Headwreck & Hope. Support for those who are/might be experiencing MMC/MC/early pregnancy loss.

[mrsb0710]

Original threadtotal headwreck, empty sac 11 days ago, embryo 6wk there today

Support for those who are/might be experiencing MMC/MC/early pregnancy loss.

Wifey- sorry I can't remember did you choose not to have the erpc or weren't you given the option? If it was your choice are you able to change your mind if you decide enough is enough?

Thank you Lilliana. Not really had anything at all tonight after a day feeling very worried. It seems every time i relax I notice bleeding to make me worry again!

Daft I agree with Lilliana, you have to trust how you feel. I mostly find work a welcome distraction - I'm a teacher so have to spend the days putting on a bit of a front and supporting my students with their own stresses, which somehow helps keep my own problems in perspective... Until I get home! But likewise don't put too much pressure on yourself , it won't help and if u need a week on the sofa relaxing that's what u should do.

Wifey - take care of yourself, I hope it's all over very soon and u don't get too much more pain x

Thanks all for the kind wishes x. purple I have been offered surgical management but I really would like to hold my little baby to say good bye if at all possible - hence the wanting to wait for a natural. It seems to have stopped for now though. I hope I didn't pass the sac on toilet without realising though - bit worried about this.

wifey I think it was you who was asking with regards to an ERPC...
tbh, it was fine. A very odd experience, quick and laid back I would say in a way. All I wanted to do was wait for the remaining products (I hate calling it that) to pass naturally. But as the natural way failed, along with two rounds of medical management, they said enough is enough and I may be at risk of infection if left. I had to sign a piece of paper agreeing to the procedure. And included in that agreement is what you wish to do with the baby (products) .. God I hate that word so you are often given the option to keep him/her to say goodbye how you please. Otherwise they cremate.
I think as I had over a month to deal with the long process of mmc, by the time the day came for the ERPC I was surprisingly not upset, sad, but not upset. They usually get you in early morning and prep you (gown, procedure description, circulation tights, anaesthetist chat with you, gell inserted to pre-soften cervix etc.) then they take you to an operating room which, I will warn you, is a bit daunting. You hop up in your gown, lye down, they put the canular in and tell you you will feel something cold go up your arm. At that point I started to cry as don't much like canulars, all of a sudden I saw a gloved hand offered to me to hold, I thought that was very sweet of one of the surgeons/nurses to do so, and as quickly as I felt the coldness up my arm I opened my eyes on the recovery ward, as meg said, woke up very relaxed, probably due to the fentinol they give you while you're under. I did have contractions as soon as I opened my eyes, and a nurse put some morphine into my canular. Within an hour of being in recovery they took me back to the ward I came from. Felt absolutely fine, ate a sandwich, had tea and they took the canular out and packed me off. They were great really...(well, except for before the operation when they said to me that they wanted to send me home with MORE medical management to do at home....i barked at them at that point, reciting everything that had happened the last month, they then took me back up to epu in my dressing gown and slippers for my 7th bloody scan, even though I had one 2 days prior. The nurses faces in epu, they looked at me as if to say "why the heck are you here again" and rolled their eyes. They weren't angry at me though, just at them downstairs for pointlessly dragging me through another scan)
In the end they done it though so that's what matters I spose.
I wasn't lucky enough to be back on my feet quickly though, was in bed for two weeks with horrid cramps and a suspected infection after the first week. I got off lucky with the bleeding after, only bled the day of the op. Not a drop after that and I'm now 3 weeks past the op.
Any ways, I know I've rambled but you asked so I thought I would try to reassure you. Hope things go well for you xx

Thanks for the info ladies about comparing the pain to labor, its almost comforting to know I may be able to handle the pain fairly well when it comes to it.
Hope all you new ladies are doing ok, stay strong, one day at a time x

Thanks lill I will do that tomorrow x

faith I'm a teacher too. It makes you very good at putting on a front! I found it helped to work too but there is nowhere to hide when teaching - you can't just nip off to the loo its full on all day.

