19, transgender and want a biological child

[Ileran]

I'm a 19 year-old transgender male. I haven't received any hormones or surgery yet, meaning my body is the same as the body of a non-trans woman... except I'm a guy! I'm currently set to go on testosterone next year. This will masculine my body and make me a lot more comfortable in my own skin, but the effects on my fertility can't be predicted. The problem with this is that I want to have a biological child during my life, and I feel like it will bother me for my whole life if I couldn't do that because I chose hormones before pregnancy.

I understand that 19 is not the ideal age for most people to have a child and, ideally, I would wait a few years before doing it myself - but I can't face the thought of avoiding hormones for an unknown time until I'm older and "ready". I need to be moving forward in some way, whether that's having a child before I go on hormones or planning to have a child later and taking the risk that going on hormones could make me infertile. Of course, taking testosterone could have no effect on my fertility, or I could regain fertility if I stopped taking it again. The latter is still the choice I feel the most uneasy about.

I looked into storing my eggs, but the success rate isn't high enough for me to feel comfortable taking that chance. I'd consider adoption later in life, but I want at least one child that's biologically mine.

So, some details. I live with my parents and two brothers, and have been in a relationship for almost a year with my 21 year-old boyfriend. Both my family and boyfriend are understanding of my situation, and have promised to support me whatever choice I end up making.

Currently I don't have a stable job, but I do have a decent amount of money saved. I'm home educated, and will be completing my final courses next year. I've always been good with and enjoyed the company of babies and children, and have known I want children of my own from a young age. I've never been the kind of person who enjoyed going out and partying.

I understand that having a baby is a long-term commitment and a big decision, especially at the age I am, which is why I'm seeking opinions, advice, stories from people in situations similar to my own... anything except criticism of me being a trans man who wants to carry a baby. Thank you!

You are young and still living with your parents without a secure job and with untested prospects. Give yourself a few more years to establish your own security without being dependant on others before you have someone dependent on you. You could choose to take the chance with hormones or go without, that is your choice but having a child now would not give your child the best start.

Icebear

Name calling Tam is a personal attack which is against MN rules.

If you genuinely identified as male, you wouldn't even consider going through a pregnancy. And there is no such fucking thing as a non trans woman; the term woman is more than sufficient, thank you.

Ah, I see someone reported the PA. ONe of them, anyway.

I did. They zapped that quick! Can't be arsed to engage further with someone like that.

Hi there Ileran, and welcome to Mumsnet. We're going to move your thread over to our LGBT parents topic in a moment. This Pregnancy Choices topic is actually mostly used for making decisions about things like testing and other choices made once pregnant, so you'll probably get better targeted answers over there.

We'd also just like to remind everyone that we don't allow personal attacks and will delete posts that attack others or break our talk guidelines in any other way. Here's a link to them for anyone not familiar with them.

Thanks!

I don't understand why my post was deleted

MN or reporter, why?

Fair enough Tam!

I don't know about your post Ibelieve, or Hippo's for that matter, I reported Icebear's.

Flat, your post would've crossed MN's line re acceptable posting on a trans issue. PM them.

Trevor Macdonald is not a man.

What???

I need to Google this. I can not be thinking of the right Trevor Macdonald.

OP speak to those that love and care for you and your counsellor.

You are a woman with a boyfriend and you want to get pregnant - fine; other than the fact you can't support yourself and are still living at home.

I'm sorry to be terribly old fashioned about this (I am 45 after all) but surely if you have had not hormones or surgery you are still female not male. If you want a baby as a female then don't change to be male. Simples.

If you are convinced that you are a man trapped in a woman's body then don't get pregnant, because carrying a baby and giving birth are the most female thing you can do.

You need more time to think about who you are. Move out of home, go on an adventure somewhere and find the person you really are.

Sweets I had that same thought. Different one!

Not Mr "And Finally" Trevor McD then?!

So you would start hormone treatment straight after having the baby? I see 2 (amongst other) problems with this:

1. looking after and raising a child is an incredibly difficult job, physically and mentally - I suspect that having hormone treatment is also challenging in its own right. Combine the two and I think you'd be in for a hellish time for a good while.

2. What impact would it have on a child to grow up watching their mother change so significantly in front of their eyes?

If transitioning is important to you (and it sounds as though it is) I think you need to make a decision and follow it through, but if that decision is to to go ahead and start the hormones, shoehorning a baby in to the plan is a recipe for disaster in my opinion.

I can't quite get my head round your relationship, either.

Is your boyfriend gay, wanting a relationship with a man and happy to wait.

Bi.

Straight but happy that you don't gender confirm and dress / act etc as a man?

Would he be the Dad? How would this even work?

You sound very, very immature. Everything you say has me/I at the centre of it. Babies need to come first. Before anything else.

How will you support a baby? That is the priority for the child, not your gender and whether or not you identify as male.

And, if you are struggling with your gender, how will you struggle when your body stretches and ripens and when you become wondrously, miraculously female - a mother?

sweets there's a Canadian transman called Trevor Macdonald who has been very public about being a man having a baby, to the extent that at least one Canadian province has changed its literature to replace 'woman' with 'person' and 'breastfeeding' with 'chest feeding'. And Justin Troudeau claims to be a feminist. I think not.

There is no reason to include poor Trevor in this shit..... One of the first black men to host a News show in the UK. Of COURSE there is another reason that happened. He could not have done it himself. Same as all those women who shagged their way to the top

And Donald Trump is innocent of all charges

19yo woman posts on mn 'shall I have a baby? I don't have a job and I live with my mum.'
Mn: 'fuck that. Sort yourself out first, do some growing up, provide for yourself, get your own place, then have a baby if you want'

19yo woman posts on mn 'shall I have a baby? I don't have a job and I live with my mum, oh and in my head I am male'

Seriously honey, what do you think? It's unlikely that t he collective wisdom of a bunch of women who have birthed and raised children, and have considerable interest in any child's wellbeing, is going to say 'fuck it, yeah, sure, do what you want hon, your body, your roolz'. It's entitlement of the highest order.

No, you should not have a baby at 19 with no job.
No, you should not have a baby living in your mum's house.
No, you should not have a baby if you are intending to transition.

HTH.

Mn provides valuable help for 19yo mothers, and mothers of all shapes and sizes. But no one would recommend becoming a mother in your situation, even without the 'look at me, I'm trans, it's such a dilemma!' Stuff.

Whatever the GIC says, if you have any yearning towards motherhood and carrying and birthing a baby, you are 100% all woman. No doubt about it. Give it a go and try and explain what it is that makes you male and yet want to carry a child. G'wan. Give it a go.

The other Trevor Macdonald

Op you sound very confused.

My best friend is a man. He never even considered becoming pregnant (despite at the time being physically able to) because despite being born a woman he was a man.

He felt like he was a man. So therefore becoming pregnant was a completely impossible concept to him.

I think you may need some (more?) counselling and help. You shoukd not be making a decision like this yet at all.

Googled it and picked my jaw back up from of the floor.

Chest feeding? A boob is a boob the whole world over, I'm surprised if you can have female penises you can't have male boobs.

You having a baby sounds like a recipe for disaster, both for your own mental health, and for the child born into an environment with absolutely zero stability.

You may find this book really interesting and I think you can contact Trevor directly too.

Where's the Mother?: Stories from a Transgender Dad https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01DYR4SPI/ref=cmswwrcppapi_JPMfybEWKJ5VA

Suffering Jesus...