Child protection

[Fairypick]

Hi, this is my story and am looking for any advice or guidance in regards to my post. Please don’t judge.

Almost 10 years ago I had my second child and at around 8 months old they sustained unexplained none accidental injuries these were the injuries caused from the Drs review:
2014 baby was presented by his mother at his GP surgery with bruising and swelling to his feet, she was unable to offer any explanation to how an immobile child could have sustained these injuries, baby was then referred to Hospital and examined by a doctor. Baby was found to have linear bruising on the tops of the right foot as well as bruising on the tip of the right big toe and diffuse bruising on the soles of both feet. There was also a small 0.5 superficial scratch on top of baby’s chest and a small 5mm linear bruise on the posterior aspect of baby’s left ear. A skeletal survey also found baby to have 6 healing fractures to the ribs, which appeared to be old ones.
There were concerns that the injuries may have been caused by either mother or her partner (not the. Baby’s farther) and they were arrested and bailed with no further action due to no evidence an interim court order was granted. It is noted that in a court of law and family court the judge determined either mother or her partner had caused the injuries and a Lancashire finding was accepted as neither mother or partner were accepting responsibility for causing the injuries that baby had sustained although the blamed each other at the time of the incident.
As part of this section 47 enquiry SW spoken to both in question about the injuries and they both remain clear that they did not cause the injuries to baby nor can they explain what happened or how it happened. Mother also shared that if she had of caused the injuries she would not have taken her baby to get treatment as she knows this would have got her into trouble. Almost 11 years on me and my partner are now expecting our first baby together, there has been no DV in almost 7 years and we have remained very positive in our relationship since and very much looking forward to the arrival of our new born baby. We were made subjected to a child protection order in January due to a referral and we were very open and honest about this, we have worked very closely openly and honestly with the LA since the order was made and have never dismissed anything to them. We are due to have a review conference shortly before our baby is born and we currently scored a 3 and this still remains a score of 3 in the report from the SW before the next review meeting. However despite working extremely hard and jumping through many hoops we were informed that they will be seeking legal advice and can not define an answer as to what will happen next this was not mentioned in the very first meeting, we have completed all the assessments and tasks even agreed to any plan needed to ensure we get to be a family and keep our newborn baby, no pre birth plan has been completed yet either. The reason being that that they are seeking legal advice from what they have said is is that we are both saying now that we don’t think either of us caused the injuries, LA didn’t realise the seriousness of the past case either. We have consent to having a virtual baby for 48hrs and will do anything in our power to show and demonstrate we are no risk at all. We understand that they have a duty to ensure children are protected and especially newborn a babies we have never dismissed that, yes it’s difficult to tell what happened or why it happened as we do not know ourself, yes I admit I did at that time failed to safeguard my child who sadly sustained injuries. What am asking is really what do you think will happen, do we stand a chance of keeping our newborn baby and maintaining as a family unit or are we losing a fighting battle that we have worked so very hard for? I fully understand their worries and concerns but surely with a lot of positives and the length of time passed we could be given a chance at this? We are more then happy to be placed in a mother and baby unit, a foster placement or a supervision order, the last thing we want is to have our baby removed. Any advice or experience would be much appreciated and please don’t judge we are not horrible bad people just two people who would very much like the opportunity to show we can care, protect and love our child to the best of our ability with the support of the LA until they feel satisfied that the risks are no longer there. Yes they have expressed in their report that they think the new born baby will potentially be at significant risk of harm when born, but surely if we are not given a chance to prove this wrong they is that not fair at all? We have been told to keep providing for our baby and that they don’t know what the plan of the next steps will be although they have expressed that we have engaged positively since the very beginning and that no DV has been present for many years also.
Thank you for your understanding.

I’ve cared for babies, one who was shaken by her biological parent/s and had significant brain damage, epilepsy and was blind, a beautiful baby girl, the parents initially were allowed to come to hospital to visit which was awful. Then she was placed with foster care who they struggled to find due to her significant injuries and health issues. They didn’t think she’d live initially. But I heard later she passed about 5 years old. Her mother had 2 further babies removed since having her. There is a reason they think her babies were at risk, and yours is too.

