Autistic meltdown in public - charged with a crime

[Tirednorthern78]

Good evening

I'm after some advice. My child is newly diagnosed with autism spectrum condition and recently had a meltdown in public. In this melt down they have kicked me and bit me, and I've pushed them away twice (first time in response to the bite and second time to attempt to contain them from bolting.

I've now been charged with a crime, maltreatment of a child, got to go to court and make a plea despite a social worker assessment confirming where a warm and loving family. So concerned, and frankly worried as if this happens again in the public what do I do? Let them bolt? Let them physically hurt me?

I can't believe this is happening frankly. There was no marks on my child to indicate I've used force. I was attempting to protect them from bolting and my other 2 children who were with me at the time - one of whom is only 6 years old

Yeah. Solicitor said they don't understand why they've changed it. Social services called it cloak and dagger. I can handle lots thrown at me, but I'm not neglectful of my children. They're all so precious to me.

Ah ok, hopefully the judge sees sense, I guess it didn’t look good from a distance, 🥲

On the plus side OP, video evidence will work in your favour. It will be clear from looking at it that you are trying to calm him down as you’ve said.

I hope so. They've not shown it all to me. And oddly my two other children who were there was not spoken to by the police. Ones 6 the other is 14

How ridiculous that police/ courts have been involved in what is so obviously a case of a mother struggling to support an autistic child.

I don't know if what you did was right or wrong (it's very hard to know without actually seeing it), but either way, professionals/ teachers/ coaches etc should be helping you get support/ strategies in place if you are struggling - not going straight to the police.

Are there any Autism charities that you can contact and ask to write a letter to the court in support?

It clearly wasn’t obvious from the video. This is the issue. It wasn’t obvious to the person watching who filmed, and it wasn’t obvious when others viewed, even her own solicitor says it’s 50/50 from what’s on the video,

Yeah, it took this incident for everyone to school being more supportive - not that they wasn't to be fair.

We engaged a private SEN educational psychologist to explain how he views things and 'hit' is often confused due to the misunderstanding of touch, and he's clear it wasn't done deliberately, when I had to do a plea I was so annoyed that they got his age wrong and that they said he's not taken part because I'm his mother. Nothing about the fact that he's said it was accidental. By the time he calmed down and rationalised everything his view point wasn't taken into account.

I'm struggling terribly now. On antidepressants, feel suicidal. Yet he's home here and happy. I've done extra support classes and none stop reading online and I'm so at rock bottom.

We've booked to go to Florida next year for the three of them, and a criminal record means that we won't be able to go. I've got no faith in the justice system whatsoever now.

Did everyone at the football match know your child was having a meltdown and is autistic? Because if not then it would look as if you were assaulting an 11 year old child and felt the need to report it. And there is a video of it happening. And in the letter of the law you were.

The CPS must believe there is a case to answer to proceed. I suspect if it goes to court the magistrate will ask for a probation report that will give the context.Or it may be enough your solicitor does.

I spent my career working with autistic children and their families, and your OP made my stomach churn. They're are thousands of parents out there like you, some of them managing these kinds of meltdowns multiple times a day, and it's horrifying to think that this could go as far as court.

I agree that it might be a good idea to get in touch with autism campaigning groups, though you might want to limit involvement should you feel that they're taking over. You want to be able to retain control. But they may have experts who can be professional witnesses should it actually end up in court.

Well if it's not obvious then she won't be charged with anything.

OP, if your son is happy and clearly not being abused, you don't really have anything to worry about. You won't go to prison.

It will probably just result in more support being put in place for you which might end up being a good thing.

But I'm sorry you're going through this stress when really you just need support. I still think that the knee jerk reaction of getting the police involved sounds extreme.

No, we didn't advertise his autistic diagnosis as we felt it was up to him who he shared with. Professionals and coach knew though.

I get on one hand why it was reported, and we had nothing to hide and worked closely with social services who after the child and family assessment where clear that there was no need for a child in need / child protection case as we are a warm and loving family who are doing their best.

Solicitor doesn't understand how it's in the public interest, and to be absolutely clear there was not one mark on him. More emotional damage with the things that happened afterwards eg social services and police.

Huh? I was responding to the fact it wasn’t obvious she was just supporting her child. It clearly looks like wilful neglect/abuse or they’d not have charged, the bar to charge is very high.

