To be trying to find ways to tell my brother that his niece is queer! I really need help in finding a way that it makes it important to him.

[Wills]

I am stunningly proud and in love with my daughter so don’t get me wrong I have zero issues with her sexuality and hope she feels 100% supported (in the way that young 20+ year olds always have points to score in how as a parent you can always improve! 🤣). No my issue is that last week my middle brother came to visit our mother for the first time in 6 years. He moved to the US to marry his love just over 20 years ago. He rarely comes back - 6 years ago was for 3 days to attend our beloved godmother’s (fairy) funeral. He’s also very much on the spectrum (as are my kids, and I only mention this to say that unless something is important to him - I mean REALLY important to him - he doesn’t engage he simply doesn’t ‘see’ it and having kids like him has taught me so much. I’ve also learnt how to teach them NOT to be like this. So remembering my kids/my birthday etc went by the wayside the second he moved to the US. This is his personality and whilst it initially hurt, having had children similar to him I’ve come to terms with him and no longer resent the lack of communication etc. When, every half/decade we do come together he’s fabulous because we’re in front of him. I get this).

My issue is that my youngest brother came to see him the following evening and they got into a political discussion which horrified my youngest brother. It seems that my brother supports De Santis and believes that any mention of LBTQ+ relationships should be removed from the curriculum.

I have a single chance to tell my brother about his beautiful niece. He may well ignore it anyway. So I’m asking for help to find the best way to make him see just how stupid he is. Partially I’m doing this for him, but most of all I want to champion my gorgeous daughter (she doesn’t know her uncle’s view but she doesn’t really have any relationship with him - this is for me - I want to champion my daughter.). PS my mother has NEVER coped with my daughter’s sexuality so it’s not really surprising that my middle brother doesn’t know/understand.

Finally - it’s late! I may not answer tonight but trust me I will pickup and engage tomorrow. So I really need help! If you had the opportunity to engage with an anti trans/LBTQ+ individual (ps. I know there are more letters but I’m dyslexic and can’t do long acronyms.) WHAT WOULD YOU SAY? If you had just a single opportunity to change the way they think? How would you prioritise your statement?

Am so worried no one will look at this. It’s a really fraught conversation. Thank you ahead of time for even a small response.

It makes me sad that people are STILL so thick that they don’t realise by letting some special men into women’s ‘bathrooms’, you are effectively letting ALL men into women’s bathrooms. And men, as a sex class, are statistically quite dangerous to women. It’s not anti-trans - or indeed ‘horrible’ - to want single sex spaces for women.

We will keep spelling out patiently though. For those who think being kind doesn't need to extend to girls or women.

Yes. There are daily, tedious rants on this.

OP clearly you have the message that you shouldn’t be using your daughter’s private life as a teaching point in an argument with your homophobic brother that you never see.

Separately, why do so many people on here feel the need to police how the OP’s daughter refers to herself? I’ve never known such outrage over the term queer. There are sexual identities other than straight, gay, lesbian and bi.

I’m in the same boat as you, having a dd with ASD and who identifies as queer. She doesn’t want “championing” from me. She has made it clear that these days, people rarely “come out” at all, and that’s utterly ok. They do not want or need their mothers jumping on the bandwagon. That’s intrusive, uncomfortable and weird. Your DD’s sexuality and identity is entirely about her and not YOUR thoughts/feelings/reactions. Your brother having whacko extremist political views is probably as much about his own ASD behaviours and experience (fitting in, masking, acting a role for attention and insecurity, etc…) and whether or not that’s true, you’re not going to make him a sensitive, empathetic person by telling him your DD’s business. You also have no hope of getting him to see sense if he has these views.
You can absolutely tell him that you disagree with these views and opinions like his are best left unshared in your home. Just separate your feelings about DD’s journey and stick ho your opinions based on your own experience.

Would you tell him that your other child was straight?

