19, transgender and want a biological child

[Ileran]

I'm a 19 year-old transgender male. I haven't received any hormones or surgery yet, meaning my body is the same as the body of a non-trans woman... except I'm a guy! I'm currently set to go on testosterone next year. This will masculine my body and make me a lot more comfortable in my own skin, but the effects on my fertility can't be predicted. The problem with this is that I want to have a biological child during my life, and I feel like it will bother me for my whole life if I couldn't do that because I chose hormones before pregnancy.

I understand that 19 is not the ideal age for most people to have a child and, ideally, I would wait a few years before doing it myself - but I can't face the thought of avoiding hormones for an unknown time until I'm older and "ready". I need to be moving forward in some way, whether that's having a child before I go on hormones or planning to have a child later and taking the risk that going on hormones could make me infertile. Of course, taking testosterone could have no effect on my fertility, or I could regain fertility if I stopped taking it again. The latter is still the choice I feel the most uneasy about.

I looked into storing my eggs, but the success rate isn't high enough for me to feel comfortable taking that chance. I'd consider adoption later in life, but I want at least one child that's biologically mine.

So, some details. I live with my parents and two brothers, and have been in a relationship for almost a year with my 21 year-old boyfriend. Both my family and boyfriend are understanding of my situation, and have promised to support me whatever choice I end up making.

Currently I don't have a stable job, but I do have a decent amount of money saved. I'm home educated, and will be completing my final courses next year. I've always been good with and enjoyed the company of babies and children, and have known I want children of my own from a young age. I've never been the kind of person who enjoyed going out and partying.

I understand that having a baby is a long-term commitment and a big decision, especially at the age I am, which is why I'm seeking opinions, advice, stories from people in situations similar to my own... anything except criticism of me being a trans man who wants to carry a baby. Thank you!

but if twogoats says she is a cat, then she is a cat. You are to refer to her as mrs. meow at all times.
I personally identify as a pony and hope to have a little foal one day.

So one can have a gay relationship with a man even though one has a female body, able to have children?

and men with penises can be lesbians, and if those nasty female lesbians don't want their cock ' lady penis they are a transphobe.

do keep up, it's about more than bogs this backlash... and rightly so.

Blimey OP... If you are still reading, I would urge you to seriously think about pausing everything, rather than pressing ahead at full steam with either transitioning or with having a baby.

You're 19 - I know that feels like you are now old enough to make adult decisions and get on with your grown up life, but honestly you are only just starting on working out what being an adult is all about.

FWIW I have always been happy with my (female) body, and I very much wanted to be pregnant and was in a pretty good place when I was pregnant. I was still occasionally revolting (though mostly fascinated) by what happened to my body during pregnancy: no one had told me that my womb would expand to take up pretty much my whole torso. I didn't actually want to have F cup boobs, never mind ones that leaked towards the end. If I was already feeling some sense of unease with my body, experiencing it during pregnancy would have really pushed me to the brink. This happens to many others: it's estimated that around 20% of pregnant women suffer depressive symptoms and 10% develop clinical depression.

I hope that you have a really good counsellor to help you through this difficult period in your life, and that you find peace and happiness with yourself.

(Your boyfriend is not gay, BTW, he is bisexual. Which is perfectly OK!)

what the hell happened to just being butch? or femme?

this is what happens when you drill kids into believing that pink is for girls and blue is for boys and that applies to everything-we seem to have such rigid gender roles now for kids and teens.

I am not a feminine woman-I never have been. When i was a kid i wore my brothers hand me downs and had short hair. i spent my teens in denim and dungarees and doc martens.

I don't wear pink. I rarely wear make up.

but i am a woman.

i have know many many many women just like me and many women not like me. I have known very 'feminine' men but they were still men.

And that is ok

It's so rigid and unforgiving to think that butch must mean male -i don't get it. surely we are going backwards in our thinking?

I agree it is totally backwards - boy is a bit feminine - encourage him to mutilate himself...I mean wtf?
and as for this 'male and female brains' I am sorry but it is bollocks.

Totally agree with therootof and brat.

I'm actually really sad for gay and lesbian teens who as a result of this narrative now have to accept (or be called transphobic) partners who are in fact not the sex they prefer. There's some serious brainwashing doublethink going on if a gay lad is now in a relationship with a biological female because she's actually a boy too. The adults I know involved with transpeople would never accept this. They are with someone they know is trans and in the process and for some I think that is the attraction, or with someone who has transitioned. None of them are gay men with a pre-transition woman. Although actually, most adults I know involved with transpeople are out as bi.

A lot of young lesbians are getting abuse for not wanting straight sex .

Disclaimer: I did not read the whole thread. Stopped at page 2 as it seems a lot of people ignored the part about OP not wanting "criticism of me being a trans man who wants to carry a baby." Sigh. So, just replying to OP's initial question.

One thing I would emphasise is that the world of being pregnant, giving birth, and having a new baby can be intense if you are not cis-female. I'm a person who identifies as genderqueer/non-binary, and I have had some very dark moments around this in my experience already (was pregnant and gave birth to a baby who is now nearly one). Be prepared for pretty much everyone and every mainstream service you connect with to assume you are female/a woman. You will be called mum, all the time. If you think that will bother you, then steel yourself! And have resources handy that might help others to support you appropriately. For example, this resource may be useful for any lactation educators:
www.milkjunkies.net/2012/03/tips-for-transgender-breastfeeders-and.html

As you identify as a trans man, you may feel very wrong about being pregnant, or you could feel fine about it! Some of it could be to do with support structures (and it's great that you have your family backing you!) but there would be an element that you may not be able to predict or do anything about. I wonder whether some visualisation would help you here? Step by step from conception through to birth through to breast/chest feeding (if you intend to) and anything else you may be unsure of. If you haven't already, I would say read people's experiences about being pregnant etc, how it feels in their body. Everyone is different of course, but it could help you be a bit more confident about your choice to try to conceive (if you choose that, in the end!)

Apart from that, all the general advice about whether it's a right time to have a baby applies. Some would say it's never the perfect time. That said, some times are better than others. In the end, it's about whether you are willing and able to make it work, if/when/how it happens for you. Do you feel ready to let your life be transformed by the joys, fear, chores and fun of being a parent?

I wish you well, whatever you choose x

The thread is 5 months old since the last reply. I doubt the OP is still around.

Also its just female. No need for this cis bit.