Headwreck & Hope. Support for those who are/might be experiencing misscarriage #New Thread

[Adventuregame]

The 'Headwreck and Hope' thread has helped a lot of us who have gone through miscarriage from innitial fears over bleeding and cramps to the procedures and aftermath. A new thread was needed before the old one filled up so here it is. Any questions, worries and hand holding then this is your place. Hoping the ladies on the old thread find this one. stay strong. You will get through this.....

fly I feel exactly the same, I had a bit of a cry on Sunday but mostly I'm just numb. I'm still throwing up, I can even get milk out of my nipples if I squeeze them. I keep thinking, what if they made a mistake. I know it is my head trying to hang on to false hope. Untill I have surgical management next week and the pregnancy hormones drop off I don't think I can start to process it. Everyone keeps hugging me and asking how I am, I just feel numb and want to pretend everything is normal. My HCG was 115752 and 123772 tues and thurs last week which was higher than average for the gestation. I think you have more reason to hope than me as they haven't explicitly told you its over. They were very clear with me that there is no hope, yet my head can't accept its over. And I have the diarrhoea here too. I'm four pounds down since saturday, normally I would be delighted at losing four pounds with no effort but right now it just shows that my body is in shut down.

I hope you have a better day today. I am at work so at least can keep my mind busy.

I'm feeling sad now. May starting to think about it all. It's torture waiting two weeks between scans because they don't think anything is wrong. I've not told many people (grandparents in particular), because there's nothing to tell them yet so people well excited about the pregnancy. My partner doesn't get it. He thinks it will work out or we'll just try again.

Thanks goulies....

I know it's not the done thing around here but just wanted to send you some solidarity hugs x

Cheers mate. I'm accepting them whilst also being disgusted by them.

Back atcha

I am a mumsnet novice so I didn't know hugs were not the done thing. [hugs everyone]

I had that disbelief/hoping the doctors were wrong thing as well. It's too much to get your head around I think.

I called the gp today to ask them to bring my scan forward. I just can't deal with 2 weeks of waiting between scans. Because I've had no bleeding or anything they just brought it forward a day. She did suggest I booked a private scan but I called the local one and they can't do it until Wednesday anyway.

Just had some pinky bleeding.

Hello all not posted for ages. Four weeks on and it's got a bit easier. I had two wretched days this week so now it seems I can have ok days when I'm not mental and days when I am completely mental. I'm not sure if this is better than being a bit mental everyday.

Ds just started a conversation about how if he has children they won't have an aunt or uncle from him. I was driving at the time so was able to grip the steering wheel in fury. Not at him just anger that he is right and sadness that I can't give him a sibling.

Sorry to see so many new names. Fly the limbo is the worst. I don't want to persuade you into false hope but pink bleeding isn't necessarily bad.

thanks purpleprickles. It's reassuring to know there's life after all this crap.

Not a drop more bleeding today. Limbo again!

Evening all. fly sorry they didn't move your scan much, but a day is better than nothing.

It is over for me. I called the EPU on Thursday to arrange a time for my pre-op on Friday, they told me to come in straight away. After waiting ages even though I was the only one in the clinic the nurse eventually came to tell me that they had cancelled the list on Monday and the one the week after was full so I would have to wait another two weeks for an op date, nearly a month after confirming it had died. She talked to me about re considering a medical management. I had good reasons both clinical and personal why surgical was best for me and stood my ground. I also pointed out that guidelines of two weeks were there to reduce risk of infection not to mention the psychological impact of having to wait a month. She took it all on board and managed to squeeze me on to a list yesterday afternoon. The anaesthetic was fine but I felt quite rough from the blood loss. 24 hours on, there has been much less pain or blood than I had expected. In fact I feel better than I have in months. I feel such a relief at having it all over. Still not really processing the loss as the sadness hasn't hit me yet. I'm just trying to eat now I'm not vomming so that I will have strength to ride the emotions when they hit.

I hope you are all able to get out in the sun and get your vitamin D up this weekend.

Purple you did well to hold it together with your DS, it must have been heart breaking to hear him say that. Have you had several mc? Is this the end of the road of ttc for you? I hope you don't mind me asking. Glad that there are ok days for you now I hope that they continue to increase.

Goulash I'm so glad they got you in quickly because having to wait again would have been awful. I felt relieved once my erpc was done and I spent the next few days quite serenely calm as I was focussing on getting physically better. My adobe is to rest and don't rush anything, do what feels right for you that moment, that day. I hope you are being well looked after.

