ExH wants DD phone back with all the information including messages, emails and WhatsApp access. Can he ask for this?

[hereagain99]

I need help with the legal side of who owns the information that a mobile phone contains. ExH refused to pick DD up from her holiday with us. He has email me saying that DD lives with me from now on. This is a different subject but I think it is important for a bit of background.

DD has a phone contract that her dad pays, tonight he has called and said that as DD isn't using her phone anymore, contract is on his name and he pays for it, he expects the phone to go back to him with all the data, as he has called it, intact so he can have access to her email, messages, contact numbers and WhatsApp messages. He also expects access to any social media that she has.

My understanding is that all the information he is requesting is personal and that he should not have access to it. His argument is that as he pays for the phone contract and it is on his name, becayse DD is a minor, everything belongs to him and he expects me to send him the phone with access to everything.

Is this correct? Any advice much appreciated. Thank you.

I think with someone as sneaky as he appears to be, it's wise to be cautious and neither do what he demands nor do the opposite of what he demands. He's clearly up to something.

As professionals are involved, I would first consult with them as to what the best option might be before you return the phone, and whether or not you should do a reset or not.

My big concern is that he knows or suspects there's something on that phone that he really wants to disappear - and for that reason alone, I'd make sure that people with more experience than myself in these matters make that decision.

It sounds asif there is alot going on here. I think you should get legal advice. It might cost but you need to view it as an investment. If you get it right now your dd will benefit later. If you get it wrong she'll pay the price.

Is it possible to lose the phone? Get him to block it.

If it's an iPhone it will automatically back up so when she logs into a new phone with her existing Apple email address it will all download to her new phone .

You can then do a factory reset on her old phone and delete all the data and send it back to him. I'd recommend that your dd resets her Apple ID password once she has the data on her new phone just in case.

If he kicks off tell him to take you to court if he doesn't like it. He'll be laughed out of court, actually it wouldn't even get there!

He's being horrid, abusive and controlling and his request is ridiculous

Why are you all saying get legal advice.
Social services are already involved.
All OP needs to do is power down the phone and sit tight.
If that phone is needed she will be asked for it...
Do not stir up trouble for yourself.

That's the other option I'd be trying Bollindger - just ignore ex demands and wait and see what happens.

Then if legal letter is sent then seek advice.

Seek legal advise. If there is incriminating evidence on her phone you might need it, so don't wipe it out without legal advise.

This sounds very dodgy.

Personally I would "lose" it (and put it in a safe place) and offer to replace like for like so he can't complain he's out of pocket.

He either wants some information off that phone or is trying reverse psychology and wants it all to be deleted for his own benefit.

@hereagain99

On the email he says I should not reset it to factory settings. Her school had to contact social services so there are some safeguarding concerns from when DD lived with him. Probably that's why she is with me now.

Some of you have clearly seen which kind of person he is. That's why I need to make sure that if I reset it to factory setting, which was my first thought, he cannot legally prosecute me for interfering on a phone that has his name although DD uses it.

DD already has a new phone, ExH doesn't have the new number to protect her.

Oops! Too late - done before you got the email

Print everything off op. Make a folder and keep it all.
Then reset and send back. Let him think he is in the clear.

Give him blank phone
Get support for you and your daughter the fact you are not confident/ frightened to wipe phone speaks volumes as to your mental entanglement with his mind fuckery

SAVE data it may. Incriminate him and be important later
Is the data not linked to his iPad / computer ? I

I had to get new phones for both my DD. The level of control that the ex tried to have with the phones was crazy. He would often use my eldest DD's phone to stalk my social media accounts. It really would be in your best interest to factory reset that phone. Although I do wonder if he's got spyware on that phone he needs to get rid of?

A friend has had her phones replaced a number of times as the police felt it was too high a risk for her ex to locate and cyber stalk both herself and her daughter. There is a website with phone numbers you can trck an active phone without anyones permission or without any software. The way the phone is set up could give access to your data as well as daughters and in particular any sort of spying software which can be put on. Its very difficult to lock a phone down. e.g. with her friends phone numbers he could track them to find her for e.g.

Both my children factory reset their phones, I still found pictures when I used them as my phone.

Legally he owns the handset not the information contained in it. Wipe it and hand it back

First - consider: What does he want the phone for?
-To claw back an object of value?
-To annoy you and your DD?
-To hide incriminating material?

Save everything - in case there is something he had reason to be afraid of.

Avoid giving it back if possible.

Wipe everything from the phone if you have to give it to him. (Be absolutely sure that he can't get ANYTHING from it. Get pro help before you return it.)

If I had to return it to a man who is such a threat, I'd probably do as suggested above and buy a second hand model of the same phone just for him... and I'd say nothing.

(If he realised it was another phone- this would show that he had being trying to access her materials.)

@gamerchick

Could it be that is exactly what he wants you to do..to wipe the phone yourself to delete anything incriminating on it?

Sorry for not reading the rest of the thread, but i was thinking this too.

The digital information my daughter has was invaluable when she went to the police about her ex. Sadly more would have been even better.

I wouldn't delete anything. I would download the info on it, back up things like Whatsapp and only then wipe the phone and return it.

Having read the rest of the thread - don't do anything with the phone that may destroy evidence and definitely don't wipe it. I would discuss it with however is involved in the case.

The police in my daughter's case asked for ex's phone months after the case started and quess what - phone was no longer available. Still infruriates me that they didn't act sooner. Don't risk losing evidence op.

In case he kicks off, you can say that he does not have permission from the people whose contact details / social media posts are on your DDs phones for them to be shared with him, so you have deleted them.

Don't wipe anything and don't send the phone back.

Thank you again to everyone for the advice given. I appreciate it. Let's hope this is the beginning 9f the end for both of us.

Even proving ownership of the phone may be difficult.
I give my DC a phone each. I pay their contract but the phone is theirs to do what they like with. Sometimes it's a birthday gift. If it's a cheap one I just give it to them because I want them to have one.
Point being that the phone may still belong to the DD regardless of the ex paying the contract.

Is he after the information or something that has been said on the phone? He might be wanting to access everything to spy on her social media, know contact details for someone he shouldn’t or is hoping to contact, or is he trying to find something about him that may have been written on there?
Maybe you should speak to social services or the police and ask if someone needs to take a look at the phone’s contents before it is handed back?
Obviously, copy the phone contents for your daughter onto her new phone first, get it checked, then delete everything before handing it back to him?

Sorry people just want a good story to read.
Agree with others that perhaps he is getting you to delete incriminating evidence for him. Maybe contact your Legal team/SS if you have one or ask your DD if there’s anything on it you should keep a record of of his behaviour. Then copy and delete (and drop in water/fry your microwave) although the last idea is probably bad and you don’t want to set fire to your house!