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Original poster

Money claims from ex partner

502 replies

Toadcatcher · 09/08/2022 20:18

After a long relationship and 2 now almost grown up children and many incidents of domestic abuse and violence, the children and I moved out mid last year. We have not heard from him at all and I thought he did not have our address. Three weeks ago a letter from a solicitor, representing my former partner, arrived with demands for money. He claims that I owe him a large sum comprised of individual items, such as an alleged loan (which was a gift 5 years ago and not mentioned since) and payment for my engagement ring and other demands. I can piece evidence together that these demands are unfounded. However, they threaten with litigation.
I tried to get advice from a solicitor who told me that they could help. After almost three weeks during which I received holding messages from the solicitor, they have now told me that we are now in a rush, the deadline for a response is next week and I need to prepay them £1500 for a response letter. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t have much time left now. Should I pay up or should I represent myself?

OP posts:
JustAnotherLawyer2 · 09/08/2022 20:41

Receiving a letter from a solicitor is like receiving it directly from your ex - in other words, it has no legal power attached to it. Until, or unless, you receive a court claim, you are entirely within your rights to ignore the letters from his solicitor.

However, it is far simpler to just respond briefly and succinctly, e.g. 'I do not owe your client anything and do not acknowledge any of the alleged debt he is claiming'. And then leave it up to them to make another move.

You don't need a solicitor to write to them, nor should it cost £1500 if you did.

I have deduced from 'engagement ring' and 'long relationship' that there was no marriage. But if there is, these things will be resolved in the divorce/financial proceedings.

Original poster
Toadcatcher · 09/08/2022 21:08

Thank you JustAnotherLawyer2.
There was no marriage. They threaten to take me to court and treat the claims as a ‘debt’. What is the process, if they take me to court?

OP posts:
Original poster
Toadcatcher · 09/08/2022 21:11

Also, it is a very very long letter. They ask me to respond in detail to each of the four claims. Should I collect all my evidence and provide it all now or should I hold off until they make the next move?

OP posts:
Original poster
Toadcatcher · 09/08/2022 21:19

Also, a very naive question: would the solicitor just write / threaten anything, even if it is completely unfounded and there is simply no claim?

OP posts:
Creepymanonagoatfarm · 09/08/2022 21:20

Laugh and shove the letter in a drawer.
Absolute chancer..
For example - I received a letter demanding I remove my new blinds as they prevented exh seeing into my house... No judge ordered me to so I didn't...
Until a judge tells you to do something your ex is trying his luck.. You are not obligated in any way whatsoever to reply.

findingsomeone · 09/08/2022 21:23

I mean you could dick him about and reply to get him to send another letter and cost him more money. They'll be charging him to read your response and so on. Or ignore it.

Cloverforever · 09/08/2022 21:25

What deadline is your solicitor referring to? Do you have a court date, or is it just one his solicitor has dreamt up? It sounds like you are being bullied again sadly.

titchy · 09/08/2022 21:28

Toadcatcher · 09/08/2022 21:19

Also, a very naive question: would the solicitor just write / threaten anything, even if it is completely unfounded and there is simply no claim?

Yes if their client pays them to do so!

Just a quick reply to them to acknowledge their letter and assert that you dispute all the claims in their letter and are happy to produce supporting evidence if required to do so by a court.

thenewduchessoflapland · 09/08/2022 21:34

Unless there is legal paperwork attached to the amounts gifted to you then I don't see how he's going to get money from you.

Tiani4 · 09/08/2022 21:35

So you break it down you don't have to respond to their demands of each of their questions as even solicitors chance it sometimes

I would save the solicitor fees, just use the for advice but you respond
However, it is far simpler to just respond briefly and succinctly, e.g. 'I do not owe your client anything and do not acknowledge any of the alleged debt he is claiming'. And then leave it up to them to make another move.

If you need a solicitor or litigant friend later in you can use them

If you have evidence of domestic abuse (ie police reports etc) you could see if solicitor would be able to use legal aid at all as this being part of continued domestic abuse but usually you have to file that within 6 months of latest police recorded injury

Tiani4 · 09/08/2022 21:41

Save all of your evidence collate it but your ex would be lucky to get any money back from you unless you've have texted or emailed or put it in writing (or he has a voice recording of you) acknowledging it was a loan

If you are uK he can forget engagement ring costs as that was a gift and only in US are you expected to return it if didn't progress to a marriage - unless he can show it still has a loan outstanding on it

For such a small amount in small claims it probably isn't worth £1500 solicitor fees

I'd be sending my reply back in piecemeal emails to bump up his solicitor charges !!! But you do it for free .., be vague and deny deny deny

denysedenyse · 09/08/2022 21:41

I'm doubting it's a real solicitor as they would tell ex an engagement ring is a gift, you do not get it back.

