Headwreck & Hope. Support for those who are/might be experiencing misscarriage #New Thread

[Adventuregame]

The 'Headwreck and Hope' thread has helped a lot of us who have gone through miscarriage from innitial fears over bleeding and cramps to the procedures and aftermath. A new thread was needed before the old one filled up so here it is. Any questions, worries and hand holding then this is your place. Hoping the ladies on the old thread find this one. stay strong. You will get through this.....

The doctors just seem to say (in more sympathetic language) that shit happens and get on with it.
After the last miscarriage I tried to cope but didn't but luckily was able to access some work place counselling without having to tell anyone. It is totally confidential and helped hold me together.

I want to deal with it better this time. Does anyone have any tips?

Hi everyone I'm so sorry for all your loss. I was seven weeks and I'm three days in to the MC it's just like a period so far, I'm so scared I know it's going to get worse. I feel so desperately sad. I can't tell work what I'm going through as I would like to TTC again. I'm dreading tommorow morning. My love to you all xx

love and 3under sorry you're joining us x

Love I've just had my second and got the same response - 2 is considered normal and particularly as I have a dd already they won't investigate until 3. Weirdly I have coped emotionally with this one better. my previous was 4 months ago and it does seem so unfair though. Feel free to offload here - everyone copes differently

3under - my first mc was at 8 weeks and wasn't physically that bad - bleeding never much worse than a period and cramps that were manageable with paracetamol etc at home. Some are worse but just to give you hope it might not be. I've been at work through most of mine (I only work two days a week though) as I found doing something normal helped. A couple of people knew what was happening so I could just leave at any time and they were brilliant. I will also say though I'm a teacher and putting on a 'face' or 'front' is something I've perfected over the years - the kids kept me busy and it was what I needed but I know others who going to work would be completely wrong for them. Call in sick tomorrow if you don't think you can face it. If you can tell someone do - I'm very private but it actually did help and it's helped me realise I have lots of people who care about me. Also they can't hold any pregnancy related absences against you ( not sure what your work is like) most of all look after yourself and do what feels right at the time. It will change hourly! Sorry for the ramble.

Hope you both have good rl support. Come and chat any time xxx

Hi everyone hope I can join this thread - I've read through your experiences and my heart goes out to all of you

I'm meant to be 10+6 today and had my dating scan booked for next Monday. I'm due to leave for a trip that Wed and I knew if it was bad news I couldn't deal with leaving so soon after so yesterday I booked a private scan. I was feeling positive and was looking forward to coming home with a scan and to finally be able to give the good news to friends and family.

The abdominal scan showed an empty sac which was a big shock. Following a couple of pregnancy apps I was imagining a kicking and wiggling bean the size of a prune. They then did a transvaginal scan to see if I was earlier than I thought I was but even that showed nothing.

Feeling devastated and shocked. Had some spotting the week before which the midwife wasn't concerned with but bleeding lightly now. The clinic gave me pressaries to speed up the process but I think I want to see the EPU this week first to get their advice. I'd like to deal with it naturally if I can.

As there was no baby I go from feeling fine to bursting into tears (ugly cry) within a millisecond. I just feel sad sad sad

Thank you Lillian, I wish none of us were going through this, but it is so comforting to hear from someone who understands. I have 3 DD so I know I'm so lucky, but after two years of loss in my family, ( both my dad and sister passed away) this pregnancy was such a light, and chance for hope. We all have different stories and everyone's mean some thing special to them. If one person tells me it's just natures way one more time I think I might explode. My live to you all x

*love to you all x

Oh Lillian, just read your post, my heart goes out to you. What a horrible and cruel shock you must have had. I wish we weren't on this dreadful journey together x

Lillian - I am so sorry for your sad experience. It must have been so difficult for you. I went to an epu this week ans I found them very sympathetic and helpful.
3 under 4-sorry to hear about your awful year so far. Like lilliana my firstmc was like a period and I dididn't tell work. But I only work three days. I wish I had taken some time off though and am going to try and do that in the next few weeks.

I spoke to my sister about it yesterday and she was saying it wasn't meant to be and how it was natures way. She is very sympathetic and rationally I know she is right. ..but it still made me want to scream!

I'm glad I found this thread with others going through it too - I had to leave the antenatal club thread I was on as I didn't want to dampen their joy or cause anyone unnecessary worry at this already stressful time.

I'm frustrated at my own body. How can it not know something was wrong - it's just cruel.

to those who have had to go through this more than once - I can't even imagine. You are strong and amazing people and I'm glad to be able to find both strength and solace from you sharing your stories.

It does get better but that's another thing I got fed up of hearing! It is true though. I was really impressed with epu, they were sympathetic and happy to go with whatever management i chose. Also they cremate the remains after my erpc, I could choose Christian or non religious, they sprinkle the ashes in the rememberance garden and I can find out exactly which spot at anytime as its all kept on record. Was much more compassionate than I expected.

Lilliana -it sounds very hard what you are going through but good the epu gives you choices to support your grieving.
At the suggestion of my counsellor after my last miscarriage I had a small personal good bye ceremony. It really helped despite me not being religious.

I think something similar this time will help me deal with it.

When I was last on here lots of people had plants to remember lost babies but I kill all plants that come near me so I'm making a feather papercut (now 2) as a small something to remember and recognise their impact on our lives but without anyone else knowing what it's for iyswim. I think some sort of recognition helps x

Just found this thread, hope it's alright to join, going slightly out of my mind and think I've started to miscarry.

Read the whole thread - hope you are all doing as well as can be, sending to all - and am pretty much exactly going through what Theresaflyinmyhouse did, except for the dates being different. been googling insanely and its the first thing I've read which has struck a chord so completely. So sorry about the outcome, reckon I'm heading for the same.