I don't mind you asking at all about me, it makes me feel better to share it if that makes sense. This was my first miscarriage but we had been trying for dc2 for over four years with no success. Dh didn't want tests so I'd gone through the heartache of secondary infertility and come out the other side. This is why it feels so cruel to me for this to happen, a miracle pregnancy that didn't make it. It was a huge shock to be pg, dh is now in his early 40s and me 38 which I know isn't old but we have decided not to try again. If this had happened six months or a year into trying then it would be a different story but I can't wait another 4 years for a bfp especially if it ends this way again. I'm so so thankful for my ds but equally sad at what won't be and livid that I was given this "gift" to have it snatched away.

Thanks for sharing Purple, that is so sad. I understand why you have decided to stop trying, it is a very brave decision. However it will help you begin to move forward thinking of your unit as the three of you without the shadow of ttc etc. No mc is fair or easy to deal with, but it does seem especially cruel to have something you have waited so long for taken away from you. I am so sorry. I hope your DS keeps you busy and distracted and the healing can begin.

Exactly as you describe, I feel very relieved to have it over. I am very much focusing on getting physically better, eating everything iron rich, and I'm itching to get running. I have been so sick and tired the last few months that I am running around the house trying to regain control of this mess. DH keeps stopping me and reminding me i'm supposed to be resting.

Just had a pimms because I can. I'd rather still be pregnant obviously but it felt like my own little two fingers at the situation (I don't get out much). all round because we can, small consolation I know.

I can't wait to just know, so I can get back to running, and drinking and not feeling like shit. Or, the 1% chance that I might actually have a viable pregnancy and enjoying it!

I highly doubt it though. There's no way I could be 3 weeks wrong in my dates, my boobs have gone back to normal and i just know. I do still feel sick and tired though.

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I think I really want to go for the erpc option. No way do I want misoprostil and my body obviously doesn't know what it's doing if it died at 5 weeks and I'm now 10.

How are you doing today fly? Being stuck in limbo must be very hard. Hope you are feeling a bit better so that you are keeping busy.

I'm ignoring it. Pretending I don't care. Am going to bed now as I'm working a night shift tonight (at the hospital). Then I'll go straight to my scan after that.

It's annoying, people area so fucking optimistic it's starting to get my hopes up. There's just NO WAY!

Thanks for asking by the way goulash. How are you feeling? (sorry I'm all selfish and not thinking about other people).

I think I'm having a miscarriage right now.

7+3 by my calculations. Very bad cramping all day, brown discharge all day and now bright red blood.

18 months of ttc. Sigh.

I feel like crying but I have 3 year old DD, so I feel I shouldn't really. I mean, I can't have everything can I?

Not sure how to proceed, either. Do you just wait it out or should I go to EPU in the morning?

for everyone here. So sad.

TinTin not sure what to do in your position, I found out that the baby had died and then surgical management. Apart from A&e I don't think you have options till the morning now. I would look up opening times for the EPU and ring them first thing for advice. There might be a gynae type ward that you can ring when EPU is closed though. Hand holding until someone who knows more comes along.

fly the ostrich approach can be a good self preservation tool at times. Worrying about what is happening won't change the outcome. I hope you are proven wrong tomorrow, but at least you will have an answer. Please let us know how you get on.

I'm doing ok, I did a bit too much yesterday so have been uncomfortable and bleeding a bit more today. I have been thoroughly lazy today and have eaten my body weight in chocolate. I think I will stay at home tomorrow and then go in to work on Thursday. Been thinking about if I want to do something to mark this, plant something, get a tattoo (I'm not a tattoo person).

Thanks Goulash.

I think if you are thinking about doing something in remembrance then you should do something.

I always think planting something is such a lovely thing. Circle of life and all that but if you fancy a tattoo, why the hell not? Could become a huge comfort.

Fuck sake! Gah.

Scan was inconclusive. There's been a bit of growth. Crl was about 6.4 weeks, other measurement was about 7 weeks. No hb. Because it's grown a bit and the last scan they didn't document in any detail they're repeating the scan in two weeks. I can't deal with this.

fly what a headfuck. Sorry you are still stuck in limbo. Don't really know what else to say. If this one does stick around it owes you big time one day!

How are things TinTin?

It will be in big trouble. I'm still not optimistic though. Should I request hcg or something? Or is it a bit late for that?