Tiani4 · 09/08/2022 21:45

Solicitors will write the letters that their client insists on (as long as not illegal) even if client ignores their advice

You can ring his solicitor to ask them to confirm if this is a genuine letter from a solicitor in their company - so not say anything more in telephone and do not engage in any discussion even if they try just ask for them to confirm that it is a genuine solicitor letter from someone in their firm... (it'll all cost him)

Do not engage or discuss any issues nor acknowledge them just say you are doing due diligence .. "can they confirm letter dated x date from y solicitor is actually from their firm?" - that'll cost him£200 alone!!

Original poster
Toadcatcher · 09/08/2022 21:47

Tiani4 the domestic abuse is over one year ago.
thenewduchessoflapland there is no legal paperwork attached to any of the gifts. The only thing is the car: he has a 40% share in the car and I offered to buy him out which he declined. Now he says he owns the car outright and I should pay for it. I would have to respond that I am still prepared to buy him out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toadcatcher · 09/08/2022 21:49

The total claim is a large sum, tens of thousands.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toadcatcher · 09/08/2022 21:50

It is a genuine letter and a genuine solicitor. Even if this is all very bizarre. I looked them up and they are local.

OP posts:
EmergencyHepNeeded · 09/08/2022 21:51

Has he been paying maintenance throughout this time? I'm assuming not. If you put your details into the child maintenance calculator what would it say?

Original poster
Toadcatcher · 09/08/2022 21:52

Cloverforever they have given me 28 days to pay up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toadcatcher · 09/08/2022 21:53

EmergencyHepNeeded I would get about 50K in CM. None received.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 09/08/2022 21:56

would the solicitor just write / threaten anything, even if it is completely unfounded and there is simply no claim?

If they get paid for it, yes.

Instruct a solicitor to write a letter about x to y, they draft it, you approve it and they send it off to 'y'

Send you a bill. Sorted.

That's why you really don't have to reply. You can be helpful and and reply as @titchy suggested

'You dispute all the claims in their letter and are happy to produce supporting evidence if required to do so by a court'

Bear in mind, the solicitors only continue because someone is paying them. The more outlandish claims are likely to be more protected than something very clear cut.

As others have said, their deadline means nothing until you get documents from a court. And a court won't make a decision without summoning you to appear in front of them.

They have no leg to stand on. You have nothing to worry about.

titchy · 09/08/2022 21:57

Toadcatcher · 09/08/2022 21:52

Cloverforever they have given me 28 days to pay up.

It's a made up deadline your ex has asked them to put in. Seriously solicitors write bullshit letters all the time if they are paid to do so.

RandomMess · 09/08/2022 21:59

You are assuming he's told the solicitor the truth.

Just reply direct to the solicitor yourself.

There was no loan, it was a gift freely given.

The engagement ring was a gift (although you need to check the law on that but he can have it back)

That the car was never his but shared and he only owns 40% of it and when you offered to buy him out he declined so assumed it was a gift in lieu of child maintenance not received.

And so on.

Have you made a claim via CMS?

TheFlis12345 · 09/08/2022 21:59

How can he owe £50k in CM if you only left him when you moved out last year?

RandomMess · 09/08/2022 22:00

You can keep replying to his solicitor yourself and it will cost him money every time!

Wink
doodlywoodlydingdong · 09/08/2022 22:03

Toadcatcher · 09/08/2022 21:52

Cloverforever they have given me 28 days to pay up.

It's not as simple as that. They have REQUESTED you pay up but they can not force you as the debt is not even legally A debt or even YOUR debt. You haven't signed any contracts. They have no legal proof that you promised to pay. He just says you owe it and is hoping you will pay up as it's ask official looking. Christ, If i knew your name and was an arsehole then I could claim you owed me money as well and get my divinity to write to you asking for payment. But as the debt isn't yours you would be bonkers to pay it and would wait for me to take you to court.