To be trying to find ways to tell my brother that his niece is queer! I really need help in finding a way that it makes it important to him.

[Wills]

I am stunningly proud and in love with my daughter so don’t get me wrong I have zero issues with her sexuality and hope she feels 100% supported (in the way that young 20+ year olds always have points to score in how as a parent you can always improve! 🤣). No my issue is that last week my middle brother came to visit our mother for the first time in 6 years. He moved to the US to marry his love just over 20 years ago. He rarely comes back - 6 years ago was for 3 days to attend our beloved godmother’s (fairy) funeral. He’s also very much on the spectrum (as are my kids, and I only mention this to say that unless something is important to him - I mean REALLY important to him - he doesn’t engage he simply doesn’t ‘see’ it and having kids like him has taught me so much. I’ve also learnt how to teach them NOT to be like this. So remembering my kids/my birthday etc went by the wayside the second he moved to the US. This is his personality and whilst it initially hurt, having had children similar to him I’ve come to terms with him and no longer resent the lack of communication etc. When, every half/decade we do come together he’s fabulous because we’re in front of him. I get this).

My issue is that my youngest brother came to see him the following evening and they got into a political discussion which horrified my youngest brother. It seems that my brother supports De Santis and believes that any mention of LBTQ+ relationships should be removed from the curriculum.

I have a single chance to tell my brother about his beautiful niece. He may well ignore it anyway. So I’m asking for help to find the best way to make him see just how stupid he is. Partially I’m doing this for him, but most of all I want to champion my gorgeous daughter (she doesn’t know her uncle’s view but she doesn’t really have any relationship with him - this is for me - I want to champion my daughter.). PS my mother has NEVER coped with my daughter’s sexuality so it’s not really surprising that my middle brother doesn’t know/understand.

Finally - it’s late! I may not answer tonight but trust me I will pickup and engage tomorrow. So I really need help! If you had the opportunity to engage with an anti trans/LBTQ+ individual (ps. I know there are more letters but I’m dyslexic and can’t do long acronyms.) WHAT WOULD YOU SAY? If you had just a single opportunity to change the way they think? How would you prioritise your statement?

Am so worried no one will look at this. It’s a really fraught conversation. Thank you ahead of time for even a small response.

Why is it your responsibility to tell him? Surely she will tell whoever she wants, whenever she wants. Has she asked you to tell him? She is a young adult. It is up to her.

You want to tell your homophobic brother your daughter's private business about her sexuality?

No. Do not do this. It is not your news to tell.

Do not tell him, he doesn't need to know.

None of your business

You can’t change the mind of someone like this. And it’s not your daughter’s job to be part of the attempt to.

None of your business.

You sound weirdly overinvested in young people's sexuality 🤢 back off.

Queer?
You mean a lesbian?

It's non of his business, unless SHE wishes to tell him.

Who cares what he thinks? He has no right to know either way. You don't need to champion your daughter to him just let her live her life and he lives his.

Put it this way - would you tell anyone that your child was heterosexual? I know which of my friends have gay children, because we have conversations that make it obvious such as Dave’s new boyfriend popped round last night - he seems really nice.
You’re making a drama out of a very normal situation.

I let my DC tell my homophobic family when they were ready. They knew that I'd support them were there to be any fallout.

You are making this all about you, and using it as a chance to prove how open minded and tolerant you are compared with your dinosaur brother. You don’t need to say anything and if you do, making a big drama of it is the worst way to go about it. No need to be secretive, just treat it as read.

This has to be a reverse.... Its not your buisness to tell.

Not your job to tell him and it makes no difference to your daughter if you want to champion her just call him out for being homophobic

I can't see why you're making such a big deal of telling everyone your daughters a lesbian. Really no one else gives a shit who you want to bump
Uglies with.
Why are the current generation making it like the sole feature of their personalities. It's desperately boring,

You sound frantic. Why do you feel the need to 'champion' your daughter's sexuality??? Just let her do her thing and stop trying to 'champion' her. You sound like you're on some crazy crusade, blowing it all out of proportion. Your daughter is queer. No biggie. You are the one trying to turn it into some big deal.

What do you think you'll gain from this?

You say that out of sight is out of mind for him as far as family are concerned and he has no real relationship with your daughter.

So... what will you achieve here, realistically?

A big fight - will you feel good about that?
Him having some sort of crashing realisation that his belief system is wrong - not gonna happen, that ain't how the human brain works.
Him saying some nasty shit that will hurt you and anyone else who hears it - likely.

He does not need to know. Your daughter does not need him to know.

IF he brings up his ideals/viewpoints, by all means, say 'well your niece is .... and we support her' if you want to start a barney, or just say 'that isn't what we believe/think/agree with' if you want to keep her out of it.

But I dont think you need to crash in and start a conversation that has no positive outcome, nor benefit to anyone.

Do you mean lesbian or bi? As for teenagers now Queer means straight but gender non conforming ie wears what they want / weird hair colours.

Let your DD share with whoever she chooses to
Her sexuality is none of anyone else's business.. including yours
and yes, I have a gay DS so what!

You say find a way that makes it "important" to him... but he doesn't even know her birthday etc so why will it be important to him?
Likely you'll get a brain washed and bigoted view that will just end your relationship with him.

I don't know why you need to shout from the rooftops about your child's 'queerness' (not sure if that is sexuality or gender identity or some mixture of both). Surely it is your DC's private business and their information to share or not? Unless you brother specifically takes aim at your daughter to you, I don't understand why you are so invested.

Why do you feel it's important to tell him? Do you think it would change his mind?

Why do you think you only have one chance?

Your daughter is lesbian......no big deal.

Unless he's saying "all lesbians should be imprisoned " stuff why does he need to know ?

He's not part of her daily life and he'll be popping off back home soon.

Psstttt… not wanting sexuality (of any kind) to be taught to young children doesn’t mean that a person is anti- anything.

It's not your business to tell your brother. It's up to your dd who knows when. If she chooses not to tell him then that's fine. I understand why she might not want to ruin his homecoming every 5 years.

Why would your dd being a lesbian be 'important' to him. Is anyone else's sexuality really that important to others?