The last post you wrote I couldn’t make head nor tail of it. You blame others for contact and it’s just gibberish. I wouldn’t want to be cruel but no, having cared for these babies in pain, having seizures etc because of what a parent did to them I wouldn’t want to see you take your baby home, you didn’t protect the previous baby you don’t deserve to have this one. No where in your posts have I seen regret, devastation and heartbreak over what you did, just thoughts about you beating a system that’s in place to protect children against people who hurt them. I’m not saying you harmed your baby but you didn’t protect them, they sustained fractures which would have been painful that either happened at once or over prolonged periods, and you didn’t notice those?…or your baby being in pain and distress. I don’t believe that for a second. I’ve cared for a further 2 babies who were hurt by parents one died at 9 months old and the other was adopted but I’ve remembered them and the pain they suffered because someone did that to them, beautiful healthy babies.

I think the thing most of us are struggling with is that you literally posted a catalogue of the most horrific injuries to a tiny baby as though this 'just happened' when any parent knows this was caused by abuse not to mention that was ruled in court. The fact the rib fractures were healing means there were at least 2 separate incidents. Your poor tiny baby was suffering for a prolonged period. This man was abusing you too. It beggars belief that you did not know at the time or now that he inflicted those injuries.
You knew and you protected him over your child and it a choice people will find hard to forgive.

Had you posted more honestly originally that yes you know it was him and you stood by him and you regret that then it still would be pretty terrible but people might be willing to understand how that came about as you are a victim of DV. The way you posted it though suggested you still had not accepted this.
You still have not clearly come out and stated: my partner abused my baby.

Nothing has changed in the 8 months you have known you are pregnant. The facts that will cause this baby to be removed are all the same. and you knew them the whole time. The only thing that could have been changed was one or other of you to have admitted the truth at the start of the current involvement and to show remorse and change and still you did not do that.

It is hard to credit that you only just now realised the truth after 11 years. The time to leave him was straight away when you knew you were pregnant (or in fact 11yrs ago). I do rather doubt that social services will believe an 11th hour road to Damascus conversion has occurred here. You say you have gone back to him before. That's going to count against you too.

I think we're wasting our time with this poster, personally. She's had 10 years to become a better person and reflect on what happened but has remained in a relationship with a piece of shit child abuser and hasn't taken responsibility.

I hope there’s absolutely zero prospect of you keeping your child. The injuries caused to your other child are not forgivable. You also alluded to the fact you wouldn’t seek
medical attention if you thought it was going to get you “into trouble” so if the next child’s falls foul to one of your actions you clearly won’t get help.

The fact you’re trying to downplay all of this says it all. You must be mad.

One of you is responsible for something heinous. The skirting around this fact and denial in your posts is appalling.

neither of you are fit to be around a child in any way shape or form. If the system works as it should the baby will be removed from you at birth.

as someone who has been through years of hell to keep her children safe from their abusive father the level of contempt I hold people like you in is indescribable.

OP, the desperation to keep your baby is clearly understood in your words.

It was your own choice to stay with a known abuser and to have a child with him when you knew that he harmed your eight month old baby all those years ago and whilst also knowing he has abused you.

You have had ten years to wise up, make better choices and show SS that you could make good decisions but sadly, you haven’t done it. Instead you have chosen to put a second baby in harm’s way by the same person who you know to be a child abuser.

Ten years is a long time to stay with somebody who ‘brain washes’ you. Suddenly ditching him now that you are so desperate and can see the writing on the wall, will not wipe away the years you stayed with him in the view of SS. Be prepared for that.

You have no family support and seem to expect that you should be supported by the state to have your baby and bring the child up.
In real life, a woman has to ensure that not only does her future child have two appropriate parents who completely trust each other to do right by the child if one of them gets sick, but also a secured, appropriate home and a financial plan to care properly for that child through to his/her independence.
Maybe you yourself weren’t given that opportunity you were entitled to but you are an adult now as an adult, the focus is no longer on your needs but those of the child you are carrying.

OP, you say that your need is to be given the chance to prove you can safeguard your baby. But your needs I’m afraid, are secondary to those of your baby. SS cares about your child’s needs.
So all of us asked to comment here, although hearing your desperation to be given that chance, will see that you didn’t do it last time and have made no change in your choices; they will deduce that in fact, it’s not you that needs to be given a chance, but your unborn child that needs to be given a chance, a chance of an abuse-free, healthy life in which to thrive which quite rightly, is the aim for all children in this country.

It is the job of SS to safeguard your child, purely because until now, you have shown that you couldn’t protect your previous child from harm. That’s what we expect of SS.
What definitely can never be their job is to prioritise you as the mother to give you another chance at maybe doing the right thing this time round, whilst turning a blind eye to the risks you present. That’s not what we expect SS to do. There can be no maybe about their final decision.

OP it’s only now that you have suddenly realised that your partner is a risk to your unborn child, so please get away from him immediately and make sure he knows the relationship is ended. And make sure you never go near him ever again. Concentrate on that task for now. I’m sure it won’t be easy for you.

