Autistic meltdown in public - charged with a crime

[Tirednorthern78]

Good evening

I'm after some advice. My child is newly diagnosed with autism spectrum condition and recently had a meltdown in public. In this melt down they have kicked me and bit me, and I've pushed them away twice (first time in response to the bite and second time to attempt to contain them from bolting.

I've now been charged with a crime, maltreatment of a child, got to go to court and make a plea despite a social worker assessment confirming where a warm and loving family. So concerned, and frankly worried as if this happens again in the public what do I do? Let them bolt? Let them physically hurt me?

I can't believe this is happening frankly. There was no marks on my child to indicate I've used force. I was attempting to protect them from bolting and my other 2 children who were with me at the time - one of whom is only 6 years old

There will be a great deal more to this situation than we are being presented with

how old is he?

sorry 11

how long has the football coach known you and your children?

how do you know it was the football coach that reported you?

your child is still with you or has been removed?

and yet all three children are still under your care?

Sorry for late replies I was dealing with the breakfast madness.

Yes all 3 children are in my care. Social services did a family and child investigation over 40 days and closed it down back to universal services (school and child health) social services found no issues whatsoever. Highlighted the neurodiversity issues, melt downs and stated we are a warm and loving family who are very protective of all 3 children.

There's sound on the video but you can't make out our argument due to the screaming and cheering from the football match.

The person who took the video sent it to the coach. Coach didn't speak to me but notified social services / police. They're the only person who has made a statement, the quality and contradictions however is open for interpretation.

Solicitor is sending the child and family assessment back to the cps, plus the send educational psychologist assessment which we've paid privately for. Our son was seen in school by them so we couldn't influence the report in any way shape or form.

Coach has known my children and I for approximately 6 years.

I've not dehumanised him, or neglected him. I've tried to reason with him and pushed him towards fence for my safety, his safety and the other children who were present.

it unfathomable to me that you are being charged with wilful neglect of a child

and yet all three children remain with you

Ps they were filming the football match as I understood it

Coach has known my children and I for approximately 6 years.

6 years?!! so presumably you know one quite well. How’s the relationship been?

Possibly him witnessing this was the last straw for him

He's never witnessed my child's meltdowns before. His opinion of my child when I informed him he had asc was that it didn't exist and he's just trouble

there was only one witness

at a football match?

when you were obviously so close that the sounds of cheering etc are on the video clearly

and yet he has continued to coach him for 6 years

and how did he vocalise the view that your son doesn’t have autism but is “just trouble”

It is odd, with all you’re saying that the cps decided to charge and the solicitor thinks it’s a 50/50

can I ask , gently are you aggressively pushing him, and possibly repeatedly? There is clearly something in the video that is strong enough that with all the circumstances the cps wish to prosecute.

He said that autism was an excuse parents used for trying to justify they're bad behaviour.

My son has gotten quite emotional on occasion but he loves football, and his best friend goes there too. I've wanted him out of there for at least 2 years but he's stubbornly refused. Hence why I'm always ensuring that myself, their dad or one of the grandads are always there as we can normally talk him round before it escalates

Us too. My SIL is a social worker and she is flabbergasted.

@Freakinfraser the first push was instinct as he'd gone to bite me. Didn't get the skin but got my jacket so just pushed. The second push was to get him nearest to the fence. I don't think it was aggressively but the football coach who didn't see it, watched the video and said I was being aggressive. At no point do I feel I was. Nor did my child. I can understand why it could appear that way if you didn't know me, but obviously the football coach did. I can't help but feel he's done that deliberately and stated it was aggressive because he's wanted my son to quit, which obviously now we have.

Also the solicitor is of the view that this shouldn't have gone to court. He could just be saying that to make me feel better, after all we are paying him.

Fortunately a number of our friends who we've told the situation to have been fully supportive have offered character references and have repeatedly sent their children round to our house as they don't believe there was any intent to harm our children, they've all seen me with all 3 of my children and ones seen the dreaded physical meltdown before.

I should also say it's not any other member of the family who experiences the physical ones, my son appears to only do it towards myself. Husband has seen him meltdown and kick me leaving significant bruises

The vast majority of parents don't give up on their children regardless of how complex their children's needs are
Autism is a huge spectrum we don't just go round locking autistic individual ,s up anymore I suspect in extreme cases where there is no other options emergency Foster care would be arranged
There are residential school, s etc but they are are very hard to access and i doubt the vast majority of children/ young people with autism would meet the criteria.

It sounds like you are doing every you can and hopefully the CPS will review and drop it. I wish you well and good luck.

@Tirednorthern78 you reach the threshold for Early Help / TAC. Have you been offered this?

Early help wasn't interested. Said they couldn't offer us anything school couldn't already

That’s awful that you can’t even bring it to your MPs attention.

How awful for you all.

The coach may have a legal obligation to raise all and any safeguarding concerns. I'd expect that to be to SS though.

It's also possible that he sees this as a way to get a "just trouble" kid out of his football club.

That he doesn't accept that autism is real is a red flag. He shouldn't be teaching kids because he's a hazard to them. It would be like someone thinking that epilepsy or asthma weren't real.

Early Help could offer support to learn alternative strategies when dealing with meltdowns that do not involve pushing him.

But it's entirely consent based support. You can say 'no, I don't want/need that' and no one can insist ypu take it.

I would imagine it would look better for you if you were proactive in finding alternatives though. We cannot pretend that how you handled that moment was good parenting, because it wasn't. That doesn't necessarily make it neglectful, but does show a need.