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Original poster

Money claims from ex partner

502 replies

Toadcatcher · 09/08/2022 20:18

After a long relationship and 2 now almost grown up children and many incidents of domestic abuse and violence, the children and I moved out mid last year. We have not heard from him at all and I thought he did not have our address. Three weeks ago a letter from a solicitor, representing my former partner, arrived with demands for money. He claims that I owe him a large sum comprised of individual items, such as an alleged loan (which was a gift 5 years ago and not mentioned since) and payment for my engagement ring and other demands. I can piece evidence together that these demands are unfounded. However, they threaten with litigation.
I tried to get advice from a solicitor who told me that they could help. After almost three weeks during which I received holding messages from the solicitor, they have now told me that we are now in a rush, the deadline for a response is next week and I need to prepay them £1500 for a response letter. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t have much time left now. Should I pay up or should I represent myself?

OP posts:
Crumpleton · 25/05/2023 18:13

Also, off-topic, I added a paragraph about unpaid CM (now close to £30K over many years for 2 DCs) as a reminder and asked when this will be paid.

Right back at them....well done.
Hopefully your ex won't come back with some clap trap excuse.

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 25/05/2023 21:42

He'll keep coming back because he has nothing else to do. That's why he's not taken it to court. Once theres a ruling on it he can't harass OP anymore. Sad little abuser can't handle her being free.

Original poster
Toadcatcher · 25/05/2023 22:00

Exactly. Whenever he is getting bored, he’s having another stab at me. It’s what he’s getting his satisfaction from (rephrase if you wish).

OP posts:
Original poster
Toadcatcher · 25/05/2023 22:03

Next he will produce a massive spread sheet detailing each item he ever bought for the kids from birth by way of CM, add it all up and tell me he’s already paid more than his fair share.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 25/05/2023 22:06

You have to pity that he is so hung up on you that he hasn't moved on with his life!!

tribpot · 25/05/2023 22:25

I hope he does waste his time creating this spreadsheet. Then you can just remind his solicitor that child maintenance has nothing to do with how costs were shared whilst the parents were living together, and is purely calculated from the point of separation. So his spreadsheet is irrelevant.

Triffid1 · 25/05/2023 22:26

Toadcatcher · 25/05/2023 22:03

Next he will produce a massive spread sheet detailing each item he ever bought for the kids from birth by way of CM, add it all up and tell me he’s already paid more than his fair share.

I sort of hope he does this. We could think in advance what he might add and play "dickhead bingo"?

Eg birthday and Christmas gifts, double points if they were while you were together. Triple points if they were actually purchased by someone else such as his parents.

Total cost of petrol. Extra points if the petrol was after separation and he was coming to see/collect them.

First aid or medical supplies - calpol included? Got to be worth a hefty few points.

Clothing - but almost too obvious if he bills for a single winter coat so minimal points.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

skyeisthelimit · 26/05/2023 09:04

I can't believe he is still going on about this. Just keep ignoring or reply to the solicitor with minimal response and let them take it to court.

In the meantime, get some advice on what you can do about the harassment. Can you get another order taken out against him? Surely the solicitor would have to stop writing if he is not allowed to contact you?

Original poster
Toadcatcher · 26/05/2023 19:19

He’s not seen them since separation. The only costs that he has already made me aware of are for storing their old toys. He is charging me £200 per month for this and has previously threatened to take me to court for non payment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toadcatcher · 26/05/2023 19:20

I’m not paying him for toy storage fees obviously. He’s now taking it out of the non existing CM currently at £0.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toadcatcher · 26/05/2023 19:21

I am not making this up, he told my previous solicitor that this counted as CM.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toadcatcher · 26/05/2023 19:24

@tribpot he has form for creating these spreadsheets and has already sent a few of these both to my solicitor and myself. These include costs prior to separation, as there are I costs post separation, he has not met with the DCs. He made contact once with DS - he wants him to come and work for him 😂😂😂. DS deleted and blocked.

OP posts:
Napmum · 26/05/2023 19:33

Do iit produce evidence at this point. Especially as he needs to prove it was a loan and he's on thin ground with an engagement ring since society sees this as a gift that is kept if the marriage does not go through.