It’s very clear from the language used on your thread that you are very familiar with SS procedures, and their criteria. Do everything you can to cooperate, to act correctly, decently ….and always with that love in your heart for your child. Hopefully, your baby will at least come to know about that love you carry for him/her even if you made serious mistakes in the past.

@Fairypick you say the child who was abused and removed was your second. What happened to your first?

Lots of people have asked, you haven't answered?
I also don't think you should be allowed to keep this baby , you knowingly stayed with an abuser ( if you didn't abuse the baby yourself).

In the original post you said you had no idea how your baby got those injuries, you later admit it was the arms of your partner that hurt your baby.
Im not convinced by this sudden 'moment of clarity'.
You also keep blaming your partner for your decisions. Take some accountability FGS.

The FRG do a lot of work with parents who can expect to never see their children again. They help them to understand how and why the court makes these kinds of life-altering decisions - hence me referring to them as reputable. They aren't some dodgy lobby group who push for parents to have contact at any cost.

It hurts my soul that people like you and your partner are allowed to continue to reproduce.

It hurt me reading about the injuries to that poor child.

It hurts me reading your complete bullshit comments and long trailing excuses.

I hope SS do the right thing and find the baby a loving safe home, with a family who would die to protect them.

She did, her first child's father had custody of the 1st child. The child's father if it's the court order and stopped her seeing her first. (Which if I was him I'd absolutely do, too)

So basically she lost custody of her first child.

Your posting strike is hard to read. Please use paragraphs. You write a lot, but don't say very much - almost waffle on and on but don't say anything. You don't actually address the root problem. Loads of posters have asked you 2 main questions, that you still refuse to address.

This.

By protecting your partner you've made yourself a suspect - how are SS supposed to believe you're not a danger to your child?

There must have been signs your child was injured; you must have witnessed abuse towards your baby - someone capable of breaking a baby's ribs tend not to be great at hiding their feelings! The alternative is you moved an unrelated male into a home with a vulnerable newborn and left them alone long enough for him to inflict abuse - neither of these scenarios are the actions of someone able to safeguard their child.

Why weren't you both jailed for causing or allowing your baby to be beaten up to the point it had broken ribs? Or if you could prove you weren't there, why wasn't he?

@IdaPolly someone probably did - note the age gap of injured child and current pregnancy

@adamlambertsbathwater can't quote as on the app. She said her abused baby was taken by it's father which was her second baby.
Was the first also taken by the father ?

