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Original poster

ExH wants DD phone back with all the information including messages, emails and WhatsApp access. Can he ask for this?

224 replies

hereagain99 · 11/01/2022 22:19

I need help with the legal side of who owns the information that a mobile phone contains. ExH refused to pick DD up from her holiday with us. He has email me saying that DD lives with me from now on. This is a different subject but I think it is important for a bit of background.

DD has a phone contract that her dad pays, tonight he has called and said that as DD isn't using her phone anymore, contract is on his name and he pays for it, he expects the phone to go back to him with all the data, as he has called it, intact so he can have access to her email, messages, contact numbers and WhatsApp messages. He also expects access to any social media that she has.

My understanding is that all the information he is requesting is personal and that he should not have access to it. His argument is that as he pays for the phone contract and it is on his name, becayse DD is a minor, everything belongs to him and he expects me to send him the phone with access to everything.

Is this correct? Any advice much appreciated. Thank you.

OP posts:
Hawaiiinthemorning · 12/01/2022 05:30

@Santaisstilleatingmincepies

Factory reset. Drop down the loo for good measure. Return. And block.
All of the above.
Schlerp · 12/01/2022 05:37

You need to speak with your caseworker at social services or even your lawyer if you have one regarding this matter for advice. If there is any chance there is evidence to support your daughters case on the phone then wiping it is the worst idea.

I suggest telling him it’s with social services/lawyer and he has to go through them to get it back.

I don’t know how old your daughter is which may be relevant but I’d be having a look through the data on the old phone to see what he might want access to.

Summersnake · 12/01/2022 05:38

You need to keep the phone ,
He clearly wants it ,as it incriminates him
By saying don’t restore to factory settings ,he’s getting you to wipe the evidence the phone has about him
Clearly if there are safeguarding issues ,the police might want the phone as evidence
You need to say it’s lost ,and hang on to it ,untill you know for sure what is happening with safeguarding,
Definitely something incriminating him ,is on that phone
Don’t let him have it
Keep it safe and hidden

GrannyBattleaxe · 12/01/2022 05:59

You really must talk to social work!!

KangSaeByeok · 12/01/2022 06:01

Just one other thing, whatever you decide to do with the phone you do not have to respond to any further communication from him on the subject. Grey rock the hell out of him.

Well done on not responding to the more info requests here btw. Good boundary setting.

Original poster
hereagain99 · 12/01/2022 06:03

Thank you everyone

OP posts:
BorderlineHappy · 12/01/2022 06:05

Don't put the to phone to factory settings.
Give it to her caseworker or the police.
Let them examine it.
Tell your ex,you no longer have it as it's part of the investigation

Sparky888 · 12/01/2022 06:18

What if there is data on there which supports her Re the safeguarding and damages him. Surely she needs that data?

3mealsaday · 12/01/2022 06:21

Don't wipe it, don't give it back. It might be evidence and you don't want to risk tampering with it.

You could offer him the price of a replacement handset if he persists but don't give him the phone back. If he tries to intimidate you, talk to the social worker.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/01/2022 06:23

I agree with those saying to hand it in as evidence. Idk if the police can prevent the phone from being blocked - someone said it will be blocked if he reports it stole. But I would think your best bet is to get the phone out of your possession before responding to your ex that he can’t have the phone back.

Sparrow91 · 12/01/2022 06:23

I don’t normally comment on these types of posts, but good for you for not going into the wider details outside of your query.

In terms of the phone, is there the possibility of you buying an exact copy of the phone and giving that to him with the sim wiped? Or has he got a log of the serial numbers /IMEI etc?

Reading between the lines this man sounds quite aggressive and I wonder if giving it to SS would put you in harms way if there is something incriminating on there (although I do think this is a better option than flat out deleting the data yourself).

wildseas · 12/01/2022 06:29

IN your position I would not return that phone.

I would purchase another phone of the same make and model - new in box - online and have it delivered to his address. Keep the proof of purchase incase he tries to claim that you haven’t returned.

I would then give his message and the phone to whoever is dealing with dd’s case if it might be helpful.

StEval · 12/01/2022 06:37

@gamerchick

Could it be that is exactly what he wants you to do..to wipe the phone yourself to delete anything incriminating on it?
This! DO NOT RESET THE PHONE. Check everytging and talk to your DD. Sounds like there is something on there.
MrsGhastlyCrumb · 12/01/2022 06:45

I would stall him. Possibly I am a cynic, but I'd be wondering what it is he wants to access. I'd contact SS/the police for advice and then get someone who knows what they're doing to copy all of the data from the phone as a back up either way. Sorry you have to deal with this kind of nonsense though- and your poor daughter. Hopefully you can just give him a blank phone.

MrsGhastlyCrumb · 12/01/2022 06:46

@NotAGirl

Just a thought, he may be saying you are not to factory reset the phone to get you to do just that. If there is potential evidence on the phone of him mistreating your daughter that might be needed in court engage a computer forensics expert to copy the data such that dates etc are preserved before the phone is wiped.

Flowers Your poor daughter.

In other words, this.
newname12345 · 12/01/2022 06:47

As he is the account holder he could request a replacement sim and gain control of the old phone number even if you do not send him the phone.

So if you haven't already, make sure the old number is removed from any accounts (facebook, email, etc) as its often possibly to reset passwords by sending codes to the registered phone number.

Namechangeforthis88 · 12/01/2022 06:47

Like another person upthread, just wanted to say good on you for sticking to your guns and not providing unnecessary details. People's lives are not a soap opera.

Hope you and DD get this guy out of your lives and minds soon.

FlamingoQueen · 12/01/2022 06:55

It would be awful if her phone was in a pocket and got washed by accident!

Bellex · 12/01/2022 07:09

If it’s an iPhone you can back up the contents of the phone so you can restore it on to a new iPhone.

You’d be best to change her iCloud account and password as well as security questions. You can usually pick from options to help you reset the password and your ex might be able to hack if if they’re obvious ones.

I’d also check if your daughters data is protected under GDPR.

tkwal · 12/01/2022 07:23

Do NOT wipe the phone. With social services involvement and depending on your DDs age there may well be incriminating evidence on it. If he doesn't have her new number "to protect her" then I would speak with her assigned SW to find out why the school referred her. Back everything up.

Of course there's also the possibility that he's simply being a petty, manipulative, vindictive , parsimonious control freak who has relinquished responsibility because it nolo get suits him

LongCOVID · 12/01/2022 07:29

If you can, get the number transferred to the new phone - then any phone-number-based cloud services (like WhatsApp) move as well.

Lovemusic33 · 12/01/2022 07:30

Do not wipe the phone, theirs obviously something in there that is a concern for him, messages between him and dd that may effect a court case?? Talk to dd and look at any conversation on the phone between them, if you find anything tell him he can’t have the phone back as it’s being used as evidence against him. Only wipe the phone if you are sure there’s nothing on there that may help your case. And of course he has no legal right to look at her private messages, she no longer lives with him so you are her main parent?

namechsnge · 12/01/2022 07:32

Reply to him with "Lol"

Mouseonmychair · 12/01/2022 07:40

Factory reset the phone. He owns the handset only not the data.

Butterfly44 · 12/01/2022 07:45

With safeguarding concerns absolutely he should not be having any access to DD accounts. The phone is not his - it was bought for her to use. Now she has her own and no need for it so - wipe completely clean to factory settings and return it. He can then use/cancel as required. There is nothing he can do and absolutely can't prosecute as it's not his information. He has no right to another person's data. If he goes on at you, point him to Data Protection Act or to call ICO to clarify you are in the right. He's not a leg to stand on. It's pure bullying and control 💐