. It is so hard when other people carry on as normal and you do to but you know that you aren't really, just doing a good job of pretending. My bleeding lasted 14 days and then petered out really quickly so it sounds that yours is normal too. How has today been? Any better?

I've had a GP appt and have been signed off for two weeks which takes me to the end of term. She was really sympathetic and offered to sign me off for a month which although I didn't need made me feel like what I was going through was a big thing. I feel like in a way I have professional permission to find it all so hard. I know that's silly but I just felt like I needed to keep going because it was the done thing. I'm so grateful that my work made me take action. I've also got a counselling appt next Monday which I'm terrified about but think I need. I just need coping strategies of how to move on.

I've cried so much since last night. Probably more than I cried when it all happened. I just feel utterly exhausted.

Purple I'm glad you have been signed off and have some councelling lined up. Not a nice place to be but it is the only way forward. Thank you for reassuring me re the bleeding, they did say upto 2 weeks, and I do tend to bleed easily (I bruise lots too).

I've had a better day today. Glad to be back at work and to have some space from DS. I need to rest so that I can be a better mum. Still sad and crying at random things. I just feel heavy physically and emotionally. In a way it is a relief to feel like this. I was worrying at my lack of emotion. While I don't like feeling so sad and wish I didn't have to go through this, I know that the only way to come out the other side is to let the emotions happen.

We are off next week back to Wales. DH's parents are going to have DS for a couple of nights. DH and I are hoping the weather is good enough to camp on the beach and get very drunk and be irresponsible.

DH wants to plant lots of snowdrops so that they will bloom when our baby should have been with us.

Fly hope you're hanging in there.

Oh guys, I'm sorry you're falling apart. It's so crazy. I'm spotting now, was brown yesterday and now pinky red. I'm going into work but will tell them and will call to go to epu after I finish because I can't really bear waiting any more. I'm not waiting another week. I just want it done. (even though I have really brilliant, exciting plans tonight).

I spoke to the consultant I originally saw. She is a friend and was asking what was happening. She said it sounds like a blighted ovum and that probably there wasn't a fetal pole, more a thickening on one side of the sack. Which somehow makes me feel better.

I just want a giant glass of wine.

Hi all. Had it scan today as I was bleeding a bit. Finally got confirmation that it's what we thought! She said actually last week's scan showed bleeding within the sac so I feel like I should have had confirmation then. But hey

They then said that because I'm bleeding a bit that they'd let me go home and carry on. I chucked a wobbly and refused so they've booked me in for a tomorrow for a procedure under local anesthetic (mva I think?) anyone had that?

Hi fly, glad you finally have an answer. I'm sorry that your fears are confirmed. Not sure about a mva under local. I think there is a description on the miscarriage association's website from a woman who had one. I think the procedure is essentially the same as erpc/d&c (I think now called surgical management). The main difference is not having to have a general. I hope today goes well for you and that the procedure isn't too distressing.

A small consolation but I'm glad you can begin to move forward. Big hugs and hand holding.

Hi Fly, thinking of you today and I'm so sorry that you were right about the outcome. These missed miscarriages are so cruel, additional torture that no one needs. I'm not sure about your procedure either but I'm thinking of you xx

How are you Goulash? I'm just getting through each day. I'm at a cafe having done a big walk round my local area. I'm trying to get out each day for fresh air because it would be so easy just to lay on the sofa sleeping. I've never been so tired and lethargic. I'm kind of pinning all my hopes on Mondays counselling session so I hope it doesn't let me down.

Thanks guys. Had a massive cry this morning because DD was being a monkey before being picked up. They were late and I had to have the misoprostil and didn't want it while she was around.

I'm so nervous. It's at 3pm. Just waiting for DH to get home.

I. Am. Off. My. Tits. Codeine is crazy!