19, transgender and want a biological child

[Ileran]

I'm a 19 year-old transgender male. I haven't received any hormones or surgery yet, meaning my body is the same as the body of a non-trans woman... except I'm a guy! I'm currently set to go on testosterone next year. This will masculine my body and make me a lot more comfortable in my own skin, but the effects on my fertility can't be predicted. The problem with this is that I want to have a biological child during my life, and I feel like it will bother me for my whole life if I couldn't do that because I chose hormones before pregnancy.

I understand that 19 is not the ideal age for most people to have a child and, ideally, I would wait a few years before doing it myself - but I can't face the thought of avoiding hormones for an unknown time until I'm older and "ready". I need to be moving forward in some way, whether that's having a child before I go on hormones or planning to have a child later and taking the risk that going on hormones could make me infertile. Of course, taking testosterone could have no effect on my fertility, or I could regain fertility if I stopped taking it again. The latter is still the choice I feel the most uneasy about.

I looked into storing my eggs, but the success rate isn't high enough for me to feel comfortable taking that chance. I'd consider adoption later in life, but I want at least one child that's biologically mine.

So, some details. I live with my parents and two brothers, and have been in a relationship for almost a year with my 21 year-old boyfriend. Both my family and boyfriend are understanding of my situation, and have promised to support me whatever choice I end up making.

Currently I don't have a stable job, but I do have a decent amount of money saved. I'm home educated, and will be completing my final courses next year. I've always been good with and enjoyed the company of babies and children, and have known I want children of my own from a young age. I've never been the kind of person who enjoyed going out and partying.

I understand that having a baby is a long-term commitment and a big decision, especially at the age I am, which is why I'm seeking opinions, advice, stories from people in situations similar to my own... anything except criticism of me being a trans man who wants to carry a baby. Thank you!

Ileran but trans men are women. That's how they are able to get pregnant and give birth. The same as women who wear trousers and have short hair are also able to get pregnant and give birth.

I really don't mean to be flippant, but I do think you need more counselling. Perhaps you don't identify as feminine or like the gender role that society has created for women (many of us don't) but the urge to be pregnant is an undeniably female thing.

I have never had an urge to have a child, I work in a senior role, like powerful cars, am not remotely feminine and I am attracted to women. I tick more of the "man" boxes than you. Doesn't make me a man, just a queer gender non conforming woman.

Sounds like this is all about you at the moment. Try thinking of it from your child's point of view.
Born to unemployed, young parents who haven't been together for long. During the first years of this child's life you will
Move house leaving your parents (ie separating what the child has seen as their immediate family)
Have a full gender change

Seriously??

Talk about having your cake and eating it.

If you are a male then you shouldn't have a child. End of.

hermione I hugely identify with your post, was having an existential crisis then thinking I may be a man and wondering why I still get interrupted all the time...

Don't have a baby.

Surely during gender dysphoria counselling, one of the first things they'd ask is 'do you want children?'. It's worrying to thing they could be offering treatments to (young) people who aren't sure of the consequences.

Iberan of course there are some trans FtM who have gOt pregnant.
Biologically, if hormones haven't disrupted the whole ovaries/uterus cycle, it will be possible. Because chromosomes wise, you are and will always be female.

But don't you think that emotionally and psychologically, these two things aren't compatible. That if you really want to be a man and recognised as such ( see the change in voice for example) then periods and PMT and a body changing during the pg isn't going to be etc hard to deal with?

Then I would also like to ask yu, how are y U anning to look after that child once he/she is there? How are your u going to feed them, get some money etc? WHat about your own life, your own career, studies etc?
The way you present things, incl my parents and my bf are happy to support me whatever my decision, is making me wonder if you are t relying too much on them. In that yu want to take a very adult decision of bringing a child into the world but yu are still relying heavily on mum and dad when things get tough.
I don't think you can do that TBH. If you consciously bring a child into the world, you should be able to look after them. To fully look after them, not just getting up at night but providing fo rthem financially and emotionally.
Do you think you will be able to do that with no training and no Jon? Do yu think yu will be emotionally fully present ifyou are also emotionally heavily involved in the transitioning process, which will be be draining emotionally and consuming. How are you going to see to both needs, your IRS and the one of the child?

a lot (maybe very vast majority) of bio-female women have a huge identity thing with their bodies; having boobs, female curves, getting attention from hetero men as a female: all that becomes part of who they think they are.

so to use your body in a very bio. female way (to grow a baby), but also say that you have no female identity... it very much doesn't compute.

advice, stories from people in situations similar to my own

No way MN is a place where many ppl can provide that.

