Autistic meltdown in public - charged with a crime

[Tirednorthern78]

Good evening

I'm after some advice. My child is newly diagnosed with autism spectrum condition and recently had a meltdown in public. In this melt down they have kicked me and bit me, and I've pushed them away twice (first time in response to the bite and second time to attempt to contain them from bolting.

I've now been charged with a crime, maltreatment of a child, got to go to court and make a plea despite a social worker assessment confirming where a warm and loving family. So concerned, and frankly worried as if this happens again in the public what do I do? Let them bolt? Let them physically hurt me?

I can't believe this is happening frankly. There was no marks on my child to indicate I've used force. I was attempting to protect them from bolting and my other 2 children who were with me at the time - one of whom is only 6 years old

I've got no problem with this being investigated whatsoever. As I've said it's gotten us extra support which has been needed for a while. My issue is that my child was clear there was no malicious or intent to use police speak, social services confirms my child's point of view having done direct work with them, as does school.

The police officer wouldn't accept that my child's communication and language skills are that of a 6/7 year old and that I've done my best in a horrible situation.

Just to clarify I didn't pin him against the fence. I've got him to the fence, and spoke to him for over 15 minutes to calm him down. Clearly this wasn't captured on the camera

Yes RCN is aware. Had a LADO investigation and was closed no case to answer, as I'd provided everything including the video, child and family assessment for information. Work has been great to be honest, but a criminal record (if it goes that far) wouldn't be good on my employment record.

How long is the video and what exactly does it show. Just you pushing him? What is your child doing during this. How big is the size difference between you?

About 3 minutes. He's just under 5 foot, I'm 5'5 and there's probably about 3 stone in weight difference

How traumatic for you all.
I would proceed as calmly and honestly as you can. The court will do what they think is in the best interest of the child.
Can you enroll and complete some "living with autistic child" practical courses that will equip you better next time a melt down happens in an open area, and even at home.
It might help in a realistic way as well as showing the SS that you are putting effort into improving your skills.
The SS could even point you in the direction of some appropriate courses that are available.

Fully sympathise, I have two Autistic/ADHD children, one diagnosed ine going through the process but its very obvious, she is 16 taller than me and very hard to manage in those situations, she mainly wants comfort when in that position but not everyone does. Maybe sign up to a restraint training course to show them you will ensure you are able to restrain him correctly/safely in future, i'm not at all saying what you did was wrong as i wasnt there but it would look good for your case.

This is such an awful situation and I can't even imagine the stress you are under.

I don't see how this is in the public interest or what CPS are trying to achieve. Normally, it tends to be the other way around CPS won't prosecute/police NFA , and SS are still involved because they see a risk of harm.

Ideally, this will get dropped before it actually goes to court , however I don't see them convicting you given the situation. I suspect they changed to maltreatment charge for neglect as there was nothing that met the threshold for maltreatment. What are they saying the "wilful neglect" was?

The charge of neglect is relevant. You have not been charged with child abuse, no suggestion in the charge this is to do with physically hurting him.

I wonder if this will be based around emotional abuse - making a child feel unloved and worthless.

When I worked with children with severe learning difficulties we used to carry ID/ an information card in case we needed to restrain a child for their own safety. Is this available to parents?

They changed from assault to neglect.

I love all my children equally, I'd never do anything intentionally to hurt them. I didn't want him to bolt into a road at the side of the football pitch, I didn't want him to hurt myself or his siblings. I've tried to contain the meltdown to an area where he wasn't on display. I've dreamed about this every time I go to sleep and each time I just don't know what I could have done. And each time I've relieved this I've made it 10 times worse in my head

Legally this is tricky and I can see why CPS have proceeded. Their responsibility is toward the child. A member of the public has reported an assault (changed to neglect by cps) on a vulnerable victim. There is evidence to show it.

Even with context an assault against a child is serious and they have erred on side of caution. They have decided to let the law decide whether the context was enough.

Im sorry you’re going through this but it doesn’t surprise me that it’s been taken to court.

I'm really sorry this is happening. Contact your local MP and ask for support. You need a solicitor that understands autistic disability. Or you'll need to explain it to them. There was a case in the SEND Tribunal Upper Tier confirming that a tendency towards physical abuse (lashing out) is a feature of the disability, that might be a good way to explain the context to a magistrate if it gets that far (in legal terms). You will want as many character references as possible from school and any agencies involved with your son. As you are your son's mother and principal carer, you're on the receiving end every time. It's all well and good people saying you should have done this or that, but when under threat from a strong 11 year old, your autonomic reflexes kick in and you will push the child away in self defence. This
Makes my blood boil to be honest. Why is it in this country that the authorities always punch down at those in most need.

I actually found out from a magistrate some time ago that for some offences that seem very serious that you should plead guilty if it keeps it from going to a higher court.

Are you serious? 😲

That was the advice given to the post office people - look where it got them (prison and/or suicides).

They changed from assault to neglect.

I am sure you are, but think carefully with your solicitor on the basis of your defence.

The physical aspects of this aren't relevant to the charge. The prosecution will likely focus on things like lack of respect, care, compassion, dehumanising behaviour. I know that's hard to hear, but that's what your defence has to counter

Sorry you are going through this. I don’t know how this will go but I totally believe that the CPS and the police are full of people who can’t or won’t do a good job. They seem to fail women and children in particular constantly. Maybe that’s why they think they are being cautious. But on the facts provided it sounds absurd.

Makes my blood boil to be honest. Why is it in this country that the authorities always punch down at those in most need

the person most in need is the child. And they are investigating to ensure that child is fully protected and cared for. This is not wrong.

comments like yours is why abusers get away with it. Now yes, the op is not that person, but it would be very wrong of them not to act on seeing evidence, and the cps on review of the evidence has decided to charge. Even her solicitor is saying it’s a 50/50. So whatever that video shows, it shows something that has caused enough concern they are trying to protect the child in need.

Get the best solicitor that you can, specialising in defending social workers and child carers.

You should have been shown all the evidence against you because you cannot defend yourself otherwise. Your solicitor should have picked that up and challenged it.

I think this sums up my feelings too. This is a very vulnerable child.

So the football coach, with safeguarding responsibilities instead of helping or stepping in, decided to film this?

That raises a lot of questions for me.

OP is there anything else other than the push? Shouting, language, aggressive body language? Three minutes is a long time for someone to video given they’d of been concerned before to action starting it.

@Bovrilla a parent videoed it. The football coach reported it.

Not sure if this site may be of use?

https://www.frg.org.uk

Not read all PP but surely the logic of the situation is that you need help and help alone. How can you face legal charges? Ask police, courts, social workers what they can do for YOU. What happens to autistic people like this when parents can't or won't bear this burden any more - are they institutionalised?

Nothing changes until there is a crisis, sadly.

You need help to manage his needs and have engaged in what was on offer and it hasn’t been enough. The system should now kick in to support you and the way the system uses carer fatigue and family stress as a tool to measure need is awful.

please be kind to yourself, you were doing your best to keep him safe.

Good advice.

If social services have investigated and have taken the view that you have not neglected your DS, that should be a powerful rebuttal. Is your solicitor making full use of this?