Letting ex take kids to africa

[Onlinedater1]

So my ex is from a west African country, the kids are 8and 5. I’ve agreed for him to take the kids away for 3 weeks max after a long debate. I’ve never been there and they haven’t either so it would be an opportunity to meet their cousins, grandma and practice their language. I was already really anxious as he can be quite selfish and I wouldn't even know where they are exactly as people don’t have exact addresses there. I have phone numbers for his family but that’s about it. I spoke to them before but there is a language barrier.
he initially said i can come as well but when I said i’d join for a week only, he said it’s too much money to pay for me just to come for a week. Also declined when I said he could apply for a visa for me just in case as it’s again waste of money. I can’t afford to go and don’t really want to.
Anyway he booked them tickets for a month even though I said it’s 3 weeks max! He said it’s because the tickets were cheaper that away and he is their dad. So they will now miss 2,5 weeks school. I’m fuming. He has loads of money and hasn’t even had them for a night since moving out over a year ago. How can I trust him when he has no regard for what we agreed. I don’t want to stop them from going and don’t have money for solicitors but is there anything I can do to minimise any risk? Should I even be letting them go?
they want to go, but is it worth my anxiety?
should by teaching my son the phone numbers for British embassy by heart in case something happens 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
aaarghhhhh

I don't give a damn if I sound racist if children's safety is involved. It's a safeguarding issue that has required Britain to create laws (along with leaving the country for forced marriage). Have we learnt nothing from the Rotherham scandal? Children's safeguarding comes before appearing not to be racist. I have no doubt we are talking about a tiny minority and of course heritage is crucially important. You still check your child won't fall in that group.

My DH is also from a country that is not a Hague signatory. We’ve been to his country with the kids on several occasions. If he had decided to not let them fly home, it would have been very difficult for me to do much about it. Being married and with them wouldn’t have removed that risk either. Going through courts there takes years. Fundamentally it comes down to trust. Ask yourself if you trust him hand on heart to look after them as you would and stick to his commitment to bring them home. No Internet forum of randoms can tell you that.

That being said, do get yourself a visa if they do end up going. You wouldn’t want that stress if you had to get to them in an emergency.

@Clymene @itwasntmetho - @Onlinedater1 was offered to go. She's decided that she doesn't want to. Granted she's entitled to her reasons but ultimately she's decided (by not getting a ticket to fly over) to spend 1 month away from her kids.

For what it's worth I know flights to Nigeria, Ghana, Cameroon are expensive. It likely is cheaper to get a open return/1month ticket. But my main point was the talk of FGM etc as a reason to fear OP children spending time with their father's family is ridiculous.

Why is there no legal agreement in place re holidays abroad with one parent? Agree contact snd holidays. How long for example? No taking Dc out of school! Just get the agreement sorted out OP.

The big difference here is that they split up and this only happened relatively recently (he only moved out one year ago).
Your situation is that your and your DH are still together and presumably took decisions together - OP is reporting a quote differnt story where her ex is not consulting her when making arrangements and not taking her concerns into account.

Yellow fever and COVID restrictions would be enough to stop me thinking this was a good idea.

@Madwomanuptheroad29 I am fully aware of that. That’s what I meant that it is really just down to trust. If she can’t trust him, it’s probably a no go. Only the OP can answer that.

Op confirmed way up the thread that he wasn’t a legit asylum seeker, she said he was ‘trying his luck’ and his claim was rejected and then they got married and that solved his issues

You must have missed all the screeching about FGM, as if everyone in Africa practices it.I repeat: WILDLY RACIST.

@TheBigWangTheory Op originally said ‘west Africa’. Countries such as Guinea have a 96% FGM rate so it’s not really racist, it’s fact. 200m girls in W Africa have been subjected to it. Op later clarified it was Cameroon where it’s not so much of a problem. But not a racist statement H2h

The only thing OP said is that he booked an extra week. 4 instead of 3 of the agreed 3. And his reasoning was it was cheaper. That’s not uncommon that the ticket might be cheaper. I agree that OP should have been consulted prior to this.