Do you understand how manipulated narcissists work? Have you been in this situation? Both of my child’s father's are of that!some situations where people are being abused takes years to leave so would you judge them for staying with an abuser for that amount of time due to safety , it takes time and planning to leave safely, yes I thought I could live a family life but guess what I’ve realised that’s not the case yes I should of done it sooner and this am very much guilty for on my part I take full responsibility of this and I want different to what decisions I made previously I didn’t harm my child I failed to safeguard that’s my guilt I put my child at risk and that’s my downfall I feel so ashamed I did that I put my child at risk and that’s what happened to my child I don’t have a criminal record I have an upstanding role in my job of 20 years in healthcare do you really think if I had done that to my child I would be allowed to work I such profession and placed on barring list? I think not I clearly would have been charged yet CP did not I was never taken to court. Am very shocked to think you think am manipulating this situation to think this will help my case not at all or to think it was myself that harmed my baby of that and to say your happy my ex refused to let me see my other child even under a court order by a judge deprivation of liberty is a form of abuse and he has been allowed to get away with that for years even a judge ruled that if he had his own way then he would never let me have contact he’s even stated that if my other child died I would never be told my other child has flat head syndrome and a speech issues while in his care why because he never repositioned him nor did he engaged in his early years he snatched because he thought I cheated on him and because he had OR he was allowed to do this! This is very concerning of your opinion no parent should be deprived of no contact unless a danger my contacts were supervised and very postive of that from previous reports stated I clearly live my child and no harm was ever come to them while having contact that’s not because I was carefully watched but because I very much love my baby. They are my world and they are the reason I keep going every single day Am trying to do what’s best here and for months and months there was never a mention of SS seeking legal advice and a LGM do you realise the emotional damage caused to be told and continue to provide everything for my unborn baby told everything is fine to now be told that this is the plan by the LA??bi absolutely broke down packing out hospital bags can you imagine how that feels? I really am shocked how some of you can really say such things yes I fully understand to some extent I truly do, I understand everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I do appreciate honesty but to say I don’t deserve to see my other child nor to be given a fighting chance for my newborn is very unfair yes I must change from here on out yes I’ve had years to do this but I didn’t plan to have another baby intentionally but am willing to do what ever it takes to try my very best to improve my life and situation future makings and judgment to ensure I can parent safely and efficiently! I’ve know others who actually hurt their child and admitted it got to keep their child and a further one also, another their child was killed by an animal and went on to have another yes my case is different to theirs and am not nice picking yes it really is not good that I stated I can’t give an explanation but the truth is I put my child in harms way that’s what happened , I’ve engaged all the way through done everything asked and more and now I could still lose any chance at being a mother! I did not come in here to find ways to cheat the system or to cheat out the LA but to reach out for support and advice yet I feel as though am being placed back in a court room yet again. Do you not think that what happened I don’t live with it for the rest of my days and life, it eats me up every single day I grieve everyday what’s happened that I failed I didn’t protect and I made a very poor judgment and my child suffered it’s haunted me and will do forever not to mention the impact it will have on my child growing up am so sorry to my child that I made such a very poor judgment in not safeguarding how I should of and that’s my fault Yes it maybe too late and I properly should of done something much sooner but had I known they would go from a CPP to seeking legal advice then yes I would of acted much quicker in my pregnancy yet I was reassured from the beginning that they were not looking at removal but to engage positively and not been so stupid to think otherwise. Am very hurt to see others say be wary to give advice I hope that someday you don’t need advice and feel so isolated that all you required was a little advice, support and insight from others prospective that’s quite sad on your part really am only asking for some support from reaching out! No we’re not at proceedings yet but I feel we maybe. I will do ANYTHING to keep this baby not to cheat the system but to ensure I can prove I can and will change how the further holds out for just me and my child who I love unconditionally already and that of my other child also . Please do stop with the negative comments honesty, advice and support is all I asked not to be labelled as a child abusing monster yes I made mistakes I admit that and at a very big coast I love my children and I hate myself for what happened I truly do and if I could go back and do things differently my god I would but I can’t change what has happened all I can do is try to change the future and very hope for the best! Am sorry if I’ve hurt anyone’s feelings here and I can’t change how you see me as such but some comments have been quite damaging to say the least. Please only comment if you genuinely have some advice or your own prospective to give.
thank you am already hurting as it is please do know I have remorse for my child I have always had and always will and that I am deeply sorry that I put them at risk in harms way I will NOT be repeating the same mistakes and poor judgments I once inflicted on my previous child and the root cause of it is I was much to blame by placing my child in such horrible encounters of poor judgment and poor parenting of that of my own.

"Almost 10 years ago I had my second child and at around 8 months old they sustained unexplained none accidental injuries"

I could be wrong but I think the "previous child" referred to in her posts is actually her second child (the abused baby) and they are indeed with their biological father. I doubt OP will clarify as she is quite rightly not getting affirmation on this thread.

I don't believe for a second that you did not take part in abusing your baby.

Your posts read to me like they've been written jointly. It's all very worrying.

With just weeks until you give birth I think you've left it too late for whatever redemption arc you're going for.

How you can write that no parent should have contact removed if they’re not a danger and that you had an 8 month old with seven broken ribs and not see the hypocrisy I don’t know.

@Fairypick social services and the Courts will not be interested in what you consider "fair" or how upset you are. They will be solely concerned about the wellbeing of the baby.

From your OP
"neither mother or partner were accepting responsibility for causing the injuries that baby had sustained although the blamed each other at the time of the incident."

You stayed with him for 10 years thinking that he had caused injury to your baby and then got pregnant by him again. If you can't understand-really understand- how bad this is, there is no point in saying anything to you.

Before you have a pop at people on here you consider "unkind" to you, consider that some of us know only too well the life changing aftermath that some children have to contend with after physical abuse, the ones that survive that is.

That diatribe of your last post is all you, you you. Completely self involved, what type of HP are you, you sound an absolute danger to vulnerable people. Your baby previously was just placed at risk. They were violently, horribly beaten and abused. 8 broken ribs prior to the injures that had him removed?!
Do you give a fuck for the pain and trauma he would have been in? Clearly not. This thread is absolutely appalling.

You say that was your second child that was injured. Where is your first?

Before you have a pop at people on here you consider "unkind" to you, consider that some of us know only too well the life changing aftermath that some children have to contend with after physical abuse, the ones that survive that is.

Yep. OP it is only down to sheer luck that you both haven't spent the last 10 years in prison.