paws that's really helpful to know - thank you for sharing your experience - I suppose I wanted to ask just incase I need it after this. I am concerned that contractions have now stopped and I only have some mild bleeding and wonder if I have passed the sac with everything went on yesterday. I asked a midwife this morning if contractions could stop and start and she said no, once they have started that's it and continue until it is over. Whereas the EPAGU doesn't even recognise that they were contractions calling them cramps only and says that I could continue to have cramps which stop and start. Am confused and wish I knew if I have passed the sac or not. I have an appt in 2 weeks time for a scan but would really like to know sooner rather than later.

wifey, happy to have been of some help...i was told they can start and stop. After the main night when I passed virtually everything, it all stopped, then a week or so later I started to lightly contact again, but no blood was passed. My body must have realised there was something left, but just couldn't get rid. You could call your epu and tell them you are in pain and that you really could do with a sooner scan? They may not scan you if you're still bleeding though. See what they say, lay it on a bit thick...i know its naughty but it helps. Good luck x

I'm so sorry to hear about the horrible pain and experiences on here.

On the weekend I had a lot of bleeding and mild cramps, lots of big dark clots and it lasted for a few hours. Not comparable to labour pains for me but must depend on size / stage think I lost the baby at 7.5 weeks found out at 13 week scan. I wasn't sure if I had passed the sac so went to EPU this morning and I had so they cancelled the ERPC for today. I just have to watch for infection and stop bleeding within two weeks.

Happywifey I really wanted to know too as I was nervous about GA. Can you walk in for an earlier scan?

Think I will walk in tomorrow morning if nothing else happens and ask for a scan. I seem to have stopped bleeding too.

I finally passed the sac whilst bearing down on the toilet . Light cramps , no contractions. It was around (15cm x2) , not smooth, slightly grey, was not expecting that it was going to be that huge but was deflated open and empty with no baby inside it. I think my baby must have been one of the clots yesterday when I was having contractions, which after all is nature doing it's normal thing that happens in labour. I feel sad , but ok that I didn't get to see her. I feel better knowing that I have now given birth to her - I know it prob sounds silly but by doing it this way, however painful, I felt , for me , it was a good way to recognise that she was my child - not just a fetus, an embryo, or a product of conception. It has helped me process the loss, even though this time I didn't get to see or to hold her . I am now ready to say goodbye and let go, and although I am in tears writing this, I know I can move on. I will be having a goodbye ceremony and have placed a little bit of the sac in to a pot plant that I bought to remember her by and place it in the window and play her song (Flowers in the window) and have another little goodbye ceremony. ( I felt she was a girl).

I just want to say thanks to all the people on this forum. Everyone is so supportive especially given what we are all going through. I have gained so much hearing everyone's experiences, and sharing my fears , and knowing I am not alone. I wish everyone love & healing thoughts at this time and welcome, albeit sadly, the new members that have joined us, and I hope you find strength as I have here . I am so sorry for your losses xx

Wifey reading that made me well up. I think you need to do whatever feels right and although I feel so sad this happened for you too I'm glad you got to deal with it in the way you wanted. Wishing you lots of luck for the future and I hope we can all keep chatting as I know I'm not ready for this to be completely over yet.

Sovery- sorry I only just saw your post here too. I hope you are doing ok xxx

Thanks purple. I am not ready to leave here just yet although will be ttc when it is completely over. I seem to be cramping again today and something seems to be going on in my cervix not sure if I have something stuck. How are things with everyone today?

Hi Purple thank you for your lovely message on other thread.

Yesterday was ok as I was pleased it had happened at home and I didn't find it too painful. I wanted to be aware of it (if not too intense). And Dh had the day off so we did some nice things around town together.

Today I'm back at work and this is much harder. The reality of it.

Wifey I'm glad you had a scan and it happened that way.

It is nice to be on here so I'm going to stick around too through these hard parts.