What other concerns did OP suggest asides from the ones thrown at her on this thread?

It’s not wildly different than what @Knnniggets is saying. BTW OP was invited, I mean trip paid for even. She doesn’t want to go!!!!

So you won't visit Peru, Columbia, Brazil, Argentina , Bolivia or Panama then? They are countries with yellow fever also.

And USA and Germany are off your holiday lists because they are still spiking with covid cases in 2023.

@Pearlygates op has confirmed

• he won’t pay for her to go on the trip.
• She also has stated she estimates there’s a 1 in 20 chance he wouldn’t return them
• he has saved to £60k in cash
• they’ve only been split a year

Oooo that must mean he’s gonna do a runner then?
He shouldn’t have saved any money? I mean he’s self employed presumably doing well in his business as OP have said so news flash HE HAS MONEY.
They shouldn’t have split?
Did you miss the other posts where OP explained that 5% chance and how she doesn’t think he would do something like that?
And finally, what’s your point really?

Almost all of them. Are you blind?

@Pearlygatesmy point is - if op is worried enough to post here then she should probably listen to that gut feeling. Which she has so all is good. Have a nice evening

Even in capital cities?

Believe it or not it’s true. Oh my days. Some of you need to travel outside Europe or do some research. It’s the same in some parts of the Caribbean, especially the small islands.

According to her posts on this very thread, she doesn’t seem worried to me. I think she’s more annoyed that he booked 4 weeks instead of the 3 they agreed to. Good evening to you too.

Well, I have been to Nigeria twice and I think it's insane the OP wants to let her 5-year-old and 8-year-old go there without her for a month. It's totally insane. And I can't say anything about Cameroon, but Lagos was my idea of hell

I'll tell you what it has to do with this.

There are safeguarding issues specifically linked to practices carried out in specific cultures (forced marriage being one, FGM being another). Any parent in the op's position should be aware, if giving consent to a trip away, that the location is not to culture where these practices are carried out and normalised. She doesn't know what family pressure may be applied.

The above view has been decried as racist but it is about safeguarding so fuck any potential racist slant because the kids come first.

The link to Rotherham is obvious and if you can't see it, you shouldn't be talking about safeguarding. Safeguarding was overlooked at Rotherham because no one wanted to be seen as racist. They knew they would be potentially criticised as racist if they targeted the perpetrators so they decided to do nothing. In short they were more afraid of encountering someone like you then they were concerned about children getting hurt.

Out of your naive bubble, British social workers sometimes have to take steps to rehabilitate children who have been subjected to FGM on their return to Britain. They have had to take steps to prevent children being taken out of the country. They have had to enact new laws to reflect the danger and harm visited upon some British children outside Britain. It would be very, very foolish of the op not to carry out due diligence in this regard. As it turns out she is not talking about a country where it is likely to happen. Great. She needed to establish that and to be free to ask the question.

Take your disgusting slurs and have a hard look at yourself.

What do you think Nigeria has got to do with Cameroon, other than being in the same continent?
That's like saying you didn't like London so people definitely shouldn't go to Warsaw.

Let her children go where? Africa? What does Lagos have to do with Cameroon?
Again, Stereotyping at it’s best.
Would it be ok if they went for a week then?

There’s a lot of ignorance on here and it’s now clear that many of these posts and “advice” has nothing to do with OP’s ex “potentially” running away with the kids or the length of time they’re travelling. It’s more than that but I already said it in the very first few pages of this thread.

@TheBigWangTheory from the person who said the OP's children are half-African, that's hilariously ironic. Or it would be if it wasn't such a pathetic attempt at point scoring.

I'm sure this is of zero help to the OP

Only if you don't understand irony.

It was OP who used the term African, and only later added a specific country. People from every country in Africa are also African. Do you have conniptions if you are called European?

Stop planksplaining. Nobody was under the impression that Africa was a country, you're just trying to divert from the epic racism on this thread. It;s not working.