Went to the EPU on Friday at 7+5 after begging for a scan after spotting, only to be told that it was inconclusive, the dates might be out and to come back in two weeks. I'm really sure of my dates and can't see how they could be wrong by nearly 2 weeks - there's no way a healthy baby can just be slow or small for their age and date that far out, is there?

There was a sac and yolk but no fetal pole or heartbeat, though on my scan notes it says that an embryo was present. Then I started spotting again straight after the scan, was bleeding quite a bit of red blood yesterday and just now a small clot. But no real pain, very mild period ache maybe. I keep clutching at a tiny bit of hope but realising slowly that that's completely unrealistic - this doesn't look good, does it? I bled throughout my last pregnancy, so keep going back to that, but sure it's false hope.

Have insanity to look fwd to at work this week - terrified that its all going to happen in the middle of the work madness and no idea what to do, it's my own project and this week is the culmination of something I've been working on for a year and not sure what I will do, have no support really. Hoping if I'm dating at 6 weeks it will be just like a really heavy period and can style it out with super pads and painkillers, what do you reckon? Is this entirely unrealistic and I'm completely deluded?!!

been TTC for nearly 4 years but not even upset yet, mostly anxious about how to deal with what is likely to happen. Can't let myself clutch at a glimmer of hope for more than a few seconds. Not bleeding at the moment but it's been on and off for 5 days now.

Just want to get it over with, if it's happening, but not this week!! Phoned the maternity helpline at the hospital this morning but they said I'd have to wait at least a week to rescan to see if there was any growth and this level of bleeding doesn't mean much.

Might just have a glass of .

Sorry for the horribly long and self absorbed 1st post, had to get that off my chest. love to you all xx

to everyone going through this today. my sister thinks I'm crazy to be going in to work today. And I thought going out for drinks yesterday and having my DH in town and at our place was a struggle to keep up the front.

But you know that last hour I'm in my room and not have to be brave is like hell crying my eyes out. I don't want to be like that for a whole day on my own I'd rather be forced to try to be normal. At work I'm Lil that wasn't pregnant and I'm Lil that isn't miscarrying right now. Does that make sense or am I crazy to find solace in that?

I don't know what the right thing is

I don't know SweetPotatoPie everyone seems to be different. From having to sit in the toilet to being ok on maxi pads. It seems there is some hope for you yet though but it's good to be prepared for either eventuality

Lillian I was exactly the same - went to work to be normal me and have a break from mc me. All I would have done at home is mope. So no not crazy just have pads, drugs and an exit plan.

Sweet I'm so sorry. Not much time to reply properly but not unrealistic my first mc was like a heavy painful period, I worked through it with over the counter pain relief

Sweet potato. Sorry what you are going through. I made it through with just normal thick san pro but every one is different.

Lillian. I also found work helpful for a few days but after a couple of weeks needed some time off when the reality kicked in.

So I had a negative pregnancy test this morning. I gues thats it. Second miscarriage in 4 months. Physically it was fine but emotionally I am a mess. Its so shit!

love do you know what you want to do now wrt trying? It is truly shit and nothing that anyone says can make it better. We're having a break - advised at least 3 months after a second but not sure if that's because I had a erpc or if it's general advice. I'm going to spend time on myself for a bit. I need to 'find' myself again away from babies, I used to be fun :( Trying to see the positive that this is giving me time to do this but it's so hard.

lilliana my exit plan is based off the helpful MN posts here - maxi pads and change of clothes and u/w in my bag (which I carry around with me even to meetings). I'm hoping it's enough and I won't have to add embarrassment to my already living horror.

love I know I need to heal. I'm hoping to make it through this week and then I'm on holiday for 3 weeks with DH and some close friends so I am hoping I can use that time to recuperate. Soldiering on until Friday and I can safely fall apart with people who care about me to catch me! along with some sangria and sightseeing and treks with beautiful views to heal my broken heart. That's the idea anyway!

Hope you are all doing ok today lilliana time for yourself sounds like a good idea I want to focus on me and DH for a couple of months before TTC again

lillian that sounds perfect. I hope you get through work ok, it sounds like you're covered, but don't be afraid to leave / ask for help if it is bad. Very jealous of your holiday x

Thanks Lilliana - Had to walk out 15 minutes into a meeting as the pain got unbearable and called DH to please rush home too.

Home now doubled over after the tube ride from hell trying to do Lamaze type breathing (from what I've seen in movies because of course I've never had antenatal classes). Let's hope the worst will be over tonight.

Holiday was planned before my BFP so as devastated as I am the silver lining is that this is happening now and not while I'm away in a foreign country. Instead it's the perfect excuse to be away from work for 3 weeks and hopefully come back more human.

Lillian- so sorry you are suffering physically as well as dealing with theeemotional aspects. I hope you get through this evening and that your dh is supportive.
Lilliana- I had never heard the advice about 3 months? I wonder if it is related to the erpc. I am just desperate to be pregnant again tbh so think we will go for it asap. But it feels a long time ago since I was fun.
Sorry not to name check everyone but hope sweet potato and 3under4 are ok?
Unmumsnetty hugs to all.

Hi lovely ladies,
I managed work, which was tough, my lunch break was the hardest, I was suddenly alone and surrounded by shoppers half of which seemed to be pregnant ( typical) my bleeding has reduced to heavy spotting today so have booked into to have a scan on Friday, dreading it! This truly is hell its all I can think about. My love to you all, your all doing so well xx

3under4- well done on surviving work today. Sending you flowers to keep you going. .
I have work tomorrow and travel on the train. .. I know there will be loads of pregnant women
God at the moment 2015 can just ftfo..