Headwreck & Hope. Support for those who are/might be experiencing MMC/MC/early pregnancy loss.

[mrsb0710]

Original threadtotal headwreck, empty sac 11 days ago, embryo 6wk there today

Support for those who are/might be experiencing MMC/MC/early pregnancy loss.

Hi purpleprickles and everyone else going through this rubbish time right now. Physically everything is pretty much done, surgery went fine and I went home yesterday evening. It nearly broke me when the surgeon asked me to tell her what surgery I was having (they have to check you understand the procedure they are going to do on you, it's standard for all surgery apparently).

Today is hard. It's the first day we don't have lots of hospital appointments and things to be at. They were hard but this is terrible, not having anything to do. I don't know how to get through the day. My parents are here but I had a massive row with my mum which I now feel awful about too. I had to leave the house and go for a walk but now I feel guilty for leaving my husband to deal with it and he is worried about me. I am not supposed to do much after the general anaesthetic yesterday and I am very light headed but I had to get out.

Anyone who's going through this/been through it, how did you get through these first few days after all the physical stuff was over?

I tried to keep busy but every so often just had to take myself off to my bedroom and have a cry/some alone time and then I would text DP to come and find me and give me a cuddle !!

One day you just take a deep breath and realise you're feeling ok ish and you want to move on. We bought a memory plant and that really helped me to feel like I had marked the loss as I didn't want to feel like it never happened ?

Thanks Adventure. You're right about doing something to mark the loss, My husband and I went out today to buy an outfit and teddy for our baby to put away in a box and keep. the hospital gave us a 'memorial certificate' to keep as well so that will go in the box. I need something real to represent the baby we lost as it's so hard when all you have is the hopes and dreams you had for them.

Hello all. to everyone, this is so hard. Miscarried my first at 5 weeks 2 weeks ago. My cousin just announced her pregnancy via Facebook and I've just spent the whole afternoon sobbing.

I feel like I can't feel better unless I get pregnant again as soon as possible. I don't even want to wait til my first period.

I feel similar iam. It feels like the only way to fix this is to get pregnant again. But I know from previous experience how hard it can be to get pregnant (although this one happened very quickly, the previous pregnancy took 9 months of trying) and I am scared it will take a long time again and that will be painful. There's also the horrible worry that this will happen again. So whilst I desperately want another baby, I'm scared of pregnancy and the anguish it can bring.

Hello everyone. I had a MMC in February and am struggling. We had a pregnancy announcement tonight, just as I've turned a corner and it has floored me. I am so angry about having had a mc and want MY baby. I got pregnant, it's NOT FAIR. I have changed and feel this has wrecked me forever.

Hi all- tfpoo I tried to keep busy when I could and then did nothing when I couldnt. I read a Marian Keyes book too which was nothing about babies but about a depressed woman so it made me better in my own misery somehow.

I hope those of you who are going to try again get a bfp soon. Iam I'm sorry about the announcement, they are so hard to deal with, as are fb pictures of babies or adverts about them.

Lots of you have hit the nail on the head for me tonight with the idea that the only way to fix this is to be pg again. I am 99% sure that won't happen for us so I think my biggest fear is that I won't ever be fixed. Which is silly cos time is a healer and all that but that's how it feels at the moment.

Stoaty I feel exactly the same. Got pregnant very easily the first time (we weren't even trying properly, just had axed contraception for a couple of months). I am now terrified it will take ages and something will happen.

I also feel incredibly angry and that its not fair. Why was my baby taken from me

You are right, time is a healer but it's not a lot of comfort at the moment when each day feels like it goes on forever. Also, if I knew how much time it would take it might be easier to cope with. I wish it was more like a physical illness where there was a timetable to the suffering, like "after two weeks you won't feel totally shit, after a month you will feel much better and after two you'll be back to normal!" but it's not and I know that but it's just so hard.

Time is doing nothing for me - DH feels the same. It just not getting easier. Worse if anything. Every month I should be a bit more pregnant and I'm still getting my periods. I turn a corner and then we have another pregnancy announcement and I'm devastated about the MC all over again. Soon it will be september and I'll have to contend with the fact that I should have got a baby.

I did get pregnant quickly first time and not so much now evidently.

@Purpleprickles I get that feeling of fear you won't recover, but you will. This was our last attempt at IVF so I don't know if I will have another chance, but I know one way or another I will be ok eventually.
Has anyone used a pregnancy loss counselling service? I'm thinking about going to a local one.

I'm an idiot - how do you tag someone?

I don't think you can but a star before and after their name will bold it

Hello. I posted the other day in a stand alone thread. I was told yesterday that our pregnancy had no heart beat at 7 weeks. I now have to wait 10 days for a rescan but I've been booked in for a D&C the next day. I'm terrified of miscarrying in the mean time as i would choose surgery in a flash. What does it feel like? How does it start?