I am confused about how 'most men's bodies' can't bear a child. No men can bear children. Woman can. If you conceive and grow a child and then give birth, you are a woman for that time. I personally think a child can thrive in any environment where they are loved, -doesn't matter the gender of either parent, but while you are pregnant you are a woman.

CinderellaFant - I would call myself the child's dad but, because I would carry them and be a parent, I would be on the birth certificate as their mother even after getting my gender legally changed.

The thing is you don't identify as female - fine.
But being pregnant is allllll about being female - enlarged breasts, round stomach, the extra weight, the hormones!

You can't have it both ways.

Pregnancy and birth are the ultimate affirmation of the strength and beauty of the female body. Why do you want to do that if you believe you are male? It's like being a vegetarian who eats bacon sandwiches. A baby isn't a box to tick before you get on with the rest of your life. So no, you shouldn't have a baby.

So you are a biological female in a relationship with a biological male. You wish to become a F to M transgender person and have a homosexual relationship with your BF. However, you want to manipulate your situation and produce a child with his sperm and your egg presumably via conventional heterosexual intercourse? You can't have your cake and eat it, please give some thought to the child (you can't afford) and how they will feel.
If you really are born into the wrong body then accept that and change your gender but don't think you can cherry pick which bits of fe/male you want. If you are 'a guy' you can't be a mother.

You're not male. You might identify as masculine but you're female. Transgender thinking is so confused.
If you take artificial testosterone there is a good chance your uterus will atrophy and you will have to have it removed. hysterectomy in such a young woman carries its own risks.
If you want biological children then hold off on the hormones and mastectomy and try to reconcile yourself to the fact that you're female. If you still can't do that in 5 years then reconsider your position then. Do not rush the baby now.

And for you and any other person who knows a trans female parent of children - that's still the mother. Expecting children to call their birth mother 'dad' is narcissistic in the extreme.

Owly I take it you've name-changed?

Please explain how I've been goady. You (if it is you) said 'He did the marriage and 2 kids thing as a test'. So, (s)he used one person and created two others, as a test. Your words. You said it.

I am not the only person to find that utterly morally repugnant. Lots of people take a while to find themselves. They don't use or create other people on the way, 'as a test', unless they are narcissistic arseholes of the highest order.

Xpost
Please don't expect a child that is produced in your uterus to call you dad. It's not about you. More evidence that you're far too immature and caught up in your own issues to be a parent now.

How does your very new, very young boyfriend feel about his boyfriend getting pregnant and having a baby... this is a huge issue for him too. Would he be the father of your child? That is a lifetime commitment for him.
I think you need counseling as a couple and maybe your BF needs some for himself too, before you take such a huge, irrevocable step.

OP, do you think you want a lifelong commitment with your current partner - as that's what a child is, whether you stay together or split up and co parent.

I know two boys that now call their dad 'mum'. Or rather, they would, only one emigrated because they could no longer bear to live in the same country after watching 'mum' rip their family apart, and the other has been in counselling for four years after going totally off the rails watching their parents' marriage implode and their dad insist he'd always been a woman, really.
It was joyous, a wonder to behold. I don't think even he called it a 'test' though. He's actually nice enough. I see her periodically. I see 'her' son's more. 'She' is doing fine. The kids, not so much.

As you've been together less than a year, that would be quite a big leap.

I don't mean to sound condescending, but you are young OP. There is no need to make permanent life changing decisions such as risking damaging your fertility or bringing a child into the world, right now. As others have pointed out, your thinking comes off as very confused so maybe it is a good idea to chill for a while and see what happens.