OP, if you are feeling so bad that you feel suicidal, please, please reach out for support.

You probably know about the Samaritans - they are great and will talk to you without judgement whatever you are going through. You can call them free on 116 123.

You can also chat with them online.

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

OP I’d suggest you contact the national autistic charities for support. You can’t be the only parent it has happened to. I am really sorry that you’re having to go through this.

Ok. Absolutely you don’t need to share it with everyone I suppose it explains why people called the police. If we saw a parent pushing an 11 year old child without the context we’d obviously act on it.

Please follow up on all offers of support. It may not get to court but if it does then the magistrate will decide if there is a case to answer or not. Have you been advised to plead NG or not?

This is a good idea.

solicitor said it was my call as whilst the video wasn't the greatest it doesn't show me him. Push yes, but I just wanted to get him in a quieter way and protect us all. I said not guilty as there's no way I'd wilfully neglect, bully my child. The three of them do lots of activities, I'm always running round trying to keep their emotional and physical needs so it's going to trial unless cps decide to drop it.

Solicitor said it was deemed an either way case, so I could have this in front of a jury or magistrate. Jury will cost approximately 6-10 grand - money we just haven't got

Hi OP. I’ve not read everything but I was once in a similar situation. I’ve 2 ASD kids, around 14 years ago I was very nearly arrested for a NAI (non accidental injury) that was identified by a social worker on my child. I was already well known to services (but they didn’t actually offer much support, just told me to attend courses) and my child was around 10/11, he would have horrific violent outbursts. As a 5ft, 6 - 7 stone lone parent I was expected to cope, it was awful. He would have them in public and you’d get members of the public who just had zero awareness of autism try telling you how to manage him. I was lucky in the that the officer dealing with the case actually listened to me, at no point had social services spoken to the school about the NAI. When I denied assaulting my child and explained to the officer basically how shit everything was they actually approached the school. The school had a clear record of my child being forcibly restrained a few days prior and it clearly documented in the restraint log his leg made contact with a table (bruise was on his thigh). I was lucky in that this officer listened to me, had I been arrested I’d have lost my job (I’m a nurse) and had my children removed.
As parents we are expected to just cope yet it is so hard. I am so jealous of other parents who can just get up and do fun things with their children. Every day is a battle (I’m writing this still in bed as I just can’t face getting up to my youngest ASD who shall refuse to come off a screen). I am so sorry you are in this position. Our children and us as carers as massively failed by the system. Please look after yourself x

Yes the police officer didn't listen at all. School did, social services did but the police officer was awful.

I'm a nurse too. I've notified my boss and HR who have been great - we gave them the child and family assessment report from social services - but the added worry of criminal prosecution and the affect it will have on my job is horrific. Im a palliative care nurse and I couldn't imagine not being able to practice

This is awful.

i would contact your MP & local counsellors.

I used to be black and blue from my son, couldn’t wear short sleeves as I had so many bruises (& yes I have had a lot of de-escalation training, there’s not a lot you can do in public 1:1). Public incidents are the worst as you have to try & protect your child & others & comments like ‘just do x’ are often from people who have never experienced it.

Is there some sort of CPS complaints system? Or police force complaints system? I would consider using that and copying the complaint to MP & local councillors.

While I massively sympathies with OP, I’m not sure what else the police or bystanders could do. The most vulnerable person in this situation is a disabled child being pinned to a fence and shouted at. The coach is obviously concerned enough to think it’s an abusive situation and other people videoed it as evidence. Surely we must investigate and question the carers interpretation of events?

Solicitor advised me not to, until this was over one way or another. Thankfully we've not had any physical outbursts since. Feels like a constant apology and very affectionate. Lots of emotional breakdowns though :(

Have you also contacted the RCN, I had threats of a LADO referral made by one professional (not for this incident but another ASD related situation). They were really supportive. I’m glad work are supportive towards you (for me work is my respite).

3 never get between the child and the exit. If the child wants to run let them. In schools these days they are usually secure - so the child cannot exit the premises and there is limited harm they can do to themselves. Again, usually an adult will (try!) to follow the child from a distance.
This might be a great policy in fenced schools, much more problematic if your child is a bolter and may get run over. Its easy to say what the idea should be. Its a hell of a lot more messy as a send parent in the outside world.