Manufactured outrage

I'm queer. I am not a lesbian, I have dated men, dated women, my partner is a transman. Queer feels right for me. Not sure why that is an issue.

Also Miley has publicly dated men and women. She's not straight. That's bi erasure.

Op, I would stand up for LGBTQ+ rights when your db says something homophobic. But stand up because it's the right thing to do, not because of your child.

She/they can come out to him if the opportunity ever occurs and she chooses too. I get it though, and she's lucky to have you for a mom. 💓

What’s the big deal? Would you have announced anything if she were heterosexual? She’s not more special because of her orientation. Get over yourself.

YABW - you are being weird. There's no need to tell your brother anything. All this talk of championing sounds like virtue signalling. Calm down.

What does 'queer' even mean?

Ron DeSantis has made his entire presidential campaign one of pure hatred, including pure & unadulterated hatred of the LGBTQ+ community.

Your brother supports Ron DeSantis.

Think about that for a few moments, before you try to tell your brother anything.

If you don’t understand your dds sexuality how on earth do you think you’ll do a good job “championing” it? How do you think you’ll successfully explain who she is, how she identifies and who she likes to shag 100% accurately?

why not just challenge your brother generally in his views without using your DD as a pawn in your re-education game? You could talk to him and find out first hand what his views are instead of just believing he’s some sort of evil bigot on the basis of 3rd hand information. Your DD and him may be closely related by blood but they clearly have no relationship so I’m pretty sure you could get through the visit without discussing DDs identity and sexuality in any great detail.

It's so incredible to see one's like you,can't vote and live in another country feel like it's ok to spout such false hoods.
Imagine if an American dared to insult your beloved Royal Family.

Do research.
DeSantis doesn't want young children to be exposed to ridiculously early sex education.
Are you ok with innocent children being taught about sex toys and anal sex?
Bc that is what Liberals want children to be exposed to.

Incredible that you think such sickening things should be allowed. Each person like you should have a background check.
Bc you ARE OFF.

Your brother hasn't been here for 6 years - he may not come back for another 6 years . Why is it so important to tell him about this one thing ? Are you going to tell him about everyone else's sexuality ?

Maybe, OP, you should give your brother a chance and find out what he thinks with an open mind, without being so sure that he is a bigot before he has even opened his mouth on the basis of what someone else has told you.

Some of the things that De Santis says and advocates are appalling, but I don't think being against sexualising children is one of them.

While I agree with your point….Americans insult the RF all the time. It doesn’t really bother people in the UK. And they aren’t really beloved by many people.

and also De Santis isn’t the equivalent to the RF.

But I do agree, I would love to know what exactly the brother ‘agrees with De Santis’ on

Every “Ugly American” stereotype you could imagine built into a single post…

This

1. You won't change his mind.
2. Your daughter is not a teaching aid. Don't use her as one.

I don’t really understand this. Your brother lives in the US and rarely comes over so why does it matter what he thinks or doesn’t know? He’ll be back in America for the next few years so what’s the issue, why does he need to know anything?

Your daughters sexuality is no one’s business but hers, including you and your homophobic brother.
Why do think he needs to know?
You don’t have to do a big ‘reveal’.

I have nieces and nephews and I don’t have a clue what their sexual preferences are. Some have partners so it’s pretty obvious but one is in his thirties and as far as I’m aware has never been in a relationship with anyone.

Is he gay or straight? I don’t know or care even less, so long as he’s happy in his own skin.

Don’t meddle in this
it’s her private business
even if she wants him to know ,it’s her job to tell him
.Iiving in a house of autistics ,I can assure you ,you won’t change his mind ,he’s likely to just argue his point and its going to cause huge upset when you don’t get the desired response your looking for ….which you won’t because he’s autistic

Mind your own business OP

She's an adult. It's not your "news" to tell.

What's a dairy funeral?

*fairy

I don't understand why anyone needs to divulge their sexuality to all and sundry in the first place 🤔.....why does your brother need to know!?