Masturbation around sleeping child

[123anon]

I’m really sorry if my title offends anyone. I don’t know where else to turn.

I sleep on the sofa most nights and my now ex partner sleeps upstairs with our 2 year old daughter in the same bed. I found evidence of him masturbating in the same bed as her….. he’s admitted to doing it more than once. It just doesn’t sit right with me and I feel physically sick. I made him leave there and then and he hasn’t been back since. His family are taking his side and calling me a Psycho. In their opinion he’s done wrong but not enough for me to cut contact. Can I please have other parent’s opinions and advice also if possible legal advice. I feel sick to my stomach.

Why? How do you think you came into existence?

@JamSlagsNowPlease

Don't act so bloody dim

I mean surely you can understand why a 10 year old seeing their parents having sex would be disgusted and potentially traumatised by it? It’s really not what anyone wants to see.

Because as a kid it's not nice to see your parents at it.
Plus it can be considered abuse but some of you are so cool and progressive ...

www.stopitnow.org/advice-column-entry/is-it-considered-child-sexual-abuse-if-someone-shows-a-child-pornographic#:~:text=Child%20sexual%20abuse%20can%20include,child%20as%20some%20touching%20behaviors.

learning.nspcc.org.uk/child-abuse-and-neglect/child-sexual-abuse

Non contact abuse - • not taking proper measures to prevent a child being exposed to sexual activities by others

Can adults not control themselves enough that they have to do it in view or earshot of minors? I remember hearing my parents on the job from very young age and it sounded distressing. Saying it's ok to masturbate yourself around children is bizarre, it blurs the boundaries for a start. The more comfortable a person gets the more lax they become in boundaries. And I'm sorry but after reading numerous posts on here over the years from women being raped in their sleep by their husband's then yes, I'm gonna raise more than eyebrow at a man who can't take himself to the bathroom for his sexual pleasure.

Screenshot the messages now.
NSPCC for advice. This is appalling.

Point taken, I realised that after posting. Must just have been the way the site traffic was flowing. However I do think you’re the one inferring tone or a sense of “doing something wrong”. I was simply asking a reasonable question given the context.

No further advice beyond what others have said about contacting social services or the police.
But just to say that you are a really good mum in protecting your child. That is what social services want to see as soon as you found out, you acted in it and didn’t ignore it. That is all kinds of wrong and grooming behaviour. It is more than okay to call the police for advice about this and have things on record. Screenshot the messages and email to yourself incase he tried to delete from your phone or email to a friend

This is why I think he's a danger to children. I'd never trust him again. Ever.

People in this thread defending him are blowing my mind. This is a forum for mothers. What the fuck is wrong with you all? Your poor kids!

The numbers of abusive men may indeed be higher than women- that doesn’t mean that some women are not extremely abusive towards their children, and we do a disservice to all of the children who have been abused by women when we dismiss and minimise female perpetrated abuse.

I mean... it's not ideal but I can believe it's just a habit before going to sleep. He should definitely have cleaned up though! Wouldn't want child rolling in it by accident, or seeing it in the morning. At two, if she does wake up during the act, or find a new, interesting stain in the morning, she's old enough to remember. Hopefully she won't know what it is now, but there's the danger she could piece it together when she's older.

I would discuss it with your Dr /health visitor /social services so this is logged if he tries for custody in the future , very concerning

Really feel for you OP, what a dreadful situation. .I think you ought to take your phone with the message on it and show it to the police as soon as you can, a screenshot is not as strong evidence.
There will be an investigation I’m sure, what the outcome is will be hard to predict. But that WhatsApp message is key evidence and atm he would be able to delete it from his end and then claim you have fabricated the screenshot.
good luck, hang in there

The point of this post wasn’t to accuse him. In my heart I believe he’d never do such a thing although I can never be sure and I’m not taking the chance with something so serious. Either way I think he’s crossed a massive boundary and I appreciate everyone’s input. My daughter adores her dad, the last thing I want to do is hurt her but also it’s my job to protect her

Being exposed to sex is child abuse... Fact. Wanking next to a sleeping dc is fucking grim. Imo getting dd into her own room and bed will benefit everyone... When you are living apart from ex properly won't you be happier knowing this won't happen again? I doubt he won't get access.... Sadly.

What a weird comment! Why does she have to? The child should be safe with her father. I also don’t think many men would do the same. Stop blaming women for the failings of some men.

I don’t think anyone is saying he did it because he is definitely a paedophile but they’re rightly questioning how he can be sexually aroused with a toddler sleeping next to him. Not only that but what happens if the toddler isn’t fully asleep and sees something or remembers - it isn’t right. I would be equally alarmed if a woman was doing

Exactly - to be able to remain sexually aroused enough to be able to climax with your sleeping 2 year old IN THE BED NEXT TO YOU is not normal.

At all.

They said that women are as bad as men. Which is blatantly untrue. As has been pointed out 2% of sex offenders are women.

There seem to be a lot of people around at the moment who want to elide the differences between male and female offending patterns. I wonder why that is?

Your biggest concern is her rolling in it.

does That not open a big debate on whether it’s ok to have sex in the same room as a baby whilst baby is too young to be in their own room?

please make sure to screenshot becaus he can delete it