Did anyone else find this really hard? I don't want to walk in and cry.

purple how has work been? I've been back in since yesterday since I found out about MMC on Weds eve and things have been a bit surreal, I thought I would be on a bit more of an emotional knife edge but the weekend has helped me grieve and I am welcome of the distraction of work

I have a scan again tomorrow morning, I'm hoping that it's all gone and there's no more pain to come as I don't think I could bear it. I had a terrible experience on Thursday am for 3-4 hours, just cramping so painfully, passing blood and clots constantly, I think that might have been it, but just not sure.

I bought my 'Sesame' a star over the weekend, so me and my DP can remember her as the brightest star up in the sky. I'm devastated but trying to be as rational and positive as possible.

I find this forum great for all the support, its horrible to go through and no one else seems to understand properly. It's devastating that we're all here and the world is so unfair but we can get through it ladies xx

Lovely but sad post wifey I hope you can get some answers soon and it is over for you.

How is your day going sovery? Hope you're managing ok.

panda I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Your star sounds lovely.

Hi all- Panda I was thinking of getting a star too. I think I need to mark this loss in someway. I'm not as good with plants so I'm guessing a star would be safer. I hope your scan is ok too.

Wifey I really hope it is all over for. If it helps I had cramping for a few days after the procedure and I read on one forum that your uterus contracts back to size so thought for me it might be that.

SoVery I'm finding work a good distraction even though I feel very fragile. A colleague had her scan yesterday and all is well which is fab but I spent the day feeling that it wasn't me announcing my great news. I'm finding being at home harder which is silly but it feels like evenings are long. They aren't, I have ds and a million work things to do etc but it feels long. A good friend was just trying to gee me along by telling me of people who had miscarried twice and gone on to have a baby. It was well intentioned but it felt like I should be over this now and accepting that life could be worse. I just don't feel ready too but feel like I'm maybe boring RL people which I'm sure they would say I wasnt. I don't know I think tonight I just feel like some crazed emotional mad woman.

Hope everyone is doing ok .

Visiting the GP to get signed off tomorrow, my boss is not being very undetstanding so I feel I have to, think she expected me to be back in tomorrow. But I'm still miscarrying. I'm sort of ok physically but emotionally I'm really not. Am I being unreasonable to get signed off?

Iam Have you had some days off? Sorry if I missed it. I think you should get signed off.

Purple oh I know, it's so hard. I'm not ready for the list of people who went on to have a baby yet, as I don't know what my future looks like. I am so hyper sensitive right now, if I looked like I felt I'd look crazy.

Panda the star sounds lovely. Good luck at the scan, let us know how you go.

Lilliana I was ok today thanks.

I got to work and couldn't go in! I had to walk around the block as I was crying. I just had this big barrier and seeing work again started me off as I was so used to being pg at work. Rang dh, and it passed, and I managed to get in and sit down and start work. Phew. It was ok after that, I was in the work mode and people were their usual funny or whatever selves and it was distracting and helped.

Iam you are not being unreasonable. I work with someone who is off for three days with conjunctivitis! A sticky eye! You need the time off, you cannot work while this is going on. Please get signed off xx

wifey I'm pleased you managed to deal with it 'your way'... Hopefully you will be feeling better soon. Remember it takes time to heal, so take each day as it comes. (I know I had good days and bad, ... Still do) But wish you well. I'm over on the ttc thread which lilliana gave me a link to. As you said you would want to ttc some time soon, perhaps I will see you on there when the time comes! Xxx

Thanks paws am having a better day today but physically I feel not so great
. Bit sore in my cervix sharp pains bit of mild cramping.
. I keep zonking out asleep for 4 hours like I am in a coma then waking up ( not taking meds) - I must need it though . Seeing the doc today to get signed of until next week. I will Deffo be joining you on the ttc thread When I get the all clear from my scan next week. How are you doing?

coo your doc will happily sign you off for 2 weeks if you need it. Remember, this is pregnancy related sickness which doesn't count towards your sickness record and if it does then you can sue your work for discrimination. I made sure my work were aware of this and they have been great. I hope you are able to give your body and mind the rest it needs.