TheFormidableMrsC · 26/05/2023 23:38

I've had several glasses of wine but I have been following this thread intermittently and hope I'm not repeating what others may have said. Can I ask why on Earth you are paying solicitors to deal with this shit. I had a litigious ex-h and an attached OW who threatened me with all sorts. My response to their various solicitors was "if your client is of the opinion that they have a matter to pursue, then I suggest you make an application to court". It cost me nothing, cost them a lot more and guess what? They never made that application.

Original poster
Toadcatcher · 27/05/2023 00:43

Hello @TheFormidableMrsC I agree with you. I was terrified when he found us and couldn’t deal with the many letters and emails, pushing letters through my letterbox in the middle of the night and banging on the door. I got a solicitor to send one letter summarising my position and yes, I probably paid too much for it. But this is now my fallback letter and I’m not too upset anymore I spent the money. Now when I have a legal question, I have discovered that I can call one of my insurances. They provide unlimited legal advice free of charge / as part of the package.

OP posts:
Nat6999 · 27/05/2023 00:50

Get your engagement ring valued & it will be worth a lot less than he paid for it as they only pay for the gold, ask whoever values it to write the value on headed paper so you have proof of what it is worth. Or just tell him you no longer have the ring as you have sold it.

Nat6999 · 27/05/2023 00:59

Have you got legal cover on your house insurance? If you have, speak to their legal department & see if they can deal with it for you.

TheFormidableMrsC · 27/05/2023 10:15

Toadcatcher · 27/05/2023 00:43

Hello @TheFormidableMrsC I agree with you. I was terrified when he found us and couldn’t deal with the many letters and emails, pushing letters through my letterbox in the middle of the night and banging on the door. I got a solicitor to send one letter summarising my position and yes, I probably paid too much for it. But this is now my fallback letter and I’m not too upset anymore I spent the money. Now when I have a legal question, I have discovered that I can call one of my insurances. They provide unlimited legal advice free of charge / as part of the package.

I get it, it's so bloody difficult. My own view, with a decade of shit behind me, is that they love the attention and an argument. Some of the letters I got were so ludicrous, such as I'd commented on OW's jewellery (I hadn't), that I was responsible for her business going bust (I wasn't), I had the police on the doorstep because I knew where her son went to school (he told my young son and he told me on the way that kids do, my son was very little). Oh I could go on and on. Ignoring these arseholes is quite honestly the best approach. I used to write long responses "defending myself" until somebody said to me, stop. So I did. They spent thousands of pounds on solicitors harassing me.

Just ignore everything. He's got nothing to take to court, he just likes reminding you of his presence. If he does make an application then deal with it then. He won't though. Good luck Flowers

Original poster
Toadcatcher · 27/05/2023 10:22

@Nat6999 Exactly - I am using the legal cover on the home insurance.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toadcatcher · 27/05/2023 11:51

@TheFormidableMrsC thank you. I followed your story 10 years ago. There are no words to even begin to describe how awful it is to not ever get rid of this type of ex. Are these men completely insane?

OP posts:
Original poster
Toadcatcher · 10/02/2024 11:31

Hi all - after not having heard anymore neither from him nor his solicitor - a registered letter arrived yesterday from the solicitor with pre-filled county court application and a final warning. This has now been going on since mid 2022. Always the same demands with small variations. So he either is just continuing to hunt me until all eternity or he will take it to court.

OP posts:
tribpot · 10/02/2024 11:53

So this is just more of the same, all he's actually done is fill in a form. I think you've got legal cover with your home insurance? I would give them a call but essentially I would write back and restate your position that you do not owe any of the money being sought. The end. Or just ignore.

RandomMess · 10/02/2024 13:36

🙄

Just ignore and wait til he actually does take it court which I genuinely don't think he will.

Crumpleton · 10/02/2024 14:01

As you say this has been going on for far to long.
I'd be inclined to want it to actually make it to court at least then, whichever way it goes a Judge can hopefully put an end to it and I could finally be rid of this awful person.

The stress this must be causing you would be worth knowing exactly where you stand and If you definitely owe this peice of human skin nothing a Judge could tell them that and you could watch the look on his face while he finally gets his comeuppance.

No matter the outcome while I'm there I'd also get a restraining order against the piece of 💩

Reugny · 10/02/2024 14:04

Just ignore and wait til he actually does take it court which I genuinely don't think he will.

He might submit it but it may take him another year or so.

OP county court judges aren't fools so just bring all your proof of him harassing you, plus proof your children are now grown up enough to get any belongings they want from him themselves.

If you are lucky the judge will tell him off.