Masturbation around sleeping child

[123anon]

I’m really sorry if my title offends anyone. I don’t know where else to turn.

I sleep on the sofa most nights and my now ex partner sleeps upstairs with our 2 year old daughter in the same bed. I found evidence of him masturbating in the same bed as her….. he’s admitted to doing it more than once. It just doesn’t sit right with me and I feel physically sick. I made him leave there and then and he hasn’t been back since. His family are taking his side and calling me a Psycho. In their opinion he’s done wrong but not enough for me to cut contact. Can I please have other parent’s opinions and advice also if possible legal advice. I feel sick to my stomach.

I’ve read this thread and I agree it’s vile behaviour. It’s still unlikely to be enough to stop the dad having regular contact with the DD and unless there’s a hidden backstory I’d not expect that to be supervised contact either. She asked for legal advice: legal advice is get some advice from NSPCC/solicitor and follow that before taking drastic action like stopping contact. If they say she’s justified in her actions, fair enough but on the facts as they’ve been written here, I doubt it’s enough to stop him having contact.

Should also mention that I’m a qualified family lawyer (although not practising for a number of years). So not just some ill informed opinion. When I did practice I had a case where dad forced mum to have sex repeatedly in the same room where kids (6 and 9) were sleeping. Even that didn’t persuade the court that he shouldn’t have contact with them.

Are you mad!!! He "had a wank" in the SAME BED as his sleeping child!! The fact he can even touch himself in that way when his baby is lay next to him is absolutely revolting and very noncey. Why are you defending this?

OP, you have totally done the right thing.

Speak to someone like the police or social services and they will support and guide you. Solicitors sometimes give a free half hour consultation and can advise what legal remedies are available.

While it's not the same I and my dp were interrupted by my 6 yr old and we were unable to get jiggy for a fortnight afterwards. Your husband's ability to wank next to his daughter is at the very least concerning.

Ignore your in laws. They're trying to sweep it under the carpet.

Please don't let him back in the bed with her. No matter what. I remember waking up in a bed in a relatives house with my younger sister in the middle of the night (ages about 4-6), it was a double bed and we were very small so took up little room. When I turned over, a male relative of mine was laying next to us, fully naked, touching himself. He was very drunk, but to this day it fucking sickens me and I can't look at him. My poor baby sister was fast asleep, and as I didn't know what was happening, I panicked and hurried her out of the bed and into the hallway. Everyone else was sleeping and because I didn't know what to do, I just remember silently crying and trying to protect my sister from whatever was going on. We both ended up downstairs and fell asleep on the sofa, but nothing was ever said as to why that relative was allowed into the bedroom with us. I've attended therapy because of how it made me feel, and I would hate for your poor child to have remembered any part of it. It can be incredibly mentally scarring! And whether that's a parent or not, no one should be wanking next to a child. I can somewhat understand having sex in a room with a baby asleep in a cot in the corner of the room, but you wouldn't have sex with them in the bed, surely?

You're not a psycho, OP. Far from it. Please keep your wits about you around this man.

“Most of us?” Absolutely not.

Hang on, as much as I don't agree with it, do we know that he was even 'looking' at the child? Could he have been facing the other way watching Porn on his phone? I think immediately jumping to the presumption that he was doing it because the child was there or that he was thinking about the child, is a bit of an assumption although like I said, I certainly don't agree with it and would still have kicked him out!

Also, would we still be calling 'paedophile' if it was a woman?

The thought of masturbating with a child sleeping next to me is nauseating so if I found out my husband did it I'd hit the roof. Take it to the bathroom or control yourself.

It's actually disgusting and I worry for those who think it's fine for a man to pleasure his erect penis in such close proximity to a child.

This.

And this.

This man is a threat to children.

Man, woman, whatever. Anyone who can't stand not touching themselves to the point of orgasm around a fucking child, sleeping or awake is wrong. Doesn't matter what they've got going on between their legs. It's beyond disgusting.

Yes, this, @123anon. Screenshot it immediately because he will realise his mistake very soon, delete it, and then you won’t have any evidence as he will deny it.

I absolutely agree with this and cannot see the comparison some are making to adults having sex in the same room as a baby. The OPs partner was in the same bed as the child, sharing a sleep space - there is no physical boundary there. He was also on his own. Those two are important points of difference. What this man did is absolutely non contact sexual abuse, whether he knew that or not. That doesn't necessarily make him a paedophile, none of us can determine that, but it does make what he did completely unacceptable (and criminal) and I would therefore be seeking the advice of both the Police and social services

You wouldn't be bothered if your husband wanked in bed, NEXT to his 2 year old daughter??!!! WTF!!!

This is so disgusting and wrong. I'd actually call up social services and explain, so that he never has her over night.

WTAF? You think as long as he was facing the other way, watching porn on his phone and masturbating in the same bed as a 2 year old is fine? Seriously, what is wrong with you?

@Cadela Don't be so utterly hysterical!

She might be disappointed with their response.

Screenshot it in case he deletes it

STATISTICALLY.......... Yes they are. And that's that.

@Startingagainandagain You can’t just add "end of story" to anything you say and expect that to be fact. It's just your opinion. You cannot end a thread yourself!

@LMMuffet Fine? WHATTT??? Did you not read my post? I said twice that I do not think it's ok and would still kick him out. How on earth have you managed to twist my words like that?!

You wouldn't be bothered if your husband wanked in bed, NEXT to his 2 year old daughter??!!! WTF!!!@comoatoupeira

@Feelsodrained but by consistently standing by that comparison, you are defending it. Two wrongs don't make a right. That's not how the law works and what the OP's partner did was non contact sexual abuse.

And as I just posted, the comparison to adults having sex in the same room as a baby clearly is also not relevant (though that would technically meet the same criteria of non contact sexual abuse). The OP’s partner was in the same bed as the child, sharing a sleep space - there is no physical boundary there. He was also on his own. Those two are important points of difference and makes this a lot more serious. Context always matters and the context here is pretty fucking unacceptable and also illegal

Considering general statistics show 3-5% of men are, and one survey showed that 1 in 6 men would if they weren't caught I would think it is far higher than 90%.
Most women convicted are for assisting a male too.

@sexnotgenders It's not criminal at all, nor is it sexual abuse of any kind. It would be if the child was awake but she wasn't - To be clear, I am not defending him I'm just pointing out what is incorrect.