Money claims from ex partner

[Toadcatcher]

After a long relationship and 2 now almost grown up children and many incidents of domestic abuse and violence, the children and I moved out mid last year. We have not heard from him at all and I thought he did not have our address. Three weeks ago a letter from a solicitor, representing my former partner, arrived with demands for money. He claims that I owe him a large sum comprised of individual items, such as an alleged loan (which was a gift 5 years ago and not mentioned since) and payment for my engagement ring and other demands. I can piece evidence together that these demands are unfounded. However, they threaten with litigation.
I tried to get advice from a solicitor who told me that they could help. After almost three weeks during which I received holding messages from the solicitor, they have now told me that we are now in a rush, the deadline for a response is next week and I need to prepay them £1500 for a response letter. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t have much time left now. Should I pay up or should I represent myself?

When my ex did similar, I used to email his solicitor a couple of times a week just to see how she was. Cost him £150 every time she opened one.

OP, did you say previously that your ex had found you despite him not having your address?

It's a ridiculous situation. If he's out of the 6 year time limit for a claim like this (6 years was what I was told by my solicitor, but I'm NAL) then presumably he wouldn't be successful in court unless there's some loophole. And it sounds like he has no intention of actually taking you to court anyway. So you're stuck with being harassed by him via a third party, receiving these distressing letters that the police won't do anything about, with no way to stop them. There should be some way to protect people from this, but I wasn't able to find one when I was going through it myself. I even went to my MP about it to highlight the loophole, but he didn't know what to do either.

Other types of stalking and harassment can be dealt with, so why is this situation an exception? It's legal abuse. It's appalling it's allowed to happen.

If you can, I would put any further letters from his solicitor straight into a file and put it away somewhere you don't have to see it. The only letter you would need to open would be one from the court.

That’s funny I should have started this 2 years ago.

@PissOffBoris yes he found us somehow. My daughter believes he had someone follow her and take her picture when she walked back from school - then unfortunately she could not walk on her own anymore and I took a late lunch break every day to pick her up.

@PissOffBoris somehow this is not classed as harassment, the police told me this is because it is an ex partner. It makes no sense at all IMO.
Do these claims still expire even though he logged them via his solicitor?

Yes I believe so, I think the clock only stops once the application to court has been sent/accepted.

This is totally harassment. Please go to your MP. In the wake of the Casey report, they should be on this, even if you aren't in London.

If the lawyer is a junior associate, maybe it's time to send a letter to a partner at the firm, include all their reference numbers so that of course your ex gets charged, but write and ask if they really think this level of harassment is appropriate?

I'd be inclined to go through all the correspondence you've had from them and create a bulleted list with the dates of each one. For giggles, you could create a separate list to highlight just the ones that are supposedly "final warnings"

Did you ever complain to the legal ombudsman? I seem to recall someone on this thread a few months ago sending you a link? If not, perhaps ensure you cc that other organisation as well and/or send it as a complaint.

https://expertfamilylaw.co.uk/harassment-from-ex-partner-how-to-make-it-stop/

There is info on the link that says about reporting it to the police, so I don't know why they won't help you. I would try again and ask to speak to somebody more senior. Also ask to speak to a senior partner at the law firm and advise them that you will be reporting it to the police.

I would be tempted to send lots of "holding" emails to the solicitor.

I will be sending x in due course

Why are you allowing him to harass me

Why are you assisting your client when he has no claim.

I am looking to report you for unprofessionalism

I am liaising with the police over his continued harassment.

I will be contacting your senior partner over your behaviour

Basically rack up his charges before sending the bullet point evidence letter.

I really wouldn't recommend this. He's trying to get the OP to bite and this would be playing into his hands. Yes, it will push up his costs but he'll get off on the interactions, even if they are coming second hand. If he cared about the cost of it all he wouldn't keep sending these pointless letters when he knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

And the senior partner won't give a fuck.

I have to completely ignore any of it unless the police can actually stop it. They are probably not interested.

I will try to get hold of the officer who liaised with us after his arrest when he tried to attack us in 2021. She was different and acknowledged the behaviour. He spent a weekend behind bars at the time - again.

See read and inwardly digest

OK its 'Libel' not Family Law but the Solicitors may be sailing close to the wind

https://taxpolicy.org.uk/2024/05/10/nadhim-zahawis-slapp-results-in-disciplinary-action-for-his-lawyer-why-it-happened-and-what-it-means/

What county are you in? I am an IDVA with a specialist in stalking, and I can tell you what police are telling you is not the case. They could also consider post-separation coercive control here. Some forces are better with this than others and many think that if a matter is with a solicitor, it must be a civil matter rather than criminal. However as has been pointed out, the legal system can be used to continue a campaign of coercive control. If you don't think your report has been given proper consideration, it might be worth putting in a complaint so it is looked at properly.

Incidentally (and from a non-legal professional), I always take as a general rule of thumb that there seems to be a correlation between the length and number threats in solicitors' letters, and the weakness of a case. Not across the board, of course, but in my experience if they have a strong case, they just get to the point.

He’s a real piece of work, isn’t he? Definitely contact the officer from 2021

Another letter arrived from him directly which I binned without reading. It arrived together with a birthday card for DD that included sarcastic comments and a letter she now wishes she had not read. She told me he had now bought a 1M£ country manor in the local area. I am not surprised. Somehow I don’t care - I managed to raise the children without his support and will continue to do so. I work like an ox but I am independent. I also don’t feel the need to stalk ex partners 😊

@1clavdivs the local police would only interfere in case of physical violence and even then this is considered a domestic incident. Last time they let him go after a weekend in a cell. He thought it was hilarious.

And something to show off about in his golf club.

Don’t bin anything! Even if you don’t open it, keep everything relating to him or from him in a folder. Could be evidence one day.
What a cunt bag

Police are correct that this is considered domestic abuse as it is an ex partner. However it isn't the case that they can only intervene if there is physical violence; they could also consider stalking or post-separation coercive control. Do you have an IDVA?

To clarify, there is no standalone criminal offence of 'domestic abuse'. The police might be saying that any offence that he commits against you comes under the umbrella category of domestic abuse as he is an ex partner. As part of the domestic abuse, there can be multiple criminal offences they could investigate (eg harassment, criminal damage, threats to kill, assault etc etc etc).

So it's not the case that, because it's considered domestic abuse, he can't be investigated for harassment, or that he can only be investigated for physical violence. As mentioned, it seems to me he could be investigated for a couple of things here as part of the domestic abuse.

I binned it - too late. I’m so fed up after over ten years of his merry dance of physical abuse, locking me into rooms, taking my money and controlling every breath I took, I don’t care about evidence. I care about surviving to provide for the family and even if this the sole purpose of my existence.

No I don’t have an IDVA - I am not eligible as I am not living with him. I agree that there are much worse cases that need support.

It sounds as if you are in an area with very poor DA services, for some reason, and you might have to advocate for yourself. The only other route I can think of for advocacy is Victim Support - they might be worth a try as they have IDVA services, even though they may not be the contracted service for the area.