Masturbation around sleeping child

[123anon]

I’m really sorry if my title offends anyone. I don’t know where else to turn.

I sleep on the sofa most nights and my now ex partner sleeps upstairs with our 2 year old daughter in the same bed. I found evidence of him masturbating in the same bed as her….. he’s admitted to doing it more than once. It just doesn’t sit right with me and I feel physically sick. I made him leave there and then and he hasn’t been back since. His family are taking his side and calling me a Psycho. In their opinion he’s done wrong but not enough for me to cut contact. Can I please have other parent’s opinions and advice also if possible legal advice. I feel sick to my stomach.

I think that we should be careful what we call "normal".
I was perfectly happy to have sex with my husband in the same room as our babies while they were little ( up to 6 months or so) and slept in their cots.
I don't see anything wrong with this. Obviously had they woken we would have stopped everything to look after them, and admittedly it wasn't the widest sex imaginable, but I don't believe it was in any way abusive.

Do you think having sex while pregnant is also a no go? If you don't then why not seeing as you seem to think you shouldn't be able to get turned if you are near a child, let alone carrying one.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a father sleeping with his 2 year year old in his bed for the love of god!

You've done the right thing to boot him. I don't immediately see this as a paedophilic situation, instead someone who just refuses to control his own desire for self pleasure and doesn't give a shit that his 2 year old is in the bed. Hopefully bloody asleep.

@Swanbeauty
I agree that the OP's case is different, for a number or reasons and I too would have been concerned had it been my husband.
I was only wanting to reply to a pp who was adamant that there was only one "normal" and I dislike this turn of phrase.

I know that it is slightly off topic but I have read on here that some people , both men and women, don't have sex either when pregnant or with a pregnant woman. I respect everyone's personal choice, but telling others that they aren't normal if they choose to do so, isn't helpful in my opinion.

@lenscase agree to disagree then as in this case he was sharing close space with his daughter. That's messed up and could be considered abuse.

But you do you. I find it's quite easy to decamp to a different room for a shag.

Oh and I've not said at all there is only one normal just that wanking and ejaculating next to a sleeping 2 year old isn't one of them

No this isn’t OK at all. Not normal behaviour.

I would seek advice from a children’s charity about what to do.

Id also get a record that you have reported this - next he will be seeking access / overnight stays with your child. You want written evidence of what he has done and also written evidence you have reported it.

No it's NOT the end of discussion. You are not MNHQ your opinion does not hold any more power than anyone else's! 🙄

@Combattingthemoaners I've been momentarily aroused after seeing something (male strippers on a comedy film!) whilst my daughter was asleep at the other end of my bed (not next to me and I didn't act upon it) but yeah that arousal happened. I quashed it. To suggest that even 'feeling' aroused with a child asleep in the same bed is abuse is mindblowingly hysterical.

The feeling of arousal isn’t abusive, the act of forcing a child to be submitted to sexual activities against their will, asleep or not is. How can you not understand that?

You didn’t act on it, that’s the freaking point.

Incredible hysteria on this thread.

My husband and me were kissing/making out/having sex in the same room as our sleeping baby.

I'm sure lots of couples do it and it has nothing to do with abuse.

Obviously there is a cut off point where you shouldn't do it anymore.

It Is “mindblowingly hysterical” to think a man wanking next to a 2 year old is not normal? Okay then I choose to be mindblowingly hysterical.

It’s ready difficult one- I personally was never able to have any sort of intimacy when my babies slept on the same room as us but from what I understand, there are many women on here who do co-sleep with their kids and so I presume they must have sex in the same bed or at least the same room. In countries where families live in 1 room this must happen all of the time so I think it’s possibly something that brits would go eurrgghh about but it can’t be uncommon.

@EnglishBluebell but precisely how is wanking in the same bed as a two year old not a sexual act in front of a child? Struggling to see how that's not the end of any discussion, whether the PP is MNHQ or not?!?

It’s still potentially non-contact sex abuse.

JFC, the ignorance and complacency of many of the responses on here.

I hope not because it's sexual abuse, children shouldn't be exposed to sex. It's really not hard.. wait until they're asleep and do it in another room.
The laws around this in other parts of the world are irrelevant.

''@EnglishBluebell
@Startingagainandagain You can’t just add "end of story" to anything you say and expect that to be fact. It's just your opinion. You cannot end a thread yourself!''

An 'opinion'? really?

I think most decent people would be revolted by the idea of someone choosing to masturbate while a baby/small child is sleeping next to them.

I have no idea why you would want to try to justify this man's behaviour.

No one need a wank that badly...

And you've reported it to the police?

This.

I can't lose a lot of sleep about this. A lot of people just use masturbation as a way to get to sleep; it may not have even been sexually motivated, let alone paedophilia!. Jumping to he's a paedophile is a massive overreaction but very typical of the "all men are abusers" rhetoric on MN.

A feeling of arousal is not the same as masturbating to climax next to your kid

To suggest that even 'feeling' aroused with a child asleep in the same bed is abuse is mindblowingly hysterical.

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I'm Not sure anyone has actually said this?

I think it's a bit icky but hey ho.

Being next to a 2 year old whilst wanking, who could wake up and see what's happening at any moment is disgusting.

I can't lose a lot of sleep about this. A lot of people just use masturbation as a way to get to sleep; it may not have even been sexually motivated, let alone paedophilia!. Jumping to he's a paedophile is a massive overreaction but very typical of the "all men are abusers" rhetoric on MN.

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I imagine a Venn diagram of men who abuse and men who knowingly masturbate right beside a sleeping child, there would be some crossover