I'm so sorry fraggle. What an awful thing you are going through.

I had medical management for my MMC so can't advise on timings but wanted to send you lots of love. There's a good chance you won't mc without intervention, lots of people don't know about the MC until the 12 week scan even when the heart has stopped weeks earlier.

My management entailed a pessary that started a miscarriage. I started sporting on the Saturday afternoon and by Sunday morning the main event happened (not sure of the words to use) but that bit wasn't painful. I had just had cramping. I bled for quite a few days after.

Hope you are being looked after. Feel free to pm if you need to talk xx

Thank you for the reply Stoaty. I've just read the bulk of a thread on here about what to expect if it happens and it had lots of details, which is what i needed to know. I'm not good with pain and i hate the idea of it feeling like contractions. My DS1 was born at 29 weeks and it was a very painful and stressful experience

It did feel a bit contraction like, or what I imagine contractions to feel like but only mild ones. My sister has not had a mc and I have not had a labour but she was with me when it was happening and she said I was behaving as she was in her very early labour in that there were cramps that came at timely intervals. Honestly that pain was not bad for me at least. If I'd have known that was all they were going to be, I would have been much less anxious about having my MC managed, it was tolerable, upsetting more than anything. The period I had the following month was much worse. I personally didn't feel what I actually lost when I passed the sac, but I felt a lot of clots the following month. I can imagine why you feel so nervous having had your DS1 at 29 weeks. All that anxiety flooding back is hard.

Tftpoo to be honest I feel like I'm wading through treacle at the moment. I'm so busy with work and writing reports at home marking etc but I cry every night in bed. I don't even know why I'm crying, if it's because of the loss or the pure unfairness of it all. I don't feel like I have a handle on what I feel. Am I sad or angry it changes by the minute.

Mme thank you and after your last post I looked up some counsellors. I don't know if it will help, I've never been to one and feel scared to look into it a lot but it might help me sort out this head wreck.

Fraggle really sorry that you are joining us. It's just horrible. My story seems similar to yours and I didn't start miscarrying in fact the sac kept growing in that ten day wait which for me was better even though the being in limbo was just awful. Xx

purple I really recommend counselling. I'm struggling as it is, I dread to think how I'd have been without her. Seeing her tomorrow actually. I found mine by pure chance and have been so lucky. Hugs.

Thank you. It's just the wait, it's torture! Plus i keep having false hope they were wrong, which I'm trying to shake off.

Hello Fraggle. I had a missed miscarriage discovered at a 12 week scan a week ago today. I got a re-scan by a consultant immediately which was fortunate but they said I would have to wait 8 days for surgery. So I booked to go in the next day for medical management but overnight I started bleeding although it was only very light, like brown spotting at the beginning of a period. I thought about it all night and was petrified of the pain, the bleeding and passing the pregnancy at home. I desperately didn't want to see anything (my baby died at 9 weeks and I was told there could be a recognisable lump when it passed). So I went back to the EPU in the morning and was told there was no chance of surgery under general anaesthetic for a week and that I'd have to have it done under local which could be done the next day. She explained the process and I didn't think I could bear it, I didn't want to see or hear anything. It brought back painful memories of the birth of my twins which was by c-section for which I was awake. So in the end I went to a hospital about an hours drive away to have the surgery under general on Monday this week. It's a much bigger hospital than my local one and they have more frequent theatre lists for this procedure. I don't know what your hospital is like but I wonder if there is any way you could go to a bigger hospital for surgery sooner? It might be worth asking the EPU nurses at your hospital?

I am so sorry you are going through this. It's so painful to find out you have lost your baby but to have to wait to get it sorted out and the uncertainty of not knowing what will happen in the meantime is just so cruel on top of that.

If you have any questions about the surgery experience, I'll do my best to answer them. I found the day after surgery the hardest. Until then there had been something physical to worry about and appointments to be at. After that, it was just raw emotion. I am finding it really helpful posting here and knowing there's are others who know how it feels. Big hugs for you.

Thank you Tft for posting your experience. I'm sorry that you're going through such a difficult time as well.

Being fitted in for surgery isn't the issue. The EPU say i have to wait 10 days to ensure no mistake has been made. I do understand this but it's just hard. I just want it over. It was very clear to me during the ultrasound that there was no heart beat

Oh Fraggle I'm so sorry if I misunderstood, I hope my post didn't upset you.

Not at all. Please don't worry. Your post really helped. I was just saying that getting the surgery luckily isn't an issue. It's just this ten day wait! Driving myself mad now!

Waiting 4 days was awful, I can only imagine how long 10 days must feel like.