19, transgender and want a biological child

[Ileran]

I'm a 19 year-old transgender male. I haven't received any hormones or surgery yet, meaning my body is the same as the body of a non-trans woman... except I'm a guy! I'm currently set to go on testosterone next year. This will masculine my body and make me a lot more comfortable in my own skin, but the effects on my fertility can't be predicted. The problem with this is that I want to have a biological child during my life, and I feel like it will bother me for my whole life if I couldn't do that because I chose hormones before pregnancy.

I understand that 19 is not the ideal age for most people to have a child and, ideally, I would wait a few years before doing it myself - but I can't face the thought of avoiding hormones for an unknown time until I'm older and "ready". I need to be moving forward in some way, whether that's having a child before I go on hormones or planning to have a child later and taking the risk that going on hormones could make me infertile. Of course, taking testosterone could have no effect on my fertility, or I could regain fertility if I stopped taking it again. The latter is still the choice I feel the most uneasy about.

I looked into storing my eggs, but the success rate isn't high enough for me to feel comfortable taking that chance. I'd consider adoption later in life, but I want at least one child that's biologically mine.

So, some details. I live with my parents and two brothers, and have been in a relationship for almost a year with my 21 year-old boyfriend. Both my family and boyfriend are understanding of my situation, and have promised to support me whatever choice I end up making.

Currently I don't have a stable job, but I do have a decent amount of money saved. I'm home educated, and will be completing my final courses next year. I've always been good with and enjoyed the company of babies and children, and have known I want children of my own from a young age. I've never been the kind of person who enjoyed going out and partying.

I understand that having a baby is a long-term commitment and a big decision, especially at the age I am, which is why I'm seeking opinions, advice, stories from people in situations similar to my own... anything except criticism of me being a trans man who wants to carry a baby. Thank you!

why did i get deleted? All I said was this is ridiculous and the OP knows that, and that women give birth not men, so she's a woman (which is all correct) although was displaying male privilege so there was defo something in it.

i was being supportive- saying maybe she is really part male?

mrswrex he wasn't a man. You cannot change sex. It's a scientific impossibility. Sorry if that's news to you or friend.

Mnhq getting trigger happy on the deletions again?

I think the response here has been of a certain tone because what you are saying op just doesn't add up really. You say you feel like a male, but you want to do the biggest thing that makes a woman a woman.

When you are pregnant, your breasts grow, you become curvier, you feel vulnerable and the opposite of 'manly'. It is the most womanly I have ever felt. I'm sorry but I really feel you can't have this all worked out in your head if you think being male and being pregnant are compatible.

I think you are too young and immature for all of this, the hormonal treatment and absolutely having a child. You need a lot more therapy.

it seems so.

If you are a bloke, you can't give birth to a baby. If you are a woman, then you can.
Hth

Well at least she got a book out of it. Was it in the Guardian?

And btw where is Jack Munroe now, after her thread, "What makes a woman"?

Sweets Stick around. You will soon find that jaw becoming dislocated

I don't want to get into the whole how will you cope with your physical changes in pregnancy debate / any ethical considerations, but one thing I do believe in is the innate desire in many people to reproduce / procreate / have a child regardless of gender.

My husband was desperately broody from the age of about 17 (I kid you not). He's a natural parent and nurturer. I swear he'd have BF if he could have done.

I get your desire for a baby, OP, and obviously your only way to have one biologically is via the female route which will clearly have a lot of challenges and not just with regard to you being trans. You're still very young and without a stable income etc.

I think you need to discuss this a lot more with your counsellors and really, really think logically (hard I know) and long term.

All the very very best

You are not ready to be a parent. You have no home of your own, are still in education, have a short term relationship and no financial security.

Adding to that you are not in the right head space to cope with pregnancy, delivery and parenting.

Carrying a child is the most female thing you can do, pregnancy accentuates every aspect of being a woman. Combining this with your current state of mind plus the potential for post natal depression is a recipe for disaster.

Finish growing and becoming the person you are going to be. When you are comfortable in your own skin, then is the time to look at bringing a new person into the world. Lots of people want a biological child, sometimes circumstances mean you have to find a different way.

My last post was cut (to one sentence), not deleted

MN what the fuck is going on? If you are going to censor, then say so

Mrsmorton that is correct. However my friend feels like a man and has been living as one for the last decade.

My point was to the op that actually, if she really thought/felt she was definitely a man then the very idea of becoming pregnant would be completely impossible for her.

Do you have a male female relationship with your boyfriend?
Presumably not as you identify as male
So you get pregnant by him, take hormones and I dunno, have sex as a man or at least not penetrating vaginal sex and what? He leaves?
So you're a single unemployed pre surgery trans male

Sounds like one for the Daily Mail

Not sure why my post was deleted when the one I quoted calling someone a goody twat is still standing.

OP I've had two children. During my pregnancies my body changed dramatically and it changed how I viewed myself. In the first year after I had my daughter I found that being a parent utterly changed who I was and I had to rediscover my identity.

Now, putting aside that you are a jobless 19 year old that lives with their parents and has only been in a relationship for a year, does what I've just described above sound like something you can emotionally handle considering you're also dealing with trans issues?
How soon after the baby will you begin your female to male transition?
Will your parents let you live with them during this time or will you have to get your own place?
Does your bf want a baby?
Will your bf continue a romantic relationship with you or will he just co-parent?

goady obviously.

Although a goody twat sounds much nicer.

Looks like my first post was deleted as well. Why, MNHQ? Because I haven't said anything that other people haven't said too, that desire to concieve and birth a child is mutually exclusive from being a man.

I reported a post for a direct personal attack. Why was mine deleted? It was really articulate too .

I'm trying to imagine how I'd feel about my 'dad' being listed as my mother in my birth certificate but I'm struggling.

Because I haven't said anything that other people haven't said too, that desire to concieve and birth a child is mutually exclusive from being a man.

Maybe it's okay with MNHQ to say that men can't conceive or birth babies but NOT okay to say that men can't desire to conceive and birth babies?

It's so hard to keep up with what's verboten.

OP, have a read around MN in respect of parenting (not trans issues specifically, but general threads on being-a-parent). Having a baby isn't just the bit where you get pregnant and give birth.

Having a child is an all-consuming, overwhelming commitment which would become your first priority for decades. Think about the possibility of delaying your transition for years because parenthood may make it incredibly difficult for you to concentrate sufficiently on yourself to undergo that kind of treatment.

If you don't think that you could do that, or if you think that you would end up resenting your child, then perhaps it's best to look at your best options for having a child when your life is more settled.

Please don't have a baby at 19, without the committed relationship, home etc.
Being a parent is really fucking hard and if you end up parenting on your own without support its even harder.

Have you thought this all through? You sound totally confused about what you really want

I don't get this at all. OP is female by birth but wants to be male. But OP also wants to get pregnant and have a baby. Which men can't do. But a female to male also can't produce sperm. Which men can do but OP will never be able to do. So to have a baby a transgender parent of whatever type has to revert to biological type for a bit to do the necessary. Despite having whole heartedly given up that original gender to start with. It makes my fucking brain hurt. Why is there such a transgender epidemic at the moment? Has it always been so but just hidden or has it suddenly become A Thing? And if so why?

Why is there such a transgender epidemic at the moment? Has it always been so but just hidden or has it suddenly become A Thing? And if so why?'

I expect a lot of people are quietly wondering that but are too shy to ask.

Manumission more likely because I queried how trans the op really was if this is their current state of mind. Which I still don't think is unreasonable, as I understand it gender dysphoria is all about believing you're in the wrong body. Surely if you're female and you want to conceive and give birth you're in the right body?

Well this is the other half of pigeon's question, I suppose tam; had gender dysphoria in the old sense ceased to exist, officially speaking?